36. Chapter 36
Chapter 36
F or my first day at the new job, I left early and took the elevator downstairs, dressed smartly in a navy pantsuit and heels that clicked when I walked into the elevator. I might be overdressed for this job, but a little extra formality couldn’t hurt on my first day. A good first impression was a must; it would help project the confidence I wished I had.
As I rounded a corner toward the apartment lobby and exit, I suddenly lost my breath as I felt a hard shove to the floor. Breathless with fear, I braced myself with my hands on the floor and dared to look upward.
My eyes were wide as a familiar man bent down. Jack. “Vivi, oh my—I’m sorry!” he said as he extended a hand to me. “I was stretching my arms and didn’t see anyone coming—I’m so sorry. Are you all right?”
I cradled my face in my arms briefly. Another encounter with Jack was the very last thing I needed right now. I reluctantly grasped his outstretched hand, but as soon as he’d helped me to my feet, I pulled my hand away and stepped back, breathing heavily.
He looked at me with some surprise. “Are you all right, Vivi?”
While trying to steady my breathing, I leaned down to rub my ankle, which felt a little sore from the fall. At least my high heels hadn’t broken. “I’ll be fine. It’s OK. You … just surprised me. And I’m a klutz in heels.”
“Are you sure, Vivi? Did you sprain your ankle? Let me just see how it feels—” he said as he began to kneel down and reach for my ankle.
“No!” I stepped back quickly, wincing at the resulting pain. I shifted my weight to the other side as he straightened. “I mean, it’s fine. I’m fine. Need to run though. I can’t be late.”
“Right!” His eyes widened with excitement. “I don’t want to make you late! I hope your first day goes well.”
“Thanks, Jack.”
But as I turned, he grasped my forearm. “Wait, Vivi.”
I stared down at his hand, noticing the heat, a spark of something intense I couldn’t even name, the way it made my heart skip a beat, something so simple and familiar but also decidedly new. “Yes?” I asked hoarsely, finally meeting his eyes. “I really can’t stay and chat. Being late on the first day would look so bad, Jack.”
He pulled his hand away slowly and groaned. “And I said I wouldn’t make you late. So sorry, Vivi. Good luck, and I’ll see you tonight!”
Once outside, safely out of Jack’s vicinity, my faux smile vanished.
What was I thinking? I wanted to shout. I’m nowhere near ready to face him, especially in a setting meant for romance. I’m in so much trouble tonight .
I drove to the magazine office, thinking through my options. Maybe I could cancel tonight and plead illness. How long would Jenn stay mad at me? Would Jack be hurt? I sighed. Before I could ponder it further though, I arrived at the office and promptly forgot about my love life problems, if only temporarily.
A short, lovely woman came to greet me in the reception area. My new coworker Lavanya ushered me into a small office near the back corner that we’d be sharing until she went on leave. After settling in and being introduced around the office, I became absorbed in learning all about the magazine’s inner workings. Lavanya shared that her baby was due next week, so they had not a moment to lose in getting me up to speed on the writing responsibilities I’d soon have.
“Don’t worry. It’s not like you’ll be totally lost at sea. We have a small but amazing team of writers, and any one of them would be really happy to help you learn the ropes,” Lavanya assured me.
When Bethany came by shortly to welcome me, she explained that a week or two later, I would dive into my editing responsibilities. For now, I’d focus on becoming a magazine writer. I shivered with fear. Or, wait. It was … excitement. This was the first day of my new career!
I was smiling with a lightness in my step when I left at the end of the workday. It felt so wonderful to be productive again, to use my brain to tackle something other than my own problems, and to talk to people who knew nothing about me or my issues. It was like … I could reinvent myself.
Impossibly, my smile widened further. Yes, that was exactly what I needed right now.
Shortly after I stepped into my apartment, the phone rang, and Belinda’s face flashed on the screen.
“Vivi! I feel like we’ve barely talked in the last few months. I had to hear it from Jack that you started a new job today!”
I winced. “I’ve been a crap friend. I’m so sorry, Bel. Yes, I quit Bolder and started working at the feminist mag—”
“ Forward from the outside at least, it seemed to far surpass “fine.” I smiled tentatively as I took Mr. Jenkins’ offer of help to alight from the carriage.
After we were led into the building by multiple very attentive staff members, Jack spoke to the host, while I took the opportunity to take in the lovely space around us, gaping as my eyes fell on the enormous dining area just ahead of us. As the host led us into the massive room, I imagined it as a long-ago ballroom, with the high ceilings, ornate fixtures, and massive paintings lining the intricately carved woodwork that constituted the walls. Surrounding the expensive-looking wood tables were various tasteful decorative pieces that complemented the rich sapphire and silver design of the flooring, sconces, and table decor.
The host halted at our table in a somewhat dimly lit area along the wall. He swept his hand with a flourish toward the table, suggesting that we sit. Near the far end of the room—if it could be called a room—a jazz quartet added to the elegant ambience. “Stunning,” Jack said quietly.
Mesmerized by the setting, I turned slowly to look at Jack after we were seated. “Yes. This, all of this , is quite lovely.”
“The restaurant is lovely, yes, but I meant …” he hesitated, while his eyes never left mine. “You. You look stunning. I’ve never seen that dress before.”
