4. Tyler
Chapter Four
TYLER
I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “Are you sure?”
“I’m fine,” Sebastian insisted. “I’m telling you. You were right. It’s her loss, not mine.” The stiffness in his facial muscles confused me. He sounded way better than this morning. Maybe the gym had helped burn through some unresolved feelings, but the whole thing was only twenty-four hours old.
I frowned. “I’d rather stick to the plan. Let’s get drunk and cry it out.”
Sebastian grinned. “I wouldn’t waste breath on it, Ty.” He tossed his duffel over his shoulder, shook his head at me, and added, “You should spend time with Courtney, man. Besides, I still have all that literature to sift through.”
“You’re not having after-practice drinks, then?” I asked. “That sounds a lot like you’re not fine.”
Sebastian let out a tired sigh. “If you want to babysit me, be my guest, but I’ll just remind you that you have an actual girl who adores you.”
That was true. And she was growing impatient with me.
Even so, as Sebastian and I headed out of the locker room and down the hallway to the back exit from the rink, I didn’t completely buy it.
He hadn’t done a one-eighty in the span of a day, had he?
But I also knew when he was being stubborn like a mule. I wouldn’t win this one.
As reluctant as I was, I had to nod. We parted ways in front of the rink.
Sebastian still wore his fake smile as he walked away, but when I glanced at him over my shoulder, I saw the way he slouched.
It was like faking it had cost him all the energy he could spare.
Something had gone out of him when Jennifer tossed his feelings in the trash.
And I was afraid that Sebastian wouldn’t regain it, whatever it was.
But he didn’t want me pampering him. I had to respect it.
I took a bus to get to Courtney’s place.
She studied at the local university, but her place was a few blocks away.
The small apartment that she shared with another girl was in a low, narrow building.
The street was lined with identical apartment buildings with bars and shops on the ground floor and narrow alleys between them.
As I walked from my bus stop, my thoughts returned to Sebastian, alone in our room, hating himself.
It was what he was the best at. And it was his natural response.
His self-esteem was in the gutter after last night and I had made a terrible mistake letting him win.
Respect his wishes? Silly old me. I should have handcuffed our wrists together and dragged him to the basement to empty the mini fridge with me. That was what I should have done.
But I was already here, so I rang Courtney’s doorbell, and she buzzed me in without a word.
I climbed the stairs to the second floor, then knocked on her door, and waited for my girl to open it.
Her frizzy brown hair framed her heart-shaped face, her green eyes sparkling.
“Look what the cat’s dragged to the door,” she said and stretched her lips into a smile. “Come in.”
I did. We kissed after I had shut the door and Courtney led me in by my hand.
Her apartment was small and minimal, always perfectly tidy.
The living room had one bright overhead light in cooler tones, giving Walmart vibes, and the tones of the interior design were black, white, gray, and one splash of a pastel green accent in cushions and drapes. It was so light that it depressed me.
Courtney folded her legs under her butt on one side of the dark gray sofa. She had a plain black mug of tea on the glass table with a black frame. “What’s up, babe?” she asked.
I took my jacket off and hooked it to the edge of a dining chair on one end of the room, where a small dining table stood, too.
Beyond it, the kitchen was small, neat, and as clean as if Courtney expected someone to inspect it.
“Not much,” I said, passing the two doors that led to the bedrooms. “Where’s Sofie? ”
“Out. She met a guy. Again.” Courtney rolled her eyes. “I swear, we need a revolving door at this point.”
“Burn,” I said, sucking air between my teeth. I crashed next to her on the sofa and threw my right arm around her body. “Is that plain tea over there?”
“What else would it be?” Courtney asked, her face scrunching.
“Dunno. A splash of rum never killed anyone,” I teased.
It flew over her head and my girl rolled her eyes at me. It was fair, though. I wasn’t in her good graces just yet. But I could imagine Sebastian offering to fetch the rum. “How was the game?”
“Last night? We kicked their asses,” I said, then told her about it.
As my thoughts poured out of me, I inevitably went to Sebastian and the break-up, talking probably for much longer than I had planned.
The welling concern for leaving him behind fueled my rambling.
