Chapter 21
HALLE
This was exactly why I didn’t date any more. Because I’d inevitably end up doing or saying something to embarrass myself.
I couldn’t believe I had just suggested that Jake might want to show me his dick.
Honestly. Where the hell had that come from?
I’m blaming the roses comment. When he said… wait, please allow me the indulgence of quoting his exact words: ‘You always smell fantastic. If they had a Halle plant, it would smell like fucking roses,’ I swear I almost passed out.
I wasn’t used to getting compliments from a man.
My ex made me feel repulsive. He never wanted to go down on me because he said women smelt ‘down there’ and he’d wrinkle his nose whenever I came back from a run.
I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t sweaty after running for miles and I’d always shower afterwards, but Brett made me feel like I was a human stink bomb.
Anyway, so yeah, the roses comment must’ve scrambled my brain.
That and Jake telling me he liked gardening. I used to love doing it with Dad too when we had a house in London. I’d help him out at weekends. There was something so satisfying about seeing an overgrown garden, tackling the weeds, planting new flowers, then seeing the transformation.
Having a garden in New York wasn’t an option.
There was barely enough room to swing a cat in my apartment, let alone being lucky enough to have any outdoor space.
But I digress… What I was trying to say was there was something about Jake liking gardening and growing his own vegetables that made him…
attractive. Well, more attractive, because the man was clearly already blessed with all the prime pickings from the gene pool.
I was blown away by how supportive he was of my passion for nails, plus there were those glimmers of vulnerability I’d seen. Like when we were on the coach. Holding his hand wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but for some reason he seemed really freaked out and I wanted to help.
I thought I’d overstepped when he pulled away and to be honest, I felt a little rejected.
Which was probably why I made those comments about him being more interested in women than flowers, but as soon as I’d said it, I felt bad.
I knew first-hand how much things could be twisted and he genuinely seemed to be hurt.
And then later, the roses comment floored me again.
Jake was like a lucky dip: he was full of surprises.
Just when I’d think I’d figured him out, he’d drop something else about his personality that’d blow my perceptions out of the water. He’d taken me through so many different emotions, I felt like I had whiplash.
‘So, er, where are you taking me?’ I said.
‘To the Chinese Gardens. They’re one of my favourites,’ he said and his face lit up. Jake had a nice smile.
Actually, nice didn’t do it justice. Truthfully, it was pretty spectacular. Blinding.
Ever since he caught me falling off the horse yesterday, I felt like something had shifted. I’d noticed that when he smiled, my stomach did weird things. It was like a swarm of overenthusiastic butterflies were having a table tennis tournament inside it.
That wasn’t good. I needed them to take their energetic fluttering elsewhere.
As soon as we stepped into the gardens, I gasped. I immediately understood why Jake loved it here.
‘Wow.’
‘Pretty special, huh?’ he said as I took in the views of the Chinese plants, pretty pavilions, paths, courtyards and traditional-looking buildings. ‘They brought architects over from China to work on it.’
‘It looks amazing!’
‘You haven’t seen anything yet. Come on.’ He grabbed my hand and led me to the lake.
Electricity rocketed through me. Jake was holding my hand.
I should be shocked or repulsed, but somehow it also seemed like the most natural thing in the world.
I dipped my head, taking in the sight of our intertwined fingers.
Did he even realise that he’d taken my hand?
I was probably reading way too much into it. He was just excited to show me, that was all.
Just as Jake was explaining how the gardens were filled with plants and flowers that either represented the seasons (for example, peach blossoms for spring) or human qualities, like purity (lotus) or humility (orchid), I heard our names being called from behind us.
We both spun around at the same time and saw Sammie walking towards us.
I looked down at our hands and instantly pulled away.
Just a couple of days ago, I was asking Sammie to find me another match because Jake wasn’t a good fit. And now here I was holding his bloody hand.
Yes, I was getting on much better with him and surprisingly he seemed like a really cool guy. But just because we were sort of friends now, it didn’t mean that I’d changed my mind about him not being serious boyfriend material.
I still needed to find someone who wanted something long-term. I hadn’t paid thousands of dollars to find another friend.