My heart pounded. He had complimented me before, but somehow this felt … different. “I … well, no one has. I haven’t worn it before,” I confessed, blushing and looking away, knowing I’d probably admitted too much. I needed to be especially on guard tonight, especially knowing my tendency for a loose tongue with expensive champagne. When I met his eyes again, I kept my expression neutral. “Thanks, Jack. You don’t look so bad yourself.”
From his expression, he seemed to want to say more, but he instead exhaled and picked up the menu to start browsing.
After ordering, I told him all about Day 1 at the magazine. Despite everything, I’d had a pretty amazing day at Forward the menu had contained no prices.
After we stepped outside, I almost immediately tripped and started to fall. Jack was a few steps ahead and turned as I caught myself. Embarrassed, I scanned the entry area to see what I could’ve possibly tripped on. This place was pristine both inside and out; there was nothing to trip on. Not even a pebble. Just my clumsiness then.
“I was going to tell myself ‘never wear heels after a long run,’ but I forgot to run today,” I said with a half-smile that quickly faded when I felt something warm and tingly on my lower back. It was Jack’s hand, guiding me toward a bench. I eyed him curiously, but he was looking straight ahead.
As we sat down and he began using his phone to order the carriage to be brought around, I starting giggling at the absurdity of it.
He turned toward me with raised eyebrows.
I gasped for breath as I forced myself to stop laughing. “It’s … it’s just … twenty-first century cell phones being used to hail eighteenth-century transportation.” I pressed my lips together to suppress another fit of laughter.
He stared at me and turned his upper body to face me. “Vivi.”
“Yes?” I said, my laughter fading.
We sat facing one another and holding eye contact for seconds, which felt like minutes, or hours. The look in his eyes—it was everything. My breath caught in my throat. What is happening? Why does it feel like we’re about to …
No, no, no, no.
No.
He’s my best friend.
He’s dating a good friend of mine.
Shaking, I stood up abruptly. “J–Jack, I … we should—”
“Mr. Jenkins, over here!” he called out, but his eyes were still on me as he rose from the bench. Finally, he tore his eyes away as he waved to the approaching driver. I breathed a sigh of relief, as I’d had no idea how to finish my sentence.
We were both quiet on the carriage ride home. Stuck in my own head amidst the churning thoughts and tortured feelings, I barely noticed the city’s nightlife around us. When we arrived home, Jack handed me down from the carriage before Mr. Jenkins could offer. He walked me to my door, maintaining a polite distance as we walked upstairs.
When we reached my apartment, it took me a few moments to collect myself before realizing I needed to retrieve my keys and unlock my door. I didn’t want to invite Jack in, but he was just standing there as though he expected it. Reluctantly, I asked, “Do you want to come in? Just for a bit. I’m tired.”
He nodded, and I swallowed hard. When we entered my darkened apartment, I flipped on the switch and padded over to the couch. After landing on it inelegantly, I kicked off my uncomfortable shoes. He followed me over, taking a seat on the chair nearby.
An awkward silence passed.
“Vivi—”
“Jack—”
“You first.”
“No, you.”
“I was just going to ask if you wanted to watch a movie, like we’d originally planned,” Jack said, his voice soft as he studied me. “Or are you too tired?”
I bit my lip. “Honestly, I am tired. But, uh, maybe you could call Annie.”
“I … could,” he said slowly, his expression impossible to read.
Did Jack and Annie know that I knew about them? How could I not know? They couldn’t have been more obvious at the café. I clamped my lips shut, feeling a bit queasy.
“Are you OK, Vivi? You seem a little out of sorts.”
I nodded. “I’m fine.”
Unexpectedly, he reached over and laid his hand on my forehead. “Hmm, no fever. Are you sure you’re all right?”
I might not have a fever, but his light touch set my face aflame, and I jerked backward.
Horrified by my reaction and by the hurt in his eyes, I realized I was on the verge of tears, so I rose quickly. “Jack, I’m sorry, but I’m really tired. Maybe I had too much champagne. I’m just going to dress for bed and then go to sleep. Can you just let yourself out?” I didn’t even give him a chance to reply; I couldn’t, or else he’d have seen my stricken expression.
Once safely in my bedroom with the door closed, I sank onto the bed and buried my face in my hands, shaking while trying valiantly to avoid sobbing loudly.
The depth of my despair was crushing. Physically, mentally, emotionally—I couldn’t even stand if I wanted to. Unrequited love was hard enough, but to watch that person fall for another? Unbearable. And when that other person is your best friend, well, I couldn’t handle it. What was I thinking when I agreed to a pseudo-date with him tonight? It was way too soon. I needed space, lots of space, from both Jack and Annie. Maybe I could get over Jack if I had enough time and space. “Maybe,” I whispered, wiping away some errant tears.
I have to try though, right? What other option is there?
I couldn’t lose both of my friends . Still, continuing on my current path of pretending I could handle this … it was unthinkable. That path would lead to nothing but more misery and devastation. My heart would be broken. Irreparably.
How could I have fallen for someone whom I’d known for so long and never harbored any romantic feelings for? For a man I felt so very comfortable with … until now. For a man who would never return these feelings.
As the tears fell, I heard a soft knock at the door.