Chapter 5 Grace
GRACE
THREE AND A HALF MONTHS LATER
Strawberry Springs Neighborhood Watch
Kerry Winsor: When is the power coming back on? I’m so bored.
Comments:
Jade Clark: We didn’t do enough. She can still post.
Marjorie Brown: Dammit, there goes my quiet time.
Kerry Winsor: Do you really think I don’t have cell service out at my house? I refuse to be silenced!!!
Jade Clark: How much battery does that thing have left and are you on the roof of your house to get signal? Be honest.
Kerry Winsor: 5% and shut up.
SherriffMike Finch: @Kerry Winsor, get your ass down before I call the fire department.
I was flat down on my bed, fighting for my life.
“Just . . . fucking button.” My favorite leopard print pants were up on my waist, but for some reason, they were tighter than usual. I was used to my weight fluctuating because of PCOS, but I refused to lose my favorite pants because of it.
My period was going to start any day now. It was very late, but I’d had a small one after Dean and my . . . mishap that told me I was safe. Then I moved on, trying to forget about the sex that had changed my life.
I did wind up getting a new vibrator. And a monster dildo.
It wasn’t enough.
But he was gone and it would stay that way.
And I would be fine, if I could only button my fucking pants.
With a sigh, I gave up. I stared in the mirror at my protruding belly and glared.
“You choose today to be bloated?” I muttered. The weather was nice and I wanted to look hot. Was that too much to ask?
Going back to my closet, I found one of my favorite, and looser, dresses. Once the pants were off and that was on, I took a second to admire myself again.
In all the years that I’d gained and lost weight, I knew the best way to feel better was simply wearing the right size. And in my coral dress, I looked hot as hell.
“A win is a win,” I said to myself before going to the bathroom to put on my makeup.
When I was ready for the day, I headed to my car when one of the steps came loose and I fell right on my ass with a loud thunk. For a second, I stared at the baby-blue morning sky and wondered if I was cursed.
I wasn’t. As with everything else with my house, I was letting things go. And this step had been loose for four months.
I really needed to fix that.
I really needed to fix a lot of things.
It must have been the abrupt ending to Dean and me, because I’d been tired ever since he left. So tired that I was even behind at the store, which was new for me. Well, it wasn’t all that new. I’d felt similarly when Mom died.
I shook it off as the cool air hit me. I almost wished I’d worn a jacket, but it would have ruined the outfit.
My car took a while to heat up, but as I pulled into the square, my eyes drifted to the newest shop in town out of habit.
Theo’s had opened with an explosion of business, and while the coffee was great, I thought about the man who’d helped bring it to life.
Dean was never coming back, yet I kept looking, hoping he’d come to town to try the coffee.
It was ridiculous. Our little affair was over, yet there was something about the second time that lingered in my mind, like a puzzle waiting to be figured out. It kept me up at night, and it only added to my bone-deep exhaustion.
Hopefully, I was hiding it well. No one knew that I sometimes took naps in the stockroom, and they didn’t need to.
When I got to the front door of the Treasure Trove, Jade walked up behind me.
“Are you about to open up for the day?” she asked.
“Nah, I was just gonna go inside and hang out for no reason.”
She rolled her eyes as I smirked, but I would let her in even if I wasn’t open. She and I had known each other since we were kids. We’d been friends, but it really solidified after Gabriel left. She’d needed someone, and I wanted to help.
“Come in,” I said. “What do you need?”
I had a feeling I knew what it was, considering she was in her Converse instead of her usual combat boots.
“The soles ripped again,” she said with a sigh.
“Seriously? What the hell are you doing with your boots?”
“Going through forests, kicking men when they piss me off.” She shrugged. “They work hard.”
“I have another pair I could sell you,” I said. “Let me go grab them.”
“You’re the best,” she called as I walked to the stockroom. “And who let your tits look so good today?”
I laughed, but I enjoyed the compliment.
Then my mind drifted to all the ones Dean had left me with.
“Grace, get it together,” I muttered to myself. “He probably hasn’t thought about you once.”
I’d say this, and then think about him again. It was a brutal cycle, and I knew I was never allowed to have a one-night stand again.
I grabbed the shoes and brought them out to Jade. She walked right up to the checkout counter and handed me her card, knowing that I had her sizes memorized after all the years of being friends.
“What is it with men not being able to find the clitoris?” she asked.
I blinked at the abrupt topic change, but this wasn’t unusual for her.
Besides, the last man I’d been with had no trouble with that, but I didn’t need to be thinking of him.
