Nigel
‘Are you enjoying it?’ Helen asked.
He nodded towards Bobby, who was skipping along while clutching the large giraffe that Mark had bought him.
‘There’s nothing to stop you skipping along the path as well.’
‘Other than a desire to keep my dignity.’
‘Dignity’s very overrated in my opinion. Do you want me to buy you a giraffe so you can join in?’
‘I’ll pass. Unless you’re offering to buy me a tiger. Then I might be persuaded.’
He shouldn’t have suggested that. Judging by the look on Helen’s face, she was giving the idea serious consideration.
He spotted the sign for the capybaras. They might save him. ‘Time to visit your favourite zoo residents,’ he said, leading her up the slope towards the pen.
‘Shit!’
Nigel caught Helen as she stumbled into him. He quickly backed off. ‘Are you ok?’
‘Yes. But look at my phone!’
Nigel followed her gaze. It was now lying face up on the grass inside the capybara enclosure.
‘I caught my toe on that bloody slab.’
‘The sign said the path was uneven.’
‘Thank you for that marvellous piece of advice, Nigel. But I didn’t see it.’
It was the first time she’d ever been sharp with him. Her tone reminded him of Madison.
Helen must’ve noticed his expression. ‘Sorry for snapping, I’m so stressed out with this damned contract.’
She wasn’t being like Madison then. Madison never apologised.
‘The carpet fitter was supposed to be coming this morning, but there’s no sign of him.’
‘How much does it matter?’
Helen huffed. ‘Flooring is a pre-requisite for all the other finishing touches.’
He wanted to hug her and say it would be ok, but he could understand why she might not buy into that, and much as they’d seemed a lot closer since the Adrian break, he wasn’t sure she was ready for spontaneous cuddling.
‘And now I can’t chase him up because my phone is on the wrong side of a five-foot fence.’ She started walking along the edge of the enclosure.
‘Where are you going?’
‘To that information board there. I should be able to use that to give me a boost.’
‘A boost for what?’
‘To get over the fence,’ she said as if it were obvious.
‘But there are wild animals on the other side of the fence.’
‘Do they look wild?’ She pointed to the three oversized guinea pigs lying peacefully by the pond in the corner of the enclosure. ‘Capybaras are famous for their docility.’
‘What if you annoy one of them? Those enormous teeth could take a huge chunk out of your leg.’
‘I’ll take the risk. I’ll be in and out in seconds. It’s not as if they’re lions.’
‘Would that stop you?’
‘Probably not,’ she said as she strode purposefully towards the board. ‘This client is a pain in the arse. Being eaten alive by lions would be less painful than explaining why they can’t have their furniture delivered tomorrow.’
‘We’ll find a zookeeper.’
‘I haven’t got time for that. Look, it’s ringing.’ Helen peered through the chicken wire. ‘And it’s the fitter. He ignores me all morning, and now he phones me back.’
‘I’ll do it. I’ve got longer legs than you. It’ll be easier.’
‘You’ll be breaking several rules.’
‘Do you want me to get your phone back or not?’
‘Yes, please.’
Against his better judgment, Nigel put his foot on the information board post and clambered over the top bar of the fence.
He glanced at the capybaras. The biggest one was casually watching him.
Nigel wasn’t as confident as Helen about the low risk of attack.
He kept them in view as he carefully sidled across the uneven grass towards her phone.
A crowd was gathering, including Mark, Lucy and Bobby. Life in the capybara pen had suddenly become a lot more interesting. They gave him a cheer as he picked up the phone.
Then it stopped ringing. There was a collective groan.
‘Sorry I wasn’t quicker,’ Nigel said as he passed the phone over the fence to Helen.
‘It’s not your fault. Thank you, darling.’
Darling? She’d never called him that before. He’d have climbed into several capybara enclosures much sooner if he’d known it would have had that effect on her. Pity there was a fence between them.
‘Any ideas on how I get out again?’ he asked.
‘There’s a gate at the far end near the pond.’
‘With a big padlock on it.’
‘Yes, but it’s got crossbars. You could climb up those.’
It would probably work. He had no other ideas, so he may as well give it a go.
The biggest capybara was slowly walking towards him now. Sprinting to the gate might be a wise idea.
He gave up on watching the animals and focused on running. Cue lots of cheering and whoops from the crowd. Were they cheering him on or rooting for the capybara? Best not to dwell on that.
‘Go Uncle Nigel!’
At least Bobby was on his side.
‘Stop!’ The man’s voice had come from the other side of the fence. ‘You, in the enclosure. Stand perfectly still.’
Nigel instinctively looked around to see who the man was shouting at, as if it were likely that someone else had thought it was a good idea to join in.
‘I’d prefer to head to the gate.’
‘You’re worrying Elsie.’
‘Elsie?’ Nigel scanned the crowd for an anxious-looking elderly woman.
‘She’s behind you.’
Nigel felt something nuzzling his backside. Shit! Was Elsie that enormous capybara? He looked over his shoulder. Yes, she was sniffing the back pocket of his jeans. He gulped, imagining her massive front teeth sinking into his buttocks.
The keeper held up his phone.
‘What are you doing?’ Nigel asked.
‘Taking a photo of you.’
‘I’d prefer it if you got me out of here.’
‘I’m sure you would.’ The keeper looked at his screen. ‘Perfect.’
‘I have to give permission for you to use that photograph.’
‘Not when you’re going on the wall of shame.’
‘The what?’
‘Your picture’s going to go up on the wall, mate. Right where all the staff in the ticket kiosk can see you. Because you, sir, are banned. For life.’