Chapter 12
Briony had thought she was prepared for any outcome before she set off for the hospital.
She’d told herself that if her mother refused to let her donate her liver she would just try again, and that all she had to do was keep going until Donna finally gave in.
It was a battle of wills, and she just had to hold out for longer than her mother.
But the fight hadn’t been nearly as hard as she’d expected it to be.
She’d also told herself to be realistic about the reaction she got from Bex.
She’d thought that perhaps her sister would act like she wasn’t even there, or that she’d launch into a vicious rant about what a terrible person Briony was.
She’d run through each scenario in her head, convinced she could cope with whatever her sister served up, but then Bex had thrown a curve ball she’d never anticipated; the prospect of a future where they could have a place in one another’s lives, and her heart had soared in a way she hadn’t been able to control.
Briony wasn’t stupid; she should have known straight away that it was a lie, but the trouble was she’d desperately wanted it to be true, and so she’d allowed herself to believe it.
The look on Bex’s face when she’d said ‘it will all be over and we’ll never have to see each other again’ had spelled out the reality even more clearly than her words, despite their bluntness.
Her expression had been mask-like, almost robotic, and there hadn’t been even a hint of warmth in her sister’s delivery.
Bex was clearly resolute in her decision to cut Briony out of her life, but what made it worse was the complete lack of passion.
If she’d been fired up with hatred, the way she had when she’d first walked in on Briony and Liam, that would have been one thing.
What was it that people always said? That love and hate were two sides of the same coin?
But the kind of ice-cold indifference that had been written all over Bex’s face…
Briony knew there was no coming back from that, and it turned out she hadn’t been prepared for that outcome at all.
She’d driven Woody to the hospital, parking a few streets away, on a road wide enough to accommodate the van and allow other vehicles to pass.
After she’d walked away from Bex, she’d wanted to get back to Woody and Merlin as quickly as she could.
The van was her refuge and she’d been determined not to cry until she got inside and shut the door behind her.
She hadn’t been able to face driving straight away and she couldn’t have seen through her tears even if she’d tried.
Instead, she’d lain on the bed and sobbed, which had made Merlin whine and nudge her with his soft, black, velvety head.
It was stupid to feel so distraught when she hadn’t lost anything that hadn’t already vanished years ago, yet she’d allowed herself to hope that maybe the chance of having a relationship with her sister wasn’t gone forever after all.
Now she knew that it was, and the pain was every bit as raw as it had been in the weeks and months after their estrangement, before she’d grown a hard protective shell over the scars on her heart.
Eventually, Briony had got control of her emotions enough to drive, and a big part of her had wanted to hit the road and keep on going until she put as much distance between herself and Port Agnes as possible.
But she knew she couldn’t do that, not with her mother having agreed to the assessment.
They had to get the process started straight away, before Donna had a chance to change her mind and come up with a reason why she couldn’t proceed after all.
So Briony headed back to the farm, only a few paddocks separating her from her sister, but it might as well have been an entire universe.
When she’d got back, she’d experienced a sensation she never had before; she felt hemmed in and claustrophobic sitting inside Woody, instead of safe and calm, the way she always had in the past. She’d had to get out and she’d walked through the woods and along the coastal path all the way into the village, ending up in a dog-friendly pub and ordering a drink, which led to several more.
Briony had never been a big drinker, so it had hit her hard.
When she’d set off to return to the farm, she’d ricocheted off the wall outside the pub and it had been the start of a very unsteady journey back.
Usually, she was the one having to wait for Merlin, but not today.
She’d made it all the way to the woods and she’d be home soon, but suddenly, out of nowhere, she was sprawling forward.
She hadn’t seen the tree root, and she couldn’t stop the momentum.
Instinctively she put her hands out to break her fall, terrified that she might hit the ground with her head.
‘Ow!’ Her wrists braced hard against the ground, jolting the bones with so much force it felt as though they’d been hit with a hammer, but it was the twist of her ankle, as it went over on itself that made her cry out even louder, pain shooting through her leg like an electric shock.
For a moment she just lay there, scared to move in case it caused her even more pain, trying not to burst into tears.
Even though she was in her mid-thirties, it didn’t stop her wanting her mum, but she’d got herself into this mess, so she had to get herself out of it too.
She’d just have to tough it out and grit her teeth through the pain.
Briony didn’t think anything was broken, and how bad could a sprained ankle be?
But when she tried to stand up and put weight on it, she soon discovered it was far worse than she’d ever imagined possible and she couldn’t help wailing in response.
‘Oh God, oh no.’ Dropping back down to the floor, she looked at Merlin, who regarded her with something close to disdain, as if he somehow knew it was her own stupidity that had caused the accident.
‘You’re supposed to help me, not just stand there staring.
’ In other circumstances she might have laughed, but she was in far too much pain for that.
She was going to have to call someone to help her, but the list of options was very short.
It would have to be Ken. Pulling her phone out of her pocket she looked at the screen, her heart sinking in response to the sight that greeted her.
There was absolutely no phone signal at all in the woods.
She’d have to try standing again and find a way of making it tolerable to bear her own weight.
Searching around, she looked for something she could use as a makeshift walking stick.
Selecting a sturdy branch, that would still be light enough to manoeuvre, she attempted to use it to lever herself off the ground, shrieking again as another pain shot up her leg.
Maybe she had broken something after all, or torn a ligament; all she knew for sure was that it really hurt and despite the amount of alcohol she’d consumed, it was doing nothing to take the edge off the pain.
‘Fat lot of good you are.’ She shook her head as Merlin laid down next to her, resting his head on his front paws. ‘You need to run off and find help, not just lie down and give up. Although to be fair, I’m tempted to join you.’
Briony was weighing up her options as she looked around again.
She could either sit here and wait, hoping that a passerby would make their way along the footpath at some point and discover her here, or she could try and do something about it, but the question was what?
Calling out was very unlikely to be successful, unless someone on the campsite or the farm heard her, and there was always the risk that it could be the wrong person.
What if Bex were to discover her like this?
She could try crawling back to Woody, dragging her injured leg behind her, but she knew without even trying that doing that was still going to hurt.
She felt sick now too. Too much alcohol and no food would have been bad enough, but layering the pain on top of that just made things even worse.
She just wanted to go home, to her little sanctuary, and plan her next trip.
She could still go to the Brecon Beacons, but she knew if she posted online about heading almost anywhere there’d be followers who’d get excited at the prospect, and offer her land to park up on, if it gave them the opportunity to meet up with her.
It happened every time she spoke about the prospect of going somewhere, which was why she had to keep her exact location to herself until she’d already moved on, but it was so nice to feel she was being welcomed with open arms. Port Agnes could never offer her that, because there were far too many doors waiting to be slammed in her face.
Briony had to find somewhere else to hole up until the assessment process was complete, because if she didn’t get out it might destroy her.
She’d crawl on her hands and knees if she had to, not just out of the woods, but Port Agnes itself.