Chapter 15 #5
Vail stared at me for a few seconds, and I could see the struggle on his face.
On the one hand, being someone in love, I knew he’d rather lock me up in a cage in his closet than let me go into that place.
But on the other hand, being the leader of our group, he was looking at the bigger picture, which was that it did make more sense to send me this late in the game.
There were other girls in Vendetta, very few, but I knew that the boys trusted me more than anyone.
Finally, he gave the slightest, subtlest nod, and Shaw absolutely freaked out.
He lurched to his feet, the angry, strangled sort of yell tearing from his throat as he grabbed one of the new candles I’d bought the other day and threw it.
The glass shattered when it struck, gouging a hole in the wall.
“Shaw…” Vail reached out to him, but Shaw viscously pulled away from him.
“Don’t touch me!” He screamed. “Nobody fucking touch me!” He ripped at his hair, like he was trying to tear it from his skull again. “She can’t go in there, she can’t. I don’t want her to. Tell her no, Vail. Tell her she can’t go in…”
“We trust her more than anyone,” Lee said gently, but I could hear the strain in his voice. He was putting on a calm front, hoping to reassure his brother. “I’ll be with her, and we’ll have the Spades-”
“I don’t want her anywhere close to those fuckers!” Shaw’s voice had torn from his scream, his blue eyes sparkling as he struggled to hold back tears. “Too dangerous. Too close. Too close…” he chanted over and over again, crouching where he stood as if he was going to be sick.
I slid off Lee’s lap and tentatively reached out to him, taking slow, careful steps and whispering, “Shaw…”
He snapped up, eyes wide and crazed as he stared down at me, shaking, like he’d completely lost his mind.
“No… no, Casey!” He snatched the front of my shirt and stomped away, dragging me with him.
I struggled to keep up, stumbling over the stairs as he began to climb.
Behind us, I heard the others shouting and protesting, and I could see Lee storming after us.
“Don’t!” I held up my hand to him as Shaw got a better grip and yanked me up after him. “Let me calm him down.”
The others watched, their expressions a mixture of trepidation, concern, and a little fear.
Especially from Meredith, who Haldon was trying to persuade to follow him downstairs to the front door.
I caught my footing, scrambling to keep up with Shaw.
When we reached the landing, he immediately headed for his room and thrust me inside.
I flew in, luckily catching myself so I didn’t fall, and he slammed the door shut.
“Shaw, it’s the only way that makes sense-”
“No!” He came right up to me, holding my face tight in his hands.
The only light in the room was coming from his little lamp on the side table, and with the beautiful myriad of colours from the porcelain shade, casting a warm, orangey-pink hue over his skin.
“Casey, I can’t let you go in there. If something happened…
if you got hurt… if I lost you…” He attempted to finish the sentence, and in the end, he didn’t bother.
He simply crushed his mouth to mine and kissed me as though he feared it would be the last time.
Shaw’s full lips were soft, yet the kiss was aggressive. I felt like he was on the attack, but I knew if I fought back against him while his mind was in this state, it wouldn’t help. He would spiral farther down… down… lost in the haunting memories that plague his mind.
“Casey… I need you…” he whispered, backing me up to his bed laden with pillows and blankets.
I knew precisely what he meant. With Shaw, I always did. We’d been able to connect without words since we were kids. And honestly, I needed him, too. I could feel this rising impulse coming to life, and all I wanted was to be closer to him, to feel as connected to him as I did the others.
His jaw clenched, his eyes strained as he pushed back on some inner turmoil, desperately trying to focus on me.
I knew he wanted to speak by the way his lower lip quivered, but that demon in his head was holding him back.
So I slowly reached up, brushing my fingers down the length of his jaw, first on one side, then the other.
He trembled hard beneath my touch, fighting like hell to be with me here.
I brought my fingertip up, keeping my touch featherlight, and ran it along his lower lip, then over the upper.
I lightly ran them up with both thumbs, gliding them over the dark lines beneath his eyes before smoothing them over his closed eyelids.
Shaw released a hard, shaky breath, like he was torn between pain and pleasure from this, but he remained where he was, letting me trace his face over and over again.
He was so hauntingly beautiful with his pale skin, the depth of his blue eyes, and his full, pouty lips.
If he’d lived another life, he could have been in high fashion magazines.
Even the shadows beneath his eyes were such a distinctive aspect that only added to his face’s sharp, captivating features.
“Casey, I haven’t been with anyone since…” His voice trailed off, breaking apart, but he didn’t need to finish, because I already knew. His hands were trembling on my lower back, but he finally opened his eyes to gaze down at me, and whispered, “You’re the only one I ever wanted.”
I ran my thumb over his lip again. “What can I do to make it easier for you?” I asked, not moving from my spot.
He brought his lips down, kissing the crown of my head, and murmured, “Just… let me call the shots, okay?”
I could do that. I was able to brat out, fight back, take over in terms of power in bed, and do all I wanted with the other two. However, with Shaw, it would be different. As much as Vail loved to dominate, or Lee with his thrill of throwing me around like a rag doll, Shaw needed the control.
So I nodded against him, and let him take the lead.
He gently pushed me down so I was sitting at the edge of the bed, staring up at him with wide eyes, watching for the emotions on his face that told me all I needed to know of what he was thinking.
Slowly, he reached out, caressing my cheek a moment, before sliding his hand down the side of my throat to then run along my collarbone.
