11. Chapter Eleven
11
Mia
As soon as Kenzie answers the phone she says, “I told you that he was okay, there’s no need to worry.”
“It’s— it’s not that,” I choke out.
She frowns on the phone, then sits on the couch in my living room. “Okay… what’s going on?”
“He found out.”
Kenzie sighs heavily. “I figured he would once he saw Liam. They resemble each other a lot, Mia, you had to know it would happen eventually.”
“I didn’t think he’d find out this quick,” I say, then suck in a sharp breath. “What do I do, Kenzie?”
She gives me a sad smile. “You really don’t know?”
We both know what I need to do and I’m terrified. What if Evan gets close to Liam, then decides that being a parent isn’t what he wants? Worse, what if he does want to be a parent and tries to gain custody of him?
The thought of losing my baby makes my heart ache and more tears start flowing down my cheek. I swipe at them and look at my best friend. “This could go bad,” I say, like that makes my decision right even though I know it wasn’t.
Regardless of what Evan would’ve decided, I never should’ve kept this from him. When I found out I was pregnant, I should’ve tried finding him again and immediately gave him the news. As soon as I stepped foot on his front porch to start the job, I should’ve spilled everything right then and there.
Instead, I kept it all inside and hoped that we would never have to worry about it.
I should’ve known life never does me any favors and prepared for when Evan would find out the truth.
The look in his eyes after I told him how old Liam is was like a punch to the gut while I waited for him to do the math. With each second that passed, I could see the concentration morph into confusion which turned into sadness, then anger. I can’t blame him for being mad, either, which is why I let him walk away even if I was desperate to chase after him.
“Mia?”
Kenzie is staring into the camera, concern etched into her features, and I give her a small smile. The last thing I am is happy, but I don’t want her to worry about me while she’s trying to take care of Liam for me while I’m away.
“I’m good,” I say finally.
She shakes her head and narrows her eyes at me. “You realize I can see right through that smile, right?”
I shrug my shoulders, then hear the tiny feet of my favorite guy. Liam comes into view, not a tear in sight, and he cocks his head to the side. “Mommy, I thought you were working?”
He leans closer, inspecting me, then he scrunches his eyebrows. “You’re crying, are you okay?”
“Mommy just misses you, baby.”
Liam smiles brightly and says, “I miss you more.”
I’d love nothing more than to be able to walk into my house in a few hours and cuddle with him on the bed as he tries to fall asleep. His comfort would work wonders on me right now.
I clear my throat and give Kenzie another smile, this one a little brighter than the last, and say, “I’m much better now, thanks for talking to me.”
Kenzie nods, then tells Liam to get his shoes on so they can go get ice cream. Once he’s out of earshot, she leans forward and says, “You need to let him talk to Liam. I know that scares you, but it’s the right thing to do.”
“You’re right.” As much as I don’t want her to be, she is. “We’ll figure something out, I’m going to let him take in the news first. Give me a few days.”
“Love you,” she says before blowing me a kiss and ending the call.
Once Evan has had a few days to process, I’ll ask him when he wants to talk to Liam and we’ll go from there.
My only hope is that he doesn’t want to take our son away from me.
***
Just like I had expected after he found out, Evan’s done nothing but give me the cold shoulder and act like I’m not in the room. As much as I tried telling him we needed to act professional, every time I hear the name Mia roll off his lips instead of baby or darlin’, I’m reminded of how much I screwed up.
I want him to flirt with me again, even if it results in me having to remind him of our work relationship. If Carmen were to find out anything about our past, I’m sure she’d sit down with me and fire my ass — it would only be made worse if we were to take things further than afew flirtatious moments.
Right now, though? I’d give anything for him to flirt with me.
He’s silent as we make our way through the winding hallways toward his dressing room, his hair shining under the dim lights from the sweat that gathered in it after being on stage for hours. I run my tongue over my bottom lip, imagining what the rest of his body looks like beneath the sweat-soaked clothes, but immediately send the thoughts away.
When we reach the hall where his room is located, he pauses to allow me to get in front of him, and I do my normal routine of checking his dressing room before allowing him inside. I stare at him as he walks past, silently pleading for him to look at me, but he doesn’t so much as divert his stare from the floor.
I sigh heavily and lean against the wall, letting my head fall against the concrete with a thud . The walls are thin out here, so I can hear every move Evan makes in the dressing room, and I act as though we're nothing more than old friends.
