12. Phial
twelve
Phial
" W hy is she choosing him!" I ask way too loud, considering it's technically the middle of the night for all of us.
I'm on my back, with my body draped over the peak of the dome. My comm is in one hand, and my other is lying lazily above my head as I all but snarl at the poor decision-making skills being shown to me.
"Kizik has been the worst male the whole season."
Avery is inside the dome, snuggled up with blankets and pillows as she watches the show on the screen inside. One day, I'll be in the nest with her while we watch our shows, and maybe I will even get to hold her as I complain about who these females always end up choosing. Not that the males do any better when we watch shows where there is one male and many females.
"I'm pretty sure she just wants him because he has the bigger following on their planet's biggest social media site," Avery says.
I roll onto my stomach so I can see exactly where Avery is. I'm grateful she's back to keeping the dome transparent so we can interact more easily. She's kept it transparent for about a week now. Around the same time, we started watching the show together.
I hope she realizes that our relationship is the easiest. Our friendship is solid, and now she only needs to maybe want me as more than a friend. We can be perfect for one another. I don't push, though, because she hasn't brought up what happened in the navigation room or invited me back to the special physical room with her. I hope she will in her own time.
I crawl over to where she's lying until my face is right above hers so she can see my face when I voice my disapproval. "Linnil was the much better choice." I tap on my comm screen where I have the show frozen on a teary-eyed Linnil being escorted off the property where the show is held because he wasn't selected to be the female's love match. "What does it matter the social media following? He would've loved her and cherished her."
Avery looks up at me with her brows furrowed together. "You do realize that most of these shows aren't about love right?"
I make a disgusted face through the glass and roll back onto my back, my free hand going to my forehead. "If it's not about finding love then why even be on it?"
"Well, it's for our entertainment, first of all," Avery says.
Her voice is closer now, which means she might be sitting up. If I were to turn over, would our faces be as close as possible with the glass separating us? I really want there to be no glass, just our faces close, her head tilting up toward mine, her eyes closing, her cheeks turning pink. I frown at myself and make sure I don't roll over because I'm thinking things that aren't going to do me any good tonight.
"Yes, well, they entertained us all season by keeping Kizik on." I narrow my eyes at the comm screen like it's wronged me in some way. "What did you call him again? A douchebag? Why does there always have to be a douchebag in every season?"
"Because we need someone to create conflict and tension between the contestants," Avery groans.
This isn't the first time we've had this conversation. She looks at the shows through the lens that they're all fake, like the movies we watch sometimes. I still think they are real. They do choose the worst possible contestants to be on them, though.
"How many seasons of this are there?" she asks.
"I think twelve," I say, hitting play so we can watch Linnil say his final goodbyes.
Kizik and the Lhah embrace on the final platform, kissing one another like they actually have any feelings for one another. I frown the entire time, hating that once again, one of these shows has roped me in so thoroughly and disappointed me in the end.
The credits start rolling, and I roll over, plastering my face to the dome. "Are we starting the next season now?"
Avery throws her head back and laughs. So maybe I hate how the shows rope me in, keep me invested, and then end so terribly, but I can't stop myself from continuing to watch them. I could blame Avery since this is our favorite activity to do together.
For now.
But really, it's always me asking for just one more episode, just one more season. Maybe this one will be different. Avery goes along with it because she enjoys the drama, but I also think she likes sharing something with me that is just for us.
"I think we both need some sleep," Avery says as she clicks the comm screen off inside the dome.
I frown at it because I don't want to sleep yet. I want to spend more time with her, maybe talk to her, and see who the contestants are for the next season. Really, I'm a male with simple needs.
"Fine, fine, we can sleep, but I want to start the next season tomorrow," I grumble to myself as I move over to where my comm's charging port is. I had to move one of them out of the nest since I don't sleep in there anymore. I crawl back to the top of the dome and peer inside.
"Are you leaving it clear tonight?" I like it when she does because I can wait until she's fast asleep to crawl over to where she's sleeping and watch her breathe deep and slow through the night.
