Chapter 5
Chapter Five
N oah woke up Sunday morning with what felt like a blunt axe stuck between his eyes. What little sleep he’d managed to find had been plagued with nightmares and images from long ago. When he limped into the combined living room/kitchen, he found the empty pizza boxes and the abandoned cans of Diet Mountain Dew and felt his shoulders drop. Avery was here. Mona was dead. Feeling tortured, he made himself a big pot of coffee and watched gray light play over the waves. He was grateful he’d managed to get Avery up and into the shower last night. He’d made up the guest bedroom, putting warm flannel sheets on the bed. Avery had limped from the shower and fallen into bed, wearing a big T-shirt he'd lent her. She hadn’t even had the energy to close the door all the way.
It was twenty-two degrees and windy outside, but Noah took his coffee onto the porch, hoping the chill would help with his headache. All he could think about was what he had to do this week: call the high school, handle the juvenile detention center, and figure out what to do with Avery and Mona’s things up in Boston. Since Avery’s little runaway escapade, he’d been hyper focused on finding her. Now that she was back, he had to tend to the numerous messes at his feet.
But it was Sunday, so he could only wait and worry.
Avery stayed in the guest bedroom all day. From the living room, Noah could hear her flicking through the channels on the television he kept in there. She was probably watching more dating shows. He was probably already failing as a “parent” in letting her watch so much television. But she was sixteen. She’d just lost her mom. She’d been somewhere in the cold. He wanted her to rest.
It was only when Noah disappeared to the bathroom or into his bedroom that Avery crept out to the kitchen and filled her arms with food. The fridge was already mostly empty, which felt incredible. Noah was an adult male who weighed nearly two hundred pounds. Avery weighed ninety-five pounds soaking wet.
But it gave him an idea.
Around six thirty that evening, Noah crept to the door of the guest bedroom and knocked. No answer. In fact, if he wasn’t mistaken, Avery turned the television volume up. But he knocked again and said, “I was thinking about going into town for burgers.”
Avery cut the TV and said, “Um, okay.” It was the best Noah was going to get.
Noah and Avery drove to Harbor Burgers, an old-fashioned burger joint located just a stone’s throw from the tied-up boats in the port. It was already dark, and a cool, shimmery mist had settled over the harbor.
As they walked from their parking spot to the door, Avery said of the harbor, “It looks like a horror movie.”
Noah was relieved she’d spoken to him. “Yeah. How much of this place do you remember?”
“I was only gone four years,” Avery said, sounding defensive.
Didn’t she remember that four years was a quarter of her life? Four years ago, she’d been twelve years old with braces on her teeth and a pink streak in her blond hair. How could she remember anything more than a beach or two, a favorite restaurant, or an ice cream shop?
But Noah decided not to bring this up. He said, “Right,” and opened the door for her. She stepped through and shot to a table in the corner, where she burrowed herself in a menu. It seemed like she didn’t want to be seen. But would anyone recognize her? Noah guessed not.
It’s just teenage paranoia , he thought.
Noah and Avery ordered two bacon cheeseburgers with extra cheese and extra-crispy bacon, a big basket of french fries, an additional basket of onion rings, a chocolate milkshake, and a strawberry milkshake. Avery gave him a steely-eyed look.
“What?” Noah asked.
“Mom would never let me order that much food.”
Noah could imagine Mona, exasperated, saying, Avery, come on. Do you remember what a vegetable is?
“Do you think I shouldn’t let you?” He sensed she was testing him.
Avery raised her shoulders and traced her gaze through the burger place. It was almost fully packed, its booths stuffed with Nantucket locals eager for a greasy bite to keep them warm through the night. Unlike yesterday, her hair was clean and fluffy and lighter, and she had more color to her cheeks. It hurt Noah to remember what she’d looked like in that juvenile detention room. She’d looked like a wounded and angry animal.
Their milkshakes arrived. Noah pretended to be really interested in his, turning it around and around as the whipped cream settled into the chocolate ice cream. He tried to remember what Avery was into lately and realized he didn’t know. He had no idea what to talk to her about. She and Mona hadn’t visited Nantucket in two years, and Noah had had a busy time of it, entrenching himself in his work as a way, maybe, to forget how lonely he felt. He didn’t like remembering that.
