14. Chapter 14 #3
“Well, the men have spoken, so I guess that’s what matters,” I said irritably as I tossed my hair back.
Heads snapped in my direction, and jaws dropped.
What was that?
They’re going to hate me already on the first day.
He brings out the freaking worst in me .
“Women’s fiction was your idea, Ms. York,” Kylan said, crossing his arms over his broad chest as his mouth twitched at the corners.
Is he trying not to laugh at me?
Pressing my buttons on purpose? How dare he —
I stopped the stream of thoughts in their tracks. I needed to get myself under control.
While smoothing my hair that didn’t need smoothing, I smiled as serenely as I could. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
He nodded slightly in acknowledgement but said nothing, his expression revealing nothing. No one else spoke, with the air so thick with tension.
Once again, Carlina saved me. “You can’t have a good book club without some heated discussions and passionate exchanges, I’ve always found.” I laughed in relief, and many others joined me, nodding in agreement.
Kylan seemed like he was going to say more but didn’t.
Instead, he studied me with hooded eyes, his legs outstretched and crossed at the ankle.
I asked myself once again why I was looking at him and found it difficult to catch my breath.
This was ridiculous. I’d seen and dated plenty of guys since him, many of whom were objectively just as attractive as Kylan, if not more so.
But there was something about him. Or something about me that was reacting to him in such an annoyingly strong way.
I had to put a stop to this somehow. I’d have to strategize later.
Once I’d facilitated the discussion and eventual decision of which book to start with and how to find a copy—Hakeem would be very pleased with the resulting sales tonight—I asked if anyone had questions.
When no one seemed to have any, I added, “Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I’ve already set up a Facebook group for us, so we can discuss and debate outside of our weekly meetings too.
In particular, we could discuss online and vote on the next books we’ll read, so we’ll have more time in our in-person meetings for talking about the books themselves.
It’s a private group, so just look me up on Facebook, and I’ll add you to the group. ”
Crap.
Oh, crap. I don’t want Kylan contacting me on socials. No, no, no!
Maybe there’s another way; I could direct them to contact Sai instead—she’s a younger person anyway—
My thoughts stilled when one petite young woman raised her hand and spoke softly. “Have you thought about having a Zoom option? For those who … can’t attend in person, for one reason or another?”
I glanced at the woman, whose face was red and fingers were white as she clutched a purse in her lap tightly.
Perhaps the woman was shy or agoraphobic, or maybe she had an illness that made it difficult to leave home frequently.
I felt a wave of sympathy and then admiration for the woman’s courage in asking this question in front of a large group.
“I actually haven’t looked into an online option, but that is an excellent idea.
I feel silly for not considering that before—thank you so much for bringing it to my attention.
I do want this group to be as inclusive as possible.
Annalise, right? I love your name.” I smiled widely at the young woman, whose rigid pose relaxed just slightly.
I checked the clock. “And that, my new friends, is our first book club! It’s 8:25, so I’ll let you all leave a few minutes early.
Feel free to eat more cookies or take them with you.
” I smiled and then turned to thank Sai for helping out, but the girl ran off before I had a chance.
Shaking my head, I leaned down to gather some things I’d left under my chair, including my phone and some notes.
I noticed the blinking notification and unlocked my screen quickly. A message from Rainn. No, lots of messages from Rainn.
Rainn
Annie!
Annie, come on! What are you doing that you’re too busy to text me?
Oh wait, sorry. Book club is tonight, right? I’m an idiot. This is a big night for you.
Still, I can’t wait to tell you … Robin heard the interview went well!
Said he’d be shocked if you weren’t offered the position
You should check your email and voicemail - maybe they called or left a message?
YOU’RE GOING TO BE AN AGENT!! Probably! !
I laughed as I reread his messages. A big dopey grin decorated my face when I turned off my phone screen and stood up. I was surprised to see the area empty. Everyone from the group had left.
Good , I thought, sobering a bit. But I smiled again, remembering my great news.
“Annie.”
Hearing the deep baritone behind me, I closed my eyes.
No, it couldn’t be. He’s still here? And now …
I opened my eyes and looked around frantically without turning my head.
Now we were alone, apart from a few stray bookstore customers and an employee or two far off in the distance.
I needed to turn and face him. But how could I? I willed my feet to move, but they wouldn’t. It was taking all my energy to just breathe and stay upright.
“Annie?” Kylan said again, his voice a bit scratchy. “Do you need some help cleaning up?”
Turn around before you melt into the floor!
I exhaled shakily, and I hoped he couldn’t see or hear—but he probably could, because he sounded like he was close to me, far too close.
