Chapter 38
[Cadence]
Of course it was my fault. It was always my fault.
I felt sick over what happened to June. The situation could have been so much worse, and yet, it was still bad enough.
My June Bug had to have been so scared but when I talked to Stone days later, he assured me she was doing well.
Enya backed up that assessment, along with asking me to return to Sterling Falls.
I couldn’t. Too many heart-filled moments and heartbreaking ones marked the small town, and just like London, I didn’t think I’d ever return.
Guilt was permanently my middle name. I’d felt awful for Angela Lauer although she had no right involving June.
The woman needed help. She’d been wronged by her husband and struggled after having a baby.
I took responsibility for her and paid for treatment, even though the reciprocity was nothing compared to the anguish she’d been through from losing Evan.
One day, she’d realize he wasn’t a loss.
My suggestion for Ford’s future baseball camp was also partially born from guilt.
I went to Clay first. He’d been the one to turn an empty field into a baseball diamond with the help of his family.
A financial estimate of supplies and labor, plus a timeline, were needed.
The project would not involve me. I just wanted facts, weighing the merits of such an undertaking, before Clay pitched the idea to Ford.
There was only one condition; I needed to remain anonymous.
I’d been thinking of his girls. His daughters needed him to be present and supportive of them.
He was probably financially set for life, but I didn’t want anything to take away from their futures.
Colleges. Weddings. Whatever they needed.
Plus, Ford should be near his larger family.
Sterling Falls was home even if Chicago had been for a little while.
He needed his siblings, and he was fortunate to have so many.
Finally, Daggett Ryan called in that favor I owed him.
He needed a replacement act on his tour.
Just a short stint of shows from August to November.
The timing was uncanny. The surprise announcement that I’d accepted the gig had fans going wild.
With the new productions nicely coming together, my followers deserved a sample of what was in store for the future of Cadence.
There would still be songs of heartache and breakups, but I was ready to change the tune a little bit.
An epic love song was itching to be written, even if I didn’t have love in my life. I knew what love had felt like.
Unfortunately for me, the first stadium Daggett and I are scheduled to play is Anchor Field.
I love outdoor concerts. The open air reminds me of country music festivals, like the one Ford took me to, now etched into my memory as a precious moment in time.
Facing this baseball field only brought up further memories of Ford.
Especially when the management gave me a complimentary jersey with my own name on the back.
It hadn’t exactly been the name I was hoping to wear here, but I’d been foolish to ever think Ford Sylver could be mine.
A sharp rap comes to the door of my bus as a signal it’s time. The stadium doesn’t have much of a green room and it’s part of the appeal to play this iconic ball field. The visiting team’s locker room is tucked behind the laundry room and hosts most of the warmup singers.
As I slip from the bus and onto a golf cart that whisks me into the underbelly of the field, my gaze quickly catches on a trophy case, and I wonder if Ford has anything of significance behind the glass.
We whizz past the display too quickly for me to read a thing.
Through the tunnel we ride, before popping out behind the stage set up in the center of the outfield, right where Ford would stand during a game.
Enya told me he hasn’t returned to his team yet. Only a few days have passed since his brothers shared their baseball camp concept. I didn’t have any hint if Ford liked the idea or hated it. I was told he had thoughts and was mulling it over.
“Cadence?”
I turn toward the person who hooks up my mic while hair and makeup touch-up my head and face. The night is warm, like Midwest August can be. The stadium is pumped for country music despite the location in a major city. I love this place even if I’m not a baseball fan. Or wasn’t until Ford.
Shaking thoughts of him, I take the stage and wave while the riotous roar of fans erupts. I love a crowd, but I’m missing one man.
Forcing a smile, I greet the stadium and remind myself this is what I do best.
Back to business, Cadence.
+ + +
When the concert ends, I’m led back to the golf cart where I’m whisked off to meet with those who have backstage passes.
For years, I held my breath thinking my parents might appear, using the concert tickets I sent them along with the passes giving them access to me after a show.
The dream included them congratulating me with hugs and flowers, telling me how proud they were of my accomplishments.
