Chapter 17 #2
I packed up all of my things and walked back to the apartment to get Speck. I had originally been planning on leaving a little later since Jax worked late tonight and my Uncle Ethan and Uncle Jamie were taking my grandma out to dinner, but now I had a better idea.
I got myself and Speck into the car and started our long journey back to Maryland, but instead of driving to the house, I drove right to the cafe. Technically, dogs weren’t supposed to go inside, but since I knew the owner, I was pretty sure I could get away with it.
Walking into my Uncle Ethan’s cafe was so different than walking into Serenity Sips. Everything I was hoping for at Serenity Sips, I found as soon as I walked into Lavender Love Cafe. My eyes immediately found Jax, and I smiled as I watched her talk animatedly to a customer.
As if she could feel my presence, Jax’s eyes quickly drifted over to where I was standing.
The biggest smile spread across her face and her eyes sparkled, lighting me up inside like I hadn’t been for months.
She said something to the person she was standing with, then walked over to me and Speck, never once letting her eyes stray from us.
When she reached us, she let out a loud, hearty laugh, which got the attention of most people in the cafe, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was the woman standing right in front of me.
“What are you two doing here?” Jax asked with another giggle.
“We both missed you so much, we couldn’t possibly wait for you to get home.” I put my hand over my stomach when it growled. “Not to mention, I’m starving. Do you still make the best grilled cheese around?”
Jax scoffed. “Is that even a question? Of course I do.” She pointed at Speck. “Let’s get that guy into the back and then I’ll get your order started.”
I followed Jax into the back where we put Speck in my Uncle Ethan’s office. As soon as he was out of my arms, I wrapped Jax in a tight hug.
Jax leaned into me. “What was that for?”
I pulled back just enough to kiss her cheek. “I’ve just missed you so much.”
Jax leaned back so she could look into eyes. She pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. “I missed you too. Has it really only been one day?”
“Technically, it’s been about thirty-four hours, but who’s counting?” Jax chuckled. “Definitely not you.”
We walked back to the front of the cafe, and Jax got started on my order while I looked for somewhere to sit.
I found the perfect spot in a comfy chair right by the window.
When I looked outside, I realized a few snowflakes had started to fall from the sky.
I gasped at how beautiful it looked. It was honestly like a scene from a Hallmark movie.
I was so lost in the scene that I didn’t even realize how long I’d been staring out the window, until Jax walked over with my sandwich and a mug filled with my favorite drink.
“For you, my lady,” she said as she set it down. “Oh my god, is it snowing?” she asked excitedly as she looked out the window.
I laughed. “You’re acting like we used to live in California, not New York City, where it snowed even more than it does here.”
“It doesn’t matter how many times I see snow. I will always get excited when it starts to fall.”
“And that’s one of the many reasons I love you so much.”
A goofy grin came onto Jax’s face as she stared at me as if she was seeing me for the first time.
After a few seconds, she cleared her throat and looked away, breaking our moment.
“As much as I’d love to stay here and spend the rest of the day taking in the most beautiful sight in the whole world, I have to get back to work. Are you staying for a bit?”
“I think that could be arranged.” Honestly, I wanted to stay for as long as she would have me.
Just when I thought she couldn’t possibly get any happier, Jax’s face lit up even more. “Really?”
“Really.”
Jax gave me a kiss on the cheek, then skipped away from me.
I watched her for as long as I could before making it weird, then sat back down.
I took out the book I had been reading at Serenity Sips earlier in the day, and this time, I was able to completely lose myself in it.
I sunk into my chair, ate my sandwich, drank the perfect drink, and let myself be swept away by the story.
After finishing my sandwich, something happened that hadn’t happened in much too long.
I felt motivated to write. I took out my laptop and began typing.
I wrote about snow falling and a meet-cute that took place outside of a cafe when one character tripped on ice and the other caught her.
It was super cheesy and overly romantic, and I was already completely smitten with where this story was headed.
I had no idea how much time had passed when I heard a throat clear and looked up to find Jax standing in front of me with a teenage boy I had briefly met at the fundraiser two months prior.
