Chapter 28
JAKE
What the hell just happened?
As I watched Halle sprint inside the bathroom and lock the door, my chest tightened.
What did I do?
Did I move too fast?
Did she feel pressured?
No. That couldn’t be right. I checked in every step of the way to make sure she was happy.
She seemed a little freaked out by the size of my cock, but it couldn’t be that either, right?
Maybe she just changed her mind, which was totally fine, it was her choice.
I knew she’d said it’d been a long time for her, so maybe she wasn’t ready.
That was why I wanted to take my time, make sure she was warmed up properly so that I satisfied her, but it was her that suggested we get straight down to business, so I didn’t understand.
I got dressed, jumped off the bed then started pacing across the room.
Something wasn’t right.
The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that it wasn’t just about Halle changing her mind. There was a hint of something in her eyes.
I could be wrong, but she looked kind of terrified.
‘Halle.’ I knocked on the door. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Not really,’ she said softly. ‘I’m sorry I messed you around.’
‘There’s nothing to apologise for. It’s okay to change your mind – at any point. I just wanna make sure that you’re okay.’
‘I just… I wanted to. I really did. But I couldn’t.’
‘Were you worried that I’d hurt you?’ I sucked in a breath, waiting for her response. I really hoped that wasn’t the case.
‘No. It’s not about you. It’s about… I was scared. It’s a long story.’
‘Wanna come out here and talk about it? I’m a good listener. At least that’s what my imaginary friend used to tell me when I was a kid!’
A soft laugh echoed from behind the door.
That was a good sign.
I heard footsteps then the sound of the door being unlocked. I stood back, to give Halle room as she stepped outside.
‘Come sit,’ I said, this time leading her to the sofa. I wanted to reassure her that sex was off the table, so the bed didn’t seem appropriate.
She followed me then sat down in silence.
I didn’t pressure her to talk, instead I just waited until she felt ready.
‘I haven’t slept with anyone in years because… because of the way my ex betrayed me. And what he… gave to me.’ Halle’s gaze dropped to the floor.
‘What did he give you?’ I asked, my heart hammering in my chest.
‘He…’ She took a deep breath. ‘That’s how I found out he cheated, because he gave me… a sexually transmitted disease. Well, more than one. He gave me crabs and… chlamydia.’
‘Motherfucker,’ I said, grinding my jaw. ‘Halle. I’m so sorry.’
‘Yeah.’ Her shoulders slumped. ‘It was pretty traumatising. I was sitting on white sheets one morning and suddenly saw what looked like a little insect crawling in the bed. I was horrified. But then I saw another. And another…’
‘Shit.’
‘I hated creepy crawlies at the best of times so to realise that I literally had an infestation of them in my… sorry. You don’t need to know the details. Anyway, I went straight to the sexual health clinic and got tested and something to treat it.’
‘What did that asshole say when you confronted him?’
‘When I mentioned it, first he said it was nothing to do with him. That I’d got them because I wasn’t clean enough.
I felt so ashamed. But when I double-checked the leaflets the clinic had given me, it said it had nothing to do with that.
So when I told him that it couldn’t have been down to me, he said he’d shared someone’s towel by mistake on tour and must’ve caught it from there. ’
‘What a dick.’
‘At first I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But when the clinic called to say that I also had chlamydia, then I knew for sure, because that can only be sexually transmitted. And I hadn’t slept with anyone except Brett since my last check-up, so I knew it was him.
I was so angry and this time when I confronted him I went mad. ’
‘Good for you.’
‘He denied it at first but then owned up. He said it was unrealistic and selfish of me to expect him to stay faithful when there were so many women that wanted him. He said any man would do the same. That he was only human and it was best if we broke up because it couldn’t work long term.
“We’re going in different directions,” he’d said.
“I’m a big star now and I need someone who understands the business.
Who moves in the same circles. And that’s never gonna be you. ”’
‘You’re fucking kidding?’ Anger bubbled in my veins.
‘Nope. He didn’t even apologise.’
‘The guy’s a jerk. You’re better off without him.’
‘I know. It didn’t feel like it at the time, but in a strange way I’m glad that he gave me crabs, otherwise I might not have got checked out and I wouldn’t have known about the chlamydia.
Most of the time the doctor said there are no visible symptoms. And if it goes undetected it can make you infertile. ’
‘That’s fucked up.’ I clenched my fist. If I saw that guy right now, I’d knock him out for what he did to Halle. I knew he was bad news, but I didn’t realise he was that reckless. Everyone understood how important it was to wrap your dick up.
‘Yeah. So because of that I’ve found it hard to trust. To date.
