Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
By midweek, Xavier was exhausted, mostly because he was losing hope about everything in his life. Could one thing run smoothly? Was that too much to ask?
He’d received multiple texts from Ant, from Brady, and even from Griffin. The topic du jour? May.
But of course.
Ant was in the know thanks to Lou, and Brady had heard about the breakup via Elliott. Griffin knew because Griffin was nosy and had badgered the other two until they spilled.
And each of them had come to Xavier to ask how he was doing. He’d told them the truth: Shitty.
Need a bro night? came Griffin’s suggestion via text. Followed by, Chicks, man.
It wasn’t any wonder why Griff stuck to the shallows when it came to dating. Who could blame him? Xavier had had his share of single, shared nights with a woman. Or a few shared nights that had ended with them casually, mutually ghosting each other when the arrangement met its predictable demise.
Going back to that didn’t appeal. Not after having May in his life—in his bed. He’d had no idea how good he could have it, and how much it sucked when he’d lost it.
Since deciding to talk to her, he’d been stuck in some bizarre form of suspended animation. Until he knew the next move was the right one, he wasn’t budging a fucking inch. He’d done enough damage already.
So here he was, between wanting to fix things and knowing that was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place.
“Stuck” wasn’t a familiar feeling. Even after the shit that had gone down with Tracie, he didn’t stay still.
He’d found a job and moved away within a month.
His parents thought he was crazy, absconding to a lakeside town he’d never heard of, but then again, they hadn’t known the truth behind why he’d left.
Griffin had finally taken the hint and had stopped asking how he was and what he was going to do about it. Ant, not so much.
Proof was in his hand—his ringing cell phone with Ant’s name on it and a bear sculpture as his profile picture.
Xavier considered not answering, but then he did anyway. “What’s up?”
“Are you at home? Or are you at Salty?”
Xavier had been at Salty Dog every damn day this week, and he’d planned on going back tomorrow. Today, he’d left the bar at the weirdo hour of three p.m.
“I’m home.” Since he knew he couldn’t avoid Ant much longer, he surrendered without a fight. “Come on over.”
“I assumed. Pulling in now.” The phone went quiet.
He crossed to the front door as Ant’s truck trundled down the long driveway. When his friend stepped inside the house, he offered, “Beer?”
“Definitely. And you might want to get yourself a beer and a shot. You’re gonna need it.”
“Why?” An alarm blared inside Xavier’s head. “Did something happen?”
“Yeah, something happened. You haven’t talked to May in four days. I guess technically, that means nothing happened.”
Ant was right, Xavier needed a beer. He returned with two open bottles.
“What were you thinking, man?” Ant shook his head and then drank.
Xavier took a deep slug from his own beer and reminded himself that his buddy had only heard one side of the story. Lou’s.
“I’m guessing your girl told you a version of how things went down, but she doesn’t know my side.”
“Count yourself lucky I’m here instead of her. She ain’t happy with you.”
“Yeah, well, that’s going around.”
“Again I ask: what were you thinking?”
“I’ve done plenty of thinking.”
“You didn’t talk to May about what you’ve been thinking about.” Ant raised his eyebrows.
“And I owe you an explanation?”
“Owe? No. But it would behoove you to speak up while you still have friends.”
Xavier blinked, alarmed. In no scenario had he considered losing friends over this breakup. Not even May.
Rather than address that concern, Ant continued. “May is a woman who handles everything on her own, and you’ve been making plans without looping her in. That’s fucked.”
He knew that already. “I wasn’t trying to cut her out, I was trying to make sure she had everything she needed. I was trying to make sure she wasn’t doing too much in addition to having a baby.” He lowered his voice. “She needs stability, a foundation.”
Ant simply stared at him.
“What?”
“Stability? Foundation? She’s not a project, Xavier. She’s your partner. Or she was, anyway, until you fucked it up.”
“Look, if this is your idea of helping—”
“This is your swift kick in the ass. At the moment, it’s not literal. You’re welcome.” Ant sighed like he was tired. When he glanced up, he was a calmer version of himself. “Single and in love is no way to be, brother.”
Xavier lowered himself onto his couch, the truth hitting harder than expected.
