Chapter 3
3
Jana pulled into the wide driveway in front of her brother’s one-story ranch-style house. The big rambler sat on an oversize corner lot. After moving in right before their oldest was born, Teddy and his late wife had built a separate office and treatment room for Teddy’s business.
There was no ocean view in this residential part of Malibu, no movie stars or paparazzi. Just older homes with plenty of bikes and toys scattered in the front yards. Teddy’s house had been built in the 1970s. The inside had been mostly updated, but the high beamed ceilings and layout were a reminder of another time.
Jana pulled into the large garage, careful to keep to her side. Her small SUV fit in easily, but Teddy’s classic Corvette had a special place in his heart, and she didn’t want to get too close and risk a door ding. Her brother parked his Suburban outside.
She went into the house, pausing for a moment to embrace the silence. It was far from the norm, and just for a second or two, it was lovely to hear…or not hear. A quick glance at her watch told her she had about twenty-five minutes until Dex returned with all four kids. As soon as that happened, the decibels would hit jet-engine level, but until then, she would take advantage of the quiet.
She turned left, past the living room and kitchen. Beyond them was the large family room, and just past that was the “guest” wing she and Linnie called home. Two bedrooms shared a good-sized bathroom. In the hallway was a small alcove with a built-in desk where Jana did her homework.
She sat and pulled her laptop from her backpack. She wanted to double-check her grade on the last calculus homework assignment. If she had the B she’d hoped for, she would have a bit of a buffer going into the next few weeks.
She logged into the community college and quickly accessed her grades from calculus, then smiled when she saw the B+ by her most recent assignment. Thank goodness. She’d gotten a D on her first homework assignment—a grade she’d never seen before and one that had caused her to start visiting the math lab. Calculus was the toughest class she’d ever taken, but she was determined to do well. If she was accepted to the UCLA nursing school, her acceptance would be conditional. She would be expected to keep up her grades during her last semester at community college, and that meant passing both her classes with at least a B–.
After backing up her notes, she closed her laptop, then looked at the paper academic calendar she’d pinned to the wall. She had her calculus test next Tuesday. Her second paper in her sociology class was due on Thursday, but she was nearly finished with that. She pulled out a pad and paper, trying to calculate how much time she could spend studying for her test between now and Tuesday morning. Magnolia, Teddy’s oldest, had offered to watch Linnie for a few hours Saturday afternoon, and Teddy was taking all four kids Sunday morning. She would have a couple of hours after Linnie went to bed—at least until she got too tired to focus. Although not Saturday night.
She put down her pen. Saturday she had her date with Rick. As she thought about him, she realized she was equally excited and nervous about going out with him. Some of it was her lack of a romantic life for the past year, and some of it was how…genuine he was. Plus the whole thinking she glowed.
Before she could revel in that memory, she heard the front door slam against the doorstop and the sound of her name being called. Linnie’s voice was the loudest as she raced into the house.
“Mommy! Mommy! Where are you?”
Jana grinned as she hurried to the front of the house. Linnie spotted her and ran toward her. At the last second, she launched herself. Jana caught her and spun her around.
“You’re back!” she said as she set down her daughter. “How was it?”
“I had the bestest time.” Her daughter danced with excitement. “We ate dim sum, which I didn’t think I’d had before, but it was very good.” She paused, her green eyes widening with the thrill of it all. “You eat it with your hands and there’s dips and we made a mess but Dex didn’t care.”
Jana sank onto the floor and pulled her daughter into her lap as Teddy’s three swarmed around her. Each of them talked over the other, telling her about the dinner, the movie and the games they’d played in Dex’s spacious house.
The man of the hour wandered in before leaning against the wall, watching her with the kids. Despite having just spent several hours babysitting all four of them, he looked as relaxed and comfortable as always.
“How do you do it?” she asked. “You’re never frazzled.”
“It’s a state of being,” he said with a familiar grin. “One of my many gifts.”
“Thanks for taking Linnie.”
One shoulder rose and lowered. “Three kids, four kids—what does it matter?” He winked at Magnolia, Teddy’s oldest. “Besides, I had that one to keep everyone in line.”
“Magnolia’s bossy,” middle child and only boy Atlas announced loudly.
Magnolia glared at him. “Am not. I’m the oldest, so I know things, and it’s my job to tell you younger kids what to do.”