Avery chews on her bottom lip, her eyes refusing to meet mine. Strange. Normally, she's hyper after we finish our show, and she makes a big deal about how it's such an inconvenience to need to stop for the night. What she's doing right now? Being quiet and contained. It's not normal at all.
"Ave—"
"Do you want—"
We both speak at the same time and when we notice, we stop. I blink a few times, waiting for her to ask her question because it's more important than me just saying her name to get her attention.
When she flushes pink, I think maybe she's having the same issue she was having when we returned from her first time copiloting the ship. She apologized afterward, which made me want to curl up into a ball of shame. I thought she was eager to be with me like that, but then she apologized and told me she wouldn't put me in that position outside of the room again, and I thought she regretted how her body responded to me.
"Are you comfortable out there?" she finally asks, and the question catches me off guard.
I've slept on top of my dome since Avery joined the crew. She needed her own space, and my dome was safe and isolated for her. Sure, it's not the most comfortable sleeping on top, but it's not strange for the patriarch of the family to do it on my planet when there's a threat or something that worries the others in the nest.
"Comfortable enough," I shrug, unsure of why she's asking.
I try to conceal my panic when I think about her wanting me to sleep somewhere else. What if she thinks I'm not comfortable here and wants me to sleep on the couch in the entertainment room? Nope, I'm not doing that. Not even if she suggests it. I'll come up with some excuse, I'll—
"Do you want to sleep in the nest?"
My brain short circuits for a moment. No, not just a moment. A whole good handful of moments as I blink slowly, making sure I didn't somehow mishear Avery. She's never, not once, invited me into the nest.
I never expected her to because it's her space now. Sure, I might've gifted her feathers as they fell out and left them at the entrance to the dome before she could understand me, but that was as close as I ever thought I'd get with her inside it.
"In the nest?" I ask like it's not a stupid question. "Sleep in it? With you?" Oh yeah, that definitely makes me seem smarter.
Avery frowns at me, her pink cheeks taking on a more rosy complexion as her flush grows. "You don't have to," she mutters and then turns onto her side like she's about to go to sleep in the middle of our conversation.
My brain takes a second longer to realize she's upset with my reaction to her question, and I need to fix it quickly.
"I would very much like to sleep in the nest," I say, crawling over the dome until I'm positioned right above her. She keeps herself tucked away against the blankets, avoiding looking at me. I tap on the glass, determined to annoy her until she allows me into the nest with her. "Avery, please. I was surprised that's all."
She shifts, her eyes peeking over her shoulder at me. They're narrowed into tiny slits that make her displeasure known, but I keep a big smile on my face. "Please, I will be the most grateful male."
"Fine," she huffs, the pink rising on her cheekbones.
I don't wait for her to say anything else before I crawl over the dome to the entrance and crawl my way inside. I stay near the entrance when I get inside, sitting back and crossing my legs so I don't take up too much of Avery's space.
I wish she would've invited me in here while we were watching our show. Maybe I could've slowly moved closer and closer to her as it progressed until we were right next to each other with maybe my arm around her shoulders, holding her tight.
"Where do you want me to sleep?" I ask.
"Um." She bites her lip and looks around the nest. It's a spacious area since it takes up most of my room. There's easily enough space in here for four full-grown adults, but there will only ever be two. I frown to myself, never more than two.
Avery moves some of the blankets and pillows over and then shakes her head. "Um, just wherever. It's your nest, so yeah."
"It's been your nest since you joined the crew," I correct her.
This is very much her safe place, and I won't do anything that could jeopardize that. I move up against the furthest edge from Avery. I want to give her the space she needs. I'm sure this is all very new for her, and I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
I curl my body up and grab one of the blankets to toss over myself. Avery's eyes are on me the whole time, and I'm pretty sure she's still upset with me, though for what reason, I don't know.
"Is something wrong?" I ask. I don't want her going to bed angry with me.
"Are you sleeping over there?" she asks, and she asks it in such a way that I know there's a correct answer to her question, but I don't know what it could be.
