26. Victoria
Chapter 26
Victoria
“ T here’s nothing better than summer in Maine.” Alice closed her eyes and took a deep breath of mountain air.
Becca and I murmured in agreement. The three of us were sitting on the fieldstone patio behind Alice’s house, enjoying a much-needed moment of peace.
I loved these long summer days, when the sunlight lingered and all my burdens felt a little bit lighter. I’d been working nonstop, unloading trucks, making deliveries, and meeting with Cole Hebert to finalize the layout for vendors for the lumberjack competition.
He’d connected me with a company out of Portland that would build a competition platform and bleacher-style seats for spectators at a discount. The event was growing in a way that terrified me. The cost of setup and logistics was already far too high for my comfort. We already had over sixty competitors signed up, and the children’s events were proving to be extremely popular. All I could do was hope that we could pull this off.
When Alice texted, suggesting an impromptu girls’ night, I jumped at the chance. I was still sorting out all my thoughts and feelings about Noah and the incredible sex we’d had the other night. Every time I stopped moving, I could feel his hands on my body, the way he tasted and the way he groaned when he saw me naked for the first time. I’d spent so long denying my desire for him, and once I opened the floodgates, it knocked me right on my ass.
I needed to sort this out, be rational.
“How are things at work?”
I deflated. “Still hustling to bring in more donations,” I admitted. “And frustrated that I can’t do more.”
They both nodded thoughtfully. They knew how far we had to stretch to get folks what they needed. Both Alice and Becca volunteered frequently and even brought their kids along.
It was personal to Alice. Her children had been clients of the food pantry back when they were in foster care. Kids like Tucker and Goldie were the reason I knew I had to do better. But I didn’t know what else I could do. Most days it truly felt as if I’d tapped every possible resource.
“I could always sell photos of my feet,” I mused.
Becca spit out a mouthful of rosé. “Sorry?”
“I have nice feet.” I slipped off my sandals and wiggled my toes at her, teasingly defensive. My nail polish was chipped, but otherwise they were fine.
Alice laughed, but Becca inspected my feet carefully.
“They seem … nice.” She trailed off.
“Not fetish-worthy?” Straightening, I crossed my arms.
“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not familiar with what constitutes fetish-worthy feet.”
“Can we circle back for a moment?” Alice asked. “Are you okay financially? What’s going on? Why have we jumped right to foot fetish photos?”
I shrugged. “Graham kept our condo and bought me out, and I do get a bit of alimony, so I’m getting by. I can’t imagine ever stepping away from the food pantry, but I need to supplement my income and come up with a long-term financial strategy.”
“You could pay yourself a salary. People who work for nonprofits don’t work for free. You know that, right?”
I winced. Every time I considered it, I’d take a look at our financials and be reminded of why I couldn’t. “I’d be taking money away from operations, and we need every penny right now.” I couldn’t imagine standing face to face with someone in need and not have food for them. How could I speak to a mom with a baby on her hip and tell her we were out of diapers or formula? I couldn’t. That was why I was purchasing some of those necessities. To supplement our donations.
“You can’t work yourself to the bone and then not even pay yourself a wage.”
“I know. I know. It won’t be forever. I’m still trying to get things running smoothly and stabilize the finances. I’d love to take on other work and earn an income, but there’s not a lot of need for corporate PR up here.”
“Nonsense. First of all, we’re living in a global world. You can do remote work.”
Becca held her glass up. “And you have tons of useful skills.”
I gave her a dubious look.
“You write one hell of a grant proposal.” Alice was a former English teacher turned school principal, so naturally, I had her proofread all my grant applications.
I tipped my invisible cap. “Thank you.”
“And you’re great at organizing fundraisers and events,” Becca said. “Like the lumberjack competition. You threw it together on a whim last summer, and now it’s a major town event.”
“Ooh. The wood chopping?” Alice kissed her fingertips. “Perfection.”
Becca cackled. “You’re only saying that because your husband was one of the hunks up there swinging an axe.”
“Girl, he chops wood for me all the time. The competition was strictly a bonus.” She smirked. “You’ve got talent and inspiring ideas, and you’re incredible at motivating people. Don’t sell yourself short. Get through the lumberjack competition, and then we’ll brainstorm. I promise there are opportunities out there.”
Henri and the kids stepped out, along with their two dogs, Rochester and Heathcliff, ready for an evening walk. Goldie hugged Becca, then me, while Tucker gave us a wave.
They were gone as quickly as they came, Henri hoisting Goldie onto his broad lumberjack shoulders and Tucker beside him, his too-big feet and too-long legs making him lope.
“Is there anything hotter than a good dad?” Alice tipped her sunglasses down to check out her husband.
A laugh escaped me. “Silly question. There is nothing hotter than a great dad.”
Becca raised her wineglass again. “Agreed. And you?” She pointed a finger at me. “Since we’re talking about hot dads. Noah Hebert walked by the salon yesterday, backward hat, arms covered in tats, wearing this damn cute baby.” She fanned her face. “I almost fainted.”
There was no stopping the wide grin spreading across my face. Yes. It was a lethal combination. I had a front-row seat to the baby snuggles and all the sweet murmuring he did while he loved on her. He gave her everything he had twenty-four hours a day. It might have been the most irresistible thing I’d ever encountered.
“I’m so happy for you,” Alice gushed.
My cheeks heated. Every time I thought about Noah, it happened. The rest of my body warmed too. The feelings, the flashbacks. I couldn’t keep my brain from reliving every glorious, naked moment with him.
