Chapter 13
“Can I think about that? Pray about it some?” Garnet took a breath. “I’m not putting you off. I promise. What I really want to do is run to get Dabney right now and introduce the two of you, but I’m pretty sure that that’s not the right way.”
“I agree,” Mertie said easily. Although there was a riot in her chest. She might have just opened up a can of worms that could never be closed. She might have pulled out the nails and started putting them in, the ones that would close her coffin forever, put a lid on the dreams that she had of being an internationally acclaimed speaker and writer.
She had always had big dreams, and she always went for them with all of her heart, but this was one time where she felt like God was leading her in a different direction.
“I’m so glad that you stopped to talk to me. I was sure that God had offered me that position, and I had every intention of taking it, but after talking to you, maybe He was just dangling it out there as something to tempt me away from what I really needed to do.”
She gathered herself, pulling up her nerve and realizing she needed to be humble, because she was starting to get the impression that she had made a big mistake.
“I’d like to get to know my daughter. How do you suggest we do it?” Then she added, as an afterthought, “If you think it would be okay.”
“I’ve been telling you I think it’s okay. I think it will be wonderful. I know she’s going to love you, and I know she wants a mom.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, feeling like she couldn’t apologize for that enough. Even though, she had made the best choice that she possibly could at the time. She had wanted to give her daughter the very best, and the very best was not being raised by a single mom who was probably going to be struggling without money for a long time.
“Again, I just need to think about that for a little bit. I don’t want to rush into something and realize that we should have done it a different way. We...might not end up figuring out the best way, but I want it to be perfect, if possible.”
She nodded. Appreciating the fact that he wanted to give her the very best shot he could at having a good relationship with her daughter, even though that wasn’t what he was saying.
They looked up as footsteps approached.
“That’s Homer, recognize him?” Garnet said under his breath as a man pushing a baby stroller walked beside two women, one older and one younger, strolling arm in arm. “And that’s his mother and his wife.”
“Miss Gertie?” she said, remembering at the last second to keep her voice down.
“The same. Only she’s dealing with early-onset Alzheimer’s, and she might not recognize you or even remember you.”
“That’s so sad,” she said, remembering she’d heard that at the prayer meeting and feeling a deep sorrow in her chest and an uncanny dizziness in her brain, where the world wasn’t quite what she thought it was, and it made her feel off-kilter.
Things changed, people got older, nothing stayed the same, and she knew it, she just didn’t always enjoy coming face-to-face with it.
“I’ll introduce you if you want me to,” Garnet said as he stood.
She moved beside him. “I appreciate that. I recognized him, but he’s changed a lot since the last time I saw him.”
“I figured.” He didn’t say anything more as they came up the trail. The older lady pointed out some flowers, and the younger one laughed.
“Hey there, Pastor Garnet.”
It was so odd to hear them call Garnet pastor that it took Mertie a moment to realize that they were talking to him. She felt something that was very much like pride go through her. Her best friend, pastor of the church. It was...not totally unexpected. It definitely fit in with his personality, but she wouldn’t have guessed. And she wished that they would have spent more time talking about it.
What had made him decide to become a pastor? Why did he move back to Raspberry Ridge? Especially since he mentioned that they weren’t going to be able to pay him enough for him to make a living, and he’d have to have another job. So many things that she wished they could have talked about, but instead, he had been typical Garnet, and they had focused on her and her problems. Garnet had always been like that. Putting other people first and giving her a special place. One she really didn’t deserve, but he’d always been such a good friend.
“Homer, you probably remember Mertie Jardine, one of the Jardine sisters, who lived up on the hill. She’s the oldest, and Amara is the youngest.”
Mertie smiled as he introduced her, giving points of reference and mentioning Amara, who Homer was probably familiar with since she’d been back in town for several weeks.
“I remember. It’s good to see you,” he said, holding his hand out and then indicating the two ladies beside him. “You probably remember my mom. Or at the very least you remember my mom’s cookies.”
