Chapter 23 River #2
“What? No,” I tell her, grabbing her wrist and pushing it away. “And you know that isn’t what I mean. We have a serious problem, and we need to figure something out before it gets out of control.”
Not that I think it’s in control, and I’m not sure it’s not already too late.
“You took care of Tate already.” Pandora leans closer. “Thank you. Did I mention that? Oh, did Blaze give you a kiss like I asked?”
“No,” I tell her. “I’m not kissing Blaze.”
It’s not like I’ve never kissed a guy before, but Blaze belongs to Pandora. It would feel too weird to kiss him, especially without her there to watch.
“That’s too bad. It’d be hot.” Pandora grins. “Like that time you two took me in the woods. Oh man, you and Asch should have kissed at the club. But maybe the hotness overload would have attracted more attention.”
I start to think about whether kissing Asch is any more appealing than kissing Blaze, but then I narrow my eyes. “You’re changing the subject on purpose.”
Not that I don’t think she actually wants to see us kiss, but I see what she’s doing.
“What subject? You’re the one distracting me from studying.” Pandora turns back to her tablet and taps to the next slide.
She has a notebook and pen next to her where she’s taking notes, exactly like she and Rachel always used to do.
“Have you made any progress?” I ask quietly, reaching out to grab the pen.
“No, because biochemistry is a bunch of memorization and you’re distracting me from studying.” Pandora tries to snatch the pen back, but I hold it away from her.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it,” I tell her. “Rachel. Your best friend, remember? Our friend?”
Pandora’s fake smile drops away. “What progress is there to be made? She’s dead.”
I freeze.
What the hell.
“The whole reason you came here was to find out who killed her and pay them back,” I reply, unable to keep heat from seeping into my voice. “The whole reason I joined Kappa Alpha was to help you. You have all of those files. I thought you’d be working on it.”
“Yeah, well, we know who’s responsible. She ended up in the same place as Samantha.” Pandora taps on her tablet screen again. “God, I don’t care about the cleavage of some enzyme. It’s not even sexy cleavage.”
My grip tightens around the pen. “She’s not dead.”
“You think she’s in a landfill already?” Pandora keeps tapping and tapping on her tablet.
I’ve always known that Pandora isn’t like other women, and not in the cheesy way.
She’s got issues that I can’t put words to, and there’s something about her that both draws people in and pushes them away all at once.
But to hear her talk this coldly about both Rachel and another woman isn’t like the Pandora I know.
Guilt stabs at my gut. I’m partially responsible for this, for seeing her broken and in tatters.
“So what, you’re just going to give up now?” I demand. “You didn’t even know for sure they were involved when you—” I glance over my shoulder. No one’s around, but I lower my voice more anyway. “When the house caught on fire.”
“Who said anything about giving up?” Pandora flips her tablet screen-side down. “I’m being realistic. Samantha is probably dead. Her flowers have bled all over my kitchen table already.”
“How long has she been missing again?” I ask. I don’t know why I’m bothering. I’m not even an amateur sleuth, to investigate the situation and make sense of any clues. I could have the answers to every question in the world and still be helpless to do anything about it.
“She was gone when I got back from the gym,” Pandora says, and now her grin turns darker, colder. “Zayden had his fun with me, then he had his fun with her. Or the other way round.”
I grimace. “He wasn’t at the gym,” I tell her slowly. “Are you sure he took Samantha? Maybe she just left?”
“Maybe Zayden just left,” Pandora counters. “After he told me he handed her off to some guy. Some guy whose name he didn’t know.”
She’s whispering now, as aware as I am of potential eavesdroppers.
“He had to have known more than that,” I reply. Of course, she’d probably killed him before thinking too much about it, more determined to punish him than find out more information.
It’s been almost a month since the night at the gym.
Pandora’s probably right that she’s already dead.
“Well, if he knew, he’s not telling me. Zayden hates me.” Pandora taps her foot against my ankle. “Do you hate me, River?”
I should.
I did.
I don’t think I do anymore.
“Does it matter?” I retort, not wanting to think that through, not wanting to have to tell her how complicated things have gotten between us. I have every reason to want to hurt her, to want to kill her even, but the idea of it seems impossible.
“Nah. I’d fuck you anyway.” Pandora reaches into her pocket, and my stomach sinks when she pulls out her charm, my three finger bones attached to each other with wire. “My favorite River. You’ll always be mine.”
“Do you understand how twisted it is to carry those around?” I ask her, barely resisting the urge to grab it from her and find a way to get rid of it forever.
She smiles at me. “You still have hundreds of them. You can spare three.”
Pandora’s trying to piss me off on purpose. I can see it, the way she’s digging her claws underneath my skin in hopes of peeling off the layers. She’s already gotten me off topic, and I don’t think I have the energy to drag the conversation back in the right direction.
Her complete dismissal of our search for Rachel’s killers, of her pledge to destroy them, has me thrown off.
It has me worried, too, and I stare at her. I need to help her somehow. I need to see her spirit, untainted by this bitter lack of resolve. Should we have let her take care of Tate herself? Would that have kept this from happening?
“I’m not dropping it, Pandora,” I tell her, ignoring her words. “Rachel was my friend, too.”
“Apparently she wasn’t mine,” Pandora answers glibly. “Those were your words, right? That Rachel never trusted me. That she never even liked me.”
“I didn’t say she never liked you,” I reply, forcing my voice to remain even instead of rising to her goading. “She adored you. She just… didn’t want you to be disappointed in her.”
“But she told you.” Pandora closes her hand around my bones. “Anyway, if I don’t study, I’m going to disappoint myself with yet another shit grade because of some enzyme cleavage. Or maybe water molecules exploding.”
“She was wrong not to trust you,” I say, my heart heavy. “If she had…”
If she’d told Pandora, Rachel wouldn’t be dead. There’s no way Pandora would have let her see some strange older man.
I failed Rachel.
I’ve failed Pandora, too.
“These hydrogen dioxide molecules aren’t going to vibrate themselves,” Pandora says. “Actually, maybe they will. Who knows.” She turns away from me and turns the tablet screen on again.
She’s still rubbing my bones in her hand though, over and over, like it’s bringing her comfort.
More comfort than I’ve been able to give her.
“I’ll text you later,” I tell her. I lean down, and on a strange whim, I kiss the top of her head. “Don’t study your cleavage vibrating molecules too hard.”
“Pfft, I’ll vibrate as hard as I want,” Pandora counters.
I snort in amusement, then head to the door, only to realize I hadn’t even brought up Ezio. Not that I think that would’ve gone any better.
I need to get my mind off of this — off of Pandora, off of Rachel, off of Ezio, off of all of these things. There’s one clear answer, but Fenrir’s threat still echoes in my ears. I think he’d been serious, but the idea of going back to the house without letting off some steam isn’t a fun one.
What am I going to do? Pace?
River
Are you home?
Asch
Yeah. What’s up?
River
Meet me at the gym?
Asch
For what?
River
What do people normally do at the gym?
Asch
Don’t be a dick. Fine. See you there.
It won’t be as good as the fights, but his MMA style is different enough from boxing to where it’ll at least give me a challenge. Maybe we can do something that will get this nervous energy out.
Maybe.
Then we can figure out what the hell to do about Pandora—because one thing’s for sure.
I can’t handle seeing her this defeated.
Not by me.
Not by anyone.