If that were the case, I’d storm into the room and make my move. He would likely be in the middle of changing, his bare chest glistening in front of me, and I’d have no choice but to drag my tongue over the tight muscles of his stomach.
He’d groan at the contact, fist his hand in my hair, and guide me up the length of his torso until my lips eventually found his. We would kiss like our lives depended on it, breathing each other’s air until there was none left before he would lift me up into the air and carry me over to the vanity.
Stop, my head screams at me and that’s enough to send me spiraling out of the brief fantasy I conjured up.
This is not the time to have thoughts like this.
I’ve given Evan a couple of days and allowed him to act like I’m invisible except when it really matters, but tonight is different. I intend on asking him if he wants to talk to Liam when I make my nightly call, just like I told Kenzie I would.
Jace and Brent come out of their rooms, dressed in clothes that are no longer clinging to their skin, and they give me a curt nod as they walk past me.
Do they know what’s going on?
That doesn’t matter. If Evan needed someone to talk to, it’s perfectly fine if they are the ones he went to.
Evan’s door opens a few moments later, revealing the man I can’t stop thinking about, and I step in front of him with a frown. “I, uh, need to ask you something.”
He blinks as if forgetting I’m here and sighs. “What?”
Even though I want to cry, I don’t let the emotion come out. I clear my throat and nod my head into the room. “Can we go inside?”
“We should really head back. Everyone will wonder what’s going on.”
I give him a small smile. “I already talked to Carmen and told her I wanted to go over a few things with you before we left the stadium. No one is expecting us back on the bus for a bit.”
“Fine,” he mumbles, then waves me through the door. “Come on, then.”
I fidget with my hands, resting my ass on the edge of the vanity, and take my phone out slowly. “Um, I call Liam every night after your shows… would you want to join the call this time?”
His face is blank, but within seconds, it transforms into something I can’t quite explain. “Really?”
“I would’ve asked sooner, but I wanted to give you time to process everything.”
“Somehow, I doubt that.” The words sting, but I take them because I know he deserves to get his anger out for what I did.
“Uh, Kenzie will be calling once she’s got him dressed.”
“How was it?” This is the softest his voice has been when talking to me since he found out, and I hate how much my chest wants to burst open from the sound of it.
“Uh, how was what exactly?”
“Raising him.”
I sigh, trying to think long and hard about how I want to answer. Evan could either be truly curious since he wasn’t around, or he wants to get dirt on me to take Liam away. “It was hard,” I say, going with the truth. “There were times when I didn’t know if I’d be able to do it, but most of it was feeling unconditional love.”
“What are his favorite things?”
“Why don’t you ask him when you guys talk? If there’s anything Liam loves, it’s talking about himself.”
Evan smiles at that, then nods and stuffs his hands into the pocket of his jeans.
The silence is heavy, but it’s interrupted when my phone rings from the vanity. I hold a finger up when Evan pushes forward, then smile into the camera. Liam’s chubby cheeks are front and center, with Kenzie sitting right behind him like she always is, and he waves excitedly.
“Hi, Mommy.”
“Hey there, little man,” I say, then glance at Evan’s eager form in front of me. “I’ve got someone I want you to meet, think you are up for that?”
“A new friend? Awesome!”
That gets a chuckle out of both Evan and me, and then I jerk my head to give him the go-ahead to come forward. Each step he takes closer to me speeds up my heart rate, and Kenzie gives me a thumbs-up to calm it down —she always knows what to do.
Evan comes into view, waving awkwardly to the camera. “Hey there, remember me?”
Liam nods in amazement, then asks, “What’s your favorite color?” He’s got a serious expression on his face like there’s a wrong answer, and Evan shifts uncomfortably next to me as he thinks of what he will say.
“Uh, blue?”
Liam smiles wide, showing off the two teeth he’s got missing, and shouts, “Alright, that’s what I’m talkin’ about!”
Evan grins, then carefully pulls the phone from my grasp and turns so that he’s got all of Liam’s attention. It hurts not being involved in the conversation, but I’ve had enough chats with Liam — Evan deserves this time.
“Do you play any sports, bud?”
Liam claps excitedly, and I know he’s nodding in response. “Soccer. I’m the best!”
“Are you?” Evan asks with a smile. And how would you feel if I came to one of your games? Would that be okay?”
That’s it… there goes my heart with walls built up around it. Seeing the light shining in Evan’s eyes as they talk back and forth, getting to know each other, is enough to have me questioning everything I thought I felt.