“It might be too early in the morning to talk about this.”
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, you love it when I complain about men. You say it’s your time to live vicariously through someone.”
She was right, but I’d been off for months. I didn’t want her to notice that, though.
“Fine,” I said with a laugh.
She immediately dug in. “Do they purposefully miss it?”
“You just have to find the right guy,” I replied.
“Those are in short supply. I knew I should’ve found that hot electrician when he was here.”
My gaze shot up. “You were into him?”
“Uh, yeah.” She said it like it was obvious. “Who wasn’t? I’d give anything to know the size of that man and—wait, you’re blushing.”
“I’m not.” It was a lie. My cheeks were red.
“I should have brought him up sooner,” she said. “I was too busy sulking over Gabe.”
“No, you don’t need to bring him up.”
“Why? Are you trying to hide that you were into him too?”
“No,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “I definitely wasn’t.”
“You’re definitely lying. You can admit it. We all were into him.”
This was not how I wanted this to go. I needed to forget the whole thing, not talk about it.
“Hang on,” she said. “You’re acting super weird about him.”
“I’m really not.”
She gasped. “You are. Did you sleep with him?”
I hated it when she read me. She was one of the few who was sometimes right.
“You did!” She jumped up and down. “Please tell me he fucked hard.”
“Why do you need to know?” I nearly groaned.
“Because it’s time for you to contribute to our clit talks.”
“Clit talk?” I repeated and then shook my head. “We’re not naming our conversations about your sexual disappointments clit talk.”
“What about clit conversations? There’s some alliteration there.”
I laughed. “Still no.”
“You’re changing the subject.” She put her hands out in front of her. “Stop me when I get to the length.”
She started small and then got bigger. Her eyes did too.
“There,” I said eventually.
“Holy hell, Grace!” She was nearly yelling. “You should have told me!”
“It was your moody time of the year.”
“So? I wanna hear about you getting fucked by a monster cock. Was it good?”
“Of course it was.”
“Then why do you look so bummed?” she asked.
I winced and looked down. “It was a one-night stand.”
“Right, and?”
“And I got attached,” I muttered.
Her face fell. “Oh. Yeah, that’s a problem.”
I shrugged. “It’s nothing. I felt something and he didn’t. He warned me he would want nothing more.”
“I could still cut him.”
“He didn’t do anything wrong. I’ll be fine. Once I get over all of this . . . weirdness I’m feeling.”
“Weirdness?” she asked slowly.
“I can call my feelings what I want, Jade.”
“No, no. It’s not that. I’m just thinking . . .” She trailed off. “You feel weird after a one-night stand?”
“Well, yeah, but it’s because of how it ended.”
“But you used protection, right?”
“We did.” And then I remembered the dressing room. “The first time. The second time, he pulled out.”
“Um . . .” She tilted her head to the side.
“And I had a period after.”
That should have stopped all of her curiosity, but even I couldn’t deny the bubble of uncertainty that was growing deep in my gut.
“How soon after?”
“Right after.”
“Was it normal?”
“It was . . . light.”
“Oh, boy. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but have you heard of implantation bleeding?”
“No,” I said. I tried to keep my breathing even. “But I don’t like how it sounds.”
“You know, we should evaluate all options here.”
“I’m not pregnant,” I said firmly as I took a step back. “There are so many ways I shouldn’t be pregnant.”
“Precum can still get you pregnant, you know. It’s always a risk when getting dicked down without a condom.”
I made a sound that was a cross between a whimper and a scream. Then I shook my head. “No way. I’m not pregnant. I can’t be.”
“A test would confirm or deny.”
“I don’t have one because I never—” I ran my hand through my curls, not even caring if I messed them up. “I can’t even buy one because people will know!”
“I’ll buy it,” she said gently. “I’m used to it. I take them all the time.”
“Wha—why do you take them all the time?”
“Past trauma? Being a ho? There’re many reasons.” She shrugged as if it were nothing. “The point is, lock the door, crash out, and I’ll be back.”
I slowly nodded, trying to catch my breath.
“You’re not going to Food ‘n’ Things, right?” Our local shop was run by only one man, and he knew us all.
“Of course not. What, do you think I’m a rookie? I’ll go to the Walmart in the town over. No one’ll know. And if they do, this is on-brand for me.”
But it wasn’t on-brand for me.
And that was the whole problem.
Jade was silent as we waited for the results. So far, it had been three minutes, and those three minutes were the longest of my life.