Chapter 2
Unsettled deep inside, she wandered home across the University Parks, Zoe asleep and Olivia no longer babbling to comfort her.
The early December sun cast long shadows behind trees, even at noon, and lit up shining bronze leaves beneath the beech at the side gate.
It was a beautiful day, and a beautiful walk through the wide avenues of Victorian houses of North Oxford, home to the woman who was everything and a spouse to her, except in name.
Because they’d met in the middle of Kate’s divorce to her ex-wife, and with Olivia as Kate’s lawyer, this had meant all kinds of trouble for them both. With Kate being a movie star, it hit the media publicly. After that, it didn’t need saying that marriage wasn’t on the cards.
Olivia passed beneath the arch in the stone crescent into Park Town, and through a sliver of bushes towards the grand, curving stone terraces. A sprinkle of golden leaves still clung like decorations to the trees and carpeted the central garden enclosed by black railings.
She paused at the bottom of the steps to her tall mid-terrace dream home with a dream woman.
Should she? Should she ask Kate her thoughts about marriage, now time had passed? Now they lived together and had a child together. Zoe Sachdeva-Woodhouse.
Her throat closed against practicing the words.
This wasn't a fully formed thing yet. She’d not let herself shape it. And Olivia liked to understand her own feelings before voicing them to someone else. Even Kate at times.
Nothing like, what do you fancy for dinner. But, shall I mention the thing that you’ve done twice, and ended up hating both times, almost torpedoed Olivia’s career and have never mentioned again. Yes, that kind of thing, she liked to consider carefully.
Inside their home, careful not to wake Zoe, she padded down to the lower ground floor – a long single room of kitchen cabinets on the left, a large central dining table, and double doors which opened into the garden at the back.
The tapping of fingers on a keyboard gave away that Kate was down here.
Not the extraordinary actor Kate Laurence, of the comfort films that Olivia had rewatched over the years.
But Kate Woodhouse who’d walked into her office, with her ordinary walk, and her down-to-earth appeal, and whose geeky, black-rimmed glasses made Olivia soft inside, that were all Woodhouse, and not red-carpet Laurence.
She’d never wanted to know her – never meet your heroes – but had found someone she respected more than she ever imagined. Then she’d tripped up and fallen deeply in love.
Kate sat at the table looking serious, honey hair long and loose around her shoulders, black-rimmed glasses on, puzzling at something on her laptop.
Elbow propped on the table, fingers resting on her chin and lovely full lips.
Padam, went Olivia’s heart. She breathed in.
Admiration never waned, and her heart never stopped beating harder when she saw Kate.
Then Olivia sensed her own expression evaporate into a smile when Kate looked up and caught them.
“Hey,” Kate murmured, quietly getting to her feet and padding across the parquet floor, so as not to disturb Zoe. Crisp white shirt unbuttoned low, necklace resting on the rise of her breasts. Full hips and thighs curving under loose, pale jeans. Padam, padam, padam.
Olivia had a silly smile on her face. No matter. She was alone with Kate and a sleeping baby. She could indulge.
Warmth enveloped her with Kate standing close to peep over the edge of the carrier.
“Aww,” Kate breathed. “Still in her routine.”
Olivia nodded and realised she looked at Kate with the gooiest ever expression. There was something about Kate being soft and glowing and taking care of Zoe, like a bubble of love surrounded them.
Then Kate kissed Olivia, with a mellow seduction that made her head light and her body glow with a different need.
“How are you?” Kate murmured, her eyes dropping to Olivia’s lips, which prickled with the attention.
“Nyum.”
“Hmm?” Kate smiled. “What was that?”
“I’m...”
Then she groaned because Kate slid her arm around her back and pulled her close into her side, warm and giving.
“Nyum,” she breathed.
“Yes, I thought that’s what you said.” Kate’s smile grew, and her eyes brightened with affection.
They looked at each other with the same desire, then Kate’s brow rose with regret.
“She’ll wake up as soon as we put her down in her cot.”
“I know.”
They rested together, forehead gently to forehead, in intimate understanding, and the acknowledgement that by the time everyone settled in the evening they’d likely be so tired they’d sleep as soon as their heads hit the pillow.
The realisation hung with regret in their expressions as they pulled apart. There was never enough time for everything. And time for things like a wedding would be impossible.
There it was again. The subject that Olivia had tried to keep from bubbling over. That desire to put a band of gold around this.
“Let me take her,” Kate smiled.
And they unhooked the side of the carrier and carefully passed the bundle of sleeping baby between them.
There was a shuffle, and a num num num of mashing lips, then Zoe sank into Kate’s cradling arms, resting her tiny, light brown fingers on Kate’s white chest.
Sigh. How much could you love two people.
“Marry me.”
It almost shot out of her lips, and Olivia clutched her chest in panic.
“Do you want to marry me?”
The thought was clear in her mind.
Kate rocked her hips from side to side, gazing down at Zoe, oblivious to the turmoil.
Olivia swallowed. What if she did ask this woman who she admired, trusted and deeply loved. Who was solid in this relationship and communicated with her through thick and thin.
They had dancing planned at a salsa club, a rare night out with Kate’s children, Bea and Ralph, with their father, and Olivia’s mother offering to look after Zoe for a few hours.
Maybe when they were out and relaxed, with a glass of Christmas Champagne, the subject might come up? Didn't they have a wedding to attend in January, so the issue could arise naturally? This was a plan.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Kate said.
What?
“And what you’re going to ask.”
What?!
It was rare, but both Olivia’s eyebrows shot up in alarm.
"Hmm?” she said, more nonchalantly than her internal thoughts. She knew she looked calm to others, even when she panicked.
“We should pay your mother for looking after the kids, she does it so often.”
“Oh.”
Thank god. Her heart rate descended again. Because talking about it right now was not part of the plan. She wanted at least some preparation.
“She’ll try to say no,” Kate continued, “but there are expenses at least. And I don’t want to take her for granted. She’s incredible with Zoe. With them all. And I know she’s keeping a part-time job rather than job hunting to make more time for the kids.”
“All true.”
Then a gentle smile from Kate at their agreement.
Padam, padam, padam. Always when Kate looked at her like that.
“Good,” Kate whispered, “because I want a night with you.” Kate cupped her cheek again.
“I love you so much,” Olivia gasped, docile and comforted by Kate's hand on her face.
“I adore you.”
And another dreamy kiss, which made frosty Olivia Sachdeva, detached and perfectionist lawyer to A-listers, high.
“Marry me,” whispered in her head again.
It would be so natural to ask, with Kate close and reassuring, melting away all her worries. But as soon as Olivia walked upstairs with Zoe, leaving Kate to finish her work, a shiver of worry penetrated inside and anxiety recrystallised.
Kate had been married twice, to people she never wanted to see again. Olivia could forgive her not being enthusiastic about the institution. Olivia saw the bitterness of divorce every workday. Marriage was almost synonymous with breaking up in both their lives.
What if she asked her? Kate, who said she adored and felt stronger with her than any other. What if Olivia asked? And Kate said no.
She put a hand to her heart. It didn't matter how rational and understanding she might be. It made perfect sense for Kate to say no, after all.
But it would still hurt.