Mia
SOUTH brONX CLASSICAL
Tuesday Morning
I had to stop thinking about him. I had to stop thinking of the way Theo’s lips felt on mine, the way he pinned me against the wall, the way he told me I was his.
His.
This was supposed to get easier, wasn’t it? Wasn’t time supposed to heal all wounds?
Then why did it feel like I’d been ripped open? I was spilling out everywhere, trying to hold it all in but failing.
Lilly’s soft footsteps forced me to drag my eyes away from my monitor. She put a coffee on my desk.
“Thanks.” I wrapped my hands around the extra-large takeout cup. “But you didn’t have to bring this to me. You’ve got class in–” I looked back at my monitor, checking the time “–thirteen minutes.”
Lilly waved her hand like that’s plenty of time, but didn’t take her eyes off me. She looked at me like I was about to implode.
“I’m fine,” I assured her. “Really.”
She pursed her lips for a fraction of a second, then sat on the edge of my desk. “Yesterday, you broke down in the middle of my living room, and now you’re fine?”
I met her eye and said, “No, but aren’t I supposed to be by now?” I sat back in my chair and folded my arms. “It was only one bloody weekend.”
Lilly frowned. “You and Theo have known each other for months.”
“Yes, but we got to know each other in the worst possible way. How I feel about him now doesn’t make sense.”
I knew I loved him. I also knew I couldn’t have him. And if I couldn’t, then I didn’t want this pain anymore. I wanted to explain it away, and it was infuriating that I couldn’t.
“You could say the same about Shawn and me.” Lilly lifted a shoulder. “I think it makes sense. You’ve spent months seeing the worst in each other, but you chose each other anyway.”
I let out a “Ha” and said, “It didn’t feel like a choice.”
My desktop dinged, letting me know I had another notification.
Lilly lifted her own cup of takeout coffee to her lips. “Did you get that email from Rutton?”
“Hmm? Oh. Yep. Eleven, in her office.”
“What do you think it’s about?”
I shrugged. “Maybe it’s about the program again?”
“The students think they aced their exams. Maybe that’s what it’s about.”
The heat from my coffee felt incredible on my palms. I stared down at my little cup of consolidation as I said, “Oh, do they? That’s good. We love a bit of acing.”
“But, um, listen. Can you do me a favor and not do what you did the other day?” Lilly asked.
I glanced up at her. What did I do?
Confusion must have shown on my face because Lilly then clarified, “You told Rutton to fire you.”
“Oh.”
She gave me a soft smile. “You don’t have to keep trying to fix things for me.”
“I know, but it’s just–”
“You’re not responsible for me or what happens to me.”
I clamped my jaw shut. Lilly didn’t interrupt me often, so the fact that she did now meant she wanted me to listen.
“If I’m meant to have the job because I’m good at it, then I’ll get it back.”
“You will.”
“Yes. I will. So I need you to stop trying to take the bullet, okay? Whether we get those spots or not, I can handle it.”
Well, would you look at that. My little Lilly, all grown up and taking charge.
I felt myself soften as I looked up at her and nodded. She gave me a warm smile of her own.
It made me feel just that little bit better, until she said, “Good. Because out of the two of us, right now, you’re the one who needs taking care of. See you at eleven,” and left.
I made it to Rutton’s office and opened it to find Lilly already inside, typing furiously on her laptop as she sat in one of the guest chairs.
“Hey,” I greeted before closing the door. “Where’s Rutton?”
“She’s on her way back from the math department.”
“Oh.” I stood behind Lilly’s shoulder and nudged my chin at her open screen. “What’s that?”
“The new unit proposal Rutton asked me for. I think it’s finally ready.”
I squinted at the screen and read the line, “‘Romance between parents and how it affects their teenage children.’ Oh god. Lilly.”
“What? It’s a great subject, and there are so many texts that explore the issue in different ways.”
I groaned and fell into Rutton’s other guest chair. “You make it sound like I should be happy that the damage I caused gave you a breakthrough.”
“You should be. I’ve been stuck on this for weeks.”
“Well... fine. You’re welcome then.”
She winked at me and went back to typing.
The door opened and closed with Rutton muttering, “Ah good. You’re both here.”
Lilly shut her laptop as the principal rounded the desk and sat behind it. “How was the PTA meeting last night?”
Rutton frowned. “Interesting. But that’s not why I’ve asked you both here.”
“Is something wrong?” Lilly asked, and I folded my arms across my chest.
If this was about to be another verbal smackdown where Rutton pointed out every teensy-tiny thing wrong with the Literacy department, I didn’t know if I could do what Lilly asked of me. I didn’t know if I could let her take the lead and keep my mouth shut.
But Rutton shook her head.
“The examination grades came in yesterday. I had a call from the APP Board.”
Well… that had me paying attention.
“And even though Mia isn’t running the program anymore, I thought she’d find the results interesting."
Rutton folded her hands under her chin and leaned forward, watching the two of us. The seconds stretched by until I couldn’t take anymore.
“You’re right,” I blurted. “I’m interested. How did they do?”
Rutton’s upper lip quirked, almost like she was fighting a smile. “Well.”
“They did well?” Lilly asked. “What does that mean?”
“Did we get our spots?” I asked, literally sitting on the edge of my seat.
Rutton hesitated, then pursed her lips.
No. No.
