34. Victoria
Chapter 34
Victoria
T he energy in the apartment had shifted overnight, and in turn, my anxiety spiked. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out the cause. Was it something I’d done? Something I’d said?
I should have gone back down to my own apartment last night. Instead, we’d slept in his twin bed, intertwined. I’d wanted to be close to him, and at the time, he’d seemed just as eager. Now, though, he was distant.
Dammit. I was screwing this all up.
Leaning in to catch his eye, I pointed toward the door. “I should go. I have errands to run.”
He looked up from where he was feeding Tess in her highchair, his face stricken. “Oh. Okay.”
I turned, eager to put some space between myself and this strange tension. But halfway to the door, I thought better of it.
This wasn’t who I was anymore. I wouldn’t bury my head in the sand. The last thing I needed was to spend my day beating myself up over all the things I could have potentially done wrong. It was time to put on my big girl pants.
“Noah. It seems like something is bothering you.” I did my best to keep my terror in check, but my voice quavered anyway. “I’d like to help if I can.”
Holding my breath, I waited for him to kick me out. Toyell at me. To criticize me for being needy.
Instead, he rose and shuffled over to where I was awkwardly lingering in the middle of the living area.
With a sigh, he pulled me into a hug. “This day,” he said into my hair. “I’m struggling with it.”
I hugged him back, silently praising myself for having the courage to ask.
“Today is the one-year anniversary. Of the fire.”
I pulled back and examined his face. His cheeks were hollow and his skin was pale. He was completely wiped out. He hadn’t divulged many details about Tess’s parents’ deaths, but I knew they were related to a big wildfire Noah had fought.
“I’m so sorry.” I put my head on his chest, hoping to imbue some of my strength. “What can I do?”
“I need to get out of my head for a while.”
Pulling back, I patted his chest. I knew exactly what he needed. “I’ve got an idea.”
“We’re almost there,” I said as I led the way to one of my favorite places. The trail headed past the lake and up toward Baxter State Park. About two miles in, there was a turnoff where the Millinocket River cut through the woods. Over time, the river had carved out a wide bank, leaving a pretty clearing dotted with giant rocks. I’d come here many times to watch the water flow and think. It was a great spot for a picnic.
When I came upon the small path off the trail, I signaled for him to follow. He was carrying Tess, who was in her hiking backpack with her floppy sun hat on, happily grabbing leaves off trees and throwing them in Noah’s face. It was hilarious.
We carefully climbed down the bank, using exposed roots for balance as we navigated through the trees and rocks, until we finally came to my secret patch of paradise. Big, smooth rocks that had once been cleaved off the mountains dotted the edge of the river.
Noah smiled as he approached. “Look at that view.”
I followed his line of sight and took a moment to admire the peaks in the distance. They looked majestic in the cloudless blue summer sky.
“We can hang here. I’ll spread the picnic blanket, and I brought a few toys for Tess.”
He nodded, hands on his hips, still cataloging the scenery. He’d regained some of his color, and a few miles of quiet hiking had helped him settle. But I could only imagine how crushing the guilt and grief must be for him.
I had pulled out the picnic blanket when a strange moaning sound echoed around the clearing. I turned and scanned the riverbank, cupping a hand over my eyes to block out the sun.
A small brown animal was wedged between two rocks, and every time a burst of water washed over it, its head went under.
My heart plummeted. “Is that a baby moose?”
Knees wobbling, I followed Noah down to the riverbank. Sure enough, a moose calf was struggling in the water. The river wasn’t deep, and it did move quickly in some spots, but the calf looked like it might be stuck.
“Here. Take Tess.” Noah unbuckled his hiking backpack and slowly lowered it.
Tess fussed, confused, when he didn’t immediately take her out of it.
Speaking in a hushed voice, hoping I could keep her calm, I unlatched her and picked her up.
Noah rifled through the front compartment of the pack, tossing out water bottles, protein bars, and a first aid kit. Eventually, he found a thick knot of paracord, a ratchet, and a handful of carabiners.
