Chapter 20
JAKE
Of all of the songs they could’ve played on the radio, it had to be that one.
Although it was one of my biggest hits, at times like right now, I wished I’d never fucking written it.
My chest tightened as the painful memories of discovering my ex-girlfriend’s betrayal whooshed into my mind like a tsunami.
As the cheers around the bus got louder, my throat constricted and my pulse rocketed. I felt like I was gonna barf.
Everything started to spin.
Was the song always this long?
It felt like it’d been playing for hours rather than minutes.
I wiped the back of my hand over my forehead as I tried to calm my racing heartbeat.
Halle must have thought I was a weirdo. Most people would be psyched to hear their song on the radio and here I was sweating like a criminal on trial for murder.
I still remembered the first time I heard my song on the radio. I was buying some candy from a local store and suddenly it started blaring through the speakers.
I’d run up to the old guy stacking shelves and given him a hug, screaming, ‘That’s my song!’ Then I’d ran over to his wife and hugged her before jumping up and down like a lunatic.
Yep. That was a great feeling. But this? This felt like someone had taken a machete to my heart, put it in a blender then fed it to a pack of lions.
Just when I thought I was about to embarrass myself by passing out in front of a bus full of strangers, I felt something soft and warm rest on my hand.
When I looked down, Halle’s palm was on top of mine.
‘Breathe,’ she whispered. ‘It’s okay.’
My head flicked up and when I met Halle’s gaze I saw kindness.
Did she know?
There was no way that she could.
But even if she didn’t know or understand, she still was trying to calm me down and that meant a lot.
As she held my gaze, with empathy and sincerity in her eyes, my heart rate started to slow.
Halle squeezed my hand tighter and I squeezed back, hoping that one action conveyed my gratitude.
Seconds later, the song ended and an upbeat Lizzo track blasted through the speakers.
I exhaled deeply, glad that the torture was over.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered, wondering how long I should leave my hand entwined with hers.
I wasn’t in a hurry to remove it. This was the second time that I’d felt the softness of Halle’s palms and I liked it way more than I should.
I wasn’t here for romance, so I didn’t want to lead her on.
Loosening my hold, I slid my hand out from under hers as gently as I could.
Shock flashed over Halle’s face and an expression that looked a lot like hurt replaced it. Shit. She’d done something kind and now she thought I’d rejected her.
‘I…’
‘It’s fine,’ she said quickly, waving her hand around like it was no big deal, but I knew that when a woman told you something was fine there was a strong possibility that it wasn’t.
‘You… that really helped. That song is a bit… I just could’ve done without hearing it right now, so, thanks.’
I wanted to explain why I’d pulled my hand away, to tell her it was because I was trying to protect her, but then the bus slowed down. When I looked out of the window and realised where we were, excitement filled my chest.
‘Welcome to The Huntington!’ Sammie said enthusiastically.
‘Yes!’ I said, louder than I should’ve.
‘What’s The Huntington?’ Halle called out.
‘I was just about to explain,’ Sammie replied.
‘Sorry!’ Halle chuckled.
‘It’s a really cool place, that has a massive library, art museum and loads of stunning botanical gardens. Someone will explain it more eloquently once we’re off the coach, but I’m sure you’re gonna love it.’
‘It’s one of my favourite places in LA,’ I added.
‘Yeah?’ Halle frowned like she was surprised.
‘The library and museum are cool but the gardens are my favourite. There’s sixteen different ones over about 130 acres.’
‘That’s a lot!’ she said. ‘I can’t wait to see it!’
I pulled my baseball cap out of my short pockets and pulled it down low. I often wore a cap when I went out in public to avoid drawing too much attention. But on a hot day like this it was also good to shield my face from the sun.
We all filed off the bus and Sammie explained that we would get to spend the whole day here. She handed everyone an envelope with cash to cover our lunch and refreshments. I felt like a kid on a school trip, but I wasn’t complaining. Maybe I could even save the cash to use once I left.
Thinking about how far I’d fallen made me wince. I’d gone from having millions to having to save a fifty bucks lunch allowance because I didn’t know how I’d be able to pay for the most basic things after my hotel stay was over.
Things were bad.
Which was exactly why coming here today was what I needed. Spending time exploring the gardens would help me forget about what just happened on the bus and all my other worries.
As the rest of the group filed off in different directions, Halle faced me.
‘So do you come here often?’
‘You hitting on me?’ I asked, my mouth tipping up in the corner.
‘What?’ She frowned. ‘Ohhh…’ Halle slapped her forehead. ‘That did sound like a bad chat-up line! What I meant was…’
‘Whether I came here often?’ I joked.
‘Yeah. But in a non-chatting-you-up kind of way.’
‘I know. I’m just taking the piss!’
‘Good one,’ she grinned and my chest inflated.
Every. Single. Time.
Halle’s smile was gonna be the death of me.
‘To answer your question, yes. I come here as often as I can.’ I led Halle through to the Rose Hills Foundation Conservatory for Botanical Science.
‘Whoa.’ Her eyes widened as she stepped inside. ‘This is like a massive greenhouse.’
‘Yep. There’s different types of habitat here: a tropical rainforest, cloud forest and a carnivorous plant bog and a lab. People can study plants from all over the world here. Let’s go to the rainforest, there’s a plant there that I’d like you to see.’
‘I wouldn’t have put you down as a guy who loves flowers and gardens.’ She raised her eyebrow.
‘Gardening is one of my favourite things to do.’
‘You’re joking, right?’
‘No. Why do you find that so hard to believe?’
‘Because you’re a rockstar. A bad boy. A love ’em and leave ’em kind of guy. I thought you’d prefer touching different women in bed rather than tending to flower beds!’
I stopped in my tracks.