His fingers shifted beneath the collar of my shirt, moving it aside as he began to undress me.
I helped by lifting my arms so he could pull it off me.
As soon as he did, he took off his hoodie, standing before me shirtless in his jeans.
He was slender, yet toned, which was also how I knew that he was going to be deceptively strong.
His skin was pale, his blond hair always mussed about his head from having a hood pulled over it, but I wouldn’t have him any other way.
Shaw sank to his knees on the bed, grabbed my face tight, and kissed me.
But the kiss wasn’t like the ones before, where they were demanding, unyielding, and assertive.
This one was tender, delicate, and the way his lips moved against mine, had me sinking deeper into him.
I reached down to undo his jeans, but holy fuck, he was as hard as a rock, pressing up against the zipper, and I was trying not to hurt him as I worked to get them off.
He stopped a moment to help, reaching down and adjusting his massive girth before managing to zip them down and slide them and his boxer briefs off.
For a moment, I was actually scared because Shaw was so fucking big, it was actually quite intimidating.
But I was also feeling relieved as hell that I had been with Lee and Vail first, since Shaw would have destroyed me for them.
It was official. I was officially going to need a wheelchair to get around tomorrow.
I had no idea based on just how truly big he was, only that I was positive it would be closer to rivaling a ruler.
And he was as hard as a rock.
Shaw didn’t stop, though. He started to move a little faster, his movements a little more reckless and agitated as he tried to figure out my bra, before quickly losing his patience and merely ripping it off.
I didn’t scold him like I would have the others, but waited to see what he needed.
He pushed me back, and I slid up the bed so that I was near the head amongst the pile of pillows he kept there.
He crawled up my legs, tugging at my sweats, which he yanked off and threw over his shoulder.
His eyes wandered over my naked body, and slowly, he ran his hands up my thighs, caressing the skin along the way.
He bowed over my body, kissing the bruises on my thighs.
He moved his lips up to my stomach, pressing kiss after kiss, making me feel worshipped.
I ran my fingers through his hair, watching as he gradually moved up to my breasts, where he almost tentatively stroked the curve of one, before following the trail with his tongue, latching onto my nipple.
I gasped as he suckled even harder than Vail had, his arms squeezing around my waist, running over my body.
As he did, he began to rub between my folds, moving up and down, creating a friction that soon had me pressing back against his massive length.
When Shaw lifted his head to kiss me, I made the mistake of hungrily reaching between us to stroke his rolling pin of a cock, and he froze. I stopped when his kisses suddenly disappeared, and I opened my eyes to see him trembling over me, his own eyes tightly squeezed shut.
“It’s me,” I told him again and again. “It’s Casey… it's just me. It’s just us.”
“Casey…” he whispered.
“Yes.”
Slowly, he started moving again, sliding into my wetness, and shuddered when I reached up to press a little kiss to his throat.
“Casey,” he breathed, as though reminding himself that it was me here and no one else.
“That’s right. It’s just us two.” I kissed the other side of his neck, and wrapped my arms around him, the bumpy feel of the scars on his back beneath my hands, and waited for him to signal what he needed. “You’re in control, Shaw. You.” I had told him, “You’re always safe with me.”
He shifted a little over me, before I felt him start to push through my folds again.
Slowly, inch by inch, he worked his way in, and I had to hold back the small whimpers of pain I made as he pushed and stretched me.
His body was shaking, and he kept peppering kisses all over my face until finally, he finally buried himself within me completely.
I bit my lip to keep from crying out, because right now, I didn’t give a shit about the pain.
I just needed to feel this with Shaw, that connection that we’d always had needed to come full circle.
Shaw didn’t move, but held himself up over my body, shaking slightly, his breaths coming out in small little pants.
When I started to move my hands again, stroking along his back, he pulled back just the slightest so he could grasp my wrists and press them down into the pillows on either side of my head. It was then that he started to move.
Holding me beneath him, Shaw began with smaller, uncertain thrusts, much to my relief.
I was already sore as hell, but slowly, I started to adjust to him.
His eyes were squeezed shut, like he was focusing hard, concentrating, and I could only imagine the inner turmoil he’d been struggling with.
With my arms pinned, I strained to reach up so I could press a kiss to his lips, and when I did, he melted against me.
Though he was still holding me down, he let his body relax, the pumping motion now picking up pace.
Eventually, he released my wrists to wrap his arms around me, and we embraced each other tightly as he kept going.
Our kisses were sweet, our embrace was a safety net for each other, and I felt my heart swell at this moment with him. “I love you, Shaw…” I whispered before I peppered little kisses along his sharp jaw.
At my words, he buried his face into my neck, and his hips smacked against mine again and again. I squeezed around him, both of us holding on to the other so tight, it felt like we were trying to get lost in the other. “I love you… I love you…” I told him repeatedly.
He moaned, the vibration from deep in his chest rumbling against me, and with several more hard thrusts, he stilled, grinding into me as deep as he could.
I winced a little but took him, because now, feeling him inside me this way, it was like we’d sealed our bond permanently.
We were both panting hard as we laid there, with him still between my legs, both of us still clinging on as though worried some dark force would come and pry us apart.
When Shaw finally lifted himself up on one forearm, he was actually smiling down at me, a certain light shining from his eyes that I hadn’t seen before.
Holding my chin, he leaned in, our lips brushing over the others, and softly murmured, “I love you, too, Casey. Always have.”