AVERY #3
I licked my lips. “Look, I’m always going to want to see you defeated when we face each other, but I’ll admit it, you’ve been doing better than last year. Or the year before.”
“I keep forgetting you’re junior year,” Grayson said.
“And you’re a sophomore,” I pointed out. “Does it matter?”
Grayson’s eyes widened. “Of course it matters. How are we going to make it work? When we’re happily married and you graduate, I’ll still have a year before I’m out.”
I blinked at him, but laughter bubbled in me despite my best efforts to remain cool. “Let’s not get married,” I proposed as a solution.
“Pfft. If it were that easy,” Grayson said, shaking his head gravely. “I’ve made you go out with me. There’s no stopping this train, now.”
“You have a reputation, Grayson,” I said.
“I dread to think,” he joked.
I shrugged one shoulder. “Are you as much of a playboy as they say?”
“Direct. I like that about you,” he said. I was torn between swooning and pointing out that he was dodging my question.
“I like to clear things up before any confusion,” I said.
Grayson gave a firm nod. “Let’s eat.” He uncovered the dish between us. It was a huge tray of spinach- and chickpea-stuffed portobello mushrooms with roasted garlic quinoa pilaf, lemon tahini drizzle, and sides of balsamic glazed brussels sprouts and herb-infused roasted sweet potatoes.
“Has this been here since this morning?” I asked.
The sparkle in Grayson’s eyes was pure naughtiness.
“I wouldn’t know. Racoons could have dragged it in.
” His smile lingered while I chuckled. “The staff left a few minutes before we arrived,” he assured me.
“I was punctual, for once.” We shared a little smile, or a hint of it, and he started serving us.
Matter-of-factly, Grayson returned to our earlier conversation.
“It’s exaggerated, I think, whatever you’ve heard.
But, I mean, I’ve been around the block.
” He served me a portion and then filled his plate. “More wine?”
I hadn’t realized I’d finished it. He refilled my glass. “Thanks.”
“I guess you could call it being a playboy, but who isn’t?” He looked at me mischievously.
My heart clenched. “There are people who aren’t.”
“Prove it,” he demanded jokingly. “Show me those people.”
I bought myself some time by taking a bite of the stuffed mushrooms. They were delicious. “Are you a vegetarian?” I asked, noting the lack of meat on the table.
“No,” Grayson said. “But I forgot to ask if you were. Better safe than sorry.”
“Are you that careful with all your dates?” I couldn’t help but grin. Properly grin. It hurt my muscles. Who was that attuned to other people’s needs? What sort of a person thought of everything?
“You assume I go on many dates,” Grayson said and laughed. “I don’t. Last year, I was like an excited golden retriever, just let off his leash. I was picking up guys left and right. But that gets old. And that doesn’t require the effort of going on an actual date.”
“That’s true,” I agreed. If I could just relax and take this for what it was, I would say this was the kind of date I had been missing.
But I couldn’t. I waited for the secret motives to surface.
I waited for him to make a move and get shot down.
Or worse, I waited for him to convince me and to wake up tomorrow regretting the whole thing, feeling empty inside and detached from him and the world.
“You’ve got a reputation, too, I think,” Grayson said.
I sipped my wine. “Lies. Slander.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “Not all of it. Or?”
I shook my head. “Ah, I don’t know what you heard. I’ve been with people. Obviously.”
“That should prove my point,” Grayson said, popping another mushroom into his mouth.
For dramatic suspense, he didn’t speak for a long while, chewing innocently and looking at me.
I went from tense to laughing in the time it took him to speak again.
“Not everything you hear is true. We’ve both done our fair share of screwing around. And here we are anyway.”
I thought about it while we ate. It was a nice, light dinner and paired with an excellent wine.
“Here,” I mused. “You know what this place is, right?” I looked around.
It was designed as an aphrodisiac. Every little detail was fully devoted to romance and intimacy.
There were no sounds coming through from the outside.
The windows were tinted so nobody could see through them from the neighboring houseboats.
“I mean, that’s not the only purpose,” Grayson said. He almost scolded me with his tone. Like I was the one hinting at something else happening. “Besides, I promised your friends to bring you home in one piece.”
I almost spat. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. “Are you suggesting that us sleeping together would rip me apart? I’ve got a newsflash for you.”
“Do tell,” he said, and his eyes sparkled.
