5. Chapter 5
“ S he’s awake, showered, and making waffles?” Rainn said, walking into the kitchen to set his gym bag on the floor. He grinned, grabbing a steaming waffle off the plate. “My trainer isn’t going to love this, but she doesn’t have to know.”
“She?” Rafael said, eyebrows raised. “Since when is your trainer a she?”
Rainn’s cheeks turned pink. “Oh, I don’t know. A while ago. Last Monday or something. Anyway—”
“What’s her name?” I asked while pouring more batter into the waffle maker. “Bertha?”
Rafael bit his lip to keep from laughing.
“I’m not telling!” Rainn said. He shook his head with a lopsided grin. “And I just realized how sixth grade that just sounded. Whatever, guys. It’s just the gym. No big deal.” He turned to head out. “Annie, I’m so, so glad you’re feeling better. Catch you guys later!”
I waited until Rainn had closed the door and the remaining waffles were plated. “Hey, Raf?” I sat on a stool next to him and licked syrup off my fork.
“Yeah?” He took his first bite of the largest waffle, closing his eyes with satisfaction.
“These are amazing as always. You look amazing as always. Of course, only you would recover from a hellish week like this in such, well, amazing form. But I wonder if you feel as amazing as you look. Maybe not?” He put his fork down and frowned, eyeing me closely.
“Eh, I’ve been better. Not great, not terrible, I suppose,” I admitted.
It was the truth. I was glad to be 80% over the viral symptoms, with only a few lingering nasal congestion issues, which I now knew (after a lot of internet searching) was normal after the first few days of a cold or flu.
I was still a little tired but had most of my energy back.
My appetite was low; the syrupy waffle tasted good, but I was nearly full already.
There was no trace of the fever, chills, nausea, or aches that made me feel like death earlier in the week.
How did people survive getting sick all the time?
I thought of my friend Jenn Weston, who got sick all the time because of her two young children who brought all the germs home.
Well, Jenn was really Viviana’s friend. She was friendly to me—and actually a lot of fun—but we only knew each other through Viviana.
Viviana … that’s what I needed advice on .
“I am wracking my brain about how to deal with Viv. Like, I know, logically, she was right. I mean, she was wronged , in a sense. Brandon was a slimeball to her, apparently. Probably Gregory isn’t much better, if I’m really honest. Maybe he’s worse.
He doesn’t even pretend to be nice. But at least that makes him honest … maybe? I don’t know.”
Rafael raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. “So, what’s the issue?”
With my nostrils flaring, I tried to figure out how to ask what I needed to ask. “Well, I don’t know … what to do about her. I mean, do I need to, um, tell her she was right? Apologize? Beg her to stay friends with me after the awful way I threw her out?”
He searched my face for a long moment and then took a few leisurely nibbles of his waffle. “I get the feeling you don’t want to apologize, or maybe you aren’t sure you need to. Are you thinking that your … reaction to her was somehow justified?” he asked, doubt written across his face .
My brow wrinkled.
Maybe this was a mistake .
“Hey, I won’t judge,” he said, “or I’ll try not to. I promise you, I’m always on your side. As if I even have to tell you that.” He punched me lightly on the shoulder before swallowing another bite of waffle.
“I know.” And I did. My sigh was long and pained.
“I’m just not even sure what to say, honestly.
I was super harsh to her, and that wasn’t cool.
She didn’t deserve that from me, and she didn’t deserve to be propositioned by Brandon either.
I’m sure that made her really uncomfortable, knowing her.
She doesn’t pull off casual flirting well even under the best of circumstances.
And normally I don’t have a problem apologizing when I mess up.
Right? Like, I’m cool with that usually.
And yet … I feel like I’m not ready to talk to her. I don’t know why. Or at least …”
“You don’t know if you know why.”
“Yes!” My eyebrows shot up. “How can you know me that well?”
Rafael gave me a dazzling smile before running a hand over his dark hair with the royal blue streaks. “How can I not? I’m fabulous and so are you.”
I tried but failed to produce a smile, so I stabbed the waffle on my plate. “Not feeling so fabulous though. So … do you have any theories?”
He bit his lower lip. “Hmm. I do, but I want to hear yours first.”
“All right,” I said uncertainly. “I think I’m … um, feeling some resentment … from the past. Some unresolved stuff. It’s actually kind of a vague feeling that’s hard to really nail down.”
