Chapter 32 Dean #2
I laughed. “You’re gonna betray Kerry like that?”
“Kerry wouldn’t know subtle if it smacked her in the face. Mollie would. And she’s done all this recently. I bet she knows how to run one. If she has time. She’s always up to something.”
I hadn’t met Mollie, but I’d heard of her through Wren. With how Grace talked about her, I almost wanted to.
We were heading out of Strawberry Springs, but my mind drifted back to the tiny little town.
How would Kerry react to Mollie planning the baby shower?
Would Tammy still play nice or was she harboring resentment for me over this entire situation?
Would Hugh go to the baby shower? Would he try to gamble there?
Despite how much I didn’t like small towns, I was curious about all of the things I’d seen in Strawberry Springs. It had to be because I was spending far too much time there.
Or I was starting to like the place, which possibly made me the biggest idiot in the world.
I was fine up until we checked in at the doctor. Mostly fine, at least. But then my nerves only got worse. Grace seemed to be suffering the same fate.
“Being nervous doesn’t mean anything’s wrong,” I said as we waited.
“That actually helps,” she replied. “I just don’t want anything to go wrong.”
“Me either. But you’re not alone if it does.”
She nodded, and my hand curled around hers. I hadn’t done this since she was sick.
It felt right.
“Grace Day?” a nurse called. Grace shot up and pulled her hand out of mine.
“Here!” she said, and gestured for me to follow her.
“Brought a guest this time?” the nurse asked as she looked me up and down.
“Yep. He’ll be here a lot.”
“Hi, I’m April. Are you the dad?”
“Yeah,” I replied. “I’m the dad.”
It felt monumental to say that. It was a mere fact that I was the baby’s father, but after what Grace had thought of me when she’d first found out, I’d worked hard to make sure she knew I was more than a sperm donor.
I’d done that, but I hadn’t given myself credit for it.
“Well, it’s great to meet you. I’ll be taking you back for the ultrasound.”
“We’re getting started already?” I asked.
“We try to move as quickly as possible,” April said, waving for us to follow her. We went into a dark room and Grace laid on the table. April got the machine started before she looked for something and sighed.
“Forgot the gel,” she said. “Be right back.”
She was gone before either of us could say anything.
“Feeling okay?” I asked.
“No,” Grace muttered. “But I’ll feel better once this starts. I’m just worried I’ll get bad news again.”
“Everything’s been normal.”
“I know. But ever since I was diagnosed with PCOS, it feels like my body wants things to go wrong. Out of everything I’ve been through, this is almost easy. Feels like the second shoe’s gonna drop any moment now.”
“Do I need to remind you that you were almost hospitalized because you were throwing up and the bad results from the first glucose test? It’s not all been easy.”
“Okay, you have me there, but considering how bad my PCOS used to be, this is still easy. Trust me.”
Without thinking about it, I grabbed her hand.
“The past doesn’t affect the future. You may have PCOS, but as far as we know, things are developing normally.
We’re not completely out of the woods for things going wrong, but your body is doing something monumental here.
Even if it’s had issues in the past, it doesn’t change how things are going now. ”
Grace squeezed my hand. “How do you always know what I need to hear?”
“I watch, I listen, and I want to be here for you.”
She looked at me, and I swore that her eyes were glistening. She opened her mouth to say something else, but we were interrupted when April came back into the room.
“Sorry about that. I forgot to replace the bottle of gel. We can start now.”
I spent a second trying to get back my bearings. Talking to Grace so openly had me teetering on the edge of something massive. But I should have known I would be hit once more when the ultrasound started.
My breath was knocked out of my body when I saw my baby flash on the screen. First, the tech checked their heartbeat, and it was a stark reminder that this was real. This was happening.
I was gonna be a dad.
I was terrified. But I was also so excited.
The tech showed us a profile of their face. Ten fingers and ten toes. I saw all of it.
We’d made that baby. Grace and me. They were ours.
“I can print some of these out for you,” April said. “Do Mom and Dad both want one?”
I loved the sound of being referred to as a dad.
“Yes,” I said.
“Two copies?”
Grace nodded. “One for my place and one for his.”
My place was in the middle of the city, and it no longer felt like mine. I’d have to figure out how I felt about that later.
April glanced between us, and I had a feeling she was wondering what we were to each other. Her eyes lingered on me, and I saw the familiar double take ladies did before they would come and talk to me.
It used to fill me with excitement, but I didn’t want that this time. Today was for Grace.
Every day was for Grace.
Still, I gave her a polite smile and April’s cheeks darkened. I quickly averted my eyes back to Grace, hoping that she didn’t notice anything.
“Can you see the gender?” I asked.
“Honestly, no.” She stared at the screen and pressed a few buttons. “They’re being stubborn in there. We can try to move them to get them to uncross their legs.”
“It’s okay,” Grace said. “I don’t have to know today. I don’t know if I have to know at all.”
“Not sure? Some parents don’t find out.” She laughed. “What about you, future daddy? Do you wanna know?” April’s voice lowered when she spoke to me, and I knew there was no way Grace didn’t catch that.
“I’m good with whatever Grace wants.”
“Fair enough. We’ll just get what we need here and get you to seeing the doctor.”
April finished the exam in a few minutes. Then we were heading to the room to meet with Grace’s doctor.
Thankfully, April didn’t make any moves. I may not have been the boyfriend type, but I hoped I could play the part long enough to get out of here without having anyone hit on me.
