Chapter 20
twenty
ELAINA
After a decent night’s sleep and the text from Hunter this morning, I’m feeling more hopeful about the future than I was last night.
Stupidly hopeful, it turns out…
I know something is wrong the moment Hunter steps off the elevator. His face is fixed in that expressionless mask I haven’t seen since the night he first pitched his fake fiancée plan to me in Sea Breeze—cool, distant, and completely closed off to the likes of me.
To the woman who lied to him…
He knows. I can’t shake the certainty that he knows. But still, I do my best to force a smile.
“Hey, welcome home,” I say, my voice wavering as I take a step toward him and he takes an answering step back. “How’s Margaret?” I squeak out, not knowing what else to say.
“Awake. Stable.” He moves past me without making eye contact, heading for the bedroom. “No thanks to you.”
My stomach drops.
Shit. Shit!
“Hunter, wait, please,” I say, hurrying after him. “I can explain.”
He stops, hesitating a beat before turning slowly to face me. His gaze is cold enough to make me flinch on impact, but I stand my ground. “Please do,” he says softly. “Please explain how you thought it was acceptable to keep a secret from me that could have led to the death of the only person I love.”
I flinch again, but I know he doesn’t mean that. He still loves me. He’s angry—and he has every right to be—but what we feel for each other is real. And it’s strong enough to survive this.
I just have to make him see that I never meant to hurt him.
“I’m so sorry,” I say, the words thick with fear and regret. “But she made me promise, Hunter. I didn’t know what to do. I don’t give my word lightly and?—”
“Neither do I,” he cuts in. “Which is why I will continue to honor our contract, though I honestly have no interest in seeing you again.”
Tears flood into my eyes. “You don’t mean that. I know you don’t. You’re hurt and angry right now, but I know?—”
“You know nothing.” He cuts me off with a slashing motion of his hand, his lip curling with contempt as he adds, “You disgust me.”
“Please, Hunter,” I beg, a sob escaping my whip-tight throat. “Please, don’t do this. I love you so much, and I’m so sorry. I messed up, I know that, but if you’ll just give me the chance to explain. I never meant?—”
“There is no explanation that can excuse what you did,” he says. “And at the moment, I don’t have the luxury of wasting time on a lost cause. I need to get back to the hospital. I’ve booked you a room at the Residence Suites in midtown for the next week. We can reevaluate where we stand and what’s needed to bring our business to a close in a few days, once I have more information on my mother’s progress.” He glances at his watch before turning away, tossing over his shoulder, “A car will be here to pick you up in an hour. I suggest you start packing.”
Tears stream down my face. “I do love you, and you love me. That’s real, Hunter, and you’re a liar if you pretend anything different.” He pauses, giving me the strength to continue addressing his rigid back. “Everything between us is real,” I add, pleading with him not to give up on us. “And rare. We’ve both waited so long for a connection like this. We’d be crazy to give up on it just because we hit a bump in the road.” I sniff, doing my best to regain control. “We can get through this. We just have to hold on to hope and remember that love is stronger than fear. I’m so sorry I scared you and made you doubt us, but I promise you, I will never do anything like this again. Not ever. You can trust me. I promise.”
He glances over his shoulder, but doesn’t turn to face me as he announces, “And you can trust that I’ll sue you into the ground if you leave town before you’ve fulfilled the duties outlined in our contract. You will do whatever is required to keep my mother’s faith in our happy engagement alive until such time as I decide it’s safe to end this farce. Then, you will exit the picture, and forget you ever knew my name.”
“And what if I’m pregnant?” I ask, though I know I’m likely not. Yes, we had unprotected sex yesterday, but we were at least two days past my fertile window.
“Then you’ll have what was promised in the contract,” he says. “Nothing more. Nothing less. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to grab a few things. I’ll shower in the gym so as not to interfere with your packing. Goodbye, Elaina.”
I collapse onto the floor in a sobbing heap, and don’t stop sobbing for a long time.
Long after Hunter has exited the penthouse without another word or so much as a beat of hesitation as he moves past me…
Long after I should have started packing so I can get out of here before that stupid car pulls up…
Because there’s no way I’m going to that fucking hotel. Hunter can sue me into poverty for all I care. I’d rather be homeless and living in my car than stay here with the monster I created for one second longer.
