As I Grow (Strawberry Springs #3)

Dean

EIGHT YEARS AGO

The house was quiet when I woke up.

That was something I’d never get used to. Just a few years ago, I would always hear Mom laughing with Dad in the kitchen as they made breakfast. I never remembered what it was about, but I did remember the joy the house was filled with.

I had never realized how much life Dad had brought to things. Over the last few years that he’d been gone, our default had been reset, and it never stopped feeling out of place.

Most mornings, I could ignore the feeling and walk to the dining room with a smile on my face.

This time, I had to sit with it. Thoughts of Dad didn’t always pop up, but the grief counselor Mom took me into town to see had warned both of us that this was normal, that grief wasn’t a constant stream of sadness, rather, a trickle.

Taking a shaky breath, I got out of bed and pushed away the thoughts. This was going to be a good day, and I didn’t need to be mulling on the past when my future was in front of me.

I found Mom eating waffles in the dining room.

They were the frozen kind from the store.

Neither she nor I could cook, so we’d relied on eating out and processed foods ever since Dad passed away.

My memories of getting served big home-cooked meals on special days were fuzzy, but they were bright ones nonetheless.

“Morning,” she said. “Hungry?”

“A little,” I replied. “Thank you.”

I took the frozen waffles and refused to complain. She gave me a smile before looking back down to her schedule. She used one of those leather-bound planners to make sure she never forgot anything. It was full of notes and things to do.

Mom didn’t know, but I’d snuck a look at it the other day. I needed to make my plans perfect, and I needed her to have a rare day off.

“Can I drive the truck today?” I asked as I sat up straighter. “I wanna take Julie out to dinner.”

I rarely got to use the vehicle Mom and I shared. Being a one-income household meant that we didn’t have the funds for another one. I wanted to get a job to help out with money, but she refused to let me, saying I needed to focus on school and being a kid.

“Sorry, but I can’t let you have it today. I need it for work.”

My eyebrows immediately furrowed. “Isn’t it your day off from cleaning?”

“And how would you know that?”

My eyes flicked to her planner and back up. “No reason.”

“You looked, didn’t you?”

My cheeks heated. “I just needed to know your day off.”

“Things change. And honey, I never have a true day off. Not as a mom.”

I hated it when she said that. She deserved rest.

“Today would have been good day to try. I’ll be at school and busy with Julie. Just stay home.”

She shook her head. “I have a job.”

I scoffed. “What job? Cancel it.”

“The Mullins are moving out so they wanted me to clean their place,” she said. “They paid extra.”

I frowned. She seemed to carry exhaustion around her wherever she went. It didn’t feel right that she did it all while I was only going to school and hanging out at home.

Then what she said hit me. “Wait, the Mullins have been here for years. They’re moving out?”

“They don’t like the new houses across the road from them and I can’t blame them for it. It’s a whole subdivision.”

I rolled my eyes at the mention of the new subdivision. We weren’t the smallest of towns by any means, but ever since people figured out that we were close to Nashville, they seemed determined to move here in droves. They all said it was cheaper, that there were less taxes than the city.

But as I saw fields that I used to run in as a kid get flattened for houses, it felt like an invasion.

“Dean, I know you hate all of the change, but more houses mean more for me to do.”

I groaned. She still didn’t get it.

I didn’t want her killing herself for me. I didn’t need a fancy life like some of these other people did. Did I get looked down on in school sometimes? Yes. Did I hate that the rumor mill here only seemed to grow as more people arrived? Also yes.

I would deal with it, though. She didn’t have to do so much for me.

“You still need days off, Mom.”

“Dean,” she cut me off with a flat look. “We’re not having this talk again. I’ve got this.”

She didn’t, but she wouldn’t let me do anything about it. I gritted my teeth and went back to my food. I hated feeling powerless.

I couldn’t wait to start working. Then she’d never have to do this much again.

“I’m sorry about your plans with Julie, though. What if I drove you to whatever you had planned?”

Yeah, that wasn’t happening. Mom driving me in would be a total mood killer.

Besides, kids at school already looked down on me for being as poor as I was. In this town, there was a divide between the people who’d lived here for years because it was cheap and the newer ones who’d moved in with money.

