Chapter Nineteen
Leah
The following weekend, I found myself in the same spot I pretty much always was. Soph and I were going out for yet another party, but rather than being nervous, I was hopeful I’d run into GJ.
I used my fingertips to blend out the blush on my cheeks and then exited the bathroom to find Soph locked in on her phone.
She was dressed and ready to go as usual, her look always more lowkey than mine.
Her effortlessness and the way she never seemed stressed over what to wear only added to her cool girl factor. “Ready?”
Soph looked up at me like she was surprised to see me. “You’re really ready to go? Really?”
I blinked at her and looked down at my outfit.
She was making me feel like I forgot to put on pants or something.
“Yes…?” I grabbed my purse that I’d tossed onto the bed earlier while getting ready.
“Is something wrong with my outfit? Oh my god, wait, do I have lipstick all over my teeth like that one time?”
“No, no—relax. Sorry, I didn’t mean to stress you out. This is just usually a much more complicated process. I’ve only read, like, fifteen pages of my book, waiting for you to do your ‘finishing touches.’” She held up her phone, showing off the eReader app she’d been so focused on.
“How much do you usually read?”
“You don’t want to know,” Soph said and stood up from my bed. “Shots?”
“Yes, please.”
I flicked off my bedroom light as we headed to the kitchen. Soph connected to the speaker, and I grabbed the tequila from the freezer, a well-oiled machine from our many nights out together.
“Is Mags here?”
“No, she and Gemma went out to grab dinner together. I’m sure they’ll be at The 151 later.”
“Perfect,” Soph said and then blasted our shared playlist—the one that Mags rolled her eyes at every time she heard it—at a volume probably more appropriate for a full house party instead of a pre-game of two women.
“How have things been with you guys? I haven’t really wanted to ask, but it’s been a little bit since you talked about it. ”
I shrugged. “Kind of how they’ve always been. I don’t know. I’m not excited to graduate, but I am excited to get out of this apartment.”
“Have you thought any more about what city you might be going to?”
It was a weighted question—I hadn’t really, because thinking about moving out meant graduation and moving and giving up the life I had here.
It also meant a bunch of very adult things, like getting my first job and figuring out how to keep up with my bills.
I wasn’t so up my own ass that I didn’t recognize how lucky I was to not have money worries because of my parents, but I was still scared of the change to come.
All of the enthusiasm and hope in the world weren’t enough to completely erase my anxiety.
“Not specifically,” I answered. “Have you?”
Soph carefully poured out two shots for us. “I’ll let you know when I make a final decision. I’m weighing some options right now, but I might just end up wherever a job is.”
“Would you still want to go together?” I asked, nervous for some reason, like I was confessing romantic feelings for someone.
But not being able to be Soph’s roommate over the years had been a mild point of contention for us.
It was never enough to actually get in between our friendship, but I could tell Soph had been disappointed every time I fell back on our plans and lived with Mags instead.
Soph gave me her scariest you need to be honest with me best friend face. The high-energy pop music playing in the background did not match the intensity of our conversation. “You actually want to this time?”
“I’ve always wanted to, I’ve just always been scared of my family above anything else,” I admitted. “But I’d really like to try this time. Genuinely. Following Mags everywhere has only made me miserable. I want us to have our time together, too.”
Her face remained neutral and tight until, finally, she cracked a smile. “I always knew you wanted a life with me. I can’t wait to grow old together.”
Relief flooded my chest. There was always a chance things wouldn’t line up like we were talking about—one of us might not be able to find a job, or Soph might find work in a city not much larger than Cedar Creek, which absolutely would not work for me.
But I was glad to know it wasn’t entirely off the table.
“Our spouses are going to be so sick of us.”
“Yeah, GJ better get used to having me around.”
I threw my head back with a laugh. “Right,” I said with a playful eyeroll, as if I hadn’t been falling asleep to the mental image of GJ with her niece and nephew, thinking about what our own kids might look like, every night since I’d met her family.
After taking enough shots to get us sufficiently giggly and tipsy, we wandered out and headed off to The 151.
