11. Barrett
11
BARRETT
There was no way this wasn’t going to blow up in our faces. It was bad enough I had to drive out of the city to meet Reghan at a location where I wouldn’t be seen. I was in my personal car; one I knew wasn’t tracked. Reghan picked me up at our predetermined spot in his Jeep Gladiator.
The moment I was in it; I wanted to throw myself right back out. It smelled like him, the scent of his cologne. It went into my lungs and fueled my body's reaction to it. How one scent could make me halfway hard was completely up to the man wearing it. The drive north was going to suck.
The mountains spread out in Monroe County. There were a lot of places where someone could hide. In less populated areas, among shoppers, or walking around in the towns, pretending to be regular citizens.
The fact that there was a kidnapping that matched the description of the men who were taken in Dremest was enough to raise flags. I tried to get the chief to let me go up there and coordinate with them, but he wasn’t having it. He said we should have solved it by now and shouldn’t need anyone’s help. Others tried to talk him into coordinating our efforts. No go. Anyone else would have already had a meeting with them and been joining forces to get this solved. To the chief, it was a matter of who caught them first, and he wanted us to win.
It wasn’t a fucking race. It wasn’t a competition. It was the lives of men on the line, but what the hell did I know? I was only a detective on the case, so apparently, I didn’t know shit.
Here I was with Reghan, off the clock, going to look for clues. It shouldn’t be this way. Then again, I didn’t always follow the law. I cared more about finding the men and bringing the one who did this to justice than measuring my dick against others so we could come out on top.
“What are you grumbling about?” Reghan asked. Fuck. I didn’t realize I was letting some of that out. I thought it was in my head.
“Just thinking about work.” If I started in with my attitude, whether it was irritation at having to be in this situation with him or my mask of cockiness or whatever he called it, Reghan would get pissed. We had a whole day in front of us. Dealing with anger off the bat wouldn’t get us anywhere.
“This wasn’t my idea, you know.”
“Yeah, Jordan made it clear he wanted us working together.”
“Not many see him as a man who actually cares," Reghan said. "They think the money he donates, the interest he takes in the citizens, is all for show. It’s not.”
“You don’t have to sell me on him. I get it. He’s a fucking asshole when he wants to be, but he isn’t all terrible. If he were, Vail wouldn’t be with him.”
“No, he wouldn’t. That man is sunshine inside and out.”
I tipped my head back and closed my eyes. It was easier than letting them drift toward Reghan and staring at how his muscles stretched the cotton of his long-sleeved shirt. “I’ve gathered that from the times I’ve met him. Hartley’s a smart-ass though.”
“Reminds me of someone else I know.”
I couldn’t resist and rolled my head toward him. My eyes opened in time to catch the hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. I couldn’t fight the grin blooming on my own.
Reghan turned to see it before I could lock it down. I quickly closed my eyes and faced away from him again.
Sighing, he said, “Answer me this if you want. We have to spend the day together either way. I can’t figure out what about me you can’t stand so much. You get turned on; there’s no question about that. Seriously though, why all the hate?”
The lie was there on the tip of my tongue. I could say how much I couldn’t stand him. How I fucked with him because it was fun, nothing more, and my body’s reaction was a natural response. For some reason, I didn’t want to. Whether it was because we were stuck in the car, or because I was scared for the men in the city and my brother, or because I was so fucking tired of always being on.
Marshall needed me, which meant I had to work my ass off so he didn’t have to. East Dremest needed me because I was a damn good detective. I went above and beyond for people in the city. As much as that job made me want to throw shit at times, I enjoyed helping people. Then there was Jordan and the assistance I could provide him. Sure, he had cops on his payroll, but none of them had known Jordan as long as I had or struck up the… friendship wasn’t the right word... whatever I had with him. Jordan and I had an understanding. That didn’t mean we had to like each other.
“I’ll take your nonanswer as an answer,” Reghan stated.
I didn’t look at him when I spoke. Instead, I focused on the vehicles on the highway. “I don’t hate you.”
“Then what is it?
“You’re the first man in a long time who’s had me thinking of myself and not keeping my focus on my job and the money I have to make.”
“Are you in debt or trouble?”