Jax patted the boy on the back. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind taking some time to talk to my friend, Tim, here. A few weeks ago, he had his heart broken by someone he expected to stay in his life for a very long time. I may have mentioned that you know how that feels.”
I could see in the boy’s eyes just how heartbroken he was, and it broke my heart too.
I could remember that feeling all too well.
Even being so far past it now, I could never forget how lost I felt when Marcie broke up with me.
It was almost as if I had lost a part of myself.
Learning to live without someone who means the world to you is like adapting after losing a limb.
It’s possible, but you have to teach yourself how to make it through life differently than before.
I focused my attention on Tim. “I’d love to talk to you.” I patted the chair next to mine. “Take a seat.”
I wasn’t exactly sure where to start our conversation. While I could totally relate to how he was feeling, I had never actually counseled someone else through those feelings. “How are you feeling right now?” I asked.
Tim shrugged and stared at the table. “Kind of empty. I don’t feel like myself at all. I’m not even exactly sure who I am right now.”
“Those are all normal feelings. It makes perfect sense to be feeling that way.”
“I just really want more answers, and Max won’t give them to me. The more I ask, the more he avoids me, and the more I try to bring him back, the more he pulls away.”
That was one thing I never had to worry about with Marcie. It felt extremely difficult at the time, but in hindsight, it was probably good for me that I didn’t have to continue to see her after we broke up. “I take it you still see Max a lot?”
Tim nodded. “We have all of the same friends and go to the same school. There’s no way to avoid him.
Not that I want to. I still try to be around him as much as possible, but I’m not sure why, because every time I am, it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I guess that’s better than the alternative though. ”
“What’s the alternative?”
“Feeling nothing at all. Carrying around this empty feeling. Going from constantly feeling so much to feeling nothing is really weird. I don’t like it.”
“I get it. I really do. But that will go away at some point. With time, you’ll feel like yourself again.
Honestly, you’ll probably feel even more like yourself because every decision you make can be based on you and you alone.
When you’re in the depths of a heartbreak, it feels like you’ll never move on, but eventually you do. I promise.”
“What if I don’t want to move on? He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything. I don’t want that to be all he ever is.”
I also understood that feeling very well.
It was the exact same with me and Marcie, and the thought of starting over with someone else scared the crap out of me, which is why I stayed single for so long.
“I totally get that feeling. I’ve only had two girlfriends, and I also thought my first girlfriend, who was also my first everything, was going to be my last.” I looked up at Jax who was laughing with a customer, and it felt like my heart grew even bigger.
I was pretty sure if my love grew any stronger my heart might literally burst. “But sometimes, things have to fall apart so even better things can come together. Sometimes, someone really is meant to just be our ‘first’ and not our forever. And that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean that they weren’t important or the relationship wasn’t important. It just means they weren’t the one.”
Tim sighed. “I’m not sure if I even believe in the one anymore.”
As much as I wanted to laugh at the melodramatics of high schoolers, I realized that I had this same line of thinking well into my twenties, so I really couldn’t judge him for it.
“I’ve been there. I spent many years assuming I’d never find the one.
I had myself convinced there was no one out there for me, but life works in mysterious ways.
I know none of this makes sense right now, but some day, it will. I promise.”
The smallest smile parted Tim’s lips. “Thank you. I know everything you’re saying is true, but I think I needed to hear it from someone who has been through it.” He looked across the room and back at me. “With the way you look at her, it’s almost hard to believe there was ever anyone else.”
You’re telling me. I snuck another peek at Jax, and my heart leapt in my chest. I loved how she could still have that effect on me three years into our relationship. I focused my attention back on Tim and squeezed his hand. “I want you to know I’m here whenever you want to talk.”
“Thank you.” Tim tilted his head. “Why don’t I ever actually see you here though? If my significant other worked here, I’d be here all the time. Heck, I already am.”
“I’ve been really busy lately.” I stopped myself before I could continue making more excuses. “But you’re right. I definitely need to start coming more.”