I pressed my lips tightly and kept my silence.
Grayson was the first to clear his plate. He waited a minute while I finished eating, then picked up his glass and the bottle. “Let’s get cozy.”
I followed him to the spacious sectional on the far end of the houseboat.
I could see the bathroom with an elegant walk-in shower tucked in at the bottom of the stairs.
It was discreetly placed there. My attention went to the stairs and up to the loft.
It was a date boat. It was a sex boat. Those were the facts.
Why does that scare you? The voice asking me that was my own. I didn’t know. Maybe because I still needed to figure myself out. Maybe because it had always been a bad omen. Maybe because I had never gone beyond the first date with anyone.
“Avery, are you alright?” Grayson asked. We were sitting about an arm’s length apart. He leaned closer to me and examined my face with that warm, fall-brown gaze.
“Huh? Oh. Yeah.” I couldn’t have fooled a toddler with that.
Grayson pulled his lower lip between his teeth and set his glass on the small coffee table before the sofa. “It’s just that you got really tense all of a sudden.”
I clenched my teeth. “I’m fine.”
“Alright. But if you’re not, it would be okay,” he said.
Silence. It felt like it would never end.
When I inhaled, it was a wheeze. I set my glass on the table next to his and carefully turned to face him.
“Look, this was nice. I mean it. The whole thing. The limo, the houseboat, the dinner. And you’re sweet for making sure it was vegetarian just because you forgot to ask on time.
” I held my hands together because a brief shiver passed down my arms. My fingertips tingled. “But this can’t happen.”
Grayson frowned slightly and cocked his head. “Why not?”
I held a breath of air as I sorted through my thoughts.
My hands were on my knees suddenly and I leaped up.
I walked across the room to the massive glass windows.
The soft orange lights inside were strong enough to turn the blackness of the night into a mirror.
I saw my reflection in the window and the emotionless expression I carried for everyone to see.
“I’m…messed up, somehow. I’m weird. I can’t… ” I paused.
“Whoa, hold on,” Grayson said. His feet thudded along the wooden floor as he neared me. “What are you talking about? Weird, how?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. Bitter disappointment filled me. In my fear of fucking it up, I fucked it up. Great.
“Because I disagree,” Grayson said. “You’re wrong. You’re not weird at all. And you’re not messed up, Avery. If I did something to upset you, I apologize. I wish I knew what it was, though.”
I shook my head. “It’s not you. Seriously, you did nothing wrong.
I’m a mess, actually. I, uh…” How much worse could I make it?
The whole thing was already a total blunder.
I’d wasted a shot with someone who seemed like a pretty good guy.
I turned to face him. “Grayson, I’m not going to sleep with you.
I don’t know what my problem is, but I know I’m not into it.
And forcing it is only gonna make things worse.
I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I hated it. ”
Grayson’s tiny frown played on his eyebrows. “Is that what this is about?”
“I wasted your time,” I said flatly. “I’m sorry.”
His shoulders relaxed and I realized how tense he had been. He laughed softly, then louder. “Seriously? Jesus, Avery. I thought there was a problem. I thought I said something stupid. I can’t always trust my mouth, you know. It’s just that?”
“I mean, isn’t that why we’re here? And don’t just be polite for the sake of it.” I was looking at the relief that washed over his face.
“That’s absolutely my bad,” he admitted.
“I should have realized what message it sends. And hey, I figured, if things go well, who knows? Maybe? But if you think that’s the reason I wanted to go out with you, you’re wrong.
Getting you to come around was more work than any hook-up deserves.
” He laughed harder. “And there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want to sleep with a guy on your first date.
Come. Sit.” He put a hand on my shoulder, and I adored the warmth, strength, and courage it lent me.
I followed him back to the sofa and we sat a little closer. “You don’t mind?” I asked. My voice was tight and reserved like I expected it to be a prank.
“Mind? I actually like it. It’s better that way.
All I wanted was to get to know you. And to show you that I’m not just your worst nightmare and a superior hockey player.
I’m also kind of a nice guy who is interested in you.
” He licked his lips quickly. “There are so many other things we could be doing, Avery. It doesn’t have to be that. ”
“I don’t know. Social cues fly over my head. I look around, and it feels like it’s sex first, exchanging names second, and maybe appearing in public if we’re serious about it.” I lifted my glass and drank a little.