Mona’s death had come out of nowhere. It had been a smack to the face.
Now, he was taking a few weeks off work to grieve. But that felt like the opposite of what he needed. He needed to pour himself into other people’s problems. He needed to hide from himself.
The front door opened and brought in a familiar face. Samantha Coleman.
As usual, when Noah saw her, he struggled with a myriad of conflicting emotions. On the one hand, a part of him recognized Sam as family. On the other hand, a part of him wanted to shrink away from her and hide from their shared past.
But Sam never let him hide for long.
With a bright and eager smile, Sam led her new partner, Derek, over to Noah and Avery’s table. Her eyes were rimmed with red, which felt like proof she’d heard about Mona. Gossip traveled fast around here. Probably everyone knew that Avery had been in juvie.
He imagined hundreds of Nantucketers saying, Oh, poor Noah, poor pathetic Noah, he’s already been through so much.
He put a stiff smile on his face. “Sam! Derek. Hey.”
“Hey, Noah. How are you doing?” Sam put her hands on her hips and then let them fall.
“We’re just here to get some grub,” Noah said, then cursed himself for saying grub. How lame. But he carried on. “Avery’s back on Nantucket. I was just asking her how much she remembered.”
“Avery, it’s been ages,” Sam said. She knew better than to say what most others might have: you’re all grown up! She knew to speak to Avery as though she were an adult with respect.
Sam asked, “How have you been?”
Avery looked glum. It was clear she didn’t want to talk. But Sam had given her no reason to fault her, so she said, “Oh, fine. My mom died, and I ran away. But I guess the whole island already knows that.” She said it so simply, as though she were discussing the weather.
They let a beat of silence pass. Noah thought he might faint.
But Sam was as cool as a cucumber. Derek was, too.
“We were sorry to hear about your mom,” Derek said, eyeing Noah. “She was a wonderful woman. We loved her. Everyone in Nantucket did.”
Avery raised her shoulders and let them fall. “That’s the way it goes, I guess.”
Noah knew that Sam specialized in working with drug-addicted youths and was eager to know if Sam thought Avery was using. He made a mental note to call her later and beg her for answers.
What was he missing? What was his love for Avery obstructing?
But suddenly, Sam looked at him. “Noah, do you mind if I talk to you for a second?”
Noah’s tongue went dry. Sam sees something in Avery. She knows she isn’t right.
Avery gave him a hard look that meant you will not talk about me behind my back.
“We can talk here,” he said to Sam, hoping this would get Avery on his side.
If Sam wanted to talk about Avery, they could do it later.
Sam glanced at Derek, and Derek shrugged as though to say whatever you think is best.
“Can I sit for a second?” Sam asked.
Avery moved over, sliding her milkshake along with her. Sam sat where she’d been, and Derek joined Noah on his side of the booth. Suddenly, Noah and Avery looked as though they belonged to more people than just themselves. It was a comforting feeling, although it was false.
Sam said, “I wanted to tell you before you ran into her. Margot’s coming back.”
All the blood drained from Noah’s face. He didn’t know what to say. He took a breath. “Why?”
“I had to call her last night,” Sam said. “I was at the nursing home the other day and talking to an older lady—Mary—who was always friends with Margot and Daniel’s mother, Lillian. You remember Lillian?”
Noah puffed out his cheeks. How could I ever forget Lillian Earnheart?
Sam chuckled, answering without Noah having to speak. “Right. I know. She’s difficult to forget.”
“Who is Lillian?” Avery asked.
But Noah was too lost in his head to answer. Avery shot him an annoyed look and took her spoon to her milkshake for easier access.
