27. Noah
Chapter 27
Noah
I was in trouble. Huge trouble. So I went to the one person I could trust with this information. The one person I could trust to give me the hard truth.
Jude answered the door, Ripley at his heels, and sighed. “Here for confession?” Before I could respond, he took Tess from me and hugged her close. “Hello, beautiful,” he said in a singsongy voice. “What did your daddy do now?”
With a grunt, I stepped inside. Ripley sat at my feet, tongue out and panting, so I crouched and gave her some love. By the time I stood, Jude and Tess had already disappeared.
“I brought scones and coffee,” I said, holding up the tray from the Caffeinated Moose.
He ignored me. He’d put on a record and was dancing around the living room to Prince with my daughter. That was so Jude, using music to avoid having a conversation.
My avoidance mechanisms tended more toward bungee jumping or backcountry treks, but I understood the urge to steer clear of uncomfortable feelings.
I sipped my coffee, admiring how organized every aspect of Jude’s house was. Eventually, Tess wiggled her way out of his arms and scooted into the kitchen, then pulled the pots and pans out of his cabinets and banged them together, which freed Jude up to listen to me.
“What’s with the grin?” Eyes narrowed, he took a tentative bite of a maple walnut scone.
I tried to rein in the look, but there was no helping it. “Something happened.”
He tilted his head back and looked up to the heavens as if asking for strength. “Let me guess. Now you’re in love with her, but you’re not sure if she loves you back. If you want to ensure that she’ll fall in love with you, I’ll tell you what I told Cole: chop some wood.”
A scoff escaped me. “No. You misunderstand.”
With one brow raised, he took another bite of his scone.
“I’m not in love with her.”
He coughed, sending crumbs flying.
“Gross.” I took a step back. “Fine, maybe a little.” There was no use lying. “But right now, I’m spinning. We were friends, good friends, and now we’re…”
“More?”
I nodded. “It’s not fake anymore.”
“Does it feel real for her too?”
“I’m not sure. We didn’t exactly talk things through the other night, and she’s been working on the lumberjack competition.”
Jude smacked his forehead. “It must be genetic. Why not have a conversation? It would clear up a lot of questions.”
“I will. But I’m all mixed up. I don’t know what to say or how to say it.” I gave him a pleading look. Jude didn’t talk much, but when he did, he said the right things. He was smart and thoughtful, and I was… not those things. I was impulsive. A jump first, ask questions later type.
My brain was a mess. I was a snow globe in a paint shaker. Every smile, every kiss, every night spent wrapped around each other. Visions and memories swirled around in my mind, clouding my thoughts and judgment and leaving me in a lovesick haze.
“I’m used to the chaos in my head, but this is so much more severe than the everyday scatter,” I admitted. “I’m consumed by her. I want to be with her all the time.”
He nodded, lips in a straight line, letting me talk it out.
“And when I’m with her? I’m a better version of myself.”
That made his mouth tip a fraction.
My heart stumbled. “You’re not surprised?”
“Not in the least. I called this a month ago.”
“Yes…” My pulse pounded in my ears. “But…”
“But what? You like the girl, she likes you. Lock it down. Also, I’m your only single brother. I should not be your first stop for love advice. Call Finn or Gus. Even Cole. Willa is smitten with him; there must be some magic involved.”
I snagged a scone. “Nah. You’re my twin. The yin to my yang. The others wouldn’t understand. Not many people play fake boyfriends for their platonic neighbor friend.”
Jude shook his head, apparently finding this sentiment amusing. “These wild scenarios are more common than you think.” He pulled a wooden spoon from the utensil holder on the counter and handed it to Tess so she could make even more noise. Once she was banging away happily, the sound so loud I couldn’t help but wince, he rested his forearms on the kitchen island and angled forward. “So talk to me. What’s holding you back?”
I looked at my little girl. She was on cloud nine, causing chaos.
“Where do I even start?” Defeat wormed its way back through me. “I’ve got no career and no permanent home. I’m a single dad with no idea what I’m doing. I’ve never had a successful serious relationship.” I tore off a piece of my scone with my teeth. “Should I keep going?”
Jude sipped his coffee and pushed his glasses up his nose. “If you want this, then not one of those things is enough to stop you. They’re all manageable. I’m not saying it’s easy to overcome obstacles, but come on, man. You just came back. You’ve got time.”
It didn’t feel that way. Tess had already turned one and I’d yet to even catch my breath since taking custody of her. I lived every day making sure her needs were met, and when I was done, I had nothing left to give to anything or anyone else.
As if she could sense I was thinking about her, Tess crawled over to me. When she used the cabinet knobs to pull herself up to stand, the look of pride on her face made my heart clench.
“Dada,” she shrieked.
I picked her up and peppered her face with kisses. “Good job.”
“She’s walking?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. She’s standing and starting to cruise a bit, but we’ve still got time, thank God.”
Once we’d picked up the pots and pans, we took Ripley out for a walk so we could enjoy the warm sunshine. Tess’s jogging stroller was set up for roads rather than the trails behind Jude’s house, but she was delighted by the bumpy off-roading experience. For the first thirty minutes, she squealed and shrieked and incessantly signed for “more.” The excitement soon caught up with her, and she conked out, her head slumped to one side and her mouth open.
