Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
DEVIN
I look around the table on my last night in Foggy Basin.
I never thought I’d be sad to leave a place again.
But leaving home was different, I was setting off on an adventure, my family would always be there, and I could contact them and return whenever they liked.
This feels final. I glance at Nova, who is a bright spark that should never be dimmed.
At Clive, wise and tough, despite his recent seizure.
Arlene, who’s been so kind to me. My gaze rests on Zane, beautiful, handsome Zane.
Strong in some ways but incredibly vulnerable in others.
I feel lucky to have seen the other side of him, to get to know him better.
Other than that my feelings are complex.
I’m trying not to examine them too hard.
Locking them away. Maybe later, when I’m gone and I’m in another state, I’ll take them out and wish things had been different.
His withdrawal from me over the last few days has helped, but I miss him in my bed and I’ll miss him when I’m gone. I’ll miss them all.
“Tell your mom, thank you for the tea parcel.” Arlene breaks my concentration and I tear my eyes from Zane and look over at her.
“I will. She’ll be pleased you like it.”
“I do, and I’m looking forward to trying some of the teas she put in.” If I’d been staying, I could’ve introduced them. I’m sure my mum would like Arlene a lot. I could imagine them swapping recipes.
“I can’t believe you’re actually leaving.” Nova pouts across the table.
“Nova,” Zane warns. “We all knew Devin would leave soon.” The way he says it, it sounds like he’s glad I’m going.
Like he can’t wait to get his life back to normal.
Just him and his little family. That stings but I won’t let it hurt me.
Not right now. I’ll ever be grateful to Zane for bringing out my true self and helping me discover my sexuality.
If that’s all I get, then I’ll have to be content with that.
I swing back to glance at him but he’s got his eyes fixed on his plate.
Talk moves on to the farm and plans for how long before they take the next cut of hay, and I let it carry on around me, content to be a part of it for one more night.
As soon as the meal is finished, Zane rises and disappears. I see Arlene’s frown as she watches him go, but her bright smile is back as she turns to me.
“Shall I make a pot of tea?”
I linger at the table, as if wanting to draw this moment out as long as possible.
Now Arlene has discovered the tea mum sent is from where I grew up, she asks me questions about what my hometown is like, how it’s different to Foggy Basin.
It makes me feel homesick. Maybe I won’t try to get a new job straight away.
I could go home for a visit instead. The money I’ve made working for Zane is enough for me to do that.
Eventually, though, I do have to leave the comfortable kitchen for the last time. I’m catching the early bus, so I won’t see them in the morning. I shake Clive’s hand and wish him well.
Nova hugs me hard and plants a kiss on my cheek.
“Oh, I almost forgot, be right back,” he says and dashes out of the room.
Arlene crushes me to her in a mum hug. I’m definitely going home to see my own.
“Here, take these with you for the road. Freshly baked this morning.” She hands me a box, which I can smell is full of her butter cookies.
“Thank you, Arlene. I’ll miss you,” I murmur as I hug her again.
I know she hears me as she squeezes me tighter, and when I release her she dabs at her eyes.
I don’t think I’ve ever been made to feel so welcome anywhere, not that I’ve stayed long enough in most places to find out.
As I turn to go, Nova reappears and holds out a small package.
“Here, I made this for you,” he says proudly.
“Can I look at it?”
“Of course.” He grins.
It’s a small wooden plaque, inscribed and decorated with rhinestones in a typical Nova style. It says “I left my heart in Foggy Basin.” A lump forms in my throat and I can’t speak.
“It’s to hang in your truck so you can remember us all here, whichever state you’re in,” he explains.
“It’s lovely, thank you, Nova. I’ll treasure it,” I say, my voice thick with trying to keep it together. He launches at me for another crushing hug before I say goodbye for a final time.
I make my way up to my room with feet of lead.
I thought I’d be itching to leave after six weeks in one place, but that usual restless feeling isn’t there.
I pack slowly, wondering if Zane might arrive as he has so often late at night, and spend the night with me.
After an hour, and with everything I own packed up into a sports bag and a backpack, not much more than I came with really, I’m ready.
I look out the window across the dark yard. In a week or a month, they’ll have forgotten me, and life here will carry on as normal. I’ll be in some other state and there’ll be no sign I was ever here. For the first time in my life I feel a sadness that my existence won’t register in the world.
I guess he’s not coming and I heave a heavy sigh. Even when I climb into bed, I half expect, half hope to hear his soft knock on the door, but I don’t, and eventually I drift off into a dreamless sleep.