118. Rorax
“Are you boiling . . . a leaf?”
Rorax peaked over Jia’s shoulder to see the long green leaf in the water.
Jia snorted, not bothering to turn to look at her. “It’s a reed leaf for my zongzi. Ye-Jun sent them to me so I could celebrate the Ice Dragon Festival even though I won’t be at home. I’m making them early. He also told me to tell you good luck.”
Rorax sniffed the air and her stomach grumbled. “By chance did he also remind you to share?”
“Of course not. Ye-Jun shares as well as you do.” Jia gave her a flat look over her shoulder. “But I’ll take pity on you if you help me wrap them.”
Rorax moved to Jia’s side eagerly. “The festival isn’t for another few months. Why are we celebrating early?”
“I need to,” Jia said, her voice slipping from congenial to angry and short.
“Why?”
Jia ignored Ror as she lifted the long leaves out of the pot with metal tongs and laid them on a plate.
“Fold the reed like this, to make the bottom into a cone.” Jia demonstrated; her tone short. “Then fill the cone with rice and meat, then wrap it all together.”
They worked silently as they filled the leaves, then Jia briskly showed Rorax how to tie the zongzi together with string.
Jia carried the plate and led Ror up to the roof of one of the towers, sitting with their legs dangling off the edge. She didn’t say a word to Rorax as they silently ate their food, wouldn’t even look at her.
When Rorax was done she set her plate on the ground and leaned back on her wrists. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Or do I have to guess?”
Jia’s lips turned down at the corners as she wiped a stray kernel of rice out of the corner of her mouth. “You should already know, Ror.”
“Well, I don’t,” Rorax snapped, looking over at her with tired eyes. “So, enlighten me.”
Jia took a big bite of her last zongzi before she finally spoke, her eyes trained on the mountains in front of them. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“I gathered that,” Rorax said flatly.
Jia’s purple eyes slanted a look at Rorax, and she puffed out an angry breath. “K??n help me Ror, why are you such a sarcastic bitch all the time?”
Rorax’s jaw went slack, and Jia exploded out, “Gods, I can’t even look at you right now without wanting to punch you.”
Rorax reeled back. “What?”
“Back in Lyondrea, when Crax had me strung up on her torture table it looked like you were going to walk away from Volla and I, when it looked like you were going to abandon us for the opportunity to find Darras. I was hurt, but deep down I understood. I believed in your right to choose your family. But now—” Jia’s voice broke, and she raised a fist to her mouth just as her chin started trembling.
“Jia . . . I—”
She held up a finger. “Stop. Shut the fuck up and listen to me, Ror.”
Rorax’s jaw snapped shut.
Jia sucked in a deep breath, straightened her spine, and leveled a withering gaze at Rorax. “I wanted to talk to you to let you know, I won’t be working for you at the library anymore.”
“Why?” Rorax narrowed her eyes. “I know I should have been down there with you more. I didn”t mean to give you bunch of shit to do then abandon—”
Jia cut Rorax off with a slice of her hand through the air, looking like she was itching to break Rorax’s nose. “Rorax, I’m not mad you asked me to read some mother-fucking books.”
Rorax’s brow furrowed, and unease started to pool in her stomach. “I’m confused.”
“I’m mad that you are blatantly and actively planning for someone not nearly as capable or as qualified as you to be the Guardian of the Realms while the Realms are at WAR.” She yelled the last word at Rorax so loudly, Rorax’s whole body flinched away. “It’s nearly impossible to advocate for someone when they won’t even advocate for themselves. You refuse to open your gods damned eyes and see that the Realms not only wants you, but it also needs you.”
Rorax was glad she had finished all her zongzi because she would have dropped them off the side of the tower. Her mouth fell open to speak, but words failed her as she gaped at her friend.
Jia wasn’t finished.
“I am so fucking angry, because we all deserve a Guardian who will make sacrifices for her people. Who is will willingly be selfless and do what needs to be done. When it was just my life on the line, I couldn”t do it. I wouldn”t dream of asking you to give up searching for Darras. But now? Now that hundreds of thousands of lives are on the line? I can’t even believe that I have to ask you.”
