Chapter 36
[Ford]
I skip the fireworks and take the girls to Stone’s house. With six bedrooms, there is plenty of room for us, and I don’t want them out of my sight. I also don’t want them anywhere near the rental house if the place has become recognizable as where we were staying.
I doubt I’ll sleep tonight, and I really wish Cadence was here.
I’d been a total ass earlier. My fear of losing June got the best of me, causing me to lash out at Cadence, blame her.
I need to apologize. I need her with me.
She’d raced after my girl as if June were her own, and I needed Cadence’s forgiveness.
I want her to know I hadn’t meant whatever I’d said.
I can’t even recall what I said, but I’m certain I said something, because I remember the pain suddenly piercing Cadence’s expression.
A look that reeked of hurt, caused by me.
When Stone finally arrives at my childhood home, he looks exhausted.
“Where’s Cadence?” I rush from my seat at the kitchen table to stand, glancing around my brother for her.
Stone gives me a puzzled look before announcing, “She’s going back to Nashville.”
“What?” The pit in my stomach that had been growing for the past few hours was the size of the New River Gorge. Once the adrenaline dissipated, the cocktail of anger and fright lessening, guilt and shame over how I’d treated Cadence settled in. I’d been nauseous while anxiously awaiting her return.
Only, she’s leaving? Why didn’t she come back to me?
Both my questions can easily be answered as I’ve had time to reflect on how I behaved earlier.
How my fear for June made me irrational.
I’d been harsh, cutting even, in how I’d spoken to Cadence.
How I’d blamed her for something beyond her control.
She didn’t make Angela Lauer do what she’d done.
Hell, Cadence had even been a victim herself of Angela’s crazy.
Stone watches me for a long minute before turning toward Enya.
Cadence’s sister has been frantic with concern for her, and Sebastian is equally upset that his wife is so worked up.
“She said she’ll call you when she gets home. ”
Home? For weeks I’ve considered the rental Cadence’s home, but hadn’t I told her just the other day that the place was my house? My emotions had been zinging in different directions when I learned about Evan. Jealousy. Upset. Judgment. And I’d done it again even knowing the truth.
Cadence did not want Evan. She made a mistake with him. He’d duped her, used her, and she’d been targeted by him and then Angela.
I could learn a lesson from Cadence’s words to Winnie at Art’s Studio. Think before you act, and I hadn’t. I’d gone with my instincts, but they were wrong. Again.
“What happened to Angela?” I ask, sliding my hands into my back pockets, sounding rational when I’m feeling anything but.
At this point, I’m assuming Stone knows all about Cadence’s history and connection to Angela Lauer.
I need to know Cadence is safe from her.
That my girls and I are safe from the off-kilter woman.
“Seems Angela Lauer’s husband left her after all. After she’d just had his baby.”
Vale has been lingering in the kitchen as well, and gasps at this news before covering her mouth. This explanation might hit a little too close to the chest for her.
Stone continues. “Between the loss of her husband and post-partum depression, she became fixated on Cadence as the cause of her marriage falling apart.”
Maybe Cadence was the reason. But most likely she wasn’t. While Felicity had stepped out on me, and I wanted to fault Romero, our marriage had been dissolving long before Romero came to Chicago.
“Ball’s in your court about pressing charges.” Stone nods at me. “Attempted kidnapping?”
“Fuck yes.”
“Angela Lauer will also have a battery of charges from Cadence. Cyber-harassment being the most prominent. She already has a restraining order against Evan. He threatened her last summer with bodily harm but hasn’t made an appearance again.”
The idea of anyone physically hurting Cadence knocks the wind out of me. I can hardly breathe with the thought. She told me she couldn’t get Evan unless he came close to her in person. Unless he violated that restraining order she set in place. I didn’t want him anywhere near her.
I glance at Sebastian, his head bowed. Had he known? My girl was in danger, and yet he came to warn me about her.
Stone says something to Enya, but I don’t hear him over the ringing in my ears. Cadence was in danger as well, and now she is leaving.
Enya and Sebastian leave the house. Vale says she’s going to check on all the kids.
I remain still, the pressure in my chest feels like a boulder pinning me in place.
Stone remains as well, standing at the opposite end of the kitchen table, where he sets his hands on the back of a chair. “Heard you blamed Cadence for this.”
My head pops up. “I—” I swallow hard recalling the fear associated with June’s disappearance. “I lost my head a bit.”
My brother stares back at me a long minute. Those blue eyes are often compassionate, but I’m well aware they can display disappointment, and he’s truly disappointed in me right now. I’m upset with myself, too. I’d blamed the wrong person.
“Understandable.” He means my fear over potentially losing June. “But let me tell you something you aren’t going to like hearing.”
Stone continues. “Today could have happened to any parent at any time. Glance away for a second in a crowd and your child could be gone.”
I hang my head, knowing he’s right. I’d been focused on Winnie, watching Cadence with Zelle, and thinking June was right behind me.
When I twisted around, I didn’t see her.
I remember standing, casually looking around, scanning faces, and glancing over seated bodies.
Panic took over like the slow leak of sand in an hourglass.
My brain couldn’t compute fast enough that my daughter was missing.
Sebastian and Enya had been talking to someone they knew when I clutched my brother’s shoulder and he turned.
Something in my expression had him asking me a question I could barely hear over the buzzing in my head.
I couldn’t form an answer. I couldn’t admit what my brain already knew but my lips didn’t want to let pass.
“June,” I’d whispered. The truth was unbearable.
