Chapter 34 Dean
DEAN
Dad Company (But Sometimes Good Advice)
Robert Colt: All right, @Dean Briggs, I need an update. How is not getting attached going?
Comments:
Ryan Kim: You’re really asking? We all know where this is going. They’ll be together any day now.
Dean Briggs: She actually tried to set me up with someone else. Thanks for asking.
Ryan Kim: Oh, whoops.
Robert Colt: Sorry about that, kid. That’s a sad update. Drink the pain away?
Ryan Kim: That’s terrible advice.
Robert Colt: Well, his kid isn’t here yet, so he might as well!
I lost my third hand in a row when Clyde let the cards hit the table and stared me down.
“All right, kid, I’ve let you have some time to be emo over whatever the hell happened. But now it’s time to talk about it.”
His words were so out of character it finally knocked me out of my thoughts. “Emo? Really?”
“I’m hip with the times, and I’m also concerned about you. You told me you were busy in Strawberry Springs, but I knew that you were inseparable from that girl you got pregnant. Now all of a sudden you wanna be here, so something happened.”
“Can we just keep playing cards?”
“This isn’t playing cards. This is me mopping the floor with you. Usually, we’re pretty evenly matched.”
I sighed. “I don’t wanna talk about it. It’s better if I pretend it’s not happening and move on.”
“Yeah, that seems to be going well.” Clyde said it flatly. “At what point of depression do I call your mom?”
My gaze shot up to his. “You wouldn’t.”
“If you stay in denial, nothing’ll get better. You need to talk about it.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“Let me be the judge of that.” He leaned back in his chair. “It’s girl problems, right? You’ve only looked this sad when it was that.”
I blew out a breath. “Yes, it’s girl problems.”
“You and Grace?” he asked.
I could only nod. “She . . . I—”
“You fell for her, didn’t you?”
I swallowed. “How did you know that?”
“There aren’t many words you would struggle that hard to say. Are you here to try to stay in denial about it, or did something else happen?”
“She tried to set me up with someone else.”
“Oh.”
“I tried to tell her what I felt, but I didn’t get it out before she told me she knew what kind of guy I was and that I should call someone else.”
He sighed. “Shit, kid.”
“Yeah.”
“What did she say when you told her about your feelings?”
“I didn’t need to. She made her half clear.”
Clyde only blinked in my direction. “Really? You’re confident that you know?”
“How else do I take that?”
“Have you guys talked about what would happen if either of you had feelings for each other?”
“No.”
“And what was the last thing you said about relationships?”
“That . . . I didn’t do them.” I said it slowly, teeth clenching as Clyde led me right to the point.
“Oh, interesting. So you’re either assuming or you can somehow magically tell the future. Do you also happen to know this week’s lottery numbers?”
“Well, what else am I supposed to do? Get hurt again? No. I refuse to feel . . . all of this all over again.”
“Kid.” Clyde’s voice was low. “You’re already feeling it now.”
I gritted my teeth. If I thought about Grace, then the burning pain came right back. Clyde was fucking right and I wasn’t thrilled about it.
“Can you at least kiss the brick before you throw it at me?”
He shook his head. “You need some tough love right now. And that means hearing it exactly like it is.”
“I liked what we had before until emotions messed it up.”
“Did emotions mess it up, or were they there the whole time?”
I thought back and then sighed. “The second one,” I muttered.
“Right,” he said. “You had some good ones and you now have some bad ones. But I promise you, hiding things and not dealing with feelings is why most of my girlfriends left me.”
“I thought it was because you had an unhealthy obsession with trains.”
He narrowed his eyes and pointed at me. “Don’t change the subject. We’re talking about you telling Grace how you feel.”
“What happens when she says she doesn’t want this?”
“When or if?”
“When.”
“You’re assuming again. You have no idea what she feels.”
“I have a hint. She fucking set me up with someone else.”
“You have no idea why she did that. Maybe she wasn’t sure what you wanted. Maybe she made a mistake. This is where you talk to her.”
“Still . . .”
“What? Are you scared?”
“Maybe I am. Maybe I want to be a little afraid for a bit. The idea of walking in and laying it all out on the line again is terrifying.”
“That it is. And I’m not gonna sit here and say that you can’t be scared. I’m also not gonna sit here and say that you can’t take time to figure out exactly what you wanna say. But you have to do it, because more things are gonna pop up like this, and eventually, you’re gonna have a kid together.”
“I know. I just don’t want to get my heart broken again.”
“I haven’t met the girl, so you’ll have to tell me. Is she like the one who broke your heart in high school?”
“No, she’s nothing like her.” I said it quickly. “Other than this one blip, but . . . I think it was bad wording. She doesn’t know about high school.”
“Then is it fair of you to assume that she’s gonna do the same thing?”
I blew out a breath. “No.”
“Exactly. You know I’m right.”