‘There you are!’ Sammie said when she caught up with us. ‘I was just going to call you.’
‘What’s up?’ I said.
‘When I gave you your lunch money, I forgot to give you this.’ She held up an envelope. Jake took it from her before I got the chance.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
‘It’s your photos. From yesterday’s activity. When I went to reception before we got on the coach, they said you two hadn’t collected them, so I brought them with me. I thought about giving you this envelope on the coach, but then I decided it’d be better for you to go through them in private.’
My stomach tensed. I hoped that didn’t mean they were bad.
‘Thanks, Sammie. We forgot to get them because we were rushing.’
‘No worries! I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it!’ She winked at me, then walked away.
She must’ve seen us holding hands. Shit.
‘Wanna go through them now?’ Jake asked.
I was torn. Part of me wanted to toss them straight in the bin so that I didn’t have to bear the embarrassment when I didn’t like them.
I knew Jake must’ve sent Sammie the photos that Aidan took and I think I spotted Sammie taking some candid shots when we’d finished the horse ride.
But the other part of me was curious to see how they’d come out.
There was only one way I’d know…
‘Okay,’ I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.
‘Let’s sit.’ He pointed to a bench. Once we were seated, he handed me the envelope. ‘Here. You do the honours.’
I took a deep breath. As I slid my fingers under the seal, my hand trembled. I hated that I was so nervous. I didn’t use to be this way. I used to take pictures all the time, like most people did. Now just the mention of the word photos made me break out in a cold sweat.
My heart thundered in my chest as I removed the pile of pictures. The first photo instantly made my shoulders loosen. It was a shot of us with the Hollywood sign in view, but our backs were facing the camera. Phew.
‘I like this one,’ I beamed.
‘Is that because you can’t see my ugly face?’ Jake teased.
‘You and I both know that your face isn’t ugly.’ I rolled my eyes.
‘All I’m hearing is that you think I’m hot,’ Jake replied with a mischievous grin.
‘If you’re fishing for compliments, you need to find another ocean to throw your rod into.’
‘Sounds like a euphemism to me. I’m very particular about the oceans I dip my rod into.’ He smirked.
‘Your reputation says otherwise. Sorry.’ I winced. ‘I did it again. I know what’s in the media isn’t always true.’
‘Glad to hear that.’ He nodded. ‘I’m not denying that I’ve done a lot of fishing in the past but my frequent ocean-dipping days are over.’
‘Ugh,’ I winced. ‘Hearing the word ocean like that makes me think of something cringy.’
‘Yeah?’
‘The last date I went on, well, it wasn’t a date, but anyway, the guy told me that he wanted to slip and slide in my ocean.’
‘You’re kidding?’ Jake laughed. ‘Full disclosure: I and many other artists do use the word “ocean” when talking about sex in songs. But that’s different to saying it in real life.’
‘Exactly! That wasn’t even the worst part. He also asked if I wanted to take a ride on his jumbo jet. Apparently, if I had one ride on it, I’d be begging for more.’
‘No, he didn’t!’ Jake snorted and the sound made me laugh so hard, my stomach hurt. ‘And did you beg for more?’
‘Of course not! Do you actually think that I’d let a man who referred to his dick as a bloody jumbo jet slip and slide in my exquisite ocean?’ I giggled.
‘Preach! A pretty lady like you could have her pick of the guys, so settling for a dude like that would be a damn shame. Plus, if you’d shacked up with Mr Jumbo Jet, you wouldn’t be here with me right now.’
My eyes widened and my stomach flipflopped.
Jake just called me pretty.
I was a grown woman, not a teenage girl, so I had no idea why a whole basket of butterflies had suddenly ambushed my belly again. I’d thought they’d finished playing table tennis, but now they were having a full-on rave.
My gaze locked with Jake’s and just like yesterday I thought about how gorgeous his eyes were.
Right now, they were a darker shade of green, almost verging on brown.
There was something burning in them. I wanted to say it was desire, but that’d be ridiculous.
Up until we’d arrived at Huntington Gardens, I’d never even considered whether or not he found me attractive.