“I sure do. It’s good to see you again, Miss Gertie,”
“Who’s this?” Miss Gertie said, not in an unkind way, just in a confused, I have no idea who this lady could be kind of way.
“She was a girl who grew up in town here,” Homer said easily.
Mertie saw a look pass between Homer and Garnet, and she assumed that Homer was figuring out that Garnet had already told her that Gertie suffered from Alzheimer’s and might not recognize her. She supposed that it was probably distressing for Homer since people might be offended that Miss Gertie didn’t remember them.
“This is my wife, Skyler, and our daughter, Saylor, who is sleeping and is completely missing the introductions. I’ll have to talk to her about greeting strangers.”
Homer obviously adored his daughter, something that was easy to see as Mertie watched how he looked at her and heard the humor in his voice. He also adored his wife, as he touched her arm, and a little bit of silent communication went between them as their eyes met, and their lips curved into small smiles.
Mertie always loved watching that kind of by-play between couples who were deeply in love. Not the world’s kind of love, lust, but a deep, mutual respect and admiration for each other, that Homer and Skyler obviously had. It was the kind of marriage that Mertie would want for herself if she ever did get married. Not that she had any intention of doing so anytime soon. She was too busy building...
Maybe not. Maybe she had chosen the wrong thing.
The idea didn’t sit well with her, and she struggled to make small talk with the group before Homer and Skyler walked away.
“Vera and Dominic designed and built the garden, but Homer supplies electricity for the fountain to run. He also takes care of it as winter comes down and makes sure it’s drained before the first freeze of the season.”
“So the garden is a community thing?” Mertie said, although she wasn’t surprised. It was a small-town thing. Everybody pitched in, because they weren’t big enough to have the government to do things for them. And they really didn’t need it. When there was an underlying basis of Christianity, people naturally wanted to do the right thing, be neighborly, love each other, and help out.
That was what their country was losing, that underlying biblical basis that prompted people to be moral and to do right.
It was her mission to get it back, and she felt like it was a good one. But maybe she had sacrificed too much in order to do what someone else could do.
She had always thought that she was irreplaceable, but that wasn’t true, and she knew it. She just liked to think that, because it made her feel important and needed. But really, the most important place she could be, the place where she was most needed, was in a role that no one else could do. Not as good as she could. Of course, she’d already missed so much of it that maybe it was too late.
“It looks like they thought I might have gotten lost and they needed to come to look for me,” Garnet said as they reached the gate of the garden and he held it open so she could walk through.
Lifting up her head, she saw who he was talking about. His parents and Dabney, her daughter. His daughter. Their daughter. Walking down the sidewalk toward them.
The idea was a little odd. Her daughter. Her daughter who Garnet was raising as his.
She wanted to run it over in her head a little bit, get used to the thought, but instead she nodded. “They care about you.”
“I moved back into my parents’ house so I could help them, and it’s almost like my mom thinks I’m a teenager again. I suppose moms never stop being moms—”
He broke off, almost as though realizing what he was saying or who he was talking to. That she hadn’t been a mom, and it hurt. She knew he didn’t mean her, wasn’t insulting her, and in fact had broken off in order to not insult her, but it hurt.
“I’m sorry,” he started.
“No. It’s okay.” She took a breath and put a smile on her face, looking up at him, wanting him to know that whatever she had done, it wasn’t his fault. He had done nothing but support her, encourage her, and do whatever he could to take care of someone she loved very much, even if looking back, her actions hadn’t shown that.
“Are you going to introduce me?” she asked, unable to stop the wobble in her voice, but she tried to cover it with an even brighter smile. She didn’t fool Garnet. His brows drew down, and concern covered his face.
“I wish I could take that back.”
“You weren’t saying anything that wasn’t the truth.”
“Sometimes it’s better to just keep your mouth shut even if the things you’re saying are true.”
“You can’t walk around on pins and needles scared to death that you’re going to upset me. It’s my choice as to whether or not I get upset, and I choose not to.”
