Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
C ecilia
“Why the hell are you so strong?” Tobias growls as I attach myself to him like a straitjacket.
“It’s the resilience after taking care of everyone for years,” I groan back as I fight to keep his legs from moving by wrapping mine around the front of his thighs. He was officially wearing me like a backpack now. He widens his shoulders and shrugs me off him, and I fall onto the floor, once again hurting my tailbone. “You know, I really wish you’d quit dropping me on my ass.”
“Well, quit putting me in situations where I have to.”
“No one is putting you in any situation, Tobias. You put me in this situation. You did,” I cry, becoming emotional.
His eyes widen as he points his finger at himself, walking toward me. “I did this? You stuck your nose where it didn’t belong. You put yourself in the danger that I tried to keep you from. You…you seduced my boss, for fuck’s sake.”
“I didn’t seduce him,” I grumble, rolling my eyes. “But I wouldn’t have had to put myself in those situations if you had just let me in. You kept me from you for years, and when you finally come back to me, you’re this whole different person. I thought you were dead, Tobias, and you might as well have been. This person you are now…it’s not who you used to be. I’m not saying I’m not happy with you getting clean because I am, but this suit and tie, gun in your waistband persona was never you. It terrified me, which is why I have done all of this. It was all to keep me from losing you again.”
“Do you hear yourself, Lia? How selfish that sounds? You want to keep me in a box so that you don’t have to feel any more pain. What about my pain? Huh? Doesn’t that matter to you? Doesn’t it matter to you that for the first time in my life, I’m fucking happy, and it’s all because of everything James has given me? Did you ever once think about how I felt, or were you only thinking about saving yourself?”
I look down at the floor, his words striking me where they intended. I couldn’t look at him because he was right. I hated it so much. I didn’t want to lose him, but did that mean I should have tried to ruin his life? I already knew the answer to that. I let fear control everything I have done these last couple of months.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admit. “I’m sorry for trying to sabotage you. I’m sorry for going behind your back with James. Okay? I’m sorry. But I will never fully be okay with what you do.”
“But you’re okay with James doing it?” he sneers.
“Absolutely not.”
“Then why the hell are you with the guy? He’s the damn king of it all.”
“I don’t know,” I shout back, tears filling my eyes and breaking my voice. “But I can’t…I can’t stay away from him. I have tried, and it makes me miserable. He sees me—like really sees me. He understands every move I make and every thought I think. He makes me feel alive. I’m done trying to fight it.”
Tobias nods, his scowl deepening as he stares at the floor. “This will only make you a bigger target. If this thing with you guys is for real, nights like tonight…it will be your life.”
“James took a bullet for me, Tobias. I owe him my life, and I will always want him in it.”
Tobias scrapes a tired hand down his face and sighs heavily. “I’m too tired for this conversation. I’m going to my apartment. Are you coming or staying?”
I swallow nervously, looking down the hall where James disappeared and then back at my brother. “I’m staying.”
“Fuck me,” he grumbles before snatching his jacket off the back of the armchair and striding to the door. He stops after he turns the handle, creaking the door open a crack. He looks over at me, his face hard like stone. “Be careful.”
“You should know I always am,” I tell him.
He shakes his head as he walks out the door, mumbling to himself. “Not fucking lately.”
I roll my eyes and look back down the hall again, the apartment feeling hauntingly quiet. Was he asleep in there, or was he waiting for me? I didn’t know why I felt so nervous all of a sudden. Maybe it was because it was all so real now. So solidified.
He loved me. He told me he freaking loved me.
I keep replaying his whole confession repeatedly in my head, and it makes my stomach whirl in happiness every time. I didn’t know if this thing between me and him would work out, but I knew I owed it to him and myself to try, no matter how scary it was.
I tip-toed down the hall, stopping in front of the room whose door was ajar but not open. I exhaled a deep breath and pushed the door open, walking inside. Warm lighting dimmed the room, casting a faint glow on its emptiness. The only things inside the bedroom were the bed and a horizontal dresser with only a watch holder and three watches hanging from it.
A door to my left opens, and I jump, spotting James walking out of what I assumed was the attached bathroom. He slows when he spots me, and the sight of him steals the speech right out of me.
His straight hair was slightly disheveled and wet, leaving a couple of strands hanging over his forehead. He was in his usual black sweatpants, which made me wonder if it was the only color of sweats he owned. He was shirtless, his body covered in a faint dew from what I assumed was the shower because he smelled like fresh rain and something spicy and rich that I couldn’t put my finger on. His right shoulder was bandaged, and although I hated that he was hurt… it did make him look a touch more badass than he usually did, but I won’t ever admit that to him.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d stay,” he says, breaking me from my stare.