Ant sat in the chair across from him. “Got something to say?”
“I love her. I know that. I told my mom that.”
“That’s a start. You planning on telling May? Seems like every time you have an epiphany you share it with everyone but her.”
Xavier palmed the back of his neck and rubbed. That was an inconvenient truth, which Ant seemed to be full of today. “Sounds bad when you say it like that.”
“No other way to say it.” Ant leaned back in the chair.
“I did the same damn thing to Lou for years. After she and Liam split, I loved her from far away. Suppressed those feelings for a long time. I thought it was the right thing to do—protecting her. I’d convinced myself she could do better, even though it ate a hole through me that I couldn’t pursue her. ”
“But you did.”
“Finally. I should have told her the second I caught Liam kissing that other woman, but I didn’t. I convinced myself that I was punishing him by making him confess.” Ant lifted and dropped one hand. “In the end, it looked like I was loyal to that prick. Like I had chosen him over Lourdes.”
Xavier pressed his lips together. Had he been convincing himself he had May’s best interest in mind, when really he’d been looking out for himself?
“You waited a long time to be with May. Now you’re letting her go.”
“I’m not letting her go. I’m picking my moment.”
“You’re protecting yourself. But you don’t have the luxury of time when love is on the line.
Especially when that love is carrying your child.
I’m not saying you have to marry her or move in with her, or do anything traditional.
What I’m saying is that you have to give her all of the information.
Something you haven’t been great at up until now. ”
“So, I, what? Show up at her house? Or, hey, how about I show up at her work? Maybe blurt out my feelings there? Jewell would love that.” The beer bottle was growing warm in his palms—his sweaty palms. Why was the idea of baring his heart and soul so fucking scary? May didn’t deserve any less.
Ant shrugged his broad shoulders. “Sounds good to me.”
“She might tell me to fuck off.”
Ant dipped his head. “She might.”
That was what was so fucking scary. What if he admitted how he felt about her and it wasn’t enough to win her back?
Then he would lose her completely—both as a lover and as a friend.
Then his kid would be swapped back and forth in silence because their parents couldn’t agree on the simplest of terms.
No. He wouldn’t allow it.
It struck him now that instead of being the knight who rode in to save the day, he had been hiding in the castle, surrounded by a moat of good intentions.
“I can’t do this the way I did before.”
“Agree. You’re wanting a safety net in place before you step up, but that won’t happen until you step up.”
“I was thinking it was more of a moat than a safety net.”
The side of Ant’s mouth curved. “Fine. You can’t build a moat around yourself and protect your feelings while not acknowledging hers.”
Ant polished off his beer and stood. “I have a delivery for you, by the way. It’s in the truck.”
Xavier left his half-empty, half-warm beer bottle on the coffee table and then followed Ant. In the bed of his truck was a different kind of bed—a crib, to be precise.
“You finished it.”
“You asked for a crib. I made you a crib.” Ant dropped the truck’s gate. “You said you were serious. I took you at your word.”
“I can see that.” The piece was solid, crafted from unfinished maple that would age beautifully over time. The carved leaves on each corner were Ant’s signature touch, subtle but meaningful. Symbols of something that would last. It belonged in a home, one with a family in it. Xavier’s family.
Ant leaned against the truck bed. “You know what the hardest part of making that thing was?”
“The leaves? Must have been a bitch carving them with a chainsaw,” Xavier joked.
“Convincing Lou to let me bring it to you instead of dropping it off at May’s. But you ordered it, and I told her that.”
“Lou hates me.” Women stuck together in times like these.
“She doesn’t hate you,” Ant said. “But she is Team May. If anyone deserves a team, it’s May.”
“A team, not a manager. Hindsight is a bitch.” Xavier slid his palm along the smooth woodgrain. “There’s not a splinter in sight. Amazing.”
“Didn’t paint or stain it because I don’t know your style—or May’s.”
“I’m going to be a father,” Xavier muttered quietly, letting that idea sink in. “When I created the Tipsy app, it was nothing but code and wireframes. Then came beta testing and all-nighters spent drinking too much caffeine. I didn’t truly know what it would be until it was finished.”