‘That’s what you think about me?’ I ground my jaw and Halle’s face fell.
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just what I…’
‘What you heard? Or saw in a trashy magazine?’ I shook my head like a disappointed parent. ‘You shouldn’t believe everything you read.’
I could’ve launched into a rant about all of the lies that have been printed about me and lectured Halle on the damage that reading that trash does and how those stories can literally destroy people’s lives, but what would be the point?
Most people believed that bullshit. They thought that just because it’d been written in black and white that it had to be true.
But I decided not to say anything more about it because although I hadn’t known her for very long, my gut told me that Halle was a decent person and she didn’t mean any harm.
‘Sorry. You’re right. I…’ she stuttered. ‘I shouldn’t have said that. I know better than most people that what’s printed in those magazines is rubbish. I apologise. So you actually like gardening?’
Her response caught me off guard. She’d read my mind. She understood.
‘Yep,’ I said still processing the fact that she’d apologised and actually seemed interested in finding out more about the real me. ‘I love it.’
‘What do you love about it?’
‘It’s satisfying. You plant a seed and then every day you get to watch it grow into something beautiful. Ain’t nothing more rewarding than going to the garden and picking, then eating and cooking something you grew with your own bare hands.’
‘Oh, wow, so you have an allotment?’
‘It was one of the first things I created when I bought my first home. I always wanted a garden big enough for me to grow things.’
‘What sort of stuff do you grow?’
Halle was using the present tense because obviously she didn’t know that my house, my garden and everything I loved had been ripped away from me. And I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it or correct her.
‘All sorts. Tomatoes, peppers, carrots, lettuce, watermelons, sweetcorn, squash…’
‘That’s really cool.’
‘Thanks. Gardening is really calming too. Almost like meditative. When you’re in the fresh air, watering or weeding or planting, it’s like you zone out from everything else.’
A pain shot through my chest. Damn. I missed my garden.
‘What about you? What do you like doing?’ I asked, desperate to draw the attention away from me. ‘What’s your passion?’
‘I don’t really have one.’
‘Come on. Everyone has a passion. If you could do anything or be anyone in the world, what would you choose?’
She paused, looked at me then diverted her glance quickly, like she was assessing whether or not to share. Maybe it was too personal.
‘You’ll laugh.’
‘Why? Do you want to become a comedian?’ I joked.
‘Very funny.’
‘I try. Come on. I won’t laugh, I promise.’
‘A nail artist,’ she said softly, like she’d just confessed to being caught watching porn at work by her boss.
‘That’s cool!’ I smiled. ‘That explains why your nails always look so pretty. Why would I laugh at that?’
‘I used to love going with Mum to get her nails done when I was younger. Seeing how the technicians transformed people’s nails and the way it boosted their confidence was amazing.
So I started practising on my friends after school.
Eventually Mum didn’t go to the salon any more.
I did her nails for her instead. Both my parents encouraged me to pursue it professionally.
Vanessa did too. But other people think it’s silly. ’
‘Those people are jerks,’ I replied. ‘Don’t listen to them.
It’s an important form of art and creativity.
It requires real skill to create designs on such a small area like nails.
It’s impressive. If that’s what you’d like to do, you should pursue it.
Don’t let the haters stop you. It’s your life, not theirs. ’
‘Y-yeah.’ She blinked quickly, like she was shocked. ‘Thank you. Not everyone gets it.’
‘No problem.’
‘Wow, what’s that?’ Her eyes bulged at the tall plant.
‘This is what I wanted to show you: it’s the Corpse Flower or they call it the Stinky Plant.
It only blooms once every two or three years for twenty-four hours and when it does, it smells awful.
Apparently, everyone describes the smell differently.
Some say it’s like rotting meat, others say sweaty socks, boiled cabbage or stinky cheese. ’
‘Nice.’ She scrunched her nose. ‘I’m not sure whether I should feel fascinated or offended that you took me to see a plant that smells bad.’
‘I was definitely going for fascinating. This is one of their star attractions.’
‘Phew, I thought you were trying to hint or use it as a segue to encourage me to use a stronger deodorant!’ A nervous smile touched her lips.
I sensed that she was only half joking and that made me feel kinda sad. I didn’t know her well yet, but I sensed that someone had done a real number on her. She seemed insecure. Vulnerable. Like she was afraid to be herself. Afraid of being judged. I knew the feeling.
Whoever did that to her deserved to be knocked out. People didn’t seem to understand the power their words had. I hated that Halle’s confidence had been damaged.
‘Are you kidding? You always smell fantastic. If they had a Halle plant, it would smell like fucking roses.’
Halle’s eyes popped.
Goddammit.
I wanted to make her feel better, but I wasn’t supposed to lay it on so thick.
If Halle was the rose plant, then after that comment, I was the freaking cheese plant. That sounded so corny.
And it was inaccurate. Halle didn’t smell like roses. She smelt like fruit-flavoured candy.
Anyway, enough thinking about how good she smelt.
‘Er, thanks…’ Her brows furrowed.
‘Let’s go,’ I said quickly. ‘There’s something I wanna show you.’
‘In public? Won’t you get arrested?’ she said, her face turning serious.
‘What?’ I frowned, then as realisation of what she was suggesting hit me, I shook my head. ‘No, I meant, some place, not a… I wasn’t…’
‘I was pulling your leg.’ She slapped my arm playfully before laughing. ‘Of course you’re not going to show me your…’ Her eyes dropped between my legs then travelled slowly back again.
Whoa. That went from zero to sixty fast.
One minute we were talking about stinky plants and her smelling like roses and the next she interpreted an innocent comment about me wanting to show her something as meaning I wanted to show her my dick?
But it was interesting because it raised two important questions:
One: why was Halle even thinking of my dick?
And two: did that mean she liked me, romantically?