He jogged to a large tree close to the riverbank and looped the thin rope around it. He locked it into place with the rachet, then looped the other end around his waist.
“Noah, you can’t go in there. It’s not safe.”
He shook his head. “I’m trained in swift water rescue, and this water barely qualifies as swift. I’m not going to let it die.”
The moose was maybe thirty feet from the riverbank, but the slippery rocks and current were dangerous. Yes, he was qualified. Yes, he was trained. But that didn’t make me any less scared.
But then I looked at that poor animal, watched how hard it struggled to keep its head above the water, and I got it. Noah couldn’t leave the creature there to suffer. At his core, he was a fixer, a helper.
“What can I do?”
“Hold Tess. Keep her away from the water. Climb up on the bank. This thing may kick or freak out when I pull it to shore.”
With a nod, I held Tess closer and scurried up toward the trees.
When I turned around again, Noah was wading into the river. Though it was August, the water was frigid. The current was strong. Even from here, I could see his body fighting it. He walked carefully, slowly putting one foot in front of the other on the slippery rocks, fallen trees, and God knew what else.
“You’re almost there,” I yelled.
Nodding, he carefully approached the animal, coming up next to it to avoid spooking it.
It didn’t have antlers, and it was clearly a baby, but moose were deadly, no matter the size.
A deep, loud braying sound ricocheted off the treetops.
Tess shrieked and pointed a tiny finger down the riverbank.
Heart in my throat, I clutched her tight and searched for the source of the noise. I swore my soul left me when I caught sight of the massive bull wading into the water, letting out pained wails.
Noah ignored the giant creature, remaining focused on keeping the calf’s head above the surface.
Crouching until his head and back were the only parts of his body visible, he tried to pick it up, but the animal didn’t budge. From far away, it looked tiny, but next to Noah, it looked like a mini horse.
Shit, how the hell was he going to get it out?
“Its leg is stuck,” he hollered over his shoulder. Head held high, he inhaled deeply, his chest expanding. Then, without warning, he ducked under the water.
My stomach lurched, and I squeezed Tess a little too tight. “Noah.”
He came up quickly, took a breath, and then dove back under again.
By the time he surfaced again, I was shaking in terror. This time, he looped a second rope around the calf’s neck. Once he’d situated it the way he wanted, he slid his arms under the moose’s body and lifted.
The calf bucked and squirmed as Noah hugged it close to his chest and turned. The fear coursing through me lessened a fraction when he started back toward shore with the now free moose.
The water was up to his waist and every muscle in his arms and torso rippled and strained under the weight of the calf and against the current. If the situation weren’t so dire, I might have taken a moment to appreciate the way his wet T-shirt clung to his sculpted frame.
The bull on the bank brayed, louder this time. The menacing tone made me worry that he’d charge.
“Noah,” I yelled, pointing at it. “Careful.”
At the sound of my voice, the creature turned slightly. The move gave me a better view of his body and the distinct puckered scar along his right flank.
It was Clive.
Oh shit. A normal bull moose was unpredictable and dangerous. But Clive? He was a menace.
He’d been known to crash weddings and destroy cakes. He’d broken up town parties and damaged sporting equipment. I wanted to scare him off, but I was holding Tess, and I wouldn’t put her at risk.
As Noah climbed around rocks along the bank, I held my breath. He kept the moose, which had to have been over one hundred pounds already, close to his chest as he took one careful step after another.
I held Tess just as close when Noah stumbled onto the riverbank, and my shoulders slumped as he set the calf on the ground and dropped to his knees to catch his breath.
My pulse pounded in my ears. I wanted to rush to him, to help him, but I wouldn’t go anywhere near either moose with this little girl in my arms.
He looked up, water dripping down his face and neck and arms, and gave me a big smile. “Stay there,” he mouthed, holding up a hand.
Clive lumbered toward the calf, yet Noah didn’t move.
