Chapter 23
HALLE
Was it possible to become addicted to someone’s scent?
It was Wednesday evening and as Jake got off the coach ready for today’s group activity, I followed behind him like a sniffer dog, inhaling his gorgeous woody cologne.
Well, at least I thought it was aftershave. And if it was, I’d have to buy a bottle in New York and spray it on my pillow so that I could get my Eau de Sexy Jake fix when I got back.
Yep. It was clear. With every passing minute, I was becoming more attracted to him.
If I didn’t already realise it yesterday when he said I smelt like roses, when he wiped the ice cream off my lip then licked it off his thumb, I got all the confirmation I needed.
Shamelessly, when I saw his tongue wipe off the ice cream that had been on my mouth seconds earlier, I wondered if he would be into licking other things.
From what I’d learnt about Jake so far, he seemed kind and considerate.
I mean, the guy risked getting hassled by fans to give me his baseball cap so I wouldn’t overheat. So sweet.
Jake seemed like the kind of man that would actually care about satisfying a woman in bed and not just be focused on his own pleasure, which was very appealing.
The sun may have been hot in those desert gardens, but that wasn’t the only reason I’d started overheating. For the first time in ages, I’d felt a sensation that I thought had left me forever after my last relationship collapsed: desire.
When I looked at Jake I got goosebumps and tingles between my legs, which wasn’t like me. Especially considering we hadn’t known each other that long.
Then again, we’d spent a lot of time together over the past five days, so that was bound to accelerate things like feelings.
After we’d left The Huntington yesterday, we’d chatted easily all the way back to the hotel.
Then we’d met up for dinner where we’d spent more time talking about our visit and discussing gardening.
I know, right? Sounded weird, and probably a bit boring to other people, but somehow I found it fascinating.
After dinner, he’d asked if I wanted to get a drink at the bar, but I’d said I was tired, which was partly true. But mainly, I declined because I could feel myself being drawn to him and I needed to shut it down before my feelings escalated.
That was also why I’d spent most of the day reading on my balcony because I was too worried about bumping into Jake by the pool or on the hotel’s beach. Fully clothed Jake was hot enough. I wasn’t prepared to see shirtless, muscles-on-show Jake.
If it was just the fact that he was beautiful, I could’ve handled it. I’d met a lot of good-looking guys who were dicks. Being hot alone wouldn’t have been enough to move the needle. But there seemed to be so much more to him.
Jake was a walking contradiction. A tough-looking rockstar with a bad boy reputation, who also seemed gentle and kind.
He appeared arrogant, yet he also seemed vulnerable. I couldn’t figure him out and I was intrigued. I really wanted to find out more about him.
There was something drawing me to him. And it was more than just his delicious scent.
‘So,’ Sammie said as she stood in front of our group, ‘if you haven’t already worked it out, this is The Griffith Observatory. It’s the most-visited observatory in the world. It doesn’t get more romantic than doing a spot of stargazing, so that’s what we’re here to do tonight.’
‘Whoop!’ someone near the front cheered.
‘There’s telescopes so you can gaze at the stars and see the city with your match. This place was also featured in the movie La La Land!’
‘That’s so cool,’ a guest called Annie called out.
‘It is! There’s also some interactive exhibits for those who are interested in learning about space, time and the universe,’ Sammie added.
Once Sammie had shared more interesting facts and told us what time we had to meet back at the coach, the couples went their separate ways.
‘I need to go to the john,’ Jake said. ‘You okay to wait for me here?’
‘Sure,’ I replied.
The views here were magical. As I looked up and saw the City of Angels lit up underneath the twinkling sky, I thought about how much Vanessa would love to see it too. Maybe I could take a few snaps. Just to show her.
Seeing the photos yesterday reminded me how nice it was to have memories in print. And if they were on my phone, I could decide whether or not to share or delete them. I didn’t need to be so afraid any more.
I pulled out my phone, took a few snaps, then checked them on the screen. They didn’t come out very well. My phone was too old.
Oh, well. At least I tried.