All of the new people wanted it to be like the cities they came from. They wanted strip malls and amenities. It looked like they were getting what they wanted.

I didn’t care what they thought, but I also didn’t want to give them more ammunition either.

I shook my head and forced my voice to be level. “I can make my plans happen at school. Should I walk home?”

“I’ll come and get you on a break. It’s fine.”

“You should use your break to relax,” I said. “I’ll walk. It’s a nice day.”

Mom tilted her head to the side, smiling softly at me. Sometimes she would say that my giving nature reminded her of Dad.

I didn’t know if I could hear that today.

In my head, I reworked my plans with Julie.

Today was going to be good. If all went well, Julie would be my girlfriend by the end of the day. She would be the one.

Just like when Mom and Dad met in high school.

I’d always looked up to them. Their love was like the sun. Bright and warm. It still was, even though Dad had never come home from the last call he’d responded to.

“And what’ll you be up to then?” Mom knew I was messing around. Weeks ago, I’d come home to a pack of condoms on the table and had to endure the worst conversation of my life, but she was mostly supportive as long as I was safe. And I would be.

I knew she wanted me to have a great love story like she and Dad did, and hopefully, that was about to start.

“We’ll be at school, so nothing too wild can happen.” I shoved the last bite into my mouth. “But it’ll start with me giving her something this morning. I just need to go see if the wildflowers are still blooming.”

Mom’s eyes lit up. “Flowers, huh? Are you making it official?”

I nodded, ignoring the fluttering in my chest. I’d been feeling this ever since I wanted to go steady with Julie, but I knew us dating was the natural next step.

Hell, it sure seemed to make Mom happy.

“Picking wildflowers for a sweetheart,” she said with a smile. “Just like your dad.”

I tried to hide the way I stiffened when she mentioned him.

People were well meaning when they would compare me to him, and I did look a lot like him with my lighter hair and eyes.

But some days, the reminder that he was gone made all that grief come back.

These days, I liked to focus on what I shared with Mom, since she was the one who I saw all the time.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Normally, Mom would pick up on my tighter tone, but she was lost in memories. “You know, that’s how he asked me out. It worked. I bet it’ll work again. Julie is a sweet girl.”

She always had been. We’d grown up together, and she was one of the few people in town that had been here since birth.

I thought she was pretty, but she’d always been a part of the popular crowd, and I couldn’t believe she was going for me.

But she’d pulled me into a closet and had her way with me, and we’d been messing around ever since.

Technically, the field I was in wasn’t ours; it belonged to the owners of the massive house next door. But they had more than enough to go around, so I grabbed flowers and arranged them the best I could, and then went inside to get dressed.

“I’m ready,” I said as I walked in.

“That looks nice. Julie’s gonna love them.” Mom grabbed her keys and tightened her ponytail before we walked out the door.

It wasn’t a long drive to the high school, but I grew more and more nervous as time went on. I liked Julie. A lot. I hoped she said yes; I really wanted this to work.

“Go and get ’em, kid.” Mom patted me on the shoulder.

“Thanks,” I said. I took a breath before hurrying out of the car.

Julie was by her locker surrounded by her friends.

She’d gotten in with all of the new kids in town, the ones who had nice clothes and fancy cars.

I knew none of them cared that much for me, judging by the way they stared and whispered when I walked by, but I wasn’t one to be scared of someone’s opinion of me. Love conquered all of that, after all.

Her eyes were wide when she turned to me.

Up until now, our rendezvous had been a secret.

She would catch me either before anyone was around when Mom had to drop me off early or after most of the kids had left for the day.

Sometimes, she would drive me to the movies and we’d have fun there.

We were never around her friends, though.

But if we were doing this, it was time to come out of the shadows.

“Oh, hi . . .” Her voice was unsure, but I smiled at her anyway.

“I got these for you,” I said.

“Oh . . . Thanks. Where are these from?”

“I picked them for you from my backyard.”

One of her friends coughed. It sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

Julie’s eyes darted to her friends and a blush settled on her cheeks. I wasn’t sure why she cared about what they thought. I knew they all talked about each other.

Julie had a gap in her teeth, and the one staring me down had been talking to another girl about how she needed braces. Hell, I’d caught Julie’s last boyfriend, a guy who’d just moved to town, talking about how she didn’t put out enough.