He looked my way again. I’m fine . His lips formed the words, but he made no sound.
When Clive approached the calf where it lay on the ground, he nudged it gently with his muzzle. The much smaller creature tipped its head up, then clambered to its feet, stumbling and collapsing again.
I winced, scared that Noah would be trampled or worse if Clive got mad or felt threatened.
He remained perfectly still, his body language unthreatening, just kneeling on the rocky shore, waiting for the wildlife.
Clive nudged the baby again. This time, it pushed itself up on its front legs, and when it stood, it wobbled but didn’t fall. It took several slow steps, then stopped.
Keep walking. Just keep going. Go back into the woods now.
It took a few more tentative steps, looking more and more steady with each one, heading toward the tree line. Clive followed behind, but before he could disappear into the forest, he stopped and turned. Looking at him head-on like this, I had no doubt his rack was the width of a car.
The beast froze like that, looking straight at Noah.
Oh shit, was he gonna charge?
Before terror could overtake me completely, Clive turned and lumbered into the forest.
Body shaking, I hugged Tess tight. She pulled at my hair and squirmed in my arms, her little feet banging against my hips.
Once they’d disappeared completely, I eased back down the large rocks to where Noah still sat, soaked and out of breath.
“You idiot.” I looped my free arm around him and squeezed. “You could have gotten yourself killed.”
He gave me a cocky smile. “You were worried about me.”
Rearing back, I punched him in the arm. “Of course I was worried about you, hotshot.”
I had a quick dry towel in my pack, and the spare T-shirt I had on hand was comically small on him, but he wore it and his boxer briefs while he put his own shirt and cargo shorts on a rock positioned in the perfect spot to get the best of the sun’s rays to dry.
We sat on the riverbank, willing our hearts to settle and the adrenaline rush to abate, eating snacks while Tess threw rocks into the river and made piles of small sticks I’d gathered for her to play with.
“You scared me.”
“I’m sorry. But I saw the moose, and my training kicked it. My brain was clear and focused, and a plan formed so perfectly.” He sighed and took a long drink from his water bottle. “I’m not…” His throat worked and his shoulders slumped as he turned away, looking over at Tess. “I’m not in a good place today.”
I squeezed his hand. “You can be sorry you scared me,” I said, kissing his knuckles. “But don’t be sorry for being a hero. Don’t be sorry for being so good at what you do. You literally save lives.”
Head lowered, he gave it a shake. “I’m not good at it.”
“You are.” I peeked over at Tess, who was sitting with her sticks, poking at the ground. “You may have lost your confidence, but if today showed you anything, it’s that you still have a lot of gifts to share with the world.”
He glanced over his shoulder to check on his little girl, then angled in and kissed me softly.
I tangled my fingers in his damp hair and kissed him back. The connection was exactly what I needed after so much adrenaline.
“Thank you,” he whispered against my lips. “For bringing me out here. For getting me out of my head for a bit.”
There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him or his sweet little girl. Until this moment, I hadn’t been ready to admit that to myself, let alone say it out loud. But after what I’d witnessed, it felt crucial that I tell him the truth, no matter how terrifying it was.
I opened my mouth, but before I could get the words out, Tess stood all on her own.
“ Oh my God ,” I whispered, my heart soaring.
Noah whipped his head around, his body going rigid.
“Is she—”
“Walking?” he finished.
We were both frozen, terrified to move, lest we startle her or discourage her.
Tess was still standing, swaying a little and looking at the ground as if contemplating her next move.
Between one blink and the next, she did it. She took a small, shaky step.
When she wobbled, Noah jumped up, arms out and ready to catch her. As if sensing that Dad was going to end her fun, she took another two steps in quick succession before plopping onto her butt.
Beaming, she peeked up at Noah. “Da. Da.”
He scooped her up and spun her around, covering her little face with kisses.
“You walked, baby girl. You walked.”
Holding her to his chest, he looked at me, his expression filled with pride.
My heart clenched. There was no denying it. I was wildly in love with this man.