18. Victoria
Chapter 18
Victoria
I threw open Noah’s door. We were past knocking at this point, and I could hear Tess screaming from downstairs. Tossing my bag onto the table, I shuffled into the living room. Noah was rocking her softly back and forth, but her little face was beet red and sweaty.
“Poor baby.” I caressed her cheek, and when the heat radiating from her registered, I pulled back.
“Ear Infection,” Noah said, over her wails. “Willa checked her out a couple of hours ago. We got antibiotics, but it will take a day for them to kick in. She woke up this morning with a fever of 102.”
Tess pushed her face into her dad’s chest and sobbed.
The painful sound broke my heart. I wanted to scoop her up and tickle her and make silly faces until she laughed. All the thoughts of the confusing day and a half I’d had disappeared when I looked at the two of them. They needed me.
“Okay.” I pulled my sleeves up and tied my hair back into a ponytail. “What can I do?”
“She needs fluids. I’ve got a bottle with Pedialyte over there.” He nodded to the counter where the bright orange liquid sat.
I snagged it off the Formica and frowned. “This is room temp?”
He raised one eyebrow.
“I drank this stuff in college.”
His face scrunched up in disgust. “Why?”
“Prevents hangovers.” I shrugged. “It’s so much better cold. Hold on.”
Rounding the counter, I headed for the fridge. I deposited the warm bottle and picked up a cold one.
“Here.” I twisted the cap and held it out. “Try this.”
Tess took a few tentative sips before pushing it away and squirming again.
“I’ve been alternating Tylenol and Motrin. It’s helped lower her temperature, but she’s still miserable.”
His eyes were blue pools of panic, and the muscles in his arms were clenched. On top of that, he looked so damn weary. I wanted to hug him as desperately as I wanted to hug Tess. This big bear of a man was in pain because his daughter was sick.
I never grew tired of seeing his devotion to her. If I knew him, he’d been so busy taking care of Tess that he’d forgotten to take care of himself.
“Have you eaten?”
Head lowered and attention fixed on his baby girl, he shook his head.
“I can fix that.” I hustled downstairs and threw together a sandwich.
When I returned, I set it on the table and took the fussing baby from him. “Sit down, eat, drink a glass of water.”
Nodding dazedly, he dropped into a chair.
I kissed Tess’s forehead and smoothed down her unruly hair. “Sweet girl, I’m so sorry you’re sick.”
“Ick,” she said, her cheeks red and little face forlorn.
“I’m happy to see you too.” Tears welled in my eyes. I would do anything to help her feel better, especially after what she’d done for me yesterday. I loved this kid, and no matter what Graham said, I was devoted to her.
Noah watched me intently with those icy blue eyes. “Thank you.”
I shrugged. “It’s a sandwich on a paper plate. But I did get the good sliced turkey breast when I went to Heartsborough yesterday.”
“Not only for the sandwich. Though this is really good.” He held up the second half. He’d already inhaled the first. “But for being here.”
“I want to be here,” I said softly.
He caught my eye, the gratitude in his expression so potent it made my breath catch.
It was true. I looked forward to coming over. I loved Tess, and Noah was quickly becoming my best friend. Plus we had appearances to maintain. Though that seemed less and less important lately.
My desire to spend time with him was beginning to feel far more urgent than my need to prove myself to my family.
Alexandra and Mom had been spotted at the coffee shop and a few other places over the last few days, but they had mostly kept to themselves. I’d seen them on the sidewalk outside the grocery store, and we’d had a polite, if stilted chat, where Mom insisted I must come over and see the new house but offered no specific date or time.
With every day that passed, I found that I cared less about their opinions. The panic and shame I’d felt at the wedding only a couple of weeks ago was already beginning to fade.
But then Graham had to show up and badmouth me on the street. Declare to the world that I was a failure as a wife and as a woman. And crazy to boot. I walked around, rubbing Tess’s back and trying to calm myself down. It didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. It had taken years, but my nervous system was finally getting the message. He couldn’t hurt me anymore. I had to stop giving him that power.
Tess nuzzled into me, and I held her tight, knowing that this little person believed in me. That she and her dad were part of the reason why I was starting to heal.
“When was the last dose?” I asked, pressing my cheek to her heated forehead.
“Only an hour ago.”
I walked the room, making my usual loop, murmuring and stroking her little back as I told her about the big moose I’d seen by the side of the road today.
After slamming the sandwich, an apple, and a glass of water, Noah was looking more like himself.
He leaned in, putting his arm around my waist and kissing Tess’s forehead while she was cradled up against my chest. The feel of his hand on me and the warmth of his body, even for that brief moment, almost knocked me off balance.
Hormones . They were totally normal. Sick baby, concerned dad. How could I not be a little rattled in such close proximity to these two?
Evolution. In the end, I was no better than a cavewoman.
I handed her back to him, needing space and a moment to compose myself.
“She’s still warm. I should take her temp again.”
Nodding, I picked the ear thermometer up off the kitchen counter and held it out to him.
