Chapter 17 - Miles
Chapter seventeen
Miles
Ipushed down my sorrow, misgivings, and pain, compartmentalizing them, shoving them in the box where I’d put uncomfortable feelings all my life.
And with a couple of blinks, my mind was clear, and I simply stared at the beautiful human standing bare in front of me.
Their dick was hard and leaking, glistening with precum I wanted to lap up.
Launching off the bed and to my knees, I closed my mouth around the tip of their dick and licked and sucked, tasting the delicious flavor of their arousal. They moaned as I made love to their gorgeous cock, but I wasn’t letting up, determined to get as much of them inside me as I could manage.
Atlas’s hands dug into the hair I’d worn down today, and when they tugged on the strands, I groaned, sucking them into my mouth and down my throat. They were cutting off my air, but I didn’t care. I didn’t need to breathe; I just needed them.
“Miles, baby,” they cautioned, tugging on my hair, but I wasn’t listening tonight.
They weren’t my Daddy right now. We were just two people in love, though it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to speak that truth after everything, knowing we would soon part.
Instead, we were saying goodbye in the best way we knew how.
But they pulled harder, forcing my mouth off their cock. I gasped when it popped free, sucking in air I hadn’t known I’d been missing. My vision was swimming.
Their right hand dove through my locks to the nape of my neck, and they clutched my hair with the most delicious viciousness.
I cried out at the glorious pain as my eyes shot to theirs and their gaze bored into mine, serious and almost angry.
“Miles, you couldn’t breathe. You cannot take a risk like that. ”
“Atlas—”
“Until you say the word, boy, I am your Daddy. And you listen to Daddy or risk the consequences.”
I gulped, keeping my eyes on theirs. And the words I didn’t know I’d been holding back since they’d told me their horrible news came tumbling out. “You don’t want to be my Daddy anymore. You want to leave.”
Atlas’s eyes flashed, pain slicing across their features. “You know that’s not true.”
My chest started heaving, but I stayed on my knees.
Despite my words and the storm raging inside me, he was the Daddy here, and I wouldn’t take advantage of my larger size to try to tip the power scales.
Instead, I let my words speak for me. I gave voice to all my fears and insecurities, because what was the point of keeping them in now?
Atlas was leaving anyway. “You’re abandoning me,” I choked out, cries cresting and escaping before I could stop them. “You don’t want me anymore.”
“Oh, sweet boy,” Atlas keened before falling to their knees in front of me and pulling me into them, wrapping me in a hug. The minute their arms encircled me, I broke down, sobs wrenching from the very deepest part of my soul.
And as I cried, I pled with them, begged unashamedly, though I knew my words weren’t fair. I just couldn’t seem to stop myself. “Don’t leave me, Daddy. I need you. We were so good together, Daddy. I just don’t understand how you could leave if you care about me like you say.”
They cooed and soothed me despite the inescapable truth that I didn’t deserve it, smoothing my hair until I started to quiet. When I was nearly silent, though my tears were still streaming, they spoke. “Oh, baby. I do care about you, so much more than you know. This is just something I have to do.”
My adult brain knew their logic was sound. But the kid who’d lost his only supportive parent before he’d even become a teenager ached like his dad was dying all over again.
This was why I’d never let anyone in. I’d chosen a lifeless existence over this heartache. As much as I liked physical pain, emotional pain was so much worse. Horrific. Unbearable.
I didn’t want this. What was the point of love if it ended in heartbreak? But try as I might, I couldn’t make myself stop falling for them, stop loving them. I wanted to regret it, to regret them, but I couldn’t. Fuck me, I just couldn’t.
We stayed on the floor through another cascade of tears, and Atlas sat on the carpet and pulled me into their lap until the last of my tears had dried.
And with that release came clarity.
If I was honest with myself, I wanted to go with Atlas.
I wanted to take this huge leap for the person I loved and move across the country, sight unseen, to start a life—a real, full, adventurous, terrifying life—with them.
But it’d taken me twenty years to build up the courage to come out, and I hadn’t even gotten a chance to do so before this wrench was thrown into my well-laid plans.
I wasn’t ready for this yet. I would have to let them go. But I was determined it wouldn’t take me another twenty years to figure out how to be brave again.
