AVERY #4
“That’s a good way of putting it,” Grayson said, chuckling. “I’ll be honest with you. I didn’t plan for it. I didn’t prepare for it. It was on the periphery of possibilities.”
Each word he said was a new level of relief to me. “You’re not just saying that because I freaked out?”
He shook his head while looking into my eyes. And I believed him. “Not even a little. I like you. I’d like to hang out more often. And I think that’s as far as I want to plan. Do what feels right, huh?”
I nodded. Exhaling was like waking up from a nightmare. I found myself in a nice, safe place. “You’re a good guy, Grayson. I appreciate it.”
“I’m glad you think that.” He had some of his wine and relaxed. He leaned back and eyed me. “You said you didn’t know what it was. You sounded like…I dunno, like you’re worried.”
I thought about it briefly. “Sort of. A little. It’s like, whenever I went out with someone, and we went to their place, and we did the thing, it never felt right.
It’s like I missed something important. Even if everything went well, I still felt like we lacked something huge, and I would just leave after showering and never look back. ”
Grayson nodded with understanding plain in his eyes. “Been there.”
“I’m not asexual. I think. I’ve got the drive.” I stopped talking. He didn’t need to hear about it. Even today, when we exchanged a few photos, I felt it. I’d felt that spark.
“Tell me if I’m crossing the line. I don’t want to intrude.
But did you ever think it might be about the emotional connection?
” He looked at me hopefully and with pure interest. “Even I know sex is better when you like the person you’re with.
And I don’t mean physically. I mean, when you like their soul. ”
Something in me wanted to trust him completely. And when he shifted and leaned toward me, I knew it was his innocent curiosity and nothing else. “Maybe,” I said. I thought about it, but it was hard to put my finger on it.
“You might be demisexual. Just throwing that out there. I’m not saying I know best. Maybe you need to meet someone and get to know them. Maybe you need to trust them and like them.” He laughed a little nervously. “It’s not like I’m hoping to be the lucky one.”
My heart picked up the pace at his words. He’d said them in such a cute tone that even I couldn’t miss their real meaning. “You weren’t kidding,” I said and looked at his handsome face. “You like me.”
Fire blazed in his eyes. “I knew I’d get that through your head eventually.”
I chuckled softly. It was a sound I wasn’t used to making, yet I’d done it more times than I could count tonight.
At that moment, I knew with absolute certainty that I could trust him. I knew he wouldn’t take it the wrong way. I knew he wouldn’t misinterpret it. I knew he would take it the way I was giving it. And he would understand what it meant.
As soon as his teeth released his lower lip, I surrendered to the current that carried me there. I leaned in and tossed the dice. Whatever came next, it would be alright. He wouldn’t be just another bored player in search of a quick release. Grayson Reed was so much more than that.
And knowing this made it so much sweeter when my lips touched his.
The warmth of his flesh and the sweetness of wine on his lips left a print on my mind, on my soul.
I embraced him, one hand on the back of his head and the other on the side of his ribcage.
He kissed me back gently, almost carefully, but I felt the smile stretching his lips a few moments later.
I didn’t want it to stop. Everything in me hummed happily. Everything told me this was right. It was nothing like the rough making out with a stranger I didn’t care about. It was softer, more careful, more meaningful. His kisses were like cuddles and shows of actual affection.
It elated me with its blinding shine. It was like being lost in the dark and seeing the golden rays of the dawn sunlight.
His scent tickled my nostrils and brought the images of an immense city skyline to my mind. His grip on my bicep was strong, but the way he cupped my cheek with his other hand was soft and caring. He kissed me for a moment longer, then pulled back. “Now, that was very nice.”
I couldn’t believe how giddy it made me to hear those words. “It was.”
He took my hand in his and looked at my palm.
With the tip of his index finger, he traced the longest line.
“I grew up in a conservative home,” he said carefully and eyed me as if he expected me not to be interested.
When he saw my gaze locked onto his face, he nodded.
“Well, I grew up and watched all the boys and girls in school exchanging notes, holding hands, and kissing. The whole nine yards. I never had it. My parents…ah, it doesn’t matter.
I grew up. I started fooling around with guys.
But I never had that. You know? The excitement of sharing a kiss just for the sake of kissing. ”
My ears perked. I wanted to say something comforting, but that was a social field I was the least experienced in. Instead, I turned our hands around and held his instead of letting it be held by him.
He repaid me with a pearly smile. “This was very special to me, Avery.”
I liked how he matched my forwardness. It was the only way I knew how to speak. And it was the surest way for me to understand. “It was special to me, too.”
He wore that smile for a few heartbeats longer, then leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.
I welcomed him completely. I didn’t worry he would go too far or ask for too much.
It was like we had made a promise to each other.
And every moment of our lips pressing together made the fire in me burn brighter.
I found myself hoping for a second date. And a third. I wanted us to cross these bridges one by one, hand in hand. I wanted him to be the person with whom I tried something I had never tried before. Something more than just a cheap one-off. Something big and scary and complicated.
Our paths had been tangled for an entire year. We had faced each other with anger, even fury, countless times. But this was something else completely.
I kissed him not because he was the captain of the enemy team who’d badgered me for a date. I kissed him because he had earned it. He wanted it, and he was willing to go to such lengths for it. And I felt it in my core, this burning desire to be close to him.
So I kissed him more. I kissed him softer and slower and for a long time. I kissed him like we were two teenagers who had never had this crazy chance before. I kissed him the way we both needed to be kissed tonight.