“We . . . we all agreed that Enna—” Rorax began to protest, but Jia cut her off.
“You always said that Enna would be a better Guardian, and in some ways, you’re right. Enna would have been a better diplomat. A better role model for the citizens. A more graceful and charismatic Guardian. But gods above, Rorax, open your eyes!” She laughed bitterly, exasperated like she was trying to talk sense into a petulant child. “We don’t need a diplomat right now. The Realms are looking another Pit War right in the eye, and they need a Guardian who’s strong enough that they can turn the tide.” Angry tears started to form in Jia’s eyes and her chin trembled again as she wiped the tears away with her fingertips.
Rorax couldn’t do anything but stare as Jia dragged in a deep breath. The air was starting to taste like evening. The sun had set, and everything was descending into shadows around them, and Rorax wished that they could have even five more minutes of light.
After a few moments Jia gently grabbed one of Rorax’s hands off her lap and wrapped her soft hand around it. “I know you never wanted this, Ror. That you never wanted the responsibility or the weight of being the Guardian. I know that the only thing you’ve ever wanted was your family and your freedom.” Jia sniffled. “But Rorax, I’m asking you to choose us. Fight for this new family we have made here. Fight for the Realms.”
Rorax didn’t know what to say. “I . . . Jia I don’t know how you can even ask me.”
Jia narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“After everything that has happened?” Rorax’s bottom lip wobbled. “Isgra was right, Jia. If I couldn’t have saved my best friend . . . I am so sorry. I should have acted earlier that night; I should have fought harder. Volla . . . We could have—”
“No,” Jia cut Rorax off, as she reached out and cupped Rorax’s face almost reverently. “Ror . . . there is nothing you could have done.”
“Jia, I don’t know if I can save the Realms. I couldn’t save Volla. I couldn’t save Briar. Sahana is in prison right now. Darras is probably right next to her.” A sob ripped through Rorax as Jia held her face, the sound full of pain and rage. “Why couldn’t I have saved her? What if I can’t save Enna? Or Isgra?”
Rorax let out another loud sob, her shoulders shaking with tears.
Jia released Rorax’s face and clasped one of Rorax’s hands, making a sandwich out of Rorax’s palm with her own. “Listen to me, Ror. You couldn’t save Volla, but I got to say goodbye. I got to tell Volla I loved her and that I was so proud to be her wife. Crax didn’t get to kill me, and because of that I got to say goodbye. I wouldn’t have had that goodbye without you, Ror. Crax would have taken it away. Think about it, Rorax. Think about becoming the Guardian. For me, for Volla.”
Rorax pulled Jia into a hug, and they sat there crying together, until Rorax’s tear ducts were swollen and painful.
Rorax let her go and wiped her nose on her sleeve. “I got snot in your hair.”
Jia made an amused grunt. “That”s so nasty, you’re disgusting, Ror.”
A little watery, pitiful laugh burst out of Rorax, as Jia gripped her hands again.
“I know that this is going to be painful, but in order for the Realms to stand, you have to become the Guardian.”
“I don’t—”
The door to the top of the tower opened, and Rorax turned to look over her shoulder to see as Ayres poked his head around the door, his eyes locking on her face with a concerned grimace. “Are you okay?”
Rorax nodded as he pushed his way onto the tower and picked her up from the ledge. She wrapped herself around him monkey style, her legs around his waist, her face buried in his neck.
“Should I send Kaiya or Milla up for you?” he asked Jia over Rorax’s head.
“No, I want to be here alone for a bit.”
“Are you going to go to the Great Hall for dinner?” he murmured to Jia.
“No, I’m not hungry. We just had some food. Thank you though, Ayres.”
Rorax looked at her friend from over her shoulder, saying softly, “You should eat some more.”
“I will, when I’m ready.”
Rorax nodded, before laying her cheek against Ayres’s shoulder.