Immediately, Sebastian started probing around us like I had, by calling out her name until eventually, he and Enya took off with Adara, telling me to stay put in case June only wandered away.
She’d know where to return, although that was a lot of faith to put on a now four-year-old.
Still, I did as they suggested hoping June had wandered after Cadence, as my willful child had a mind of her own.
However, I could see Cadence didn’t have June with her.
“June is trusting,” Stone states as if reading my thoughts. “You’ve said so yourself how you worried she’d easily go to any woman because of Felicity.”
My ex-wife. The mother of my children. My girls were scarred by her. Starved for positive, adult, female attention. Attention they fully received from Cadence.
Who was leaving us.
“And if Cadence was at fault . . .” Stone pauses. “Why would she race after June? Risk exposure of who she is, and corner a kidnapper, when she herself is a victim here?”
Because she loved my June Bug.
I hate that Stone is the voice of reason.
“Did you drop Cadence off at the house?” I mentally calculate time and distance, then add an allowance for the minutes Cadence would need to pack her bags before leaving for Nashville.
The corner of Stone’s mouth quirks up. Not a full smile but a subtle stamp of approval. “Dropped her there and came right here.”
Roughly thirty minutes have passed.
I’m hoping I still have time to catch her.
+ + +
CADENCE
The slam of Ford’s front door makes me jump. The sudden sound accentuates my already fragile nerves and the tremor in my hands as I race to finish packing my three suitcases. He calls out my name as he thunders toward my room. Blindly tossing items into the last case, I don’t stop moving.
“Cadence,” he whispers behind me. His voice sounds relieved while breathless. Keeping my back to him, I sense him step closer to me. His once comforting scent invades my nose, sparking the tears I’ve been fighting for the past few hours.
“Please. Don’t go.” The anguish in his plea does nothing to quell the ache in my chest.
“Why, Ford?” I spin toward him. “So you can point a finger at me again? Pass judgement on me once more?”
With my palms pressed together as if in prayer, begging him to spare me, I unleash. “You shredded my heart today, Ford.” Taking a deep breath to stave off the sob threatening to crack my voice, I continue.
“Do you have any idea how afraid I was for June?” My voice cracks as the visual I’m certain will haunt me for years continues to play on repeat in my head, as it has all day.
June being carried away by Angela.
The anguish that I might not be able to get to June fast enough. The unbearable fear I couldn’t stop Angela before she drove off with that precious child.
I’d never forgive myself. I already can’t, and the last thing I needed earlier was Ford stabbing my guilt deeper into my chest.
Ford’s head lowers. His eyes close as if he sees the same thing that is burned into my memory.
“I love your girls, Ford. I. Love. Them. I would never, ever do anything to put them in danger.”
“I know.” His head snaps up and he steps closer to me, reaching out to touch me, but I hold up my hand to protect myself and step back, bumping into the bed.
“But you don’t believe that,” I remind him. Jabbing a finger to my chest, I add, “You blamed me for putting June in danger.”
“I know.” He exhales, exasperated with himself. “I’m sorry.”
I’m already shaking my head. “For once, Ford, your apology won’t work on me. You don’t have my trust.”
“I know,” he repeats. His face stricken. “I’m sorry. Tell me what to do.”
“I can’t.” He needs to make his own decisions.
“Please,” he begs. “I overreacted. I panicked.” The truth lifts his voice, and he grasps my wrists. “I was so scared today. I’m constantly afraid I’m not doing a good job, being a good dad. I don’t want to do this alone. I want you with us.”
My foolish heart leaps with his last sentiment, but I crush the hope buoying up in my chest.
“Understandably, your fear was rightfully for June. You were upset. Your girls are your world, as they should be. I’d just thought I was a sliver of space within that stratosphere, but I now see I’m a splinter instead.”
“You’re not.” His hands slide to my upper arms, his tone desperate. “You’re everything to me. To us.”
Shaking my head again, I continue. “There’s always going to be some creep out there, Ford.
Someone thinking they can get to me, and potentially get to your girls, if we were together.
I’d never jeopardize them. And you’ve proven you think I’m a threat.
Instead of having my back and protecting me, keeping me safe like you asked how you could, you lumped me with my stalker. ”
Ford lowers his head. His eyes closing while he licks his lips. “I didn’t mean it.”
He might not have but he still flung those hurtful barbs at me. Implied I needed to run a background check on lovers and disconnect phone numbers. Those damning words were the final blow.
“This is for the best, Ford. You’ve hurt me.” The dam breaks and the tears I’ve fought finally spill. “I care about you so much.” I love you. “And I don’t want to put anyone in jeopardy again.”
“You won’t. I’m here and—”
I cover his mouth with two fingers. Swallowing hard, uneasy with the words I say next. “It’s time for me to go.”
Am I flitting? Am I in flight mode? Nope. This is pure self-preservation because I can’t be around Ford if he doesn’t trust me. If he can’t protect me. If he can’t love me.
And the way he acted today spoke volumes.
I’d been fooled once by another man.
Now I was simply ashamed that I’d let it happen again.
“Please,” Ford begs, pulling me closer to him and lowering his forehead to mine. “I don’t want to lose you.”
I could argue Ford never had me but that would be a total lie. I’d been his from the moment I pretended he was mine to save his ass in a shady bar.
“I’m not lost, cowboy. You are.” I tip up and press the lightest kiss to his lips, struggling to hold back and not kiss him harder, demand he kiss me back.
I can’t command Ford to apologize to me, knowing if he truly wanted me, he’d be begging me to stay with sincerity, asking my forgiveness without prompting.