Becca set her empty glass on the end table next to her seat. “Graham can go fuck off. Thank God you didn’t have a baby with him.”
It still stung, thinking about it. My inability to get pregnant, even though I rationally knew it wasn’t the right path. “I always wanted to be a mother, but I guess I spent too much time focused on the goal of getting pregnant and not nearly enough on whether Graham would be a good father.”
“He’d be a dogshit father,” Becca quipped.
“Don’t say that,” Alice hissed. “Alex is pregnant.”
I shook my head, still unable to wrap my mind around it. “I sincerely hope my new niece or nephew has the most beautiful life. But I know now that having a baby with him would have been a huge mistake, no matter how much I wanted to be a mom.”
Alice put her head on my shoulder. “You’ll get there, sweetie.”
I nodded. Once I put my shitty marriage in the rearview mirror, I began working on making peace with my fertility struggles. But the sadness, the feeling that my body was broken, still crept up on me from time to time.
“She’s right. You can have a family in one of a million different ways. Look at us,” Becca said. “We’re not poster children for the typical get a degree, get a job, get married, buy a house, have 2.5 kids and a dog, and go to Disney every year path.”
Alice raised her glass. “Truth. We all took different routes to get here, and that’s okay. The journey is the fun part. The part where you grow and become who you were meant to be.”
My eyes welled, making my vision go blurry. God, my friends were the most incredible people. “I love you both so much.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Becca grumbled, her eyes going a little misty. “We’re amazing and supportive, I know.” She pulled her shoulders back and arched one pierced brow. “Now let’s get to the good stuff. Did he fix your broken vag?”
“Becca!” Alice huffed, her cheeks flushing. “It wasn’t broken. Just hibernating.”
My lungs seized, and I could only imagine the color of my cheeks was closer to purple than the adorable pink of my blond friend’s.
“Not anymore.” Becca barked out a laugh. “Look at how red her face is.”
“I take it all back. You two are the worst.” My stupid cheeks had been giving me away since I was a kid.
“No more hibernation. Someone is awake!” Alice kicked her feet and squealed. “I’m so happy you’re getting some.”
Becca tapped her chin. “We’ve been telling you for months to get back on the horse, and let me just say, that is one fine thoroughbred.”
“ Stop .” These ridiculous women were delighting in my embarrassment.
“He defends you to your shitty family.” Alice held up one finger, then another. “He’s got a cute baby whom he’s adores.”
“And,” Becca interrupted, “he’s hot and looks at you like you’re a delicious snack.”
“He’s an amazing friend.” The smile was back. It was impossible not to feel like I was floating when I thought about Noah.
“That’s the dream. A guy you can have a conversation with.”
“Don’t overthink this. Enjoy it.”
Ha. As if that were remotely possible. I was the queen of overthinking. And right now I was bogged down by an array of complex feelings. Noah started out as a friend, a great friend. Then he was my fake boyfriend, the kind soul who helped my pathetic ass with my terrible family. Then he was just more.
I still couldn’t pinpoint the moment it happened. It wasn’t the night we finally gave in and slept together. It had happened before then, a small shift that gave way to a massive change. The physical stuff was confirmation of what had been growing between us.
He’d claimed me. And I’d claimed him right back.
Oh God. My face was heating again.
“Look at her,” Becca said. “She’s having a sex flashback. I’m calling it right now—wedding in a year.”
I frowned and my stomach sank a little. “You know I hate the institution of marriage. I’m having a lot of fun. But this isn’t serious. He’s got a lot on his plate and a lot of plans to work out. And since my divorce, I’m far too broken to be a good partner to anyone.”
Both my friends leveled me with glares.
“Broken?”
“Da fuck?”
Becca shook her head. “No. Alice, please tell her how fucking wrong she is before I slap her.”
Alice pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they were sharp. “You are not broken. Sure, maybe you have a few dents. We all do, but you’re stronger for it. And I’m telling you right now, we won’t let you self-sabotage.”
As much as I wanted to argue with her, I couldn’t help but feel a rush of affection.
“This is all part of the magic,” she explained. “Helping to repair the cracks in one another. Healing is a hell of a lot more fun with a supportive partner by your side.”
“You’re rocking his baby in the middle of the night,” Becca added. “Think about how special that is. The kind of bond you have. It’s the kind that transcends friendship.”
“There is no rush,” Alice said. “Go slow, enjoy yourself, but don’t write this off or sabotage it because of all the shit Graham put you through.”
“Guys.” As much as I wanted to give in and gush with them, dread had seeped into me and was slowly rising like a flood. “I can’t do it again. I can’t take the risk and live with the fallout.”
“You already have,” Alice said gently. “You’re falling in love with him. Rather than fight it, accept the risk and do it anyway.”
Shit. Was she right? Was I falling in love with Noah? My heart ached at the idea.
“I’m scared.” My words were barely a whisper. I was already in so deep. Noah and Tess had carved out a place for themselves in my heart. Losing them would hurt so much more than Graham’s betrayal.
Tears pricked at my eyes, and before the first could escape, I was crushed by hugs.
“You’ll find a way.” Alice held me tight. “It’s gonna look different from what you expected, but isn’t that the whole point?”
Becca stroked my hair. “Life is full of surprises. Good things are coming.”
I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. Maybe my friends were right. Maybe I was capable of more than I gave myself credit for.