My eyes shoot up to his, finding them softer than his normal threatening glare. “I don’t have a choice,” I tell him.
He walks closer to me, tilting his head. “You always have a choice, Cecilia.”
“Can’t you see that I don’t? You have all the power over me.”
He sighs like my confession was music to his ears. “Likewise,” he murmurs, stopping just in front of me. His arms rest at his sides, but his fingertips brush against mine until I gently tangle mine into his. “How did your talk with Tobias go?”
“Not great, but…a little resolved, so that’s good.”
“He’s upset, though?”
I nod. “A little bit.”
“What about you?”
"What about me?”
"How do you feel right now?” His fingers untangle from mine, and he drags them up the inside of my arm, caressing me softly. I shut my eyes, reveling in his touch against my skin and how it melts me completely.
“I feel like I don’t want to talk anymore,” I breathe out, my stomach dipping as his fingers trail over the sensitive skin of my collarbone and neck.
"What do you want to do then, little owl?” I open my eyes, finding his glittering stare on me, full of heated desire.
“Show me something.”
The corner of his mouth drags up into that smirk I love. “Show you something, huh?” I nod, grinning now. I loved it when he spoke more playfully. It made his accent sound thicker and way more sexy.
His hand trails up into my hair now, his fingers brushing through the strands and making me shut my eyes in pleasure again. “If you want me to show you something, you’ll have to keep your eyes open,” he murmurs. I snap my eyes open, finding him watching me in amusement. He guides his hand through my hair and makes a humming noise. He watches me intently and then gives it a soft tug.
“When I do this,” he says, pulling his hand from my hair, dragging his thumb across my bottom lip, letting it catch and release. “Your mouth falls open in pleasure like this.”
I suck my bottom lip in between my teeth, my body lighting up with nervous excitement. He leans into me, his mouth finding the crook of my neck, his breath fanning onto it and making me crazy from the sensitivity of it all. “And when I do this,” he says lowly, his lips dragging across my neck to my throat, giving me goosebumps. “Your skin raises and calls to me like this.”
My dress suddenly felt too heavy while, at the same time, not covering enough of me. He had access to a lot of sensitive parts, but I needed him to strip me of this damn gown and find some more of them. I was going crazy here.
“James,” I plead. I don’t know what for, but I wanted something to end this frenzy he was putting me into. I didn’t realize softly spoken words and light caressing would make me react this way, but it was making me feel anxious with need.
“I thought you wanted me to show you something?”
“This isn’t showing me anything. This is driving me crazy.”
He chuckles darkly. “I’m showing you how your body reacts to me, Cecilia.” He brings his mouth from my throat, grazing down to the pushed-up swells of my breasts, making my eyes nearly roll back into my head. “Like when I do this, your heart begins racing in your chest.”
“You’re just boosting your ego at this point,” I say breathlessly.
He grins, looking up at me. His eyes are an uncanny representation of how he makes me feel—like a cold shock and then a warm heat, making me melt. “No, you are,” he replies, pleased with himself. He lifts his head back toward my neck and to my ear. “Get on the bed, Cecilia,” he demands in a whisper.
He steps back from me and watches me as I slowly move to the bed, sitting delicately on its edge. He smiles from where he’s standing, tilting his head again as he walks toward me.
“Are you nervous?”
“Yes,” I admit.
He kneels on the floor before me, and I look down at him, surprised to see nothing but adoration and concern from him. “You weren’t nervous with me the other day out on the patio,” he says.
“You didn’t tell me you loved me then.”
“Why does that make you nervous now?”
“Because now this means something.”
“It always meant something.”
I nod, trying to shake my nerves away. “I want to take this dress off,” I find myself saying.
He arches a brow up at me. “Take it off then.”
I slowly reach behind me, pulling the string of the corset and letting it loosen completely. I stand up, letting it drop down around my ankles. James stays kneeling on the floor in front of me, looking up as I expose my bare breasts and body to him. My white silk panties and silver heels are the only things on me now.
“Sit back down,” he says, but his voice sounds strained and raw. I do as he says, sitting back on the edge of the bed. He gently grabs my ankle, caressing it and lifting it from my dress. Then he does the other one, lifting it out and moving the dress to the side so it’s no longer bunched at my feet.