How many times in her ministry had she told people that they could choose what thoughts they were going to think? They could choose what they allow themselves to dwell on, and that would affect their feelings, and feelings were very strong, so a person wanted to be ahead of them. She hadn’t quite gotten ahead of those feelings, but she would. She wouldn’t allow herself to wallow in self-pity, making the people around her scared to death to say anything that might offend or upset her.
“Are you going to introduce me? I’ve seen our daughter, but I haven’t been introduced.” She thought about that short time on the porch when she attempted to go to Bible study but had left, sad. She wished she could take that back too. She had just been overwhelmed and blindsided.
“Of course.” He turned, and they walked together until they met up with Dabney and his parents.
“So this is what held you up,” his mother said right away, beaming, but also concern on her face. She had her hand hooked in her husband’s arm, while Dabney walked on the other side, her arm tucked into his elbow the exact same way.
Mertie remembered that he had suffered a stroke, and perhaps he had trouble walking. There was no walker or cane in sight. Just the ladies helping him. How sweet.
“I suppose I don’t usually get distracted by a pretty lady, but it happened to me today.” Garnet gave his mom a boyish grin that obviously evaporated any concern or worry she had. “Actually, Mertie is an old friend. You probably remember her. We were practically joined at the hip from the time we were born until the time she moved to Chicago.”
“Mertie Jardine?” his mom said, peering at her like her glasses were dirty and needed to be wiped. “Oh my goodness, you’ve grown into a real beauty. And I’ve heard that you have quite a ministry.”
“Thanks, and thanks again, I guess,” Mertie said, wondering where her usual confidence and ability to make anyone feel at ease was. She felt terribly off-kilter and pretty much had all day. “I’ve really missed Raspberry Ridge. It is good to see it again.”
“And this is my dad, Rudy. He probably won’t shake, since his stroke has not completely paralyzed his right side, but it’s made it difficult for him to move.”
“I know Mertie,” the man said, his words slightly slurred and a little bit difficult to understand.
“And I remember you, sir,” Mertie said gently.
And then her eyes went to Dabney.
“This is my daughter, Dabney. She is the sparkle of the family.”
“Dad,” Dabney said, rolling her eyes. “I like to read. I never talk. Don’t listen to him.”
“I think he means it,” Mertie said. She could see how he would call Dabney the sparkle of the family, even though she might not talk. She had a way about her that seemed to draw people’s eyes. Not in a showy kind of way, just in the kind of way where people enjoyed looking at someone who was soft and sweet and kind.
“But at any rate, it’s nice to meet you, Dabney,” Mertie said, holding out her hand and waiting for Dabney to pull her arm out from her grandfather’s arm and shake.
The girl took her hand with as much confidence as a teen could and gave her hand a perfunctory shake before she pulled it back and took a hold of her grandfather again. Mertie got the feeling that it wasn’t because she didn’t want to shake her hand, but it was because she didn’t want to leave her responsibility of holding onto her grandfather. It made Mertie smile and think that maybe Dabney had gotten a little more than just her stubbornness.
“Launch shoe go home.” Garnet’s dad’s speech was slurred, but Mertie was pretty sure he had just said he wanted to go home.
“All right, Rudy. It’s been a pretty long walk, but now that we found Garnet, we can return with a peace of mind,” his mother said, carefully nodding at Mertie before she and Dabney moved together to turn on the sidewalk.
“I better go home with them,” Garnet said, holding her eyes and seeming like he didn’t want to leave. “I’ll...be in touch.” Not for the first time that afternoon, she had trouble pulling her eyes away. He seemed magnetic to her almost, a pull she wasn’t used to, from anyone, much less from the boy who used to be her best friend and who she still kind of thought of as a gangly teen.
But he had grown into a responsible man, a fantastic father, and obviously a dutiful son. As well as a servant of the Lord and pastor of God’s word. Shepherd. He would make a good shepherd.