Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Girl.” Jewell eased down onto the corner of May’s desk like she usually did. “I don’t know what to say. I am so unhappy for you, I want to strangle that boy and give you one million dollars at the same time. Would either of those help?”
May couldn’t help smiling. Jewell was a good friend, a great boss. “I will settle for a flexible schedule and continued success for Zest.”
“That, I can do.” Jewell stood up and crossed the room before looking over her shoulder. “You’re sure you want to go to him?”
“I’m sure I don’t want to wait any longer for him to text or call. There are arrangements that need to be made.” For the first time, in this situation, anyway, May was going to make those arrangements herself.
“Here for you. And, by the way, you’re taking off the rest of the week. You’re allowed to work from home if you want, but I would never force that on you.”
May appreciated the support, and the days off. Depending on how tonight went, she would probably need a few days off.
She planned on showing up at Xavier’s house, telling him her plans, and making sure they were back on track.
They’d had a supportive friendship before they’d slept together, so it was feasible that they could pick it up again.
Which, she acknowledged, could be tricky.
Every time she’d gone to his house since they attended the wedding together, she’d ended up in bed with him.
Remembering those moments now assaulted every last one of her senses.
The memories of being with him, talking with him after while facing each other on their own pillows, were so very strong.
She had no idea how she’d continue running into him casually without remembering their connection. She had never wanted a man so badly that her body overrode her brain. Not until him. Ever since she’d driven away from him that last time, her breasts, her arms, even her womb had ached for him.
For his touch.
For his kiss.
But it was past time for her to be logical. She’d thrown logic into the wind and look where that’d landed her. She placed her hand over her stomach as she walked through the parking lot and silently promised that, from here on out, her baby was the priority.
She would never regret making a child with Xavier. Never.
Before she turned over the engine, she pulled her cell out of her purse and typed in a text. I’m coming over. There’s something I need to say to you, face to face.
Her finger shook over the Send button before she finally tapped it. Then she sent a follow-up text: Don’t panic. The baby is fine so he wouldn’t worry.
When she didn’t hear back right away, she decided to treat herself to dinner somewhere Xavier wouldn’t be. Granted, that meant a trip to Sugar Hi for a confection or two, but hey, she was an adult, and tonight that meant dessert for dinner in her car.
Mid-bite of a delectable Devil Dog, which she was enjoying with a cup of decaf coffee, he finally texted her back. Here. Can’t wait to see you.
And like that, there went her damn womb again, tightening in anticipation of seeing his handsome face, strong arms, and kissing that mouth—
No.
No kissing. No tightening. No anticipating.
They were friends. They would be co-parents. Nothing more.
She polished off the Devil Dog and dusted her hands on her black pants. Her bangle bracelets jingled as she gripped the steering wheel. Too much sugar and nerves had made her shaky.
“You’ve got this,” she reminded herself, channeling some of Jewell’s strength and confidence.
She would borrow from whatever reservoirs were available.
Laying it out for Xavier was one of many hurdles, arguably the biggest. Was it possible for them to go back to the way things were? She didn’t know for sure.
As she drove to his house, she tucked every thought of having sex with him one last time into the back of her mind, boxed them up, and sealed the box with duct tape.
There. That ought to hold them.
She couldn’t give in to her basic instincts today of all days. She was also aware that stepping into her own didn’t mean burning down everything in her path. She had learned a very valuable lesson over the last few days: Xavier hadn’t ended up being who she’d needed him to be.
And that was okay. Even if it broke her heart a little. She’d wanted him to show up for her, but, as her father used to say, Facts are facts. A wise man—or woman—didn’t argue with facts.
Her pulse sped up as she drove closer to his house. This was it. She had this. She stopped short of turning into the driveway to let out not one car but two—a black SUV she didn’t recognize and Ant’s truck.
Window down, Ant tugged on the brim of his fedora to say hello, his face expressionless. No telling what he and Xavier had discussed. She waved back, and he left, and then she parked in the driveway.
She glanced at the clock. It was nearly seven, the sun lower in the sky than when she’d left work. She’d taken her time leaving, visiting Sugar Hi, and driving here. But now she was out of time.