I felt strange, sitting nearly naked like this in just my heels. Thankfully, my hair had mostly fallen out of its updo during all the chaos earlier, and it helped me feel a little more shielded.
He sets my foot back on the ground and looks up at me again with an expression I don’t recognize. I couldn’t read how he was feeling or what he was thinking, and it started to make me more nervous.
He swallows hard, his jaw clenching as he stares at me. Then he places a kiss on the inside of my knee, making heat lick up the entirety of my leg. “I don’t deserve to be sitting at the feet of an angel like you, my Cecilia, but I’m taking you anyway. You’re so damn beautiful.” He looks up at me again, his eyes penetrating me like warm steel. “Say yes to me.”
My heart unravels at the sight of him bearing himself to me on his knees, like I was his salvation. He was mine, too. From the moment I met him.
“Yes.”
He stands now, looming over me with wickedness that had my toes curling. “Lay back on the bed.”
I do as he says, lying down flat on my back. He leans over me, his hands smoothing up my thighs and slowly pushing my legs apart. He pushes me further up the bed and prowls after me as he does. Seeing him like this makes my stomach dip and my heart leap into my throat. Feeling hunted by him was the most exciting kind of torture.
“I’m going to be careful with you tonight only because it’s our first time, and I’ve also been shot,” he says casually. I hated how his statement didn’t even make me bat an eye, but I was too turned on to give a damn right now.
He yanks my legs apart, spreading me to him as he kneels between my legs, curling his fingers into the hem of my panties and shredding them right down the middle. I was hoping he’d do that again. It was really hot.
I don’t even get a chance to prepare myself, though, because as soon as my panties are gone, he drops between my legs, his tongue licking a lazy stripe up my clit.
“Oh my god,” I yelp, my body bucking on the bed. He claps an arm over my stomach like a freaking handlebar and holds me down in place as his tongue devours me again. I moan in pleasure, a greedy pull building in my stomach, ready to rip me apart as he lashes me like a vicious beast with his tongue.
“Mhmm,” he growls, pressing his tongue harder against me. The vibrations of his moans and the fact that he was moaning at all just by being down there had that feeling in my stomach, ready to explode.
“Yes, James,” I moan. “Please, I’m so close.” Then he kisses me. His lips kiss my clit, then suck it into his mouth before kissing it again, and I see stars. I come wildly, my heart pumping hard and blood singing through my body like wildfire.
He leans up now, swiping his hair back with his right arm, which he shouldn’t be able to move. He shouldn’t be doing any of this right now, which makes him all the more sexy.
“That was,” I pant desperately, “That was amazing.”
He chuckles. “You say that like it’s a surprise.”
“It is. It was… I’ve never... no one has ever?—”
“Cecilia,” he rasps hoarsely. “Are you telling me I’m the first man to have tasted you?” I nod nervously, feeling my cheeks blush. “Fuck me,” he groans. “Spread your pussy for me again, babe. I need to be inside you right now.”
I part my legs, anticipation humming through my veins as he slides his sweatpants down his thighs. His cock is long and thick and hangs between his legs like a whole third leg.
“Holy fuck, that’s going to break me in half.”
“We’ll take it nice and easy tonight, baby. Get comfy on it because when I fuck you after tonight, it’s going to be anything but gentle.”
“You know how to make a girl feel better.”
“Oh, I’m about to right now.” He grins, angling the head of his cock at my entrance. He slowly pushes the tip inside, and it’s like white heat fills my body and vision as he spreads me open so far.
“Oh my—” My words are strangled as he pushes in halfway, stretching me open and nearly filling me whole. The burn was so good that I was already desperate for more of him. All of him.
“Can you take it all?” he rasps, his teeth grinding together as he slides in another inch.
“Yes,” I beg. “Please just give it to me already.”
“Fuck yes,” he groans, pushing himself in to the hilt. An unrecognizable strangled noise rips from my throat at the fullness of him inside of me. “Good girl,” he moans, brushing my hair off my face. He slides out a little and pushes back in, making me hiccup in pleasure. “You look so fucking good, so full of me. Finally,” he growls, pulling out all the way now and slamming back into me.
“Yes. Just like that,” I moan, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his chest down onto mine. He thrusts in and out of me, his mouth finding any spot it can. My neck, my breasts, my jaw. Kissing me everywhere and filling me completely. I never wanted to feel anything else but this.
“So perfect,” he growls into my skin. “So fucking mine.”