He put the tip of it in her ear, and when it beeped, he checked the reading and shook his head.
Then he put it in the other ear.
“Fuck. It’s 103.”
He dropped the thermometer onto the couch and paced, tugging on his hair with his free hand.
“Should I take her to the ER? Fuck. Her temperature has never been this high.”
My pulse pounded in my ears. God, did she have a serious illness?
“She probably has something horrible, like meningitis, and I’m the dumbass who didn’t notice.” He was spiraling now, his pacing growing faster.
His panicked self-loathing stopped my own racing thoughts. He needed me to be the calm presence here.
I grabbed his shoulder and gave it a hard squeeze. “Breathe. Your sister-in-law is the town doctor. Call her.”
He handed Tess back to me and frantically patted his pockets for his phone before finally locating it on the couch.
On speakerphone, Willa was calm and authoritative, assuring us that nothing was gravely wrong. Since Tess was breathing normally and had no troubling rashes, it really looked as though it was a standard, if not severe, ear infection.
“Cool her down,” Willa instructed. “Take off her clothes, turn the heat down, that sort of thing.”
I immediately laid her on the couch and unsnapped her pajamas, wincing as she cried out.
“Can I give her more medicine?” Noah asked.
“No. Stick to the schedule I gave you. Between doses, keep her cool and comfortable and make sure she’s drinking liquids.”
Once I was cuddling her again, she continued to cry. I paced like we did every night, rubbing circles on her back. Her little body felt so hot.
“A cool bath or shower can help bring her fever down. Not cold, just slightly cooler than normal. Do you want me to come over?”
Willa was a few years younger than me, and I didn’t know her well, but it was obvious she was devoted to her patients and this town. I didn’t know many doctors these days who would make a middle-of-the-night house call for an ear infection.
“Nah. It’s okay. Vic is here. We’ll manage.”
“Keep me posted.”
We spent the next hour trying to keep Tess comfortable, counting down the minutes until we could give her another dose of Tylenol. But as time went on and she fussed, Noah got continuously more restless.
“Here, hold her.” He held the diaper-clad baby out to me.
Gently, I took her. The moment I made contact with her bare skin, my stomach sank. Her body was on fire and the lines on her tiny face were etched with discomfort.
With a grunt, he stripped off his shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“You heard Willa. A shower. Cool, not cold.”
I froze, entranced by his large, masculine torso. The sleeve of ink on his left arm snaked up his bicep and continued over his shoulder, meeting the designs on his chest and back. I could spend days decoding each one, studying how they wrapped around his thick muscles.
He was stripping. Right in front of me. Alarm bells rang in my head, startling me back to reality, and I averted my eyes.
He spun and strode away without another word. Still holding the feverish baby, I followed him into the tiny, pink-tiled bathroom, so much like my own downstairs.
Maybe it was the tight quarters, or maybe I was coming down with an illness as well, but either way, I was suddenly feeling hot.
Sweaty and twitchy too. Unsure of where to look or how to act.
Where did Noah leave that thermometer? Did I have a fever?
Noah’s bare chest was too close. He was muscular and strong, with dark chest hair that tapered down to the waistband of the jeans he was now unbuttoning.
My heart stuttered. Christ on a cracker. Was he getting completely naked? Should I leave?
I peeked over at the door, ready to dart through it, only to remember that I was holding the baby. I couldn’t leave.
Tess cried out, and I patted her back, swaying from side to side while Noah, who was now only wearing a pair of black boxer briefs, adjusted the temperature of the water.
Unable to tear my eyes away, I studied his tattoos more closely. There was a fireman’s helmet, an axe, and a copse of trees, all woven together with intricate script and symbols I didn’t recognize. Interspersed throughout it all were tiny reddish-purple flowers.
“You okay?” he asked, reaching into the shower to check the water.
“Mm-hmm.” I forced a smile, pretending I wasn’t captivated by the sight of his bare chest and back.
In reality, my mouth had gone dry and my palms had begun to sweat.
I focused my attention on Tess. On keeping her comfortable. Yes, that was the responsible thing to do.
“Hold her up so I can take her diaper off.”
Once she was naked and cradled in his arms, he stepped into the cool shower and swayed under the spray, talking to her softly.
She clung to him, whimpering, her little arms wrapped around his neck.
I stood there, mesmerized as he ran a soothing hand over her head and down her back.
The tender concern on his face and the way that, even bone tired, he would do anything for this child cracked my heart in two.
This man, a wall of muscle, ink, and chest hair, held this tiny baby like she was the most precious thing to ever exist.
Her distress was causing him physical pain.
As I watched the two of them, an ache formed low in my belly, a sensation I hadn’t experienced in years.
Breathing became difficult. My breasts felt heavy. My legs didn’t seem to want to walk away. With every second that passed, emotions shifted, thoughts realigned, and feelings grew. Like a complicated Tetris game inside me opening up a sensation that felt suspiciously like want.
And Noah Hebert was not something I could afford to want.