CHAPTER SIXTEEN
RIPLEY
After I got dressed in my own clothes, Auryn and I went down to the kitchen for another coffee. We found Codie and Stray in there having breakfast. It felt incredibly weird to be waking up and starting my day in their house.
“Hey girl,” Codie greeted me with a bright smile. “How are you feeling today?”
“Like I’m tempted to call in sick to work again,” I laughed. Holding out my empty mug, I said, “I’m here for a refill.”
Auryn plucked the mug from my grasp and got to work brewing more coffee.
I took a seat at the small table near the window where Codie sat with Stray.
We killed some time by talking about the hockey game last night.
Small talk to fill the silence. Codie kept sneaking these little glances at me, like there was something more she wanted to say.
Once Auryn brought me a fresh coffee, Stray excused himself to the living room, motioning for Auryn to join him.
When Codie and I were alone, she leaned across the table, keeping her voice low. “We were all so worried about you last night. Are you sure you’re okay?”
The concern in her eyes make me feel bad. Even though I hadn’t known the joint was laced, I’d been far too quick to accept a drug from someone I didn’t know well. I’d been in party mode, wanting to get wasted. Not something I was proud of.
“I really am okay. You don’t have to worry about me.
I’m sorry if I freaked you guys out. I thought it was just weed, but there was something else in it.
I would never have accepted it if I’d known.
” I saw the skeptical glint flash through her eyes.
Did she think I was looking for a high like that?
Something dangerous that could have hurt me. I hoped not.
Codie glanced toward the living room. “Auryn lost his shit when he saw how fucked up you were. He beat the shit out of the guy who gave you that weed.”
My jaw dropped. That explained his bruised knuckles. “How bad was it? I can’t believe he did that.”
“Believe it. He left the guy unconscious. Then he took you home. He seemed pretty worried about you.” Codie gave a lazy shrug, like she didn’t want to make a big deal of it, even though she also did.
I didn’t know how to feel about any of it. He never told me that part.
“Wow, he never mentioned that.” Staring out the kitchen window into the backyard, I took a long drink of my coffee. My feelings had been frazzled since I woke up and found myself in Auryn’s bed. I needed to get out of here. “I should probably get going home. I have a lot to do before work tonight.”
“Do you want me to give you a ride?” Codie started to get up.
I waved a hand for her to sit back down. “No, it’s cool. I’ll order a ride. Stay here and enjoy your morning.”
Luckily, the Uber I ordered would be here within ten minutes. A strange urgency drove me to get the hell out of there and get home where I could close myself in my bedroom and forget everything for a while.
When my ride arrived, Codie escorted me through the living room to the front door. Then she quickly disappeared, taking Stray with her. Leaving Auryn and me alone.
“Thanks again for your help last night,” I said, my hand on the door knob. It was all I could do not to fling the door open and sprint down the front walk.
Auryn studied me for a moment before saying, “If you ever want to talk or anything, or even just hang out, I’m always here.”
Why did he have to say that? Why did he have to make this so much harder?
“Thank you, Auryn. You’re a good guy.” I leaned in to kiss his cheek, surprised when he turned his face to capture my lips.
His kiss was simple. A prolonged press of his lips to mine. An unspoken affection that had nothing to do with sex or desire. It was something else entirely. Something more. Something that left me confused as hell.
When I finally escaped into the waiting car, I sucked in a deep breath and let my head fall back against the seat. I’d never felt so conflicted about anyone before. I didn’t want to feel anything for him. And I sure as hell didn’t want to fall for him. Why was he making it so hard not to?
When I got home, Athena was still sleeping. That was a relief. I didn’t feel like interacting with anyone else right now. Especially if there would be more questions about Auryn and curiosity related to him beating the shit out of someone last night.
After fetching some clean clothes from my bedroom, I locked myself in the bathroom, finally feeling like I could truly relax. I was in my safe space. Even though I should have waited longer, I took two more pills. It was one of those days.
I went through the motions of showering. Giving my hair a good scrub as well as my body. Savoring the way the hot water felt spraying down over me. Try as I might to shove him out of my head, Auryn simply wouldn’t go.
I thought about waking up in his bed. Sitting there with him while we talked and had coffee. Such simple pleasures, and somehow also powerful.
Maybe it was time for our fake relationship to come to an end. It hadn’t been going on all that long anyway. Getting out now would be easier than later. I didn’t trust myself. Not with the way I lit up around him.
Auryn had stepped in to help me with Jamie. Last night he beat up a guy for drugging me. Maybe he was simply being a nice guy. Maybe he would have done that for anyone. Still, I couldn’t shake the way it made me feel. Protected. Wanted.
One thing I had to admit to myself was that being wanted by Auryn felt damn good. It felt right. That’s why I couldn’t let this thing go any further. I didn’t trust him not to break my heart.
After getting out of the shower, I didn’t let myself think about what I did next. Digging the razor blade out from my makeup bag. Turning it over in my fingers a few times, letting the light glint off the blade.
Sucking in a shaky breath, I brought the blade down against my thigh. Sliding it over my skin. The following rush was exactly what I needed. I was still in control. Nobody could take that from me.
Auryn told me not to do this anymore. It had been a strict command. But he wasn’t really my boyfriend. He wasn’t my anything. And I wasn’t his.