“Yes. I’m yours, James. Please,” I beg, that tugging feeling in my core threatening to rip me apart again, but this time it’s more desperate and urgent.
His thrusts become quicker and hit deeper. His voice is more strangled. Desperate. “Say it again. Say you’re mine.”
“I’m yours,” I nearly scream with zero hesitance. “Please. I need you to so bad.”
“I have you. Just keep taking all of me, baby. Just like that.” He slams into me once. Twice. The third time, I’m screaming and clawing at his shoulders as I come the hardest I ever have in my life.
“Fuck,” he growls, coming inside me, filling me, and making me his.
“That was…oh my god,” I murmur at a loss for words as he stands off the bed. He tugs his sweats back up over him and disappears into the bathroom. A second later, he returns with a warm wet rag and gently glides it across my sex, cleaning me. I watch him, amazed. “Definitely never had this done before either.”
“You apparently have never been with a proper man then because they should’ve licked your pussy and cleaned you up afterward.” I gasp at his crudeness, and he chuckles. “Although I’m very much okay with being your first. No complaints here.”
“Such a man,” I joke, pulling his covers up and sliding underneath them. “Mhmm,” I hum in the warmth.
He watches me in amusement and kicks up the bottom of the blanket, pulling my heels off my feet. “Tired?”
“After this night? I could sleep for eternity.” He’s about to sit on the bed next to me when I shoot up and scare him into standing straight. “Oh my gosh, your date! James, you had a date at the ball. We just left her. What if she’s hurt? What if she’s?—”
“She’s fine,” he cuts me off, his voice gentle and calm. I try to settle my racing nerves as I lean back into the bed. “I made sure she got home safely,” he adds.
“Oh, well…how did you do that?”
“Stef.”
“I see. You know, I uh…I met him tonight.”
“I’m aware.”
“He reminds me of Batman.”
That gets a laugh out of him. “I don’t think he’s ever gotten that comparison before.”
“Well, he showed up like a dark broody angel of vengeance, therefore…”
“Batman.”
“Batman,” I agree.
“I’ll be sure to tell him that.”
“So, he took your…date…home?” I ask, barely able to choke the word out. Date. Ugh. I really hated that he had a date with someone else, and I hated how good-looking she was, too.
James smiled and walked around the bed, sitting beside me on the edge as his hand found my cheek. He caressed it softly as his eyes danced over my face with a mixture of amusement and adoration. How he looked at me was enough to calm the fiery jealousy burning inside me.
“Milana, my date, is his sister. She was doing me a favor. She’s my publicist and a very favored one at that.”
Just when I think he can’t scramble my brain any further, he adds another egg and whisks it up. I never knew Stefano had a sister. “Does that mean you two are close, too? Like siblings?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “No. I’m not close to her. She’s younger and lived with her mother in the city while Stef and I were raised in Boston away from the family chaos until we were closer to eighteen.”
“Why wouldn’t she be raised with her brother?”
“Her mother was an affair that their father was having, so she was raised a bit of an outcast until Stef brought her in once he was of age.”
“Wow,” I say in shock. “He sounds like he has a big heart.”
“Once you get past all the bolts and chains, yes.”
I press my lips together in a flat smile. “Sounds like someone else I know.”
“Yes, well, they didn’t stand a chance against you. Your will is that of a hacksaw.”
I laugh at the comparison. “That’s fine with me, just as long as you're not letting anyone else try to break the chains.”
“Are you jealous, little owl?” he asks, all too happy.
I choose now to focus my gaze on the ceiling. “I’m not jealous…I just wasn’t a fan of you having a date that’s not me. That’s all.”
I feel his hand on my jaw as he turns my head to face him again. Our eyes meet, and I’m frozen in his stare—In our feelings, that feels like a physical palpable being between us.
“Never again,” he says. “You are my everything from here on out.”
A knot forms in my throat, and I fight hard to swallow it down and remain unaffected, but it’s hard. I am so in love with him. I want to scream it at him. I want him to know that he is the only person who has ever made me unquestioningly jump into something despite every urge telling me not to. That he is worth everything to me.
But I wasn’t ready. I was still so scared of all of this.
So, I nod and smile at him. He leans in and gently kisses my forehead, making my body feel warmer than it was.
He slips into bed with me but keeps a distance, lying oddly still. Then it’s eerily quiet, and neither of us speaks for a moment. He looked lost, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. I lay on my side, facing him, watching him.
“I’ve never slept in bed with anyone before,” he admits.