I should have known better than to think we could get through this. I should have known better than to think love was enough to fix all the broken things inside of him. He’s been broken longer than I’ve been alive, and now, I’ve done my part to make him even more bitter and distrustful.
I hate myself.
And I hate him a little, too.
Most of all, I hate that the beautiful life I know we could have had together is never going to be a reality. That’s the saddest part of all this. For both of us.
But that’s one thing about life, it keeps moving, even when you’re so broken you can barely see straight. And I have shit I have to take care of.
I force myself to stand and fetch my phone from the charger, my hands shaking as I text Sydney— So sorry, but have to cancel coffee today. Emergency back home. Will explain later.
Then, I stumble into the bedroom on wooden legs, pull my suitcase from under the bed, and start packing. In just twenty minutes, I’ve erased any sign that I was ever here—from my clothes in the closet to my hair in the drain to the ice cream in the freezer. I dump it in the trash, then slide the bag into the garbage chute before making my way across the living room.
As I wait for the elevator to arrive, I take one last look around at the beautiful home that I once stupidly thought was mine. But it isn’t the luxury or the view I’ll miss most…it’s the man who couldn’t wait to come home to me every day. The man who loved me and laughed with me, who challenged me and supported me, who made me believe all my dreams were on the verge of coming true.
The man who likely only existed in my head…
If Hunter’s love had been as real as I thought it was, he couldn’t have ended things as easily—or coldly—as he did.
When the elevator arrives, I take it all the way to the garage level—the better to avoid an awkward goodbye with Alex in the lobby—and exit through the parking entrance.
From there, I hail a cab to Penn Station.
It’s time to go home.
The overnight train ride back to Maine feels like it takes way longer than eight hours. I can’t sleep the way the rest of the passengers do. My thoughts are too busy racing and my aching heart feels like it’s going to eat a hole through my chest and fall out onto the floor.
But as eager as I am to get back to my safe place, it’s good to have time to pull myself together.
And to figure out what I’m going to say to all the people in Sea Breeze who aren’t expecting me back from my “pastry course” for several more months…
Thankfully, Maya’s cottage at the edge of town is still empty. She hasn’t decided whether she wants to rent it out or sell it, and I know she won’t mind if I stay there until Kira is able to move out of my apartment. Looking back, I feel like an idiot for leasing my place, even for a few months. I should have known this wasn’t going to work out, and that I’d be heading home with my tail between my legs way before January.
Finally, just as the sun rises, the train cruises into my old stomping grounds, the familiar landscapes of Coastal Maine sending relief and disappointment rushing through my chest in equal measure.
I’m glad to be home.
And sad to be home.
I have no idea how to move forward from here, but I’m grateful to have a place to land, even if I know, deep down, that this is no longer where I’m meant to be.
When I arrive at the café just after the morning rush, Kira’s clearly surprised to see me, but one look at my face and she doesn’t ask questions. She just pulls me in for a hug and tells me how thrilled Captain Crunchypants will be that I’m home.
And he is. My ancient cat greets me with more energy than he’s shown in years, army-crawling across the floor at top speed. I scoop him up, burying my face in the soft fur at his neck as he begins to purr.
“He missed his mama,” Kira says. “He’ll be so glad to start sleeping upstairs again. I can move back in with my old roomie this afternoon, by the way. No worries at all. She told me I was welcome back anytime.”
“No,” I protest. “I can stay at Maya’s place until the end of the month, give you time to decide where you want to go next. I don’t want to put you out.”
“Oh, stop, you’re not,” Kira says, grinning as she grabs my suitcase, sliding it behind the curtain concealing the stairs leading to the second-floor apartment. “I love this place, but I’m looking forward to sleeping in once or twice a week again. That four thirty wake-up call gets brutal after a while.”
I force a smile. “Don’t I know it. Thank you so much for keeping things going while I was away.”
“Of course,” Kira says. “So glad you’re back.”
I try to agree with her, but the words won’t come.
I’m not glad I’m back.
But I don’t think I’d be glad to be anywhere right now, not with grief sitting on my chest like a lead weight, threatening to drag me down to the bottom of the ocean.
The next two weeks pass with excruciating slowness. I throw myself into the café, mastering a recipe for dulce de leche medialunas for Maya, deep cleaning every surface, knitting string bikinis for the cats that I employ to create some social media content—anything to keep my mind off Hunter.