It was very much the kind of mountain winter night that I’d gotten used to—the air was so cold and dry that my lungs were practically hurting—and it made me sad to think about how there would only be so many more times that Soph and I would be able to do this walk together.
There was Christmas, the New Year, and spring.
By the time the basketball draft rolled around and we knew what Mags’s future looked like, the school year—and our time at Lakeside Green University—was basically done.
I had an urge to shake the feeling away and continue pretending none of this was happening, but instead, I wrapped my arms around Soph in a hug while we walked.
She leaned into me, still talking a mile a minute and completely unaware of the solo sentimental moment I was having.
I smiled, not wanting to have it any other way.
We began defrosting as soon as we stepped inside The 151. Bodies were packed practically wall to wall, and everyone’s voices blended in with the music playing.
“Good to be home,” Soph shouted over the music, and I snorted as I put our coats in our usual hiding spot, hoping that no one would steal them—or more likely, accidentally take them home thinking they were theirs.
As we walked into the party, I felt uncharacteristically level.
There was a small buzz of wondering if GJ was here already or she’d ended up somewhere else for the night.
But typically, I was a palms sweaty and feeling uneasy kind of nervous walking in here.
It felt like every single party I’d gone to, I was at risk of running into an ex, or I spent the whole night wondering if the person I had a crush on was going to go home with someone else.
Or most embarrassing of all was spending the night nervously trying to hype myself up to approach a crush.
But I didn’t have a reason to be nervous. If anything, I was hoping I might get laid tonight if GJ was around.
Maybe this was what it meant to actually be in something stable with someone.
Soph dragged me over to where the girls were all standing. Nearly everyone had been able to make it out tonight, and they looked like they’d also pregamed about as hard as us.
Reese pulled me into a hug as soon as she saw me. “Hi! Do you want a shot?”
“You brought a bottle?” I asked, surprised.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a water bottle, shaking it for me.
I grimaced. “Oh my god.”
“It’s as cold as the inside of a refrigerator outside—you can literally feel how cold the liquor still is through the bottle.”
I looked at the water bottle skeptically for a beat but knew immediately that there was no way I was going to say no.
It wasn’t hard to convince me of anything—something that had obviously bitten me in the ass before, but was a trait that I didn’t mind so much when drinking with my friends.
They were the only bad influences I needed in my life. “Okay, fine.”
Reese cheered as I held my head back so she could pour the shot into my mouth. She was right that it’d been kept pretty cold, but it was still just as awful as I’d imagined it would be going down.
I forced myself to swallow, nearly gagging along the way, and then laughed. “Oh, that was awful.”
“Without fail,” Reese said.
As I wiped the tears away I’d formed from laughing and dabbed at my chin where some of the shot had spilled, I felt eyes on me.
I looked up and saw GJ looking over. She was standing with some of her friends who weren’t on the basketball team, all of them talking and laughing together.
But GJ’s eyes were firmly on me, a smile at her lips.
My heart skipped a beat, and I got suddenly nervous in the best way. I looked away, biting my lip to keep myself from smiling like an idiot.
I grabbed Reese’s hand and waved to the girls. “Let’s dance!” I yelled over the music.
Finding a spot on the living room floor where some people were already dancing, I moved freely.
There was no dance training required here, nothing to feel self-conscious about.
I threw my arms up, sang along with the song, and twirled Reese around just because I wanted to.
People who I’d really only ever seen in passing at parties here joined us, singing along and laughing.
When the song switched to a new one, I took a beat to breathe and glanced over at GJ again.
Her eyes were already on me when I found her.
Something about seeing her across the floor, the two of us pretending we didn’t have history, was wildly hot to me.
I loved the little secret we had going on—the smiles, our eyes catching.
Soph pulled me back onto the floor, and we kept dancing without a care in the world. I was acutely aware of GJ most likely still looking this way, but I liked the feeling of putting on a performance just for her.
After long enough, I needed an actual break to grab a drink and take a second to breathe—and also maybe try and sneak a moment with GJ if I could. Even just a second of conversation, a brush of our hands, would be enough to keep me happy for the night.