“You want a job at the company? I can make it happen.” Although our family timber company had been sold, Jude still worked there and had recently been promoted to director of operations. In a strange twist of fate, Chloe had purchased the business and kept on Jude and Gus and the rest of the employees. It was flourishing, and Jude always talked proudly of his crew.
I shook my head. “I know nothing about timber, and I have no heavy machinery certifications. I’m hoping to find something that feels like me.”
As we continued along the path, I found myself more at ease. It took a while, but I finally got Jude chatting about what was going on with him.
“It’s the most dreaded time of the year.”
“You barely have to work in the summer. How is that dreadful?”
“We don’t cut in the summer, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t a hundred other things that have to be done.” He grunted. “And now that I’m the director of operations, I have to deal with the Department of Fish and Wildlife.”
I frowned at him, confused.
“The bats.” He let out a beleaguered sigh. “The bats determine whether we’ll have a good year or not.”
Fuck. I was still lost.
Reading my mind, he went on. “The northern long-eared bat. They’re critically endangered and essential to the ecosystem. And their primary habitat encompasses a big chunk of our land. Every year, the DFW sends out their consultant to chart bat colonies, determine which caves and tree systems they’re nesting in, and designate the areas where we’re not allowed to work.”
“You can’t work at all?”
Jude shook his head. “We can’t even drive in the area. I get it. Bats are important. They eat their body weight in mosquitos every day.”
That was impressive. Given the massive number of mosquitos in Maine, I could see the necessity of preserving them.
“But they’re a wildcard. We can’t make solid plans until we know where they’re nesting. So it’s a mad scramble once we do, working on which routes and roads we can use and how to be most efficient and productive with what we’ve got.
“Between the bats and the FBI and Parker’s investigation, I can see the appeal of taking off. Gus got a job out west last year. He was ready to start over before Chloe came back. And now I’m thinking that might be my next step.”
“Where?”
“Oregon.”
I’d spent a lot of time there. Beautiful mountains, rivers, and many, many trees. Jude would be happy. It was basically Maine on the Pacific Ocean.
I nodded. No one understood the allure of picking up and getting out of Dodge like I did.
“But I’m stuck here, at least until we make some decent progress on the investigation.”
He dove into explaining a series of seemingly unconnected incidents. A fire in the machine shop, small thefts and break-ins over the course of a year, vandalism, missing financial records, and a brutal attack.
“What happened to Cole, that’s not related, is it?” My mind was spinning and sick with guilt. My family had been dealing with far more than most would be equipped to handle, and all the while, I’d been thousands of miles away, completely oblivious.
Cole being framed was deeply messed up, but how did that connect to timber and narcotics and my father’s criminal enterprise?
“Absolutely connected. FBI is still investigating.” He whistled for Ripley, who’d gotten a little too far ahead. “He was sniffing around city hall, making connections between the Huxleys and some shady corporations. He found the chief out at a construction site in a blizzard with Denis Huxley and noticed he was wearing one of Dad’s watches, and boom, he ended up being a target.”
“Denis Huxley?” my stomach clenched.
Vic was working with them. She’d complained several times about how difficult they were and how they made her jump through hoops.
“Yeah, and his dad. They’re rich and well-connected. They know how to cover their tracks, but they’re definitely tied up in all kinds of shit. We haven’t connected all the dots yet. Parker is an incredible investigator. She’s worked her ass off, but the feds aren’t all that motivated to figure shit out.”
I snorted. “Of course, they’re not. That guy was the governor.”
“Lieutenant governor,” Jude corrected. He snapped, and Ripley immediately kept pace beside him. “But yes.”
“I gotta talk to Vic. The Huxleys have been stringing her along, promising donations, then being evasive. They’ve also asked for all kinds of information about the food pantry.”
Jude pulled up short. Ripley did the same, mirroring his motions. It was eerie.
“She needs to talk to Parker.” His tone was serious, his blue eyes dark. “We may not have all the pieces yet, but all signs point to some shady shit.”
Nausea swept through me. Vic, who wanted to feed the entire world, whose heart was so big it could barely fit in her chest, could be mixed up with potential criminals?
“They’re not dangerous,” Jude said, sensing my concern the way only a twin can. “At least as far as we know. Parker has been digging for months, but we all still have a lot of questions.”
I nodded. I may only have a basic understanding of the drug trafficking Dad was involved with, but it was clear this went way beyond his crimes. He was in prison now, but there were others out there carrying on in his absence.
Another wave of guilt hit me. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry. I’ve been—”
Jude clapped my shoulder. “You had your own stuff going on. And it’s okay. We’ve lived in Dad’s shadow for so long. We’ve all had to find our way out of it, and we each took a different path.”
I nodded, but I still felt like shit. My family had been going through hell, and I was living for myself and no one else.
“You’re here now,” he said. “And you brought the best gift with you.” He looked down at a sleeping Tess, who now had her arm wrapped around that stupid Olaf toy. “We’re gonna be okay.”
I nodded.
“But keep Vic away from the Huxleys.”