25. Baja
25
BAJA
Several Days Later.
The rain starts before dawn. The summer shower is a slow drizzle at first, but by the time we gather around the grave, it’s coming down steadily as if the universe is grieving with us, gray clouds hanging low in the sky, pressing down on us.
We gather in a semi-circle, the scent of damp earth and decaying leaves hanging heavily in the air. When Salem proposed that we lay Jax to rest here at the clubhouse, my family and I agreed without hesitation. Jax, a true lone wolf, lived freely on the road. And now it feels right for him to find his final resting place with the Fallen Ravens MC.
I glance around. My brothers stand shoulder to shoulder, their cuts soaked. Close by, Sage, Sukie, and Juniper huddle under a large umbrella while Ophelia remains inside the clubhouse, out of the rain, with Lorelei, and Sage and Salem’s girl, Ashlyn. Then I look at my folks, my mom holding onto Dad, her face pale, tears mixing with the rain on her cheeks. Lucy stands beside them, tucked against Dad’s side.
To my right, Alice squeezes my hand, her strength and presence keeping me grounded as always. Lily stands at my left, her hand resting on her swollen belly, silently staring at the casket, still in shock. I step forward, my boots sinking into the mud.
The words churning in my head get stuck in my throat, but I force them out. “He was a brother, a biker, an uncle… a father. But, to me, he was more than that.” The rain beats down harder, soaking through my cut. My eyes lock on the casket. “Most of my life, I knew him as Uncle Jax, the man who taught me how to ride, gave me my first tattoo gun, taught me the trade… he had my back when I screwed up and kicked my ass when I needed it.”
I pause a beat, then take a deep breath and continue, “Aside from my dad, he was the toughest son-of-a-bitch I’ve ever known. Even though he was in and out of my life through the years, he was someone I could count on, and I loved him for it.” I pause again, swallowing hard, the lump in my throat feeling like it’s going to choke me but I push through.
“Truth is that the man I loved was also my father. He gave me life. And in the end, he gave his life to save mine.” My voice cracks. “He didn’t have to, but it’s who he was. He protected his family with everything he had through all his choices, good or bad. And he died the same way he lived… unapologetically and fighting for the people he loved.” I glance at Lily, then at my parents and Lucy. “It’s up to those he leaves behind to honor him, to keep his memory alive, and to protect each other the way he protected us.”
As my brothers step forward, the somber air thickens around us. They lower the casket into the cold and unforgiving ground. Mom breaks down, burying her face in Dad’s chest as he tries to offer her solace.
Losing a brother is never easy. You never truly get over it. It’s like tearing out a piece of your soul and leaving behind a vast void. The pain lingers, serving as a constant reminder that you have to navigate life without them. But life goes on, and you learn to adapt to the emptiness they’ve left behind.
A few more minutes pass, and then everyone leaves, one by one.
Mom, Dad, and Lucy linger momentarily, hugging me before returning to the clubhouse.
Lily and Alice stay behind.
Alice looks up at me, her eyes soft. “You okay?” she asks.
“Not today.” I’m honest with her.
“You want me to stay?”
“I got this, babe. Go get out of those wet clothes,” I tell her.
Alice nods, stepping closer, her hand brushing my cheek. “You feel what you need to feel. When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”
I let out a shaky breath, pressing my forehead to hers. “I know, babe.” We stand like this for a beat, her warmth grounding me again. Then, she presses a soft kiss to my lips and steps away. I watch her return to the clubhouse to join the other women, then turn back to the grave. I stare at the fresh mound of dirt off the hole’s side.
Lily steps up, her hand slips into mine, and we stand in silence, rain still falling.
No words need to be spoken.
We lost the man tying us together, yet somehow, his death makes us stronger, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.
The rain stops, and the sky clears.
Lily squeezes my hand, and I squeeze back, the moment more powerful than words. I let loose her hand and pick up the shovel. Lily turns, returning to the clubhouse where Juneau is waiting for her.
I shovel dirt into the grave, the thud of the earth against the casket below loud and final. Still sore from the hell it’s been through, my body makes the dirt feel heavier than it should. I scoop more soil, chucking it into the grave.
The sound of gravel shifting behind me doesn’t break my rhythm.
Then, another shovel bites into the mound of soil, followed by several more as Salem, Harlem, Mystic, Laredo, and Juneau join me.
Their actions resonate in the quiet spaces where words aren’t needed.
This is what it means to be part of something bigger than yourself, to have a family that transcends blood ties.
With my brothers at my side, we bury my grief, one shovel at a time.