“Mary was telling me that Lillian was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s,” Sam said. “Apparently, it’s a big secret. Lillian doesn’t want anyone to know. She’s going to live at home alone for as long as she can. But if she’s already been diagnosed, how can she possibly live by herself? I got so frightened. I didn’t know what to do. I drove over to Lillian’s immediately, but she wouldn’t let me in! She accused me of breaking up my marriage. Whatever. So I called Daniel, but you know how Daniel is. He hates his mom even more than he hates me. Melissa and Henry weren’t any help, either. There’s so much bad blood in the Earnheart family. I’m a Coleman. I know all about bad blood. But these people take it to the extreme.”
Noah couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Over the years, he’d run into Melissa, Daniel, and Henry every now and then. Each time, all parties involved had eyed the nearest exits, eager to escape the painful awkwardness and the memories that bloomed between them. Of course, he knew Daniel had left the island but wasn’t sure about Melissa and Henry.
He asked.
“Melissa’s off the island, but she’s not far,” Sam said. “She moved to Falmouth a few years ago. Henry’s here, but he married later and has five little kids. Five! So he has his hands full.”
All Noah could say was, “Wow.”
Margot Earnheart was coming back to Nantucket.
Avery sucked more milkshake through her straw and blinked at him. “Who’s Margot?”
Noah sniffed. “She’s an old friend.”
“An old girlfriend?” Avery asked, hitting the nail on the head.
“I haven’t seen her in twenty years,” Noah explained, hoping Avery would take the hint that he didn’t want to talk about what had happened. He looked at Sam. “How is Margot feeling about coming back?”
“You know how hard it is to read Margot. She never wanted to tell anyone anything. I think it’s gotten worse over the years,” Sam said.
Noah tapped his lips with his napkin. He suddenly wanted to leave the restaurant, get in his truck, and drive as far as he could away from this place. But Nantucket was an island. There was nowhere to go.
“Do you know when she’ll be back?”
Sam shook her head. “Margot knows the Earnhearts aren’t my family anymore. But I told her I would help her with anything she needs.”
“She won’t reach out for help,” Noah said.
“She probably won’t.”
They held the silence. Under the table, Noah squeezed his hands together. Derek looked almost as uncomfortable as Noah felt.
Like a miracle, their food arrived.
“We’ll let you eat,” Sam said, smiling as she got up. “Avery, welcome back to Nantucket. I hope you’ll let me know if you need anything. We’re not far.”
Noah remembered that Sam had moved into the old Jessabelle House in Siasconset—a gorgeous place on the bluffs about a mile from his place. Previously, the place had been owned by Sam’s Great-Aunt Jessabelle, a wonderful and strong-willed old woman and a librarian who’d never let anyone tell her what to do.
Noah knew that Great-Aunt Jessabelle had died alone.
Noah had always assumed that would be his future, too.
But now, Margot was coming back to Nantucket. Avery was here, and Mona was dead.
Everything Noah had once assumed about life had suddenly flipped on its head.
Avery and Noah ate their food in record time. One minute, it was spread out before them—pounds of french fries, onion rings, greasy and crispy slices of bacon, melted cheese, caramelized onions—and the next, it was gone. Noah paid the bill and got them out of there, giving a final wave to Sam before they disappeared into the freezing night. He hadn’t managed a single word over dinner, and Avery hadn’t pestered him.
But when they got in the truck, Avery hardly hesitated before she asked, “What happened with Margot?”
Noah shot her a look. Slowly, he pulled out of the parking lot and adjusted his hands at ten and two. Now that a child relied on him for everything (whether she liked it or not), he was extra mindful of his driving. (Maybe soon he’d start eating better, too. But that required far more concentration.)
“Why did you run away?” Noah shot back.
Avery groaned and didn’t answer him.
Noah pressed harder, “Where did you go when you ran away? Why did you come to Nantucket?”
Avery groaned again. “Fine. Don’t tell me about Margot. I’m sure I’ll find out some way or another. I’m back in Nantucket. I’ll find the gossip channels.”
Noah’s heart felt heavy. The smart thing was probably to tell Avery the truth about Margot now rather than have her hear the story from someone else. But he couldn’t bring himself to speak the words aloud.
He’d buried that pain so deep in the well of himself. He’d buried Margot there, too.
It was the only way he’d survived it.