Finally, I turned, and my eyes immediately found his piercing grey ones, highlighting a face that was far too handsome for any man, let alone this one.
Time hadn’t altered his physical appeal at all, I realized as my eyes roved over each of his facial features, all of them perfect except for the two days’ worth of stubble.
And even that was somehow perfect. I lowered my eyes as my cheeks heated.
He must have noticed I was staring. But … maybe he was too.
I cleared my throat. “I can handle it. Thank you.” I immediately started to turn back, but his voice stopped me. His voice …
It was deeper than I remembered it, and yet there was something else too. Though it was still a bit gravelly, he spoke now with the tone and manner of a successful, confident man. Of course, given how fast he’d worked his way up from his working-class roots, he had every reason to feel confident.
“Don’t be silly,” he said, his voice clear yet casual. “There are a lot of chairs, and your bookstore friend ditched you. I’ll just help and then go. For the bookstore’s sake.” A look of annoyance marred his perfect face.
I swallowed with some difficulty. “Well, I—fine.” I walked to the other side of the circle and started folding the chairs.
When I started carrying them to the back of the store, he followed me silently.
I felt his every move, his presence consuming the air around us.
I needed air; there wasn’t enough air in here.
I vowed to lift more chairs next time so we could get this done as fast as possible.
Finally, only the snack table remained, and we had to carry that together. As we neared the storage area, he finally broke the silence. “I’ll walk you out. It’s pretty dark out by now, not safe.”
“Oh, that’s not necessary—” I protested, terrified at the thought of being alone with him any longer, especially in the dark. Who knew what idiocy would come out of my mouth in those conditions?
He scowled as we put down the table. “Don’t be a pain, Annie.”
I scoffed. “Don’t be … a pain ?”
“You heard me,” he said curtly as he propped the table against a wall.
Fuming, I crossed my arms, daring him to meet my eyes.
His eyes landed on me briefly and then rose toward the ceiling, his jaw rigid as he sighed. “Come on, let’s just go.”
After a long moment in which I continued to glare at him, I realized this was counterproductive. I needed to get out of his presence, and if letting him walk me out was the quickest way to make that happen, so be it. “Fine,” I forced out.
His lips seemed to twitch, so I started walking ahead without him. Fast.
But his legs were long and powerful, so he caught up easily.
So we walked side by side in silence, for which I was grateful. Once we exited the store, I cursed my choice to not bring a coat, as it was freezing outside. “My car is this way,” I mumbled while pointing. “See, not that far from the door. Not that dangerous. I’ll be fine.”
He made a sound that almost seemed like a laugh but probably wasn’t. Surely he was in too foul a mood for that. And he didn’t seem to find me funny or pleasant in any way anymore.
Just before we reached my car, he spoke up, his tone softer. “Annie, do you want me to bow out of the club?”
With wider eyes, I turned to him and scanned his earnest expression. “I … well …”
“I’m only in town for a visit, but I thought it would be fun to join a book club while I’m in town. I should have said ‘hello’ first. Uh, hello. I had no idea you were the host …” He cleared his throat. “My presence here is innocent, I swear.”
I gazed into his eyes and felt, for a moment, that time hadn’t passed. That it was Kylan from long ago, the one who liked me. Adored me. Before I could take that thought any further, I bit my lip and nodded. “OK. I believe you. And … you don’t have to bow out.”
Something flashed through his eyes, and I didn’t know what to call it, but it might have been relief.
“Unless you want to,” I added, staring at the ground. My shivers intensified, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or from his proximity.
“I don’t want to bow out,” he said easily, and for a moment his face hinted at a smile. Then something less pleasant passed over his face, and his eyes were steely. “I like to stick with things. See them through.”
Unlike me. That’s what he’s thinking . “Right, OK,” I said stiffly, my eyes downcast. “Thanks for the help.”
“Bye, Annie.”
And off he went .
I didn’t bother saying goodbye, as he was already striding off at a fast clip and likely wouldn’t hear me over the wind whipping around us. Digging my keys out of my pocket, I unlocked my car and quickly climbed inside.
As soon as the door closed, I let my head fall into my arms on the wheel.
I’d survived.
Somehow.
But would I again? And again?
Then came the creeping realization that he’d given me an out. And I hadn’t taken it. I’d basically invited him to keep coming to the book club. To keep torturing me.
I was a survivor. But this?
This, I didn’t know how to survive.
Of course … I had no choice.
Taking a few shallow breaths, I turned on the car radio with shaky fingers.
As if on cue, Sia’s “Chandelier” started playing—one of my favorite songs. It might as well have been written for me, the ultimate party girl, using alcohol to numb the pain. But everyone loved a party girl, right?
Yes, drink.
That’s what I need.