“Can you imagine, though? The guy was practically naked when he opened the door. And it didn’t even surprise him when Sebastian said who he was. All he wanted was his pizza.”
Courtney said nothing. She wore a peculiar little frown, probably worried about Sebastian.
“And then she blamed him for the lack of action, like that justified it,” I said, shaking my head.
“I can’t say it doesn’t make sense,” Courtney said coolly.
I almost smiled and nodded, then the words rang oddly in my head. “What do you mean?”
She rolled her shoulders. “I haven’t seen you in a week and all you talk about is some guy’s breakup. I can’t say I blame the chick for wanting some fun.”
That was an unnecessary sting. “First of all, it’s not some guy. It’s Sebastian.” Even though she had barely met my best friend, I said those words like they were self-explanatory. “Second of all, that’s kinda rich coming from someone who just complained about her roommate’s nighttime activities.”
“They’re loud,” Courtney scoffed. “I can hear her through the wall.”
I laughed out loud. “Fine. You’re right. Let’s drop it.”
It took a few awkward minutes to move past it.
It was my fault that Sebastian and Courtney had never gotten to know each other.
I wasn’t sure why I’d done it. They knew of each other, but I hadn’t gone out of my way to put us all in the same room.
They’d met, they’d even hung out with me once or twice, but I had mostly kept them separate in my life.
And as these thoughts rolled through my head, I couldn’t help but wonder which one I was keeping from the other.
Was I keeping Courtney all to myself? Or Sebastian?
Her arms were around my neck, and she pecked my cheek, slowly sliding closer to my mouth. We kissed once, twice, but I frowned as a nasty little premonition rocked my soul.
“What?” Courtney asked in her thin, sweet voice. “Is something wrong?”
As she pulled away from me, I leaned forward and put my palms on my eyes. Dread filled me. “Sorry,” I whispered. “I’m just so tired.”
Tsk.
I didn’t look at her. I wasn’t even sure if she’d made the sound.
My heart was sinking fast. I was keeping Sebastian from Courtney, not the other way around.
I didn’t want him to get to know her. I was afraid of what he would think.
And even more so, I was afraid that Courtney wouldn’t like him.
That she would say something judgmental and insensitive, that she would send him spiraling.
“Sorry,” I repeated, rubbing my eyes as a sudden headache throbbed in the back of my head. “I should probably go.”
“You just got here,” she pointed out, but her walls were rising. Fuck. I was hurting her, but she refused to see why this was important to me.
“I know, I know. But he’s all alone.” I tried to make her see it.
Could I have suggested that all three of us hang out?
It would have solved a lot, but I didn’t want to.
I didn’t want her making a snide comment with double meaning.
Nobody knew how sensitive Sebastian was.
And he never showed it to people, either.
I was the only one, so it was my responsibility to keep him out of such situations.
My heart clenched in my chest. It hurt as I thought about Sebastian all alone.
I shouldn’t have listened to him. There were times when I knew better what was good for him.
And there had been times when he had done the same.
After my mom had left, Sebastian knew how to read the room.
He knew my dad’s moods better than any adult, and he had silently and deliberately dragged me to his place for days on end, sparing me the trouble and giving my dad the peace he needed to process his own feelings.
“You’re seriously going to leave five minutes after coming because your teammate is sad,” Courtney stated.
She’d meant it precisely the way she had said it.
Her use of the word was supposed to make him seem like less than what he was to me.
But teammates were like brothers in our house.
We were a unit. If Sawyer had done anything when he’d tackled Grayson in front of thousands upon thousands of people, he had proved that we were there for each other.
Even so, Sebastian was more than a teammate to me. “I am,” I said. “I’m sorry, but I have to.” I tried to make her see that I was honest, but the truth was, I was starting to get annoyed.
“You’re kidding,” Courtney huffed. “You know what? Fine. But next time, don’t bother coming at all.”
“Court…” I cocked my head pleadingly to one side, then decided to deal with this later. I shot to my feet, anger and guilt battled for dominance in me, and stalked away. I lifted my jacket and walked out of her apartment without another word.
As I descended the stairs, I began to type another apology but decided against it. There was nothing more to say to her that I hadn’t said already. If she couldn’t sacrifice just a little bit of her comfort for other people that mattered to me, then it was not my problem.