14. Reghan
14
REGHAN
Since parting ways with Barrett, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It wasn’t a new feeling, only more intense. There was more of an urge to find him and keep him close. Barrett didn’t need me to protect him. He could handle himself. That didn’t stop my mind from constantly being drawn back to him and how if he was with me, he would be better off.
He made good points when we talked though. There wasn't an easy way for us to work this out. He was a detective, and I worked for a mafia boss.
I couldn’t forget how Jordan told me to fuck and flee. If I saw this going further, I had to talk to him. If my desire for Barrett interfered with my protection of Jordan and his men, shit was going to go downhill fast, which was why I had to speak to my boss.
It was Saturday afternoon. I was on Jordan’s detail until my brother took over tonight. Vail was in his kitchen downstairs, cooking dinner for as many people as possible. If Vail had it his way, he’d feed the whole city. Hartley was at his studio working on a new line of menswear. How he thought of so many ideas was anyone’s guess. And Ava was at a friend’s house. This left me alone with Jordan.
Walking to his office in his home, I knocked on the open door. Usually, I stayed at my post but with no one here, it was okay for me to step away.
Jordan’s head lifted. I waited for him to give me an irritated demand of asking what I wanted. Instead, I was greeted with a kinder Jordan. I didn’t use the word soft because it seemed to cause him to get angry in a second flat. Even thinking it was a hard hell no. “Yes?”
“Can I speak to you for a minute, sir?”
He gestured to the chairs in front of his desk. “Have a seat.” When I was in front of him, on his level, he asked, “What is it?”
“As you know, I spent time with Barrett while we tried to find clues of firsthand accounts so we could track down the asshole who’s been kidnapping men.”
His eyes narrowed. “Go on.”
I didn’t fidget, didn’t squirm in front of him. Jordan didn’t respect weak men, and I’d never considered myself one. “I have feelings for him.” My breath wasn’t coming easier, but I spoke my truth to the man who had the ability to put me out of a job and kill me.
“And?” he asked. I didn’t expect nor know what to say to that.
“And?”
He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “That’s nothing new. I’m guessing you’re in front of me because you want to do something about it.”
“I kissed him.”
“This isn’t a teenage crush, Reghan. I don’t require the details.”
“He’s not who I thought he was.”
“No, he never was, but that wasn’t for me to tell you. Nor was it for me to say if you could trust him or not. There's only so far my faith in him goes, given the job he holds. You had to discover Barrett’s secrets from the man himself and figure out if you could trust him. Now that you know more about him, you can’t walk away. Correct?”
I nodded.
“Did you talk to him?” He shook his head. “Never mind, I know you did or you wouldn’t be here. And why the fuck am I getting so goddamn sentimental? Fucking Vail and Hartley,” he muttered. “This is all their fault.”
“Sir?” It wasn’t the first time I’d heard him say those words to himself.
“What do you want from me?”
“To keep my job and have a relationship with Barrett.” It was a pipe dream, yet it was one I couldn’t let go of without a fight.
“What does he want?”
“For us both to keep our jobs and for him to continue to be able to care for his brother.” There was no worry inside me over talking freely about Barrett’s brother. Jordan had already been aware of him, probably was for as long as he’d known Barrett. “And for it to work out between us.”
“I’m powerful, but not that much. I have no control over Barrett’s future in his chosen profession. As for you…” Here it came. I was either going to walk out the door and pack my shit, or I was going to have to restrain myself from rounding Jordan’s desk to hug him with how happy he made me. “You’re a grown man, and while I can tell you to do many things, I have no power over who you decide to fall in love with. What I can say is, I won’t fire you, but there will be ground rules you have to follow, or it’s your ass. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“You’re going to have a difficult time meeting him. He can’t come here, and you can’t show up at his work either. There are hard limits. As long as he’s employed by the East Dremest PD, he is not to be in my building unless he has a warrant, or his life is about to end.”
“Yes, sir.”
“When you're on my detail, you're solely focused on me, my men, and our surroundings. That is nonnegotiable. However, in your off-hours, if there is backup here for you that doesn’t only include your brother, you can do as you please. If you’re out and I need you here, you will come back unless your fucking life is on the line. If you find yourself in a situation with no way out, you’re to call your brother or Barry, and we will extract you, no matter what it is. I know you think I’m a hard-ass, Reghan, and I am, but you work for me. You're one of my best men, and I’ll be damned if I leave you in danger.”
“I appreciate that.” There wasn’t a lot I could say. He ran the show, and I had to follow the rules. I was just happy he didn’t immediately tell me I couldn’t see Barrett. It had everything to do with the men Jordan loved. They influenced him in many ways. I still didn’t want to cross him though.