That surprises me, but I keep it from registering in my voice. “Do you want me to go? Are you uncomfortable?”
He turns his head quickly, looking at me now. “No. I want you here. I’m just nervous I’ll do the wrong thing.”
I smile at him. “Just lie here with me. That’s all I want.”
He nods, scooting closer until he’s leaning over me now. His fingers find my hair, sweeping it back. Then he kisses me, and it’s soft and slow, different from how he’s handled me before but perfect all the same. He pulls away, his eyes still shut, like he was replaying it in his head. “Goodnight, Cecilia,” he murmurs.
“Goodnight, James.”
I wake up in a cold sweat, doom filling me as I come to. I lean up in bed, my surroundings unrecognizable. My hand flies to my chest as I try to calm my racing heart, a heart that feels like it had a crack down the middle of it despite feeling so full.
I had dreamed of Lance. The dream was beautiful, full of James's love and affection and my brother's presence, but in the end…there was Lance…all alone.
I look to my side, my heart calming at the sight of James stretched out on his stomach, his broad back exposed to me. I trace my fingers down it, shutting my eyes at the sound of the content sigh that escapes him as I do. He doesn’t wake, though, and I look at his shoulder, seeing it is still swollen. I slowly slip out of bed, careful not to disturb him. He needed all the rest he could get, and I didn’t want to bother him.
I looked around the room, realizing all I had to wear was my dress. So I go to his closet, shuffling through the hangers of his clothes. I find a pair of black sweatpants, shrug them on, and then grab a white men's tank. At the very back of his closet, I spot a gray hoodie. It still had price tags hanging on it, and I try to think of a time I’d ever seen him wear something like this. It was just a simple gray zip-up, but it wasn’t his style. I wondered if he accidentally bought it or tried to escape his comfort zone. Either way, it was mine now.
I slip the hoodie on, and I can’t help but smile, feeling completely wrapped in his clothes, even if they were too big for me. I slowly slip out of the bedroom and walk to his kitchen, looking around for any pen and paper. Thankfully, I found a small notepad and pen in one of the drawers, and I left a note on the counter for him just before leaving.
I had to take care of something before James and I went any further.
I took the train back to Boston, taking a long time to think about what I would do and say. I was still trying to come to terms with a lot of it myself, but I knew there wasn’t any other way. I belonged solely to James. There was nothing else to it, nothing I could do or deny, nothing I could say, but I owed it to Lance to tell him.
I had to let him go for good this time. I knew he’d been hoping my feelings changed after we found our balance again when my father died, and although I thought I’d made myself clear, I needed to make one hundred percent sure this time. He needed to know that James was the only one for me. I couldn’t start a relationship with him without a clear conscience, and I only hoped that Lance would still want to be my friend afterward.
It's nearly eight in the morning once I’m off the train, and I take a cab back to my apartment to change into something more…mine. I loved being in James’s clothes, but I didn’t think Lance would appreciate me wearing them when I told him I was in love with him.
I take a long shower after a grueling amount of pulling out leftover hair pins in my hair and opt to keep my hair down on account of my scalp needing the tension release. I slip into my ankle-length knit maroon skirt that’s higher on one leg on the other side, a black off-the-shoulder sweater, and the old trustee black knee-high boots.
I stopped at my new jewelry case, admiring the newer pieces I had recently added to my collection. I never really cared for jewelry until James, but he has a way of making me like the finer things in life. After working with the design team at Labyrinth, I found a new interest in it.
I opened one drawer in particular and took out the little black box. I opened it, removed the moss earrings, and put them on. My heart did a little dance when I looked at the green crystal earrings hanging from my ears, ones that now felt like James’s stake on me, and I never wanted to take them off.
I added a dangling gold chain, a small diamond charm, and my teddy bear necklace. I ran the towel through my damp hair again before grabbing my purse and heading to the library, where I knew Lance would be opening up for the day.
When I get there, my hair is completely dry and slightly more poofy than I’d like due to air drying in my brisk walk to the library. I slowly walk inside, trying to put off the inevitable as long as possible. I look around, not seeing him anywhere. I go further inside, scanning the long rows of shelves until I’m in the kid's section, where I find him talking with a small boy on the floor.
“Personally, I’d rather be an astronaut than a pirate. I think stars are a lot cooler than water,” Lance says.
The boy looks up at him with a toothy smile. “But pirates get treasure.”
“And astronauts get to brag they were on the moon. Tell me that’s not way cooler?”