Just as I was about to move to another position, Sammie came over.
‘Hey, where’s Jake?’ she asked.
‘He went to the john. I mean, the toilet.’
‘Why do Americans call the loo “the john”?’
‘Maybe it’s something to do with the name of the guy who invented the toilet? I’m not sure.’
‘They have so many different words, it’s hard to believe we speak the same language.’
‘I’ve lived here for years and even I forget the lingo sometimes!’
‘I can imagine! So…’ Sammie said, ‘did you enjoy the excursion yesterday?’
‘It was great, thanks. So many beautiful gardens.’
‘And how’s it going with Jake? Those horse-riding photos were cute and you two seemed to be getting on better yesterday.’ She smirked.
‘Yeah…’ I paused, thinking how best to phrase my response. ‘We’re getting on much better. He’s sweet.’
‘I’m glad you’re hitting it off.’
‘That’s a bit strong, we’re just… friends.’
‘And friends hold hands, do they?’ She cocked an eyebrow. I knew she’d seen us.
‘That was just… that didn’t mean anything.’
‘Hmm-hmmm,’ she nodded, clearly not believing a single word. ‘Sure, sure. If you say so. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and the way you look at him and nothing about it is friendly.’
‘How does he look at me?’ I blurted out.
‘Notice how you asked how he looked at you instead of denying it…’ Sammie grinned.
I opened my mouth to protest, then closed it again.
She’d got me. ‘He looks at you like he thinks you’re amazing.
And let’s be honest, like he wants to devour you.
And from the way that you look at him, the feeling is mutual, right? ’
I didn’t even know how to answer that without incriminating myself.
I couldn’t confirm how Jake looked at me, but I’d admit that there had been a few moments lately that I’d wondered whether he did fancy me.
But although something told me that Jake would give me the best sex of my life, I couldn’t go there. I wasn’t here for a hook-up. I could’ve got that in New York.
And after the other thing that had happened to me before, even the idea of having sex again scared me. Doing it with someone like Jake was particularly risky, given the amount of women he’d slept with.
No. I couldn’t deny I was attracted to Jake, but that was all it could ever be: an attraction that I could never act on. The consequences would be catastrophic. I just needed to keep my desire under control. I’d gone without sex for years. Another week and a bit would be a walk in the park.
‘He’s…’
‘You ladies talking about me?’ Jake appeared and I was relieved to see him because it saved me from answering Sammie’s question.
‘How did you guess?’ Sammie said.
‘All good, I hope?’ he replied.
‘You’ll have to ask Halle about that…’ She winked at me. ‘Oh! You forgot to collect your photos again.’
‘Yeah.’ Jake slapped his forehead.
I’d remembered at breakfast, but wanted to get back to my room to avoid spending more time with Jake. Ditto for the rest of the day.
‘Here you go.’ She handed the envelope to me. ‘There’s some real crackers in there. I reckon you’re gonna love them. Laters!’ Sammie disappeared.
‘So… want to look at them now or after we see stars together?’ I said.
‘You want us to see stars together?’ Jake quirked an eyebrow. ‘That can be arranged.’
My face contorted, then I realised what I’d just said.
‘I meant, see the stars, not, seeing stars together as in… you know what I mean!’
‘Oh, but I don’t,’ Jake teased. ‘Care to elaborate?’
‘No!’ My cheeks heated. ‘Photos first or stargazing through a telescope?’
‘We gotta look at the photos! Seeing you giving me heart eyes in print is becoming my new favourite hobby.’
‘I don’t give you heart eyes!’ I protested.
‘We’ll see, shall we?’ He smirked and I sent a silent prayer that I hadn’t.
I pulled out the pics and in the first shot, I wasn’t giving Jake love-heart eyes.
It was much worse.
There was a photo of our backs to the camera again and we were holding hands.
After our conversation a few minutes ago, I knew that Sammie had seen us, but I didn’t realise she had photographic evidence. So sneaky!
‘Cute,’ Jake said.
‘Yeah.’ I didn’t bother denying it because it was.
