Chapter 3
Something bothered Olivia. Kate had wondered earlier, then dismissed it as the childcare arrangements with Geeta. But as they got ready for the evening, a tightness lingered.
Olivia was considered, and her few words reflected a deep well of thought – exactly what Kate loved about her.
After too many rash people in her life, Olivia was her steady centre now.
Her heart flipped over in appreciation as she watched Olivia sort the change bag at the long kitchen table, ready for Geeta to take Zoe for the evening.
There was definitely something up, a reticence beyond Olivia's usual pause for consideration.
A shift in tension, without an obvious source.
Maybe as an actress and an acute studier of people, maybe because they were so strongly attuned to each other, but Kate seemed to read Olivia better than most.
Zoe tugged at toys on a mat on the floor, happy. Kate's seven-year-old, Bea, and fourteen-year-old, Ralph, had already left with their father, Harry, for the weekend and the house was calm. Olivia’s work was going smoothly. So what might it be?
Olivia paused, dissatisfied. She swooped her shining black hair behind her ear and plucked out the contents of the change bag one by one.
Nappies, wipes, bottles, cream, mat, change of clothes.
Then, one by one, repacked them neatly in the compartments.
She zipped up the black bag and rested her light-brown fingers, rigid, on the top.
Kate knew what would happen next. Those contents were coming right back out again.
“Hey,” she whispered.
She stepped closer and swept her arm around Olivia’s waist.
“Would you like me to double-check the bag?”
She could almost see Olivia's thoughts whizzing around in distress. Olivia relaxed in her embrace and softened into Kate.
“Thank you,” Olivia murmured, and a serenity overcame Olivia’s beautiful features.
“Go get changed,” Kate gently suggested – from the comfortable, elegant black dress Olivia had worn in the day, into another dark dress for the evening. Always stylish, always sexy to Kate.
Olivia nodded, a subtle smile lifting her cheeks, and Kate reading the appreciation, relief and love there.
But a pause. Again. What was it?
Kate opened her mouth to ask, but, “My mother will be here in a minute,” Olivia said.
“OK.” Kate nodded, and the moment and Olivia slipped from her arms.
She watched her walk towards the stairs, the saunter as smooth as ever. One more look over her shoulder, then Olivia disappeared, apparently not ready to say what was on her mind.
That was OK. Kate would wait longer, before trying to coax what preyed on her.
Like when they decided Olivia should move in, a gentle suggestion from Kate after Olivia stayed more often.
And the quiet realisation that Olivia was thoughtful after best-friend Charlotte announced she and partner Millie were going to have a baby. Kate had held her, before asking, “Did you ever think about having kids?”
A rigidity had crept over Olivia, and Kate waited, until Olivia breathed out, and the tension collapsed, and she said, “I’ve started to panic about it,” all in one breath.
An admission followed in a torrent, about how she’d changed her mind about kids and wanted a baby. Just the one.
Kate looked down at Zoe in her spotless white onesie. And here she was. One perfect baby. She bent down on her knees.
“Hello baby girl,” she said in a light voice. “Are you ready for an evening with Nani Geeta?” and she reached out for her daughter. Tiny fingers immediately curled around hers accompanied by a gummy smile.
“You are going to have so much fun with your nani,” Kate cooed.
Kate really was lucky, with the best mother-in-law in the world. Well, not in-law, she supposed. Kate and Olivia weren’t married. But that position.
Funny. Lately, whenever she thought of not being married to Olivia, regret sank in her chest. She’d made so many mistakes before, she didn’t even think about the option.
Not that she regretted every ex. She hadn’t married Harry, and their relationship was short, but they had two children, and co-parenting with him had been one of the best things in her life. But her marriages? She regretted those.
She smiled down at Zoe, to shift herself out of the past, into her happy present.
“Who’s the cutest baby?” Kate said, adoring her. “It’s you.”
She gently bopped the little button nose, to a gurgle from Zoe.
“Yes, it is,” she said indulgently, to more gummy smiles and elation for Kate.
Apparently, Olivia had been almost identical, going from a photo Geeta passed around the family once.
“Bloody hell, Olivia. Did you clone yourself or something?” Millie had said, looking at the picture. “Is that the only way you could guarantee perfection?”
Olivia had given her a look and raised an eyebrow. “Nice of you to acknowledge my perfection, Millie,” she’d said evenly, to the woman Olivia often found a bit much.
And Millie had laughed, and Kate smiled, loving that dry sense of humour of Olivia’s when it surfaced.
Was it all a bit much, Kate wondered.
Because things had happened so quickly. A visit to her GP and a private referral to an Oxford clinic, and a donor arranged. Pregnancy and birth followed swiftly.
And these were huge changes.
Olivia’s steadiness and conviction came with a difficulty handling change sometimes.
Was that it?
Kate, fame, kids. It was a lot for Olivia. Anyone. And Kate did everything to keep their lives private, especially after that god-awful start in the public eye.
Was it all too much, too soon, for Olivia?
Kate picked up Zoe, her tiny head nestling warm in the crook of her neck. And she swayed her hips, as much for her own comfort as Zoe’s.