We gave this everything we had. There’s no way we could have failed.
I was up and pacing while Lilly stood, laptop forgotten, as she wrung her hands.
“Please,” Lilly begged. “Tell me we got them.”
I watched as anxiety pulled at my best friend’s features, and I knew that feeling wasn’t for her. She was worried about the students, and honestly, so was I.
I wanted these spots so Lilly could keep her promotion, but really, Lilly was right when she said we would be fine.
For us, this was part of the job. But for the students, it was life-changing.
And it was the students that we cared about.
They worked so hard for this. They deserved this. They’d be crushed if they lost this.
“Not… all of them,” Rutton finally answered. “And what we received was only provisional.”
It took a minute to process, but then–shit.
Shit.
We didn’t make it.
I stopped and stared at her, stunned. Until now, I didn’t realize how much hope I’d put into this. It seemed so doable. Five spots for five talented students. I couldn’t believe I thought it’d be that easy.
“How many did we get?” Lilly asked, her nerves already starting to fray. I could see it in the way she fisted the hem of her dress.
Rutton squinted like she was considering whether or not we deserved to know, then surprised us with a smile.
“Four.”
“Four?” Lilly and I screamed.
If this were a movie, the ceiling would fly off and fireworks would fizz into the air, exploding in a range of dazzling colors.
Lilly and I would slow-motion-run to each other and break down crying with tears of joy.
There would be some sort of dynamic theme song that would show everyone: See?
They’re not fuckups. And Rutton would stand from behind her desk and burst into wild applause.
That didn’t happen.
But we did run to each other and ugly cry in front of Rutton. Until Lilly thought to ask, “But which student didn’t get a spot?”
Rutton’s smile faded. “Amber Myers.”
Lilly’s shoulders dropped. She wiped her eyes and said, “Oh.”
Rutton nodded. “It’s unfortunate. This isn’t going to make her mother happy.”
We were quiet for a minute then, as if we were all mentally sorting through what this would mean for our student and how we could help her through it.
Then Rutton broke the silence. “But we shouldn’t let that take away from what you’ve both achieved here. I asked for five spots, and you earned four. That’s more than we’ve managed before. When I informed the PTA, they were thrilled.”
“When do the students find out?” I asked.
“They’ll get their letters in the mail. I’ve decided to let Amber know separately. I’ll give her time to decide how she wants to handle this.”
Lilly and I nodded, then Lilly said, “Thank you for letting us know. I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”
Rutton softened. “That doesn’t surprise me.”
She pushed her chair back and stood, rounding her desk and coming to stand in front of Lilly. “You both worked hard to prepare our students for this. I might not always agree with your methods, but they’re effective.”
“It was Mia, really. I just followed her lesson plan.”
Rutton gave her a faint smile. “You’re both exceptional teachers.”
“Thank you,” Lilly said, already flushing.
I was starting to feel like a fly on the wall over here.
“Being an exceptional teacher isn’t enough, though, is it?” I interrupted. “Because if it mattered, you’d give Lilly her job back.”
Well. Clearly, I ruined the moment.
Rutton clenched her fists as she turned to glare at me. “You just won’t stop, will you?”
Lilly’s head whipped to me, and I could make out her mouthed, It’s okay. Leave it.
But I couldn’t leave it because it wasn’t fair. Not on the students and not on Lilly. She deserved another chance.
I was about to say exactly that, but Rutton stunned me with, “I’ve already decided to give it to her, and if you’d stop butting in for a few seconds–”
“Wait. What?” My mouth dropped open.
Lilly’s eyes went wide as her gaze flitted from Rutton to me. “You–did you?”
Rutton let out a disappointed grunt, shut her eyes, and nodded. Lilly and I screamed.
Our boss put her hands to her ears. “Oh, please calm down.”
But how could we?
This was the best news either of us had in a while. We earned four spots, and Lilly got her job back. After all the havoc and drama, finally, we had a win.
This was something to celebrate.
But Lilly did manage to settle down just enough for her anxiety to kick in. “Are you sure? I mean, I know it wasn’t just about what happened between Mia and Mr Hudson. I know the units and the parents–”
Rutton lowered her hands and cut her off with a sigh. “What happened wasn’t within your control. The only thing you can control as head teacher is the way in which our students are taught. I wanted results, and you gave them to me. You both did.”
“But, what about–”
“Lilly, please. I’ve already had to put up with weeks of Mia’s badgering. Just take the promotion before I change my mind again.”
“We need a round of boozy bingo,” Lilly squealed. “Tonight. You, me, and Shawn.”
I smiled at her. “He’s going to be thrilled when you tell him.”
She squeezed my hand and looked back at Rutton’s closed door. We stood in the hallway, and it was eerily quiet compared to the chaos we caused in the principal’s office.
“I still can’t believe she changed her mind.”
“I can.” I tugged on her hand. “You earned it, like you said you would.”
Lilly beamed at me. “Only because I had your work to lean on. I wouldn’t have gotten it back without you.”
I rolled my eyes but smiled. “You wouldn’t have lost it in the first place if not for me.”
“That’s not true, and you know it.” She started moving down the hallway and jerked me into step beside her. “You’re not as much trouble as you think you are.”
I wasn’t sure I agreed with that, but at least Lilly was given what she deserved.
I couldn’t ask the universe for more than that.