3. Barrett
3
BARRETT
It was one of those days where I wished I could rewind it and find the person before they drove drunk to stop them from getting into the car.
Motor vehicle accidents could be rough, especially when they weren’t a fender bender. Take a twenty-two-year-old who thought drinking too much and getting behind the wheel was a good idea. It was a recipe for someone to lose their life.
Not the drunk driver. No, they killed a sixty-four-year-old man, who was on his way home from the store to buy his wife ice cream. She was recovering from surgery, and it was all she wanted. How did I know this? Because he was almost home, walking down the sidewalk, when the driver hopped the curb and hit him. His wife heard the accident and came downstairs to find her husband in the street, the force of the accident throwing him.
I had been driving down the street right after it happened, being one of the first on the scene. Once I got on the ground, I knew first aid wouldn’t save him. Nothing would. But I still tried because I had to. Because I couldn’t face the world knowing I didn’t at least do something to attempt to bring him back.
Some sounds I couldn’t forget, like her cries as she mourned the loss of the man she’d been married to for forty-three years, the tears she shed as she told me why he was out tonight.
The scene was cleared and everyone had left. A family's life was forever changed. A woman wouldn’t get to spend another night with the man she loved.
I couldn’t go home yet. I was off shift and wandering the streets of East Dremest. I had no uniform on—I didn’t wear one—so I looked like everyone else. Except I had a mixture of anger and sorrow on my face. I knew because of the looks I got when I passed people on the sidewalk.
Night had fallen, and I kept walking until I found a coffee shop that was open twenty-four seven. And wouldn’t I know, I walked right into the newest of Dexen Dremest’s coffee locations. Whatever. I just wanted to sit in a quiet corner with a warm drink, and hope to god something would quell the storm brewing in my head.
Once the oversized mug and chocolate chip muffin were placed in front of me, I wrapped my hands around the mug and held it up to my face, so I could inhale the scent of the brew and let the heat from it warm my cheeks. It wasn’t freezing out, but the scene today chilled me to my bones.
The café blurred around me. I didn’t bother to blink the tears away. Sometimes I had to let myself feel the pain, or it would continue to fester inside of me like a fucking ulcer no amount of medication could heal.
A tear slid down my cheek. It wasn’t for me. It was for the widow who had to break the news to her grown children that their father was gone. It was for the funeral she had to plan. The expenses she had to incur. The pain she was in, both physical and emotional.
Every day bad shit happened to good people, while the slime of this world rose up and did vile things. It wasn’t fair. Then again, life hadn’t been fair for as long as I could remember.
“Barrett?” I heard a deep voice ask.
Blinking a few times, more tears fell as I peered up into dark eyes that haunted my dreams.
Standing before me was the one man I would do anything for, yet he didn’t want a damn thing from me. He didn’t see me like I did him. He also didn’t know the first thing about my feelings. I kept them locked down in front of him, except for now, apparently.
“Reghan,” I greeted. He found me at a low point. I didn’t bother trying to mask my emotions. I also didn’t have it in me to give a solitary fuck.
Thick arms beneath an ivory Henley reached forward to pull out the chair across from me. Reghan sat, his body taking up the space the chair provided. He wasn’t a small man, nor was there an ounce of fat on him. Not that I knew from personal experience. It was a good guess, given the size of his arms and the way his thighs stretched the barrier of his jeans.
Jordan’s guards didn’t dress in suits like him, but they also didn’t protect him while wearing sweats. Since I didn’t see the mafia boss, I assumed Reghan wasn’t on the clock.
“What happened?” he asked.
Nothing about this felt right. Reghan shouldn’t look at me with concern. He should be threatening my life, telling me I shouldn’t be in here at the same time as him. Shouldn’t breathe the same air.
I shook my head and stood. I couldn’t do this. My facade was cracking. Reghan seeing it wouldn’t do me any good. Being vulnerable in front of him would knock me down multiple pegs on Jordan’s scale. I couldn’t afford for that to happen. The money had to keep rolling in.
“I was just finishing up,” I told Reghan and reached for my mug.
His hand pressed against my wrist. “You have a full cup, Bear. Sit down and finish it. If you really want to be away from me, I’ll leave.” His eyes held mine. There was hurt in them. I wasn't sure whether it was for me or because I rejected staying here with him. It made my stomach flip with the urge to soothe him. To tell him this had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.
Wasn’t that the way it always was though? How many times was Reghan the one at my throat while I let him get so close he could lick my lips? I wasn’t the one who approached him. The ball wasn’t in my court. Not now, not ever. The thing was, I didn’t care. I would let Reghan do whatever he wanted to me.
On another day.
At another time.
Anywhere but fucking here.
“I’m not doing this with you,” I told him and shook off his hold, even though I wanted to keep it there.