“A job you take a little too seriously,” Jana said, careful to keep her voice teasing and gentle.
The truth was, the twelve-year-old had stepped into the role of surrogate mother after her own mom had died. Something Jana and her brother talked about a lot. They did their best to keep Magnolia from feeling there were expectations, but before they realized what was happening, she would slip back into “I’m the leader” mode.
“All right, everyone,” Jana said, coming to her feet and drawing Linnie up with her. “Is our homework finished?”
Orchid, the baby of Teddy’s family, sidled up to Dex and gave him a sweet smile. “I don’t have homework.”
“I know.” He ruffled her hair. “Lucky you.”
“I only had reading.” Atlas started for the family room. “I finished it at Dex’s.”
“I’m done, too,” Magnolia added.
Linnie tugged on Jana’s hand. “I want homework.”
“Soon. When you’re in school.” She paused. “Okay, maybe not in kindergarten or first grade.”
“But that’s so long to wait.” Linnie’s full mouth twisted. “It’s hard being the youngest.”
“I know, sweetie. But you’re growing up so fast. I wish you’d slow down.”
Linnie giggled and followed her cousins into the family room, walking with exaggeratedly measured movements. Jana watched her go, for the millionth time wondering about her daughter’s bright red hair. Where on earth had it come from? Not that she had an answer to the question.
Dex pushed off the wall. “You okay?”
“I’m great. Tired. Overwhelmed, but that’s not unusual.” She walked toward him. “I know you said it was nothing, but I really appreciate you including Linnie. She was thrilled to finally be joining her cousins.”
“She was great. If she wants to keep coming along, she’s welcome.”
“Thank you.”
He studied her, frowning slightly—the movement of his brows only adding to his spectacular good looks. “You hear from UCLA?”
“Not yet.” She held up crossed fingers. “Hopefully soon and with good news.”
“You’ll get in.”
“Maybe. I want to.” UCLA’s School of Nursing was her first choice. “Assuming it’s a yes, I’ll also be hearing about the financial aid package, and—”
She stopped talking when she saw Dex’s expression change.
“No,” she said sharply. “Just no.”
“I want to help.”
“You do. You’re a wonderful friend and member of this family, but you’re not paying for nursing school. Dex, come on. We had this fight already when I started community college. I want to do this on my own. I’m not taking money from Teddy, and I’m not taking it from you.”
“I can afford it.”
“Yes. You could also buy Rhode Island. So what? It’s not relevant. I already feel bad about living with my brother.”
The frown returned. “Why? He likes you here. When Valonia died, having you move in was about all that kept him together.”
Jana remembered how rough things had been back then. Teddy’s wife’s death had been a shock to everyone. One second she’d been fine and the next, she’d been gone.
“You helped him hang on, too,” she said. Dex had been a rock for all of them. He’d been the one to handle the funeral arrangements and had kept their lives running while they all grieved.
“We still miss her,” she added. “But the kids are doing great, and Teddy’s figuring out life without her.”
“It’s been over four years, and your brother won’t even talk about dating. I’d say he has a ways to go until we can say he’s figuring out life.” He pointed at her. “Speaking of which, isn’t it time you started having a social life?”
Her reply was automatic. “Given what happened last time I had a boyfriend, no.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
Her heart knew he was telling the truth, but her head and her gut still thought she’d been an idiot. The problem was she couldn’t figure out what she could have done differently.
She’d been so careful, taking things slow with Paul. She’d liked how he’d been involved with his kids and had shared custody with his ex-wife. It had taken her a few months to notice how “involved” really meant controlling.
“I was dating a guy who practically turned into a stalker and then slapped my kid,” she said flatly. “Hardly a testament to my good taste in men.”
“He wasn’t who you thought.”
“An understatement for sure.” She shook her head. “There were warning signs, and I ignored them. I won’t do that again. If I decide to date someone, I’m going to be sure about his character.”
“An excellent plan,” he said, his smile easy. “But before you can put it into action, you have to start dating. The next time a guy asks you out, say yes. It’ll be good for you.”
Her eyes widened as she suddenly remembered she’d done just that. “Too late. I already did.”
“You met someone?” He sounded more curious than concerned. “Spill.”
She quickly explained about Rick, the unexpectedly sweet and skilled surgeon.