And I did know that he was right. Still, there was a fear simmering under my skin that I couldn’t explain. I would need to tell her eventually. It would be better for both of us if I did, but it set me on edge.
It didn’t make sense, because I knew she was different. Grace was kind and understanding. Even if she turned me down, it wouldn’t be with such cruelty.
It was feelings like this that made me turn away from love in the first place. I hated feeling powerless. I hated feeling pain. And that’s all it had done for me.
“How about this: You hide out until this job’s done. Maybe I’ll let you take one more on, but then you’re gonna go back and you’re gonna fix this.”
“That’s probably for the best.”
“I’m gonna do one more thing that’s probably gonna ruin your night too.”
“If you call me out one more time, I think I’m gonna leave. There has to be a limit to how many times you can be right in one night.”
He laughed and stood. “No, it’s not that this time. Normally, I would pat your shoulder and move on, but I don’t think that’s enough for this.”
Clyde opened his arms and I knew he wanted a hug. I didn’t think I’d ever hugged him once.
But I couldn’t deny that I needed it.
He didn’t linger or make it weird, but it was nice to get support from him.
“Now I’ll let you drown out your problems with some cards. But can you please kick my ass this time?”
“Shuffle the cards and you’ll see.”
“That’s the kid I know.”
We played for a good few hours, and now that my mind was clearer, I did kick Clyde’s ass many times.
As we played, I told him some of the stories from Strawberry Springs. I told him about Tammy and how I was pretty sure she hated me. I told him about Hugh, who should have hated me, but didn’t. And then I told him about Grace, finally giving him all the context as to why she was on my mind.
He listened to all of it, not judging me for halfway liking some of these people, and only interjecting to say that he’d like to meet them someday.
By the time it was midnight, I could tell he was tiring out. We’d had a long day at work and both of us needed rest. He said his goodbyes and headed out, and I went to the restroom.
When I was on the way out, I ran into a woman.
Actually, “ran into” was a strong phrase. I would have collided with her if she hadn’t seen me first. The second she realized I was only inches from her, she jerked away from me like I was on fire.
“Sorry,” I said holding my hands up in mock defense. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“N-neither was I,” she said, keeping her hands close to herself. “Um, having fun?”
“I was just heading out. Are you having fun?”
“Debatable,” she said. “Actually, no. I’m not. I don’t even know what I’m doing here.”
“Bars aren’t your scene?”
“Leaving my house isn’t my scene . . . for reasons. Sorry for being weird, by the way.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “I didn’t think you were weird at all.”
I turned to leave.
“U-um, wait,” the woman said. “This is even weirder, but could you walk me out to my car?”
If it were anyone else, I would have thought she was hinting at something more. But one look at this woman told me she was terrified.
“Did someone bother you?”
“No, not really. I was just trying something new and it’s not working. I think I need to be home.”
I nodded. “I’ll walk you out then.”
She gave me a grateful smile and walked ahead. Then she paused. “Could you make sure no one touches me?”
Suddenly, her reaction to me being near her made sense. “Yeah, no problem.”
The woman nodded and nearly darted out of the bar. She was quick, and it was so busy inside that it was hard to make sure she got out untouched. When we were in the cool night air, she let out a sigh of relief.
“Finally,” she said. “Thank you.”
“Not a problem. Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” she said. “I’ve dealt with this for years.”
“It’s kinda hard to live in a big city if no one can touch you.”
She laughed with no humor in her voice. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s why I never leave the house.”
“That’s not a life.”
“Any idea on how to get one?” She laughed awkwardly. “Obviously, my most recent attempt failed. I’ll be going home to rot in front of my TV where I try, and fail, to find a new show and then wind up rewatching Supernatural.”
There was a ton of information there, and I had no idea where to start. I wasn’t even sure if she meant to tell me all that she had. “I have a TV show rec for you if you need one.”
“You know what, I’ll take it.”
“Check out Renovating with Love. Season one is good, mostly because I’m in it.”
“Are you trying to brag?” she asked, a ghost of a smile on her face.
She was a gorgeous woman, and if I’d met her months ago, I’d have smiled back.
“Not really. Just warning you that this is a little bit of self-promo.”
Her smile faded. “Noted. Thank you for your help. I’m Piper, by the way.”
“Dean.”
“Do you happen to be single, Dean?”
“It’s complicated right now, but there is someone. I’m sorry.”
“I get it, don’t worry. I just figured I’d ask to see if something good could come from this night.”
“Something good did come from this night.”
“And what’s that?”
“You now know most bars aren’t your thing and you have a new show to watch.”
“You know what?” she said, her smile returning. “That’s one way to look at it.”
“Have a good night, Piper.” I waved as she turned to her car. After making sure she got into it safely, I walked to my own, glad I could help one more person.
But the feeling of missing someone else hit me before too long. I could see why Clyde had given me a time limit. Because even though everything had gone to shit, being away from Grace felt like I was missing a limb.