“What? Being a fucking human?” He all but growled as he pushed his chair back and stood. His hands were planted on the table, and he leaned forward to get right in my face. “I get that you have to be this I don’t care about anything guy in front of others, but I thought I was… You know what, screw you.” He straightened and turned without another word. He was out the door seconds later, his legs eating up the distance he was putting between us.
Luckily, the café was quiet, so no one witnessed what happened except for the wide-eyed barista behind the counter. If they only knew the kind of hate that man could lay down—or the way I desired to be the one on the receiving end of Reghan.
I sat back down and stared at the muffin. It might as well have been a pile of fucking sawdust for all the desire I had to eat it. At least I wasn’t ready to shed more tears. Instead, anger licked through my veins.
Fuck this.
Standing fast, I called over my shoulder, “I’ll be right back,” and rushed out the door after Reghan.
“Hey, asshole!” I yelled at his retreating back. He was nearing his black Jeep Gladiator. It was outfitted with all kinds of extras, including bigger tires. Every time I saw it, I thought it suited him well.
Reghan stopped, his hands balling into fists at his sides. But he didn’t turn around, so I walked faster until I caught up and rounded him to look in his eyes.
“How dare you come in there and act like you give a shit,” I said, getting right in his face. “I didn’t ask for your sympathy. People are allowed to have shitty days. That doesn’t mean I need you comforting me like I can’t handle myself.” I would have loved for him to comfort me. As much as I wanted him to fuck me, I had a feeling it would have been great to have those massive arms holding me while I let the awfulness of the day out.
“Are you serious right now?” His nearly black hair had fallen forward onto his forehead. He didn’t let it get long, but it was just enough that it came free from where he styled it back. “I show you an ounce of compassion and give you space to talk about what’s bothering you, and you come after me like I committed a crime? Fuck you, Bear.” God, that nickname. It made my body sing with want.
“Sure, however you have to disguise it.” He could have been genuine and really wanted me to lean on him. Although, we didn’t work that way.
He stepped closer until the tips of his boots kissed the tips of my shoes. “I don’t know who you think you’re fooling, but I know you wear a mask. God forbid anyone sees you’re more than a good time. More than the detective who does his job and leaves for a happy family life.”
I laughed humorlessly. “Happy family life? You can’t be fucking serious.”
“I don’t know shit about you.”
“One word to your boss, and you would.”
“I haven’t asked him anything.” He gave a quick glance around us. No one was nearby. Either they gave us a wide berth, or people were home for the night. “Your life is your business. Do I know what goes on when you work with him, sure. But I never once asked him about your personal life. As I said, slide that mask down and pretend you don’t feel a thing.”
“You don’t fool me. You’d sooner pin me to the wall and knock my teeth down my throat than be any sort of comfort.”
“Oh, I’ve thought about strangling you,” he growled. “I’ve wondered what it would feel like to have your pulse flutter wildly beneath my fingertips as you slowly lose the remainder of the oxygen in your lungs.”
I gave him a cocky smirk, even though my dick was so hard I was surprised it hadn’t busted through the zipper of my jeans. “You can’t touch me, and you know it. Jordan needs me. I’m far too valuable.”
“More than me? Do you think he’d side with you if push came to shove? Gotta tell you, I’d win.”
“Any more threats you’d like to lay on a detective in the East Dremest PD?”
“Threats for that guy? No. Threats for Bear, you’re damn right I have them.”
“Hey, stop!” I heard come from behind me. Raiden didn’t dare put his hand on my shoulder, not out on the street where anyone could see. It was one thing for me to go toe to toe with Reghan. I could pass that off as if I was threatening him, seeing if he would offer up something valuable. His brother putting his hands on me wouldn’t go over well. Arresting him wasn’t on my evening agenda.
Instead, Raiden put his hand on his brother’s shoulder and pulled him back a few steps. “What the hell are you two doing?” he hissed. “Anyone could see you. More than that, what if they heard you?”
Reghan crossed his arms and gave me his best I don’t give a fuck look. So I mimicked him because fuck that shit. Two could play at this game.
“You’re both so damn stupid,” Raiden stated. “I keep hoping you’ll figure this out and either do something about…” He waved his hand between us. “…this or just leave each other alone. You’re stuck in a perpetual loop of anger and hatred.” If he truly knew what I felt, he wouldn’t say that. Thankfully, the darkness helped conceal my dick. That and the streetlight that was shining more on Reghan than me. “Let’s go.” Raiden started pulling his brother toward the Jeep.
I doubted anyone could move Reghan if he didn’t want to go. He let his brother draw him to the passenger side door and asked for the keys.
“Go home, Barrett,” Raiden said. “Or stand on the sidewalk and watch our taillights. Honestly, I don’t give a shit.” He climbed behind the wheel.
I didn’t do either. I stalked back to the café, and angrily ate my muffin. I swallowed the cooling coffee and ordered a car to drive me home, not wanting to walk it.