“Fine, I’ll get the space book,” the boy relents, pulling the outer space book from the shelf.
“Excellent choice,” Lance gleams, standing up now, his gaze falling directly on me. I smile, waving my hand at him as the boy runs off. “Lia?” he questions, walking toward me. “I thought you were off today?”
“I am. I just came by to talk to you,” I say, anxiety churning in my stomach. “Actually, I feel really stupid doing this at work. I should have done this in private. I’m such an idiot.”
“Lia, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me,” he rushes out, moving closer to me.
A sudden and surprising amount of tears fill my eyes. “Let’s go somewhere a little more private.”
He nodded as I followed him back to the front desk. Behind it was an office we both used as a break room. It was supposed to be my office, but I felt guilty keeping it all to myself, so I shared it with him— just like I shared everything in my life with him.
He cracks the blinds on the office windows so we can keep an eye on the library, but then he winces, grabbing his arm. I finally notice now that he’s wearing a sling on his arm, and my eyes shoot wide open as I lunge toward him.
“Oh my gosh, what did you do to your arm?”
He chuckles as he casually leans back against the wall. “I fell off the ladder while stocking some books last night and fractured my humerus.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” I shout at him.
“I did, actually. I know it was my night to close the library, but I called you from the emergency room several times. What were you doing?”
Shit. I haven’t even checked my phone. I felt like such a shitty friend right now. “I’m sorry, last night was pretty hectic for me, too,” I tell him.
“Is everything okay? I know we haven’t talked much since I left the other day. I was just a little angry, I guess.”
“I understand,” I tell him. “I’ve been good, though. That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
He stands straighter now. “What? Are you coming home?”
“No, that’s not it. There have been some new developments recently in my life that I wanted to share with you because I really, really care about you, Lance. Please believe me when I say that.”
“You’re making me nervous. Just tell me what it is.”
I breathe out slowly, feeling like I could be sick at any given moment. “Okay, here it goes… I’m in love with James. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth, and I don’t want to keep this from you. You deserve to know.” He’s deathly quiet. His eyes are like two cold orbs staring back at me, his expression betraying nothing of his thoughts. “Please say something,” I beg.
“I don’t know what to say,” he responds softly. “I thought…I thought you had feelings for me. I thought you were going through things with your brother and then your dad. I thought…you’d come back to me.”
My tears finally spill over. “I’m sorry,” I cry. “You were my plan, Lance, but sometimes things don’t end up as you expect them to, and James…I didn’t see this coming.”
“You didn’t?” he finally snaps. “Cause I could see it. I knew what that guy wanted from you the minute I saw you two together. He may not have been your plan, but you were his all along.”
“You’re making it sound like something dirty, and it’s not. Neither of us expected to fall in love with each other—quite the opposite, actually.”
“Neither of you?” he shouts now. “Does he love you, Cecilia? Has he told you he feels the same way?”
I swallow hard, my emotions making my stomach feel weak. “Yes. He told me last night.”
He scoffs, running a hand through his hair as he glares at the ceiling. “Unbelievable.”
“I’m so sorry?—”
“How could you do this? You know he’s not a good guy. He’s some rich asshole that is probably playing with you. I never had a good feeling about him.”
“Stop it,” I snap now. “I understand you’re hurt, but I won’t let you belittle him or me for loving each other.”
He chuckles darkly. “Are you hearing yourself? This all sounds ridiculous, Lia. You’re being crazy.”
“No, I’m not. Quit saying that,” I shout now. “And you know what? I don’t owe you my love, Lance. You never even made a move until I started slipping away.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it means we were just settling for each other. But what I do know is that this thing with James is real.”
He moves closer to me, his eyes a mixture of pain and anger. “What makes it so real? How can it be any more real than a lifelong friendship that we’ve had?”
“Don’t make me say this, Lance. Please. I don’t want to ruin anything between us. You know how much I care about you. You’re my best friend.”
“Just tell me.”
I sigh, staring at the floor. “He’s different. He makes me feel seen and validated. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before…with any man.”
He scoffs again, tearing his gaze away from me. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”
“I wanted to tell you the truth.”
“You want some truth, Lia? You’ve never given me a proper chance. How do you know he can make you feel things I can’t when you’ve never even let me try?”
I shake my head. “I just know.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Well, believe it because it’s true. And it doesn’t matter now anyway because I love h—” My words are cut off as Lance lunges for me, his arm wrapping around my back and holding me as he kisses me.