“If shit’s going down and Barrett’s not able to call for backup, you call your brother or Barry. I don’t want to think of the hell you two are going to find yourselves neck-deep in if his fucking boss finds out, but right now, that’s not my problem. Mine is to keep you safe so you can protect me and the people I care about. I wouldn’t have spent this long keeping Barrett around if I didn’t have a modicum of trust in him. It’s small, really fucking tiny, but it exists. Barrett hasn’t gone behind my back and has gone out of his way to help me on numerous occasions.”
“He wears a mask, so no one sees the real him.” I wasn’t sure why I had to defend him. Jordan had to be aware of this, but the deeper I saw into Barrett, the more I uncovered, the more vulnerable he was.
Jordan leaned forward and put his forearms on his desk so he could clasp his hands. “Barrett’s past is his business. What he tells you is his choice. He hasn’t had it easy and has worked hard to be where he is. But if a day comes where you can’t stand to be apart from him for a fucking second and want him here with you, he’s going to have to make a choice. All in or all out because hiding shit is only going to last for so long before one of you slips up and is caught. I don’t say that lightly since you’re both smart as hell, but it’s reality. Love makes you do stupid shit, and in this case, that could mean both of your asses in jail. I really don’t want to pay to have Barrett freed as well as you. Jesus, do you hear the shit coming out of my mouth?" he growled. "Fuck’s sake. It’s like I don’t know who the hell I am anymore.”
“You’re in love. You see things differently now.”
He pointed at me. “If you tell anyone I’m this way, I’ll slit your throat myself.” He wouldn’t, but it was still a solid threat. Vail and Hartley would never let him do such a thing. Fire me, probably. Kill me, not unless I tried to kill someone Jordan cared about.
“I’ve never told a soul anything I’ve heard or witnessed. I won’t start now.”
“Good. I'll most likely add more rules for you to follow, but I can’t think of them now. There’s too much I need to get done.” He gestured at his desk. “You can go.”
“Thank you, sir.” I stood and walked toward the door.
“And, Reghan?”
“Yes?” I turned.
“I don’t say it enough or ever, really, but I want you to be happy. I’d hate to lose you as a guard and have a feeling the only way to pull you away would be love. I also hope you’ll weigh where you and the man you fall in love with are the safest. The East Dremest PD could never protect the two of you as I can.” He didn’t come right out and say he cared about me. Jordan wanted Barrett and me to choose him over a life where Barrett stayed working as a detective. I would have no choice but to give up my job here to follow the man I loved. Not that I loved him. I didn’t. Although, I could easily see how I could fall for him.
“I appreciate all you’ve done for Raiden and me. You’ve given us jobs we excel at, made sure we had everything we could possibly need, and even provided us with homes. It doesn’t go unnoticed.”
“Yes, well, you two have repeatedly proven your value. Now you can go.” He focused on his computer, effectively dismissing me. There wouldn’t be a hug or a sharing of sentiment. I was surprised I’d gotten as much out of him as I did.
When I entered the living room, I found Vail sitting on the couch with a grin lighting his face.
“That was sweet of him,” he said. “And of you. Jordan said more than I thought he would.”
“It could have gone badly.”
“Yeah, but it didn’t, so there’s no point in focusing on that. You’re a good man, Reghan. You deserve someone who sees that and will appreciate what you have to offer, not take advantage of it. I haven’t witnessed the side of Barrett you have, but if he makes you happy, then I'll do whatever I can to help you find a way to be together.”
“Vail, you don’t?—”
He put his hand up. “I know, but I will. Hart and I went through hell and back to get to where we are, and while I wouldn’t wish our trials on anyone, I also wouldn’t trade where I am either.”
Jordan was making his entrance as his shoes announced his approach before his voice did. “And where are you, Vail?” Jordan asked.
Vail stood from the couch to round it and stop in front of Jordan. His hand lifted to coast through Jordan’s beard. “Right where I was always meant to be. You did a good thing in there. I’m proud of you.”
Jordan’s teeth ground together, but another touch from Vail made him relax. I walked to my post by the elevator and stared straight ahead instead of looking at them.
“How about we go upstairs, and I’ll reward you for what you said?” Vail asked.
“I’m not Tahoe, who needs a treat whenever I do something you approve of.”
“No? Okay, then I’ll go back to the article I was reading on my phone.”
“Like hell,” Jordan growled and wrapped his arm around Vail’s waist to pull him close.
They ascended the stairs a moment later. My lips twitched. Jordan would be led anywhere by Vail and Hartley. If only I was able to have that someday, that unconditional love and trust. Maybe I could have it sooner than I thought.