My eyes are wide, and my feathers stand on end because this is a delicate situation. I don't know how we got here, and I don't know how to get out of it.
"I was planning on it," I say, eyeing the entrance to the nest. "Would you like me to leave?"
"What?" Avery snaps and sits upright. "Now you want to leave?"
"I don't want to, but you're unhappy with me right now, so what is it that I can do to make you happy?" I ask, waving my hands around like it might help me better demonstrate just how lost I am right now.
Avery's anger seems to evaporate, and a look of hopelessness takes its place. I didn't think I'd ever want her anger back on me, but I'd much rather have that than whatever this sadness is. She rubs her eyes, and I hope there are no tears when she pulls away. Her lower lash is rimmed in red, and her eyes are misty, but there are no tears yet.
"It's not your job to make me happy," she says the words so softly that I think I'm misunderstanding.
Of course, I want to make her happy. She's my friend, a female I'd love to be more than friends with, if I'm being honest. It's my honor to make her happy.
"I think I should go," Avery says out of nowhere. My claws extend like I'm in danger, and my feathers stiffen even harder. I open my mouth to object, but Avery beats me to it. "Yeah, I need to go. This isn't fair to you. I'm sorry."
"Avery, wait," I call after her as she power crawls through the nest out the entrance.
I'm right behind her, wanting to grab her and pull her back into the dome with me. Whatever is wrong, we can fix it. I just need to know what's wrong so I can handle it. Avery doesn't stop to grab any of her belongings. She heads straight out the door into the sleeping ship.
"Avery," I whisper shout her name, following after her.
"Phial, I'm going to the sanctuary tonight. You can sleep in the nest. I've already taken it from you enough," Avery says, not turning around to face me.
I can hear the tears in her voice, and it breaks my heart. How did the night go from so good to so bad in a matter of seconds?
"It's your nest." I weakly attempt to convince her to return to it. She doesn't turn around. She doesn't open her arms to me and tell me I'm right. She keeps walking. "Avery, please."
She spins around at that and holds up a hand to keep me from getting too close to her. "I rely on you too much. You give me your room and nest, and you spend all your time with me. I have nothing to offer you. I can't keep being a burden on you. It's going to ruin our friendship, and I'll never forgive myself if I let that happen."
"So you're what?" I ask, lifting my arms and motioning between us. "You're going to stay in the sanctuary, not talk to me, not tell me what's bothering you? Why? If we're friends like you say we are, why are you not letting me be your friend? I'll fix things for you as I would for Alik or Jovi or Essa. They don't run from me when I try, so why do you?"
"Because I don't want to be your friend, Phial!" Avery shouts the words at me, probably loud enough to wake the whole crew.
We've only a few minutes before the others are up and wondering what the commotion is. Avery covers her mouth, surprised at herself for the words coming out. I can't say that I'm not surprised either. I'm surprised, heartbroken, defeated. Any negative emotion I'm feeling to some degree.
"I see." I nod, taking a deep swallow of emotions that are now attempting to constrict my throat.
"No, you don't." Avery wipes the tears from her face, her eyes taking on a hard quality that I'm not used to seeing from her. "I don't want to be your friend because I want more."
Of course, as soon as my spirits are lifted, my mood rejuvenated, and my entire reason for existing uplifted, Essa comes out into the hall, sees one of her friends crying, and tries to help. Essa steps between us, wiping away some of the sleep from her eyes. She's not trying to pick sides. If anything, she's trying to figure out why we're arguing and what she can do to make us not.
But while Essa is separating us, waking up much too slowly, Avery takes the opportunity to sprint out of the ship. Essa, in her sleepy confusion, holds her hands up to keep me from chasing after her.
"You don't understand," I hiss at Essa, wanting her to let me go so I can track Avery down and tell her I want her as more than a friend as well. That I've always wanted more with her.
Maybe it's the conviction in my voice or the look in my eye, but Essa moves out of my way, letting me chase after the human female I want to be mine. The only obstacle in my way will be an angry Jia, but I'm sure I can win her over.
Maybe.