4. Chapter 4 #2
I took a deep breath and made eye contact with each of them in turn. Worried frowns marred both of their faces, as though I was about to tell them someone had died.
I need to put a stop to this now, and stop being dramatic. Yes, I’ve had a crap week, but it happens.
Directness was always best, right?
The words spilled out. “So, I told Brandon I might be in love with him, Viv told me Brandon hit on her and we had a big fight, I haven’t heard from Brandon at all, my mom is awful, my ex—” I shook my head slightly. “Worst of all, I’ve been sick. I’m never sick. I hate it.”
They looked at me, wide-eyed.
“That’s it,” I said with forced calm. “Satisfied?” I reached out and picked up another piece of toast, proceeding to chew on the crust. “Oh, and who knows what’s going on with work.
Ellen’s probably furious with me for whatever work assignments I’m late on.
I haven’t bothered checking my messages from her. ”
“Back up. I don’t care about Ellen.” Rafael’s eyes flashed with suspicion. “Brandon did what ?”
“Well, according to Viviana, he came on to her at the party after I went home sick,” I said, laughing to show them it didn’t really bother me. “As if.”
When they said nothing, I examined their expressions more closely. Both of them looked shell-shocked, but also angry. No, not angry. Livid. Like they could kill someone.
“You don’t … you don’t believe her?” Rainn asked, his voice strained.
“Of course not,” I said, waving my hand flippantly. “Brandon comes across as flirty, but he’d never flat-out hit on my friend. You know that.”
Rafael opened and closed his mouth several times before finally speaking. His voice sounded different, pained. “Annie.”
“What?”
His fists were clenched, a rarity for him. “Believe her.”
“ What? ”
“You’ve known her how long?” Rainn asked, his voice tight. “Why would she lie?”
“I—she—” I sputtered. My eyes veered back and forth between my best friends.
“Don’t ask me how I know, Annie,” Rafael said slowly. “It’s not really something I can put into words. But I feel certain Viv’s telling the truth.”
There was a sharp intake of breath, and I thought it was from Rainn, but it might have been my own. I was faintly aware of a tremble overtaking me. I might have said, “No,” but I couldn’t be sure my voice was even audible .
“Annie, I know this sounds super blunt and … not what you want to hear,” Rafael said, his eyes pleading with mine when I dared to look at him. “I’m really sorry for that.”
“You deserve better, dammit!” Rainn’s fists were clenched. “I’m going to find him and beat his—”
Rafael put a calming hand on Rainn’s thick, tense forearm. “Settle down, muscle man. She probably doesn’t need that right now.”
“Not yet. Let me have my pity party first. Then you can beat him up for me. Or call for a duel.” When Rainn’s eyes widened, I added, “I’m kidding, of course. About both things. Violence is for the weak.”
Suitably chastised, Rainn looked down, trying to relax his fists. After a long moment, I said, “But what am I, if not weak? I mean, look at me.”
My heart sank as I flopped down sideways onto the pillow and turned my face into it. Somewhere inside, I knew they were right. He was a player, and I hadn’t seen it.
How did I not see it? Weak, weak, weak.
“You, weak?” Rafael laughed. “She’s still high on cold meds.”
“You guys!” I sat up, brushing rumpled hair out of my eyes. “I told him I loved him. The night after he tried to cheat on me. Or—” My eyes widened. “Oh no, Raf, what if Viv wasn’t the only one?”
Rafael’s features were filled with sympathy. Pity, really.
“What am I saying?” I shook my head. “Of course she wasn’t the only one.
Not with a guy like that. What an idiot I am.
How could I … I didn’t see the signs. How did I not see it?
I never see it coming. I mean, maybe sometimes there are hints and I just, like, don’t care because I’m having fun.
But I really didn’t see any hints. Were there hints of him being a jackass player?
” I looked between the two men, my eyes vulnerable and full of unshed tears.
They looked at each other.
Rainn shrugged. “I thought he seemed like a nice guy, honestly. I didn’t spend a ton of time with him though.”
Rafael didn’t speak at first. “He did seem like a nice guy. There was …” he trailed off, looking at the ceiling thoughtfully.
“There was so mething about him that always seemed a bit off to me. Maybe a bit false. Or, I don’t know.
I have no idea how to put it into words, so I guess that’s why I didn’t.
I thought, I hoped, I was wrong.” He frowned.
I stared into his dark brown eyes before nodding.
Rafael occasionally had a vague sixth sense about a person, and he couldn’t explain it.
He was always right though, about these impressions.
That’s why I’d immediately believed him when he told me that Viviana was likely right about Brandon.
Even though, with every fiber of my being, I hadn’t wanted to believe it.
I’d wanted to resist the truth—almost like I’d rather hate my good friend than lose a love so new, so promising, so full of hope. Was I that desperate?
No, I’m Annie York, dammit. Men always flock to me, more than I know what to do with. The opposite of desperate.
And yet …
“So, violence is out,” Rafael said, interrupting my thoughts. “How are we going to get back at him?” He and Rainn looked at me eagerly.
I shook my head slowly. “Not necessary. I think I made some wrong assumptions. That we were exclusive. That he was interested in anything serious. That’s on me.”
“Annie, please tell me you’re being ironic.”
“I’m not.”
“Annie! You can’t possibly think—”
“Don’t give me some stupid spiel about how I deserve better and blah blah. I’ve heard it all before, many times. Usually from Viv. Maybe she was right about Brandon but wrong about me.”
Rainn scratched his head. “That’s …”
“Total B.S.,” Rafael said, clenching his jaw.
I crossed my arms. “Look, I appreciate everything you guys have done for me, but I know myself and I can take responsibility for my own role in disasters like this. I can … put on my big-girl pants.”
There was a moment of silence before Rafael said quietly, “You’ve been doing that far too long.”
“Excuse me? ”
His eyes flashed, but his voice was barely audible. “You heard me.”
“What do you mean?” I shook my head. “Never mind. Case closed. This is—”
Rafael took a deep breath. “Jacqueline has been telling you to put on your big-girl pants since long before you were a big girl. You never had a chance to make mistakes, to have someone take care of you … everything was always your responsibility, always your fault. Enough! We need to get her toxic, soul-sucking voice out of your head once and for all!” By the time he’d finished, he was shouting.
My breath caught as I reared back. Rafael and I had, of course, talked about Mom many times in the many years I’d known him, but he’d never erupted like this before. He’s right , a voice inside whispered, faintly.
“I hope I never have to meet this woman,” Rainn said menacingly. “Actually, she’d better hope that she never has to meet me .”
After a beat, we all dissolved into slightly pained laughter. Despite Rainn’s tough talk and muscular frame, he was a softie through and through. Born and raised in the South, he still had his Southern manners too, though he’d mostly left the accent behind.
I laughed until my sides ached, until I forgot what I was laughing about, until we all did, probably, until we forgot whether the tears streaming down our faces were tears of joy or sadness. Likely both.
“You guys, oh my gosh, what was that?” I asked between gasping breaths and giggles. Finally after some deliberately slow breaths, I steeled myself.
It was time to face this.
“You’re right. Brandon’s a jerk who treated me badly. So, how should I dump him?”