“Atlas,” I started, and they pulled away to search my tear-stained, puffy face.
It was time to speak my truth, even if they were leaving in a matter of hours. This couldn’t remain unspoken between us.
So I took a deep breath and uttered the truest words I’d ever spoken. “I love you.”
“Oh, my sweet baby boy,” they soothed, dragging my hair off my forehead and tucking it behind my ear. “I love you so much.”
My heart melted at their words even as it broke because of what I had to say next. “I love you, Daddy. But I can’t go with you. Not now.”
The hurt on Atlas’s face lanced through my chest, but I knew what I’d said was true. I couldn’t just drop everything and leave. I had things to do before I was ready to go with them, to be my best self for us, for them. For me.
I watched them swallow hard, and the mask that slowly crept over their face broke my heart into a thousand pieces. They were closing themselves off to me, and that hurt more than I’d expected.
I didn’t want them closed off, didn’t want walls between us. I wanted us to be a vulnerable and authentic couple, two people who were honest and open, who shared their lives in full.
People who couldn’t imagine a life without the other.
It killed me that I could imagine it. The images played unbidden in my mind as they pulled me into another hug: Atlas would get on that plane Sunday morning, and we’d share a few video calls once they arrived and got settled in, but then we both would get busy and the calls would become less frequent until we barely talked at all.
And I’d struggle to endure the heartbreak until I became numb or found a way to wall off the hole in my heart that Atlas had created without meaning to.
They were a part of me now, and walking away from them, from us, was definitely going to kill me.
But despite knowing I wasn’t going with them, knowing we had an end date, I was still resolved to enjoy the little time we had left.
So I pulled away, forcing a teary smile to my lips and catching their gaze.
“I love you, Atlas, my Daddy, and I want to show you how much. Even though you’re leaving in a few days and we don’t know what will happen next, I want to show you how much you mean to me. Even if it breaks both our hearts.”
Atlas’s eyes were shining now, and I saw a stray tear threatening to ruin their eyeliner. The mask they’d tried to slide into place a minute earlier had disintegrated, and my heart swelled with gratitude. “I’d love that, Miles, my sweet baby boy.”
We stood together, their tears finally escaping as my Daddy undressed me slowly, carefully, sweetly until we were both bare in their darkened room.
They turned on the lamp on the nightstand before guiding me to lay back once again.
Then they straddled me, their naked ass smoothing over my dick, making it swell.
I moaned as I lengthened beneath them, as they undulated their hips over me, encouraging me to full hardness. As they moved, I could feel the swollen tip of my cock skate over their enticing hole, and I needed to be inside them now. I needed to feel them holding me, caressing me, keeping me safe.
“Ride me, Daddy.” I wasn’t sure where my commanding tone came from, but by the look on Atlas’s face, they were into it.
“Yes, Sir.”
I winced as they stretched to the nightstand and produced our pump bottle of lube.
We’d decided to forgo condoms months ago, as soon as we’d gotten our test results back—which had been the day we returned from our weekend in Atlanta.
“I know my tone was a little aggressive, but please don’t call me ‘sir,’ Daddy. It sounds so wrong.”
They chuckled as they spun and settled on hands and knees over me, their ass spread open over my chest, a tempting buffet. I grabbed their hips and yanked their ass to my mouth before they had a chance to ruin their unique, perfectly musky taste with lube.
Atlas yelped as my tongue landed on their beautiful puckered hole. Though I’d eaten them out in the past, I’d never taken the time to enjoy this feast before. I was determined to have them whimpering, moaning, and begging for me to take them before I’d had my fill.
I started licking long stripes along their crack, keeping my tongue wide to cover as much area as possible.
When their moans lessened slightly, I switched it up, using just the tip of my tongue to tease at their hole.
The flesh twitched and flexed beneath my ministrations but didn’t relent, so I pushed a little harder until the tight ring gave way.
Atlas shouted as I entered them, tasting the edges of their rim until their pink hole spread wider for me, let me in.
Then I devoured them.
To the soundtrack of their whimpers and moans—just as I’d predicted—I thrust my tongue inside them until I physically couldn’t reach any further.
When my tongue needed a break, I shoved a finger inside that pretty hole to keep them open for me then nibbled around their puckered flesh until they were quivering, lost to the pleasure.