A small voice suggested she could handle this later, maybe after she interrogated Lou for intel. Surely, Lou could extract that intel from Ant. But May had come this far. She was already here. And this needed to happen.
Not later. Now.
The house was exactly as she remembered it: beautiful, expansive.
One of those lake houses you drive by on a boat and admire from afar.
Except she knew it intimately, because she knew Xavier intimately.
She’d been inside his house over and over.
She’d made love to him beneath the skylight in his bedroom, had eaten breakfast with him in the kitchen, and had lounged on the deck by the lake on several occasions.
She walked to the porch, climbed the steps, and took a steeling breath.
Just as she raised her hand to knock, the door swung open.
There he was. The object of her torment and affection.
She’d pictured him wearing jeans and a T-shirt, with his thick beard and styled hair.
He ticked every one of those boxes and a few more she hadn’t counted on.
He was real. Solid. Present. Her first instinct was to throw herself into his arms and beg him to work this out with her.
Dammit. Being in love sucked.
He propped a shoulder on the doorjamb, relaxing into that bad-boy lean she adored so much. An accidentally sensual smile followed. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She knotted her fingers together. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your guys’ night.”
“It was impromptu. And you didn’t. Come in.”
She hesitated, worrying that setting foot inside his house would erode her willpower as it had every other time she’d been here. Because God, he smelled good.
She blew out a breath, squared her shoulders, and walked inside anyway. She couldn’t have a discussion this major while standing on the porch.
“Would you like a water?” he offered. “Or I can make tea.”
“Water is fine.” She was parched after the decaf. “I ate Sugar Hi for dinner, so I apologize if I’m a little wired.”
“Good choice.” He handed her a glass of water. He gathered three empty beer bottles and dropped them into the recycling bin before also pouring himself a glass.
“You’re sure I didn’t interrupt?”
“Cross my heart. I was going to come to you tonight, so you saved me the trip.”
“Oh?” That surprised her. After four days of silence, she’d assumed that the next contact was up to her.
“Yeah. You’re right. We have a lot to talk about.” He gestured to his house generally. “The only question is where should we talk?”
Not the bedroom, she thought but didn’t say.
“Here is fine.” The living room was the most neutral spot since she’d had sex with Xavier on the kitchen table. But when they settled side by side on the couch, she remembered more than one make-out sesh that had gotten out of hand here as well.
“God, you look great,” he said softly. He was hurting. She could see the pain in his eyes. She was hurting too. She could feel it in her bones. The fatigue. The worry. The doubt. The love.
“I need to speak before I lose my nerve,” she told him.
A dash of worry flitted over his face, but he nodded all the same.
“I’m not searching for stability outside of myself any longer.”
His mouth turned down, but he didn’t interrupt, which gave her ample room to explain.
“When I was with Prescott, I thought stability was what I wanted. After the rug-pull of my mom dying and my dad walking away, stability was high on my list. I’ve always known it isn’t guaranteed, but I’ve recently discovered that stability is what I say it is.
That grounded feeling comes from me. Not outside of myself.
I decide how I feel. I decide how my future looks. And that makes me feel powerful.”
“That’s good.” His voice cracked, even as he smiled.
Risking her heart crumbling alongside her resolve, she placed a hand on top of his. She had to touch him. To comfort both of them. “I want to co-parent with you. I’m going to give you every opportunity to be part of our child’s life. I won’t stand in the way of that, no matter what.”
He blinked fast, his long lashes shadowing those amber eyes.
If he cried, she swore she was going to lose it, but she wouldn’t change her mind.
She was crystal clear on what she wanted.
She didn’t regret their baby and knew in her heart that he didn’t regret their baby either.
The two of them as a couple was another matter altogether.
She would learn how to love him from afar. Hell, she was already taking a crash course.
His throat moved as he swallowed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know that about you.” She pulled her hand from his. “So, the only thing left to do is decide how to move forward. If we can be friends like we were before—”
“Is that what you want?”
“Sometimes,” she whispered.
“And what do you want at other times?”