Over time, the fantasy dimmed and while I no longer believe it would ever happen, I still always do a precursory glance through the hallways and in the appointed room out of habit and false hope.
So, I do a double take when I see someone I fully recognize leaning against a wall toward the back of the crowd.
Lana and her new assistant are good at moving people through the meet-and-greet while security stands nearby, not taking any chances with me after all was revealed about Evan and Angela.
Not that everyone needed full disclosure, but my bodyguard deserved the truth.
I didn’t fear for myself anymore. I didn’t really fear for Ford or his girls either, especially since the threat—me—had been removed from their lives.
As the line dwindles and people are led into a separate room for after concert drinks, my heart begins to race anticipating a greeting with the last people in the room.
“Ford,” I whisper his name, afraid if I say it louder, he might disappear. Or be part of my imagination.
At his name, Lana’s head pops up. She glances between us and before I speak, she clears the room except for David, my personal bodyguard on this tour.
Ford stands with his hands in his front pockets, his shoulders hitched high. The tee shirt he wears is one of those soft, worn cotton ones I love on him. His eyes are bright but cautious. He looks both tired and terrific. His jaw ticks before he clears his throat. “Great concert.”
“You saw me?” Of course he did if he attended, but I have a bigger question that I am afraid to ask.
“Perks of knowing the field management.” He chuckles, scratching underneath his chin a second. His smile is timid, but his gaze never leaves my face.
“Are you back in Chicago for good?”
He slowly shakes his head. “I had some unfinished business here.” A spark fills his eyes. “A post-surgery evaluation.” He lifts his shoulder. “I’m doing good but not great. Not well enough to return.”
With another weak smile, he lifts his hands and spreads them wide like a headline. “Breaking news in sports. Ford Sylver retires early.”
“Oh, cowboy. I’m so sorry.” I know how important his career is to him. How much he loves the game. We’ve talked about how baseball is all he knows. And it’s another reason I suggested the camp.
Ford shrugs. “I have other plans.” His smile grows crooked and mischievous. I recognize that look and my heart hammers.
“Nice outfit.” He softly chuckles, tipping his chin at my dress.
The vibrant purple costume looks like a 1920s flapper dress minus the middle section. My midriff is covered in opaque, nude-colored material with the occasional sequins for glitter.
“It’s my signature color,” I remind him, doing a half curtsey.
“It’s my new favorite.”
My mouth falls open then shuts. We stare at one another a long minute before Ford clears his throat.
“About July.”
I hold up a hand, cutting him off. “It was my fault.” The easiest out is taking the blame even when I felt Ford was in the wrong. He didn’t need to be so harsh with me, but I’ve forgiven him over and over because of June. I’d been equally scared out of my mind about her.
Ford is already shaking his head. “It wasn’t. I was wrong.”
The air rushes from my lungs, especially when Ford steps closer to me. “I’m here to apologize.” The corner of his mouth ticks up. “And you didn’t even have to prompt me this time.” He reminds us both of how many times I demanded he do such a thing.
He reaches out and strokes around my ear although not a hair is out of place on my head. Too much spray holding it together.
“The fear of losing June . . .” He shakes his head and drops his hand. “It was too much.”
“I totally understand. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life.” Talking about that day is no less unsettling and yet I feel calm discussing it now with Ford.
His mouth curls wider but his expression remains sad for a second. “You were in danger as well and I didn’t understand the full extent.”
I harrumph. “Me? In danger? Never.”
Ford steps even closer. “Do not dismiss your safety.” He catches my wrist, the one naked of beaded bracelets. “I want to watch over you.”
David coughs from somewhere behind me. I turn only my head and wave with the back of my hand. Ford is not a physical threat. Only my heart is triggered to burst.
The thundering in my chest returns my focus to what Ford said. “You’ve apologized. I accept.” I gently tug at my arm because even the light touch of his fingers circling my wrist is too much contact. My heart can’t handle another eruption from Ford. He hurt my feelings more than anything else.
Almost reading my thoughts, he says, “I hurt you. And I’ll never forgive myself. Because what I want to do is love you.”
My gaze lowers. My heart rate spikes. My voice isn’t more than a croak. “Ford.”