“Same as when I carve a sculpture. I want to make a wolf, but what I have in front of me is a tree trunk. That takes vision. That takes patience. Not being able to see what it’s becoming until it’s almost done is half the fun.”
“Like this crib—it’s solid. It’s real. It exists now.”
“But it’s not finished.”
Xavier met his friend’s eyes. Ant was right. It wasn’t finished without May’s input on stain or paint color. On whether it would live at her house or his. Or theirs. He swallowed past a lump in his throat, terrified and grateful at the same time.
“I don’t know what to say to make her come back.”
“That ain’t up to you. But you should let her know you’d like her to come back.” Ant clapped Xavier hard on the shoulder. He was the closest thing to an older brother Xavier had. “It’ll come to you. Maybe don’t plan ahead.”
“The theme of my life right now.” He smiled, and then his attention was drawn to the sound of an engine. A dusty black SUV advanced on him and Ant before pulling to a stop behind Xavier’s Range Rover.
Dean, as in the former beer brewer at Salty, stepped out of the driver’s side. He slanted a glance at Ant before giving Xavier a hesitant smile.
“Uh, hey. Sorry to barge in on you.” Dean approached the truck, noticed the crib, and then raised his eyebrows.
“Ant, you remember Dean.”
“The beer brewer who left you high and dry.”
“That’s me.” Dean offered a guilty smile before tucking his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t plan on coming to your house. I guess I should have called first.” His eyes went to the crib. “Looks like you’re busy.”
“I’m going to grab another beer. Dean, beer?” Ant offered.
“Uhhh…” He looked to Xavier for permission. “Is that okay with you?”
“Depends. You here to apologize or ask for your job back?”
“Bit of both.”
Xavier nodded at Ant. “Bring me one too.”
Ant pushed off the truck bed and went inside.
“This yours?” Dean circled the truck bed, admiring the crib. “Nice piece.”
“It’s mine. Ant built it.”
“Wow, he doesn’t fuck around.”
“No, he does not.” Ant had driven over here to hand Xavier his own ass. Ant didn’t fuck around at all.
“My girls had to share one. Didn’t expect two babies, and by the time they were here, we couldn’t afford a second crib.
” Dean had talked about his twin girls quite a bit.
“They changed my life. My focus. Used to be about me. Even married, I made it about me.” He shook his head as if lamenting his own stupidity.
That seemed to be going around.
“I didn’t come here to give you parenting advice. I’m here to apologize for leaving and not giving you proper notice. My friend’s restaurant plans fell through. He had a bad weekend, gave up, and moved back in with his parents.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“Not sorrier than me. I’m unemployed, and my wife isn’t happy that I left Salty Dog to take a risk. You were always fair. I let you down. So, I’m here to ask if you still need a beer brewer?”
Xavier knew that answer instantly. “No, actually. I don’t.”
Dean pressed his lips into a tight line before saying, “I understand. Sorry to bother you at home.”
Ant stepped outside, his fingers wrapped around three beer bottles, eyes narrowing as he took in the situation: Xavier leaning on the edge of the truck and Dean backing away from it.
“I don’t need a beer brewer,” Xavier called out. “I have a bigger opportunity for you. If you’re still interested in co-owning a restaurant. But in this case, there’s a zero percent chance I’ll bail on you and then move in with my parents.”
Dean took a tentative step toward his former boss. “Really?”
“Really.” It was high time Xavier made space in his life for what mattered now. That had shifted and changed over the years and had drastically changed in the last month.
Ant handed Dean a beer bottle. “I’d take the deal.” When he handed a bottle to Xavier, there was a look of pride on his face.
“I’d listen to him if I were you,” Xavier told Dean. “Ant’s a successful entrepreneur in his own right. He has insight I don’t have.”
“If you say so.” Ant chuckled. “Let’s take this discussion to the dock. Dean, you coming?”
“Yeah. Yes. Thank you.” Dean’s demeanor had shifted. He walked a little taller. Held himself a little lighter.
As Xavier paced down to the dock behind them, he noticed that he was walking a little taller too. Partially because he’d taken the first step to backing away from the bar, and mostly because he finally knew what to say to May.
It was simple.
It was perfect.
It was the truth.
As soon as he tied up this loose end, he was going to go to May and lay it all on the line.