He nodded repeatedly. “Yes, yes. I was getting that vibe. I think we can be a little more specific than that though, can’t we?”
“What—what do you mean?” My voice shook as I feared what he’d say next.
What if he brings up … no, why would he suddenly bring up Kylan?
He wouldn’t have seen the Instagram post, would he?
The one with my ex, flashing the plane tickets next to his face.
The tickets that looked like round-trip tickets, but it was hard to tell, even zooming in.
They ha d to be, right? He wouldn’t want to come back here.
Maybe he’s already gone by now. And his face.
Oh, man, his face.
That strong jaw, his lips curved in that tiny almost-smile he wore when he thought no one was looking, his short yet fluffy hair, the steel eyes that somehow managed to look both intense and amused at once.
I shook my head.
But surely Rafael wasn’t following him on socials, right? He wouldn’t have seen the post.
My stomach twinged with regret. I wished I hadn’t brought up any of this. At all.
Rafael studied me for what felt like hours until he seemed to make a decision.
“You resent her for meddling in past relationships, and you’ve never really addressed it with her, so it’s finally come bubbling to the surface.
You don’t feel like you can express the feeling now because it’s not that relevant to the current situation.
This time, she wasn’t meddling, like, pushing you toward or away from Brandon, but rather telling you something that you really needed to know. ”
I sighed. It was annoying how spot on he always was. “You get it. Yeah, it feels really unfair to bring up a bunch of old issues that have nothing to do with this Brandon thing, which wasn’t her fault at all.”
Yes, Brandon. This is only about Brandon. No one else. Not some old fling .
In his eyes, I saw something, a hesitation, a serious look that suggested he wanted to say more, but he closed his mouth before taking a long swig of apple juice. Fearing what he might be afraid to say, I filled the silence instead. “So what do I do?”
“This is a tough one. I feel like you should say something to her. To let her know you’re not mad, that you’re not that crazy—” He yelped when I punched him in the shoulder.
“I mean, not crazy at all. A-hem . Anyway, I do think you need some space from her, and that’s your right, girl.
Maybe eventually this resentment stuff has to be brought out into the open.
Or not, whatever you decide, but you don’t have to decide right now.
” He eyed me for a moment before adding, “Just have some space, girl.”
I bumped shoulders with him. “It’s like you read my mind and knew exactly what I wanted you to say ... before I even knew myself.”
He pursed his lips before nibbling on another waffle. “Of course. It’s one of my many talents.”
I grinned. “Any plans after class today?”
“Lunch at Joel’s parents’ house,” he said after swallowing a mouthful. “Why do you make this stuff so delicious? I’ll never fit into my leotard.”
My eyes widened. “His parents ’ house? That’s new, right? I know you’ve met up with them, but is this your first invite to their house?”
Rafael nodded, turning to me with an anxious expression. “Oh, Annie . How do I not bungle this?”
“As if you could,” I said, giving him a reassuring smile. “You can charm anyone. Anyone . If anyone should be nervous, it’s them. They should be trying to impress you . You’re a 10, Raf.”
He twisted his lips in a thoughtful manner and then nodded.
“Yep, you’re right. I am. Thanks, girl.” He flashed his winning smile, the one that charmed everyone he met, and then sashayed away to clean up the dishes.
After a moment, he glanced back at me, still facing my plate of barely eaten waffles. “What about you? Any plans for today?”
“I should check in with work emails and dig myself out of whatever hole I’m in with Ellen.
I think at least one editing job is late, or maybe she’s reassigned it by now.
I should probably text her.” I groaned just thinking about having to deal with all of that.
My job was OK. I didn’t hate it or love it.
I liked Ellen, most of the time. But it didn’t inspire passion, and it wouldn’t give me the strong distraction I needed right now.
Rafael stilled, his only movement in his eyes, which also stilled once they met mine. After a long moment of silence, he suddenly laughed. “Oh, you’re joking.”
I tilted my head in confusion and smiled weakly. “Uh … sure? ”
He stared at me, and then his jaw dropped. “ Annie! You can’t work for that Bolder trash. What are you thinking?”
I gasped. “Oh, I … it didn’t even cross my mind. I guess in my mind I’ve kept work and my personal life so separate for the longest time that I didn’t connect the dots … well, they’ve never been connected before.” I scowled. “Rafael, it’s my job though. Like, my source of income.”
“Girl, I’d rather pay your rent than see you spend another day, another minute working for that garbage human.”
“I’m touched.”