It was irrelevant because I’d had no intention of continuing with him as my match.
But now, something was different and I couldn’t help but wonder if he did?
He’d said that I wouldn’t have been here with him now like he was enjoying my company. And I had to say, the feeling was mutual.
Still, that didn’t mean that I was interested in him romantically, because I definitely wasn’t.
I couldn’t be.
‘Should we look at the next photo?’ I said, breaking the silence.
‘Uh… um, sure,’ Jake stuttered, his eyes travelling down to the stack of pictures in my palms. I moved to the next photo and swallowed hard.
‘I like this one too,’ Jake said. ‘It’s cute.’
‘Y-yeah,’ I said, struggling to believe how much it actually was. We were both on the horse and this time Jake was staring at me whilst I was smiling at the camera.
His expression was a mixture of happiness, but also pride? Like he was impressed that I’d ridden the horse.
I didn’t hate it.
There were several other photos and all of them were really, really nice. I didn’t look as shit as I’d feared and was actually smiling a lot, which surprised me. Aidan had asked us to say cheese but I didn’t realise how wide my grin was.
As I came to the last photo, I gasped.
It was a picture of Jake holding me in his arms after I fell off the horse. And I was staring at him with love-heart eyes like he’d just shown me how to walk on water and given me the secret to eternal youth.
If I could put my expressions into words, I’d be saying ‘my hero’ in a breathy, damsel-in-distress-saved-by-her-knight-in-shining-armour voice.
And I wasn’t gonna lie. I remembered how I’d felt in that moment and Sammie had captured it perfectly.
Wow.
I didn’t even know how to feel right now.
‘This one is…’ I searched for the right words but came out blank. ‘Good.’
It was a million times better than good but I didn’t know the best way to express how much I loved it without gushing like a fountain.
‘Happy with the photos?’ Jake asked.
‘They’re better than I thought they’d be.’
‘Good. I’m glad. I’ve been wondering… why don’t you like having your picture taken?’
The question was a reasonable one, but it still caught me off guard.
I contemplated trying to get him to change the subject, but that’d probably just make him more interested in finding out the truth. Like when someone says, ‘I’ve got something to tell you!’ then instead of spilling the beans, they say, ‘Actually, I’d better not…’ I hated that.
I took a deep breath.
‘I used to date someone famous. And whenever he posted photos of me online or I was papped, let’s just say that the comments weren’t always kind.’
‘Shit,’ Jake said quickly. ‘That sucks. I’m sorry you had to go through that, Halle. Those damn keyboard warriors are just a bunch of sad, jealous little fuckers who are so unhappy with their own lives that they think it’s okay to talk shit about other people.’
‘Yeah. I know. Doesn’t stop it from hurting though.’
‘I hear you. I’ve been through a tonne of shit over the years, but women get it a lot worse. Especially when they’re the girlfriend of someone in the public eye. It’s fucking bullshit. If you don’t mind me asking, who were you dating?’
‘Brett Burch.’
‘Oh. That asshole,’ he snarled.
‘You know him?’ My eyes bulged.
‘Unfortunately. The guy’s a dick. Arrogant, shady and overrated.’
‘Sounds about right. Although I’d use much stronger words than that.’ I gave Jake a weak smile.
‘How long did you date?’
‘Four years.’
‘Sheesh! And how many medals did you get for your service?’
‘Hah. If only.’
‘And I’m guessing he did you dirty?’
‘Yep.’
‘Wanna talk about it?’
‘Not really,’ I said quickly as my chest tightened.
Jake had actually been really easy to talk to, but I didn’t want to dredge up those painful memories right now. I was enjoying my time here. And I’d actually appeared in some photos that looked half decent.
‘No problem,’ Jake said softly. ‘Come on. Let me take you to the desert gardens.’
‘A garden filled with cake and ice cream?’ I teased, trying to lighten the mood. ‘Sign me up!’
‘Desert gardens, not dessert gardens,’ he chuckled. ‘But if you like we can stop off at one of the cafés first and I’ll buy you ice cream.’
‘Deal!’