I don’t expect to hear from him, but I fully expect to hear from his lawyer. I spend every afternoon waiting for the other shoe to drop, for my postman to deliver a fat manila envelope full of “you’re getting sued, dumbass” papers.
But day after day, the mail is lawsuit-free, and I finally start to relax a little.
Still, I do my best to avoid the phone. Sydney, Sully, and Maya have all respected my assertion that I don’t need to talk about the guy who sent me running home from New York, but a part of me is dying to tell them. Until that longing goes away, I can’t risk calling them after a glass or two of wine and spilling my guts about things I signed a contract to keep confidential.
Even my exchanges with Grace are few and far between.
She wants to be there for me, but a part of me is certain I don’t deserve comfort, not when I could have so easily avoided all this pain.
I should have told Hunter the truth the moment we got back from the theater that day. Looking back, it’s so obvious that was the right course of action.
But I didn’t, and now…
Now, I am the saddest dumb dumb in Dumb Dumb Ville.
Captain Crunchypants becomes my constant companion, sleeping on my chest at night and following me around the apartment during the day, seeming to sense that I need him more than ever. His rumbling purr becomes the soundtrack to my recovery, his hair clinging to the black nightgown I’ve slept in for five nights proof that life goes on, even when your heart is shattered.
“Today is going to be better,” I tell him every morning. “Today we’re going to get over the hump and start missing him less.”
Some days, I almost believe it.
Then, exactly two weeks and sixteen hours after I left New York, I wake up with gorge surging up my throat. I barely make it to the bathroom before losing my dinner from the night before into the toilet.
“Oh, no,” I whisper to the chunks of undigested lasagna. “No, no, no. I’m not pregnant. I can’t be.”
But after a glance at my planner, I realize that my period is late. Two days late, in fact. I’ve just been too upset to notice.
And I am never late.
Hanging the “Closed for the Day: Be Back Tomorrow” sign on the door, I shower, brush my teeth, and kill an hour pacing my apartment with Captain Crunchypants in my arms.
The Sea Breeze Pharmacy opens at eight. I’m there at 8:01, buying three different brands of pregnancy tests. The clerk, Mrs. Henderson, one of my mom’s friends from church, shoots me a concerned look but doesn’t comment.
Thank goodness.
I don’t think I could stand feeling like any more of a disappointment to my late mother’s memory than I do already.
Mom would be so upset with me. She taught me to know better than to put my safety and future at risk for a man.
Back home, I line the tests up on the bathroom counter like soldiers facing a firing squad. Captain Crunchypants watches from his perch on the edge of the bathtub as I follow the instructions with trembling fingers.
Three minutes.
Three minutes to remember every moment with Hunter. Every kiss, every touch, every time he came inside me because we were trying for this very thing.
Three minutes to imagine his reaction to this news.
Will he be even colder? More brutal? Is there a chance he might even try to take my baby away from me?
I know he doesn’t want to raise our child, but he might not want me to raise him or her, either. He might decide to become a single father and have our baby raised by a flock of nannies, just to punish me.
Billionaires can do things like that. That amount of money buys the power to ensure the justice system always works in your favor.
I have three minutes to wonder if he might actually hate me that much.
Three minutes that change everything…
“Oh God.” I sink to the floor, one hand pressed to my still-flat stomach. Captain Crunchypants hobbles over, butting his head against my knee as tears slip down my face.
The tests were positive. Every single one.
“What am I going to do?” I whisper.
But I already know. I’m going to have this baby, and I’m going to love my child with everything in me.
And I’m never going to tell Hunter about the miracle we made together.
He’s right—a clean break is best. I want a break so clean that I never have to make contact with Hunter Mendelssohn again. It would hurt too much. I don’t want his money or a nice condo in the city.
I want the man I love back in love with me, and excited about starting a family together.
And if I can’t have that…
“I can do it by myself,” I tell the Captain, cuddling him close. “Mom did it. I can do it, too.”
He stretches his neck, licking the tears from my face, as if to say, “You won’t be alone, girl. You’ll always have me.”
I won’t always have the Captain—he’s already a senior cat—but he’s here now.
And now is all I’m capable of focusing on at the moment.
I’ll tackle today and then the next day and the next, until eventually I forget to be sad about Hunter. Until my joy over the life growing inside me eclipses my pain, and I embrace this new version of happily ever after, with just my little one and me.
No matter how desperately I wish this story had ended differently.