“He was just so nice. Really genuine, you know.” She bit her lower lip. “I want to say he’s different from Paul and that I’ll be safe this time. I like him enough to take a chance, but in the back of my mind, I can’t help wondering if there’s something wrong with him I can’t see. Which is my past talking, right?”
“Of course it is. Don’t go looking for trouble. It’s one date. He’s taking you to dinner, right?”
She nodded.
“At worst, you’ll get a good meal out of it. At best, maybe he’s the one.”
“You know I don’t believe in the one, at least not for me.” Teddy was different. She’d seen how he had loved Valonia. Theirs had been a true grand passion. “I don’t have the Mr. Right genes or whatever,” she added. “But maybe a nice guy hanging around wouldn’t be so bad.”
He stepped toward her, gave her a brief hug, then kissed the top of her head. “You go, girl.”
* * *
Beth poured herself coffee and looked out the kitchen window. It was still dark with only the faintest hint of light coming from the eastern sky. For reasons not clear to her, she’d had a restless night and was up way too early. On the bright side, that circumstance meant there was plenty of time for a second cup of coffee when she finished her first one.
She’d barely settled at the table when her aunt breezed in and smiled at her.
“Good morning, darling. How are you today?”
“Good. And you?”
“Excellent.”
Agatha was about Beth’s height with the same dark hair both Beth and Rick shared, although hers was shoulder-length and a pretty combination of curly and wavy.
“No Hunter this morning?” Beth asked when her aunt sat across from her.
“We’re no longer together.”
“Why? I thought you liked him.”
Agatha stirred in milk, then added sugar before tasting her coffee. “He was getting a little too comfortable with how things were. I’d made it clear I wasn’t looking for anything serious.” Her gaze met Beth’s. “I loved your uncle for thirty-five years, and when he died, I was devastated. I know what a good marriage can be. Some people want to repeat that, but I’m interested in trying something different. I want to play the field.”
Beth was both amused and impressed. “You wanted sex and Hunter wanted to cuddle?”
Her aunt chuckled. “Something like that. It’s for the best. He was talking about us moving in together, which is not happening. Worse, he said something about checking out a few retirement communities.” She shuddered. “I’m far too young for that.” She gave a little sigh. “But I will miss the sex.”
“You’ll find someone else soon enough,” Beth told her. “Maybe a younger man would be more interesting.”
Agatha’s brown eyes danced with amusement. “I do like the looks of the guy who takes care of the yard. I wonder if he’s seeing anyone.”
“I have no idea,” Beth murmured, hoping her aunt wasn’t serious. No way their lawn guy was over twenty-five.
Agatha drew in a breath. “How are you doing? Better today? Or does the Ian situation still bother you?”
“I don’t care that he’s getting married, and while the billboard isn’t my style, hopefully Patti was thrilled by it.”
“It defines tacky,” her aunt said, wrinkling her nose. “Asking someone to spend the rest of her life with you should be a private moment, not plastered up on a billboard, half a block from Costco.” She paused. “Not that I don’t love a big-box store.”
Beth grinned. “We all do.”
Her aunt nodded. “Now back to my question. How are you feeling?”
“Lost,” she said without thinking. “Confused. It’s been a year since the divorce, and I haven’t done anything to have a personal life.”
Agatha touched her hand. “You’re lonely. I’m here for you always, but you need more than that. Friends your own age, a man or two.”
Despite the emotions swirling inside of her, Beth smiled. “Definitely not two men. Unlike you, I’m not interested in playing the field.”
Her aunt raised her eyebrows. “So you’d like to be in a relationship. Intriguing. Last time we talked about your love life, you weren’t interested.”
“Last time I hadn’t scrolled through Ian’s Instagram account and been slapped by the realization that I’m drifting through my days rather than being proactive. I want to do things and travel. I didn’t just lose Ian in the divorce. I lost myself. I don’t regret the end of our marriage, but what about me? Why have I let it be okay to not take care of myself emotionally?”
“When you knew better, you did better,” Agatha told her.
“One of my favorite quotes.”
“I know. I’m glad you’re starting to think about what you want. It’s important. I was devastated when I lost your uncle, but after a few months, I realized I had a choice to make. I could get lost in grief, or I could get on with my life. It wasn’t easy to move forward, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made.”