I hadn’t thought that Grace had noticed anything, but I should have known she saw everything.
“April’s always been really nice.”
“I bet she is.”
“And she’s cute.”
My mind was still in the room, but not with the ultrasound tech. It was with the baby I’d seen. “Yeah, she was.”
If I were in a different part of my life, I would have gone for her. I would have noticed her more. Nowadays, looking at another woman, it felt like looking at a piece of art. Yes, it might have been beautiful, and I could appreciate its beauty, but it didn’t do anything for me.
Not in the way Grace did.
“She might ask you out.”
That got me out of my thoughts and looking at her. “I-I don’t—”
“You could say yes if you wanted to. It’s not like we’re together or anything.”
The words gutted me, even though usually, they would be exactly what I wanted to hear.
“I’m not worrying about anyone else when I’m focused on you and the baby,” I said.
“That’s sweet, but I’m a grown woman. I know what we are. If you change your mind, I’m sure she’d be happy to get your number.”
“I’ll keep it in mind, but don’t worry about it.”
She opened her mouth to say something else, but the door opened and her doctor walked in. Her focus was broken as she introduced me and listened for the results of the test.
Everything was developing well. The baby seemed to be a bit large, but that was the only concern. It was a relief to hear.
Grace made her next appointment and had a few more questions, so she sent me outside to get the truck. I had a feeling they were things she thought I’d be grossed out by, even though I’d told her I was fully prepared for all of it.
I picked her up from the front of the doctor’s office. She still seemed tense, but I could tell most of her fear was gone.
“Do you have a lot to do when you get back?” Grace asked as she climbed into the truck.
I did have a lot to do, but she didn’t need to know that. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m kind of having a craving for something and it won’t leave me alone. I heard Knoxville is a good place to find it.”
“You’re having a craving? What is it? Please don’t say hot sauce and sour cream.”
“Gummy bears on ice cream.”
Thank God. Somehow, that was far more tolerable than the other one.
“Then that’s what we’re having,” I said. “Do you know a place?”
Grace told me the name of a local shop and I drove there. When she had vanilla ice cream piled high with both sour and regular gummy bears, she was bouncing on her feet as we walked to a table.
“Have you been craving this for a while?” I asked.
“It came out of nowhere last week and it’s been sticking around. Dale doesn’t stock the good kinds at Food ‘n’ Things, but I looked up the brand that this shop had.” She took a bite. “Which might make me sound like I’m nuts.”
“My mom apparently craved pickle and mustard sandwiches with me.”
Grace frowned. “That’s disgusting.”
“Definitely, but my dad knew better than to tell her that.”
“Smart man. And I see you took after him.”
Did I? Dad had faded in my mind over the years. He was a warm, fuzzy glow in my childhood. But the main thing I remembered was what happened when he was gone. I would never tell Mom because I knew it would break her heart, but time did what it always does, and wore away at him in my mind.
“I guess I do.”
Grace took another bite and moaned, unaware of my internal struggle. “Yes. A bite with both kinds.”
“Is it everything you wanted?”
She paused and then slowly nodded. “It is. Thank you for coming here for me,” she said. “We should probably head out, though. It’s a long drive back.”
I would have been content to stay longer, but I had a feeling she was tiring out.
Grace was quiet on the way back to her house, and I wondered if she was playing the day back in her head. When we pulled into the driveway, she finally spoke.
“I . . . have something for you.”
I turned to her. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Her voice shook, but she reached into her pocket. “I got that tech’s number for you.”
Grace handed me a card, but I tried to push it back. “I don’t need this.”
“I know you said you don’t need it, but I also know that you’re trying to be so focused on me that you might be missing out on . . . other things.”
“I’m really not.” My heart pounded as I realized I needed to convince her, but the only way to was to admit something . . . terrifying.
“Dean, come on. You’ve been more than a stand-up guy this entire time. You’ve put your entire life on hold because of this, and I know you haven’t had the time to take care of other things. Let me do this for you.”
“I-I haven’t—”
I needed to get the words out: I haven’t thought of anyone else. I think you might be it for me. But they were so weighed down with emotion that I couldn’t. After all of these years running from any romance, protecting myself from it, I didn’t know what to do.
Grace broke the silence. “You don’t have to pretend to be anything else for me. I know the kind of guy you are, Dean. Just call her. Who knows where it’ll go.”
The words hit me like a train. For a second, I could only stare at her and replay the words over and over again. Grace put the card in my hand with a small smile. I was so dumbfounded that I let her.
“You know the kind of guy I am,” I said quietly. “Right.”
She nodded once, got out of the truck, and went into the house. The card burned a hole in my hand.
The only person I wanted was her. I’d tried to play it off as friendship and deny it until the feelings went away, but they never had.
And now she’d made her feelings on it clear.
The feeling that burned through me was so painful that I thought I’d been stabbed.
I’d done everything I could to prevent feeling like this again. I’d tried to keep my distance, to keep it platonic.
And yet here I was.
There was no way I could go inside and pretend to be okay. There was no way I could brush this off when I’d done the one thing I told myself I would never do again.
I was in love with Grace Day.
And she’d told me she wanted me to find someone else.
“Fuck,” I muttered. I crumpled up the card and tossed it on the passenger seat. Later, I’d burn the damn thing. I’d burn it and then figure out how to burn these feelings too.
It was time to do what I should have done from the beginning. Leave. Get my head on straight, and then come back when these feelings were locked away like they should have been all along.