To get intimate with someone again. I seize up.
I worry if they’re going to give me something.
Yeah, a condom protects against most things, but not everything and even though it happened years ago, it still makes me feel dirty and ashamed.
I feel like if a guy finds out, he won’t want to touch me, I mean, Brett never went down on me because he thought I wasn’t clean enough, and that was before he gave me those diseases, so what man would want me now? ’
‘Halle.’ I took her hands in mine. ‘I’m sorry that he did this to you and damaged your confidence. But the right man will know that what happened to you was in the past and it wasn’t your fault. And he’ll be grateful for the opportunity to be with you.’
‘Thanks, but you don’t have to just say that to make me feel better.’
‘It’s the truth. You got treated, so although I understand that the psychological wounds might still feel raw, anyone with half a brain would know they have nothing to fear from being with you.
Don’t let his selfish actions stop you from enjoying being intimate again.
As long as you’re safe, you’ll be fine.’
She nodded.
‘You’re right. You are a good listener. Do you want to try again? Or has this conversation put you off? Telling someone about your past STIs is hardly sexy.’ She winced.
‘Wanna know the truth?’
‘Please. Even if it hurts, the truth is a million times better than a bunch of lies.’
Hearing that made my stomach twist because I hadn’t been honest about why I was here. I would tell her though. Not because of what she just said, but because it was the right thing to do. Especially after what she’d been through. But not now. One battle at a time.
‘You think that telling me about your past would deter me, but it actually makes me like you more.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Yep. Because it takes guts to tell the truth. Especially when it’s not pretty.
I’m not glad that you had to go through that, but I’m glad that you felt safe enough to tell me about it.
A lot of people wouldn’t bother. Hell, some people know they have STIs and don’t give a shit.
They sleep with people anyway. That’s why I always wear a condom. ’
‘Good.’
‘I know I have a reputation and it’s true that I screwed around a lot in the past, but I always wrapped up and got tested regularly.
And as for whether I want to try again, hell, yeah.
If I had the chance, I’d spread you out on that bed right now and not just to fuck you with my dick.
I’d happily eat your pussy like it was my first meal in weeks. ’
Halle’s eyes bulged and her lips parted which made my cock twitch. Her ex might not have appreciated the amazing woman he had, but I was ready to worship Halle’s body like she deserved.
‘But not right now,’ I added. ‘You need time to really think about whether you’re ready.
Especially because…’ I paused, knowing she wasn’t gonna like what I was about to say.
‘Because I can’t make any promises about what will happen after we leave.
Like I told you, my life’s in the crapper right now, so I can’t offer you a relationship. ’
‘Wait, what?’ Halle’s jaw dropped and her forehead creased.
‘I said I’m not looking for a relationship.’ Silence filled the air and I was desperate to fill it. ‘I know it’s a shitty thing to say, considering this is the whole point of being here, but it’s complicated…’
Halle’s mouth was still wide open and I could tell she was trying to process what I’d just said.
‘I know it’s probably a shock so…’ I didn’t know what to say.
There was no way to elaborate without telling Halle everything, which would freak her out.
But the least I could do was be clear about what I could offer and see whether that’d be enough.
‘I like you. And I’d like to spend more time with you.
With or without sex. Although, truthfully, I’d love to have sex with you, because you’re fine as hell. ’
‘Th-thanks,’ she stuttered.
Yep. She was still in shock. I had to say something to make it better. I should focus on the positives, right? Glass half full, not half empty.
‘I know it’s not what you’re looking for but maybe not getting into something long term doesn’t have to be a bad thing? Without sounding cocky, I know that I can show you how great it feels to sleep with a real man. So maybe you could use me. Y’know, to get back into your sexual groove again.’
I stopped talking and waited for her reaction. I probably sounded like a douche saying she could ‘use me’ like I wouldn’t get pleasure from it too.
But what I’d said was true. I couldn’t have a relationship. So that was all I could offer. I didn’t want anything in return. I sure as shit wasn’t gonna use her to help my situation. If it gave her more confidence, that was enough for me.
Any minute now she was gonna laugh in my face and tell me she didn’t need my ‘help’. Instead she said nothing. It was better I gave her some space.
‘I’m gonna head to my room to shower and get ready for tonight,’ I said. ‘You good, or you want me to stay?’
‘No.’ She looked up at me briefly before dropping her gaze to the floor. ‘Thanks for being honest.’
My chest tightened again. Yes, I was honest, but I hadn’t told her the whole truth and I really should.
I’d do it.
Later.
Soon.
Just not right now.