And I liked the way he was looking at me. I couldn’t remember what we were talking about at that point but he seemed really engaged in whatever I was saying.
There were a few photos of us in various different places around the gardens that Sammie must’ve snapped and some photos of the back of me that Jake must’ve taken when I wasn’t looking.
‘I hope you didn’t mind me taking those photos from the back. I took them mainly for you. In case you wanted a memory of being there. But I made sure I didn’t show your face because I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.’
‘They’re great, thank you. I tried to take some photos just now of the views, but my phone is old, so the camera’s pretty shit.’
‘Want me to take some on mine?’ he asked. ‘You don’t have to be in them. Unless you want to. Or I can take the back of you again? It’s up to you.’
‘O-okay,’ I said, feeling a bubble of excitement forming in my stomach.
‘I know this is a big deal for you so I’ll…’
‘Excuse me.’ A guy tapped Jake on the shoulder. ‘Can I get a photo?’
‘Um…’ Jake paused and looked at me nervously. ‘Sure.’ He flashed the man a smile. But it wasn’t like the smiles I’d become used to. It seemed stiffer.
‘Want me to take it?’ I offered.
‘You sure?’ Jake flashed me a look which said thanks but you don’t have to.
‘Course!’ After the man gave me his phone, I took a few snaps. There was one where Jake’s eyes were closed so I quickly deleted that and another where he wasn’t quite ready for the photo. If he had to take a photo with a fan, I wanted to make sure that he looked his best.
‘There you go.’ I handed back his phone.
‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘My wife isn’t gonna believe that I met you. She had the major hots for you before we started dating. What was up with that butter commercial, though dude? That blowed!’
The blood drained from Jake’s face and I instantly wanted to protect him from this man’s insults. Yeah, that ad wasn’t his finest moment. Even I was surprised when I saw him singing that cheesy song, but I kept my opinions to myself. Saying something hurtful like that to someone’s face wasn’t cool.
‘Just one of those things,’ Jake shrugged. He was pretending that it was no big deal, but I saw how stiff his shoulders were and his smile was so tense, his face could shatter any second. He was hating every moment of this.
‘Bet you went out and bought the butter though, right?’ I jumped in.
‘Yeah,’ the man laughed. ‘My wife bought enough butter to make two hundred sandwiches!’
‘Then it worked! Just shows the power of a memorable advert, right?’
‘Right,’ the man nodded. ‘Thanks for the photo.’ He walked off.
When the man was out of earshot, Jake exhaled.
‘Thanks for that,’ he said. ‘You didn’t have to take the picture.’
‘It was nothing. And I sensed you were uncomfortable.’
‘Yeah. We were in the middle of a conversation. You were trying to get the courage to take a photo which is a big deal and even though he wasn’t to know that, I didn’t like that he interrupted us.’
‘You could’ve just said no.’
He laughed then shook his head.
‘If I said no, I’d look like an asshole.
That’s the thing I always found difficult to navigate with fame.
It’s great that people listen to my songs.
I’ll always be appreciative of that. But the other side of the coin is that you’re always expected to be “on” twenty-four seven.
You become public property. People ask for photos, and they expect you to smile, right on cue, but they don’t know that five minutes earlier you just received a shitty call about someone close to you.
All they want is a photo. To them you’re not a human being, you’re a ticket to popularity.
Half the time they’re not even a real fan.
Take that guy. He didn’t even introduce himself.
He wasn’t interested in having a real conversation.
He didn’t care whether or not it was convenient for me.
He just wanted to take a photo to show his wife who “used to” like me.
Others just want to get a picture to tell their friends that they met me, or to sell for money. ’
The way Jake spoke was such a contrast to my ex. He loved the limelight. Craved it. When someone came up to him to ask for a selfie or autograph it was like a shot of adrenaline. Jake, on the other hand, talked about the spotlight like he hated it.
But if that was true, why was he constantly taking photos and documenting everything on social media?
Something didn’t add up. His words didn’t gel with his actions. And I needed to find out why.