He slowly carried her to his room. They were about halfway there when they passed one of his men. “Go find Emissary Garrison and tell her to bring Jia Frostguard a hot meal and some wine. She is in need of a friend. Bring a meal to my room after you find her, and some of the cook’s orange rolls,” he ordered.
“I’m not going to share those, you know,” Rorax mumbled against his neck.
“I know.” Ayres ran a hand over the back of hair.
Rorax squeezed her limbs around him even harder and his hand moved to rub his big palms up and down her spine. Slow tears started to drip free from her eyes and into his black sweater.
“What were you two talking about?” Ayres asked.
“The Choosing.”
“What about it?”
Rorax cuddled closer into him. “Jia . . . she wants me to become the Guardian rather than Enna.”
“Oh, I see.” When they got to his room, he grabbed a shirt from his drawer and sat with her in his lap. He tugged at her shirt, so she lifted her arms as he gently removed the material up and over her head. He reached behind and slowly removed her chest bindings and bra.
Ayres’s eyes latched onto her breasts for an instant, a brief glint of hunger in his gaze but didn’t give them a second glance as he grabbed his shirt and slid it down over her torso. He pulled her onto his lap, and she snuggled into his massive body.
They sat in silence as she slowly cried into his sweater, and he rubbed her back softly until there was a knock on the door. He gently moved her from his lap and moved to the door. “Take off your pants, Ror, get comfortable. We have a lot to talk about.”
Ayres returned with her food just as she was done pulling off her leathers.
Ayres watched as she eyed the plate with a side of three orange sweet rolls and smiled. “I hope there’s enough of those there, if not we can get more.”
Her heart ached because it was so full.
Fight for this new family we have made here, Jia had asked.
Rorax ate in silence for a beat, before asking him, “What do you think I should do?”
Ayres rubbed his hands together. “I know that Enna is important to you, Ror. She’s an amazing woman.” He looked up into her eyes, his gaze unyielding and certain. “But you need to consider the ramifications if she becomes the Guardian and cannot do what we need her to do.”
“That wasn’t the agreement I made with you, or with her,” Rorax protested with a shake of her head.
Ayres scooped her off the bed and sat her back in his lap, so she was straddling him, sitting chest to chest. “Would you be up for a new deal?”
Rorax blinked in confusion. A new deal? What would that mean?
“We think . . . we think that you should become the new Northern Guardian of the Realms. When the time comes.”
Rorax turned into a statue made of confusion and anxiety in his arms.
“You don’t need to make a decision today, or tonight, or even for another month, Ror, but you do need to decide.” Ayres tucked a strand of hair behind Rorax’s ear. “Whatever you decide, it’s your responsibility, your choice, and your consequences. So, make sure that you choose the one you will be able to live with, because you will live, Rorax. If I must burn down the bridgeway to the afterlife to keep you with me, I will.”
Rorax huffed a wet laugh against Ayres’s neck and placed a kiss at the junction of his shoulder.
Then something happened, something soft and distant nudged at the Death Magick chord she now held in the back of her mind. She was dismissing it just as Ayres arms tensed around her. She jerked her head back to look up at Ayres.He had that look on his face.
“Was that a . . .”
Ayres’s eyes were alert and wary. “A summoning. A large one. Someone is using death magick.”
“Why could I feel it?”
“That must be part of your new magick,” Ayres said, studying her face, his mouth going tight in thought. “You must hold enough magick now to feel the ley lines when they get pulled hard like that.”
“That means the other Contestars can feel it too,” Rorax frowned.
Ayres shrugged, “They wouldn’t know what it means; it feels like nothing more than an itch if you don’t know what it is.”
“Do you want me to come with you? To help you find the book?”
Ayres shook his head and ran a thumb over her cheek. “No, Cannon and I will go. You stay here with Jia and think about what I’ve said. Okay? Consider the idea of becoming the new Guardian of the North.”
Rorax thought of Enna and reluctantly nodded. “Okay.”