19. Noah
Chapter 19
Noah
“ I can’t believe she’s sleeping in her crib.” Smiling, Vic gave me a double thumbs-up.
After a long, cool shower, we changed Tess, fed her, and got her to the next dose of medicine. Shortly after that, she finally drifted off.
Since the only ceiling fan in the apartment was in her room, we figured we’d see how long she’d sleep in there. When I laid her down, she instantly rolled over and burrowed her face into the mattress.
She seemed comfortable, and her temperature had come down a bit. Perhaps she only liked the crib when sick? Because she usually acted like it was made of thorns and fire.
After leaving her door open a few inches, I leaned back against the wall in the hallway and let my body deflate.
It was after two, and I was dead on my feet.
As a first responder, I had extensive training and experience in handling crises and life-and-death situations. But all that training and my ability to keep cool in the face of danger were completely lost the minute my daughter was sick.
“Thank you,” I whispered as we dragged ourselves into the living area.
Vic looked wiped too. Her ponytail was disheveled, and she’d changed out of her jeans and top, trading them for a pair of my athletic shorts and a Yosemite T-shirt. The sight of her in my clothes lit up a part of my brain I wasn’t sure had ever been active before. And I didn’t hate it.
“No thanks necessary.”
My chest tightened. “I was spiraling, and you were here for me. And for Tess. You are a damn good friend.”
It was dark, and I was dangerously close to slipping into unconsciousness, but I swore her face fell at that last word.
And suddenly, I was overcome with the urge to be near her. So I stalked to where she stood by the window.
After the chaos of the evening, my brain had quieted, as if it had worn itself out. For once, the racing thoughts, endless distractions, and nonstop noise had ceased.
My only focus was Vic.
Her soft skin, illuminated by the Bluey nightlight and the streetlights outside.
The rapid rise and fall of her chest.
Every time I looked at her, that persistent ache inside me intensified. Tonight, it was all-consuming.
The need to be close overwhelmed me.
The desire to touch her was impossible to resist.
We stood together in the quiet.
Quiet was scary. Quiet was dangerous.
Yet it was strangely exhilarating with this woman at my side. Like I was standing at the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off into oblivion.
“Thank you,” I rasped. I’d said it before, but it was impossible to put into words how grateful I was. She’d been by my side for hours, helping and encouraging, even making me a damn sandwich.
“You already said that.”
It was two a.m., and we were both deliriously tired.
But yet.
I ran my fingers along the edge of her jawline, testing the boundaries of the new territory we’d entered.
Leaning into my touch, she peered up at me. Vulnerable and beautiful. Did she feel this too?
Gently, I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, unable to take my hands off her.
To my shock, she responded in the most unexpected and incredible way. She moved in close, and when our chests were mere inches away from one another, she bit her lip.
As she regarded me, there wasn’t an ounce of self-doubt. No hesitation.
The last of my resolve crumbled.
Cupping her jaw, I angled in, eager to savor the sensation of our lips touching.
She gripped the front of my T-shirt, her breathing picking up.
God, I’d never wanted anything more than I wanted to kiss this woman.
Slowly, I tilted my head and brushed my lips against hers. Breathing her in, I—
“I like warm hugs.”
I jumped back.
Vic did too, a small squeak escaping her.
“Do you want to build a snowman?”
“I like warm hugs.”
She gasped and whipped around, zeroing in on where the noise was coming from. “Is that… Olaf?”
Eyes closed, I vowed to smash that fucking toy with a hammer. When I opened them again, I found the possessed stuffed snowman. It was lying on the floor next to the Pack ’n Play.
Motherfucking Olaf.
“Some people are worth melting for. I like warm hugs.”
“ Warm hugs.”
Vic was shaking with silent laughter. “Is it malfunctioning?”
“I have no idea.” Though disappointment was like a heavy weight pressed against my chest, I couldn’t help but laugh along with her.
He spoke again, his words coming more quickly, the creepy phrases slurring together. “Do you want to build a snowman I like warm hugs do you want to—”
With a shudder, I snatched him up off the floor. Then I quickly and efficiently flipped him over, unzipped the pocket at his back, and pulled out the AA batteries.
As I tossed them onto the coffee table, Vic cackled. “That thing is creepy.” She slapped her thigh. “And your face.” She guffawed. “I thought you’d smash it.”
I was laughing again too. Hell yeah, I wanted to smash it. Actually, I wanted to twist Olaf’s stupid snowman head until it popped right off his body. But that was neither here nor there.
I sobered quickly, remembering what we were doing before Olaf had ruined the moment.
The spell we’d been under had passed. She was smiling and laughing and yawning now. Not biting her bottom lip and watching me with heated eyes.
It was probably for the best. I had a feeling that if I kissed Vic once more, it would only make it harder to resist doing it again. It would only lead to disappointment. Vic had been clear about her lack of interest. Not only in me, but in anyone. As her friend, I had to respect that. She was too precious to me, too important to Tess. My attraction to her was growing by the day, but I would learn to control it.
I had to.
She squinted at the toy, suspicious. “Do you think he’s done now?”
I shook my head. “Nah, he’ll rise again to annoy me. I know it.”
She gave me a weak smile, and suddenly, a thread of awkwardness wove around us.
“I should go,” she said. “Call me if you need anything.”
I nodded. Shushing the symphony of thoughts in my brain. The quiet, the focus I’d felt when touching her, was long gone. I’d have to drop and do at least one hundred pushups to turn down the volume. Running would be better, but with Tess sleeping, that wasn’t an option.
“Well, Okay.” She hesitated, giving me a forced smile. The situation had gone from hot to funny to awkward in the span of two minutes.
As she headed toward the door, my brain screamed at me to say something. To ask her to stay. To pin her up against the wall and kiss her until she couldn’t stand up straight.
Because the emotions inside me were raging. A jumbled mess of them.
Instead, I silently watched her slip her shoes on and grab her bag from the table before she stepped out into the hall and closed the door carefully behind her.
The moment the lock clicked, I collapsed on the couch and put my head in my hands.
I needed to get a hold of myself. A lifetime of impulsivity and snap decisions had done me absolutely no favors when it came to the superhuman self-control it would take to not kiss her.
The moment had been so perfect.
And also, did I just get cock-blocked by a fucking stuffed snowman?