She picked up her coffee. “You’re a wonderful, caring woman, Beth. I hate how much the divorce surprised and hurt you, but I’m not sure Ian was ever the right man for you. He was content to do the same thing over and over again. That’s not you. You’re always one to try something different. You could have taken the money from your half of the house and put it into your retirement account. That would have been the safer bet. But you didn’t. You grew the business, and now it’s more successful than ever. If I had to guess, I would say Ian would never have approved of that.”
“You’re right. He wouldn’t have approved at all.” She looked at her aunt. “I was in love with him, and he didn’t want to be married to me anymore. Sometimes that’s hard to process.”
“I know. It’s not fair. It never was.” Her aunt studied her. “Do you think you still have feelings for him?”
“No.” Beth didn’t have to think about that one. “Like I said, I don’t want him back. But I do want something more than what I have. I want friends.”
“You’ve mentioned meeting someone at the food bank.”
“Jana. I think we could get closer. She’s busy, but we get along, and I admire her.”
“An excellent start. Are you also going to look for a man?”
A more complicated question. “Maybe. I haven’t dated in years. I wouldn’t know where to start. It’s not like there’s a store I can go to and window shop.”
“It’s called a dating app, my dear. There are several to choose from.”
Beth tried not to wince. “I’m not the online dating type.”
“You don’t actually know that. Maybe give it a try before saying it’s not for you.”
“I’d rather have a root canal.”
Agatha laughed. “All right. Be that way. But if you won’t go online, then you need to start looking for single men in your regular life. The next time a cute guy walks into the sandwich shop, flirt with him. Even if a relationship doesn’t happen, maybe you can use him for hot, incredible sex. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sizzling affair to clear your mind and give you perspective?”
The outrageous suggestion made Beth laugh. “I wish, but I don’t think I’m the sizzling affair type.”
“I don’t think you know if you are or not. You spent your early twenties helping your brother financially as he got through medical school and residency. Then you dated for a couple of years before finding Ian. To the best of my knowledge, you haven’t ever had a relationship that was totally based on sex. Why not try it now?”
Was Agatha serious? “I wouldn’t know how. Plus, you have to be, I don’t know, exotic or outgoing to do that.”
“Says who? Where are these rules coming from? You’re still young, Beth. Live a little. Take a chance.” Her aunt smiled. “Dance around the fire.”
She knew the urging came from love and concern, but the words were a little too close to what her mother used to tell her, Beth thought uneasily. Agatha’s younger sister had wanted to experience all there was, and the more precarious the situation, the better. She believed in risking it all, and had told her kids to be more like her. She wanted them to run toward danger and go out in a blaze of glory. What she’d failed to notice was that the collateral damage of her lifestyle had frequently been her two children.
“I’m not interested in any kind of flames,” Beth said flatly. “Real or metaphorical.”
“If you say so, my dear, but when it comes to a fiery affair, you’re missing out.” She softened her words with a pat on Beth’s hand. “Trust me on that.”
“Changing the subject,” Beth said, “I’m going to have dinner with Rick tonight. Want to join me?”
“Are you having dinner with him or cooking for him and stocking his refrigerator?”
Beth tried to ignore the instant flash of guilt. Rick was one of the few things she and her aunt disagreed on. Oh, Agatha loved her nephew, but she thought Beth spent too much time taking care of him.
“I’m not stocking his refrigerator,” she said, trying to smile. “I’m taking over chili. That’s all.”
“You do know he’s perfectly capable of taking care of himself, don’t you?”
“He’s busy.”
“So are you.”
“He’s busy saving lives. I own a sandwich shop.”
“Your life is no less valuable.” Agatha stopped herself and held up her hand. “Sorry. I’m starting to push, and I said I wouldn’t. Sometimes I worry Rick takes advantage of you.”
“What? No. We take care of each other.” Agatha couldn’t be more wrong. “I like helping him out. I’m the older sister. It’s a thing. Besides, I worry about him. I wish he could find somebody and fall in love. He needs that in his life.” She sighed. “He’s just had such a string of romantic disasters. Remember that art major in college who nearly convinced him to give her his scholarship money? Or the woman from a couple of years ago who told him she was having his baby when she wasn’t even pregnant?”
Poor Rick. He just couldn’t seem to find anyone nice and normal to date.
“He’s lucky he has you to be there for him,” Agatha said lightly. “Have a wonderful time tonight and say hi from me.”
“I will.”