“Neither. I need to have a cushion. A big one if I can. If something happens to me…”
“Are you married?”
My head snapped around to stare at him. “No! What the hell gave you that idea? Why would I openly tease you if I were married?”
“I don’t know, Bear! I have no fucking clue about you! All I get when I ask you anything is a wall put up because, god forbid, I’m worth enough to want you to open up to.”
We were still on this? He didn’t think he was worthy in my eyes when I knew it was the other way around. Jesus, how shitty of a person was I to him? “How do you not hate me?”
“Why the hell would I?”
“I’m a dick to you all the time. I constantly push and push until you have no choice but to get in my face.”
“You don’t think I know that? It’s a game, Bear. Every damn time I see you. I get so fucking irritated, but it’s an instant reaction. At least it was until I saw you in the café.” Of course, he’d bring that up. That day I showed another emotion besides what I usually gave Reghan.
“A man was killed by a drunk driver in front of his home, and I was on scene right after it happened. His wife saw his body on the road. They were older, married for a long time, with grown kids. I was in the café because I couldn’t go home yet.”
He glanced at me quickly before his eyes returned to the road. We were slowing down for construction. It was a common occurrence on this highway. “Why didn’t you say that?”
“And lay my heart on the table for you to crush or mock?”
“Do you really think that little of me?”
“Honestly, I don’t even know you. I just know how I feel when I’m in front of you and that has me putting my guard up. It’s you. If you pushed hard enough. If you got me to say things I’ve never told anyone. If you cracked my chest wide open.”
“I don’t know you either. You give me a sliver of you, and all that does is piss me off.”
“Is that why you’re always mad?”
His foot pressed the brake, and we slowly came to a stop. Usually, I got irritated by the traffic, but I found I wanted more time to talk to Reghan, which was fucking foolish on my part.
What did I think was going to happen? We’d pour our hearts out and fall madly in love? That my superiors would find out I was dating one of Jordan Altair Sr.’s guards and throw a party? Or that Jordan himself would raise a glass and toast us for getting together? No, none of that would happen. Quite the opposite would.
Reghan raked his hand through his hair and settled his elbow on the door while his other hand stayed on the wheel. “I’m mad because you can’t be serious for one second. Then I saw you in the café, and it was the first time the other side of you was visible. I knew there was a person with feelings in there. I wanted to help you.”
“If you did, I would have shattered.”
Dark eyes met mine when he turned my way. The cars in front of us hadn't done more than crawl. “Would it have been that awful to let go in front of me?”
“What would have happened after? There’s no chance of a future for us. And not for nothing; there’s zero chance of one night of us being together and working it out of our systems. This thing between us has been going on for far too long.”
“Agreed. So, you don’t hate me, and I don’t hate you. Yet…”
“Yet, there’s nowhere for us to go. If we climb into bed together, things will get messier.”
“Yeah.”
There was nothing left to say. We knew the score and couldn’t change the plays. No matter how we looked at it, there was no happy ending for us. We led different lives that intersected when shit had to happen, like today. I couldn’t forget about the reason we were together. We could get intel up here that could help me solve the case. My superiors didn’t need to find out what I was doing.
We drove slowly along the highway, past construction, past an accident, until we finally made our way out of the congestion and started sailing again. By the time we got to the town where the man was taken, I felt as if I’d gone a few rounds in a boxing ring. There were no marks on my body. Inside, I was bruised and vulnerable. I didn’t divulge everything to Reghan, but I told him enough. He wouldn’t hold it against me. That much I knew for certain.
After the years I’d worked with Jordan, he was aware of my brother, and not once had he thrown Marshall’s name around as a threat to me. Some lines weren’t crossed. I wouldn’t go after Jordan’s son, partners, or Ava. I’d sooner go out of my way to protect them. Jordan had good people in his life. I’d noticed him slowly changing. Would he suddenly decide he wanted to stop being a criminal? Fuck no, although he wasn’t the same man I met that first time, either.
As Reghan parked the Jeep and we got out, I kept my brother’s face in my mind. He could have been the one taken. I had to find the person responsible for this and stop them. And I had to keep Reghan in a little box in my mind because we couldn’t be anything but cordial to one another.