Chapter 5
5
Jana arrived home a little after eleven. She and Rick had talked all through dinner and then had lingered over dessert and decaf coffee. The more time she’d spent with him, the more she’d liked him, and when they’d walked to the valet and he’d asked her if he could see her again, she’d happily said yes.
Now, as she pulled into the garage, she told herself she was going to enjoy the fluttery feelings for as long as possible. She was due a little romantic good luck because it had been forever since she’d had any. More important, she couldn’t remember the last time a man had made her feel so… certain about who he was. Rick wasn’t a controlling man masquerading as a concerned dad who had refused to accept when she said she was done with him. He wasn’t scary or mean or distant. He was exactly who he seemed to be.
She walked into the house and was surprised to find there were still lights on. Her moment of confusion was followed by a rush of affection. She stepped out of her heels and left them by the door, then walked barefoot into the family room where her brother sat on the oversize sofa, watching TV. He muted the show and smiled at her.
“How was it?”
“Good.” She walked over to the sofa and took a seat. “You didn’t have to wait up. I drove myself, so I was perfectly safe. If anything bad had happened, I would have called.”
“I wanted to,” Teddy said easily.
“You look out for me.”
“We look out for each other.”
That was true, she thought. Even as kids, they’d been close. Physically they didn’t look that much alike. Jana shared her mother’s blond hair and slight build, but Teddy took after some distant relative no one knew about. He was tall and well--muscled, with broad shoulders. His daily practice of yoga and his devotion to all things healthy meant he always looked fit. Something Jana could admire on her good days. On the days when she struggled with her schedule, her homework and the fact that going to college at eighteen would have been a whole lot easier, she occasionally thought about force-feeding her brother Cheetos, just to even up things.
Okay, not really, she thought with a smile. Teddy was her rock. When she didn’t know what to do with Linnie, he was the one she turned to.
“So, tell me about the guy. Rick, was it?”
“Uh-huh. He was great. Sweet and funny. I like him.” She angled toward her brother. “I told him about Linnie’s dad.” She wrinkled her nose. “The not knowing part, and he was fine about it. He didn’t judge.”
“There’s nothing to judge,” Teddy said firmly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. The test of your character was what you did after you decided to have Linnie. You did it all, Jana. You’re a great mom.”
She let the praise wash over her. “Thanks. In my head I know you’re right, but sometimes I can’t get the rest of me to believe. It’s embarrassing to admit I was so irresponsible. It’s not my fault my birth control failed, but did there have to be that many nameless guys?”
She sagged back against the sofa. “When I tell the story, I’m never the hero. I’m that slutty girl who got pregnant.”
“No trash-talking. You’re my sister who’s a wonderful mom to a great kid.”
“Yeah? Name three other women you know who partied like I did and got pregnant.”
“You’re not a lemming.”
She laughed at the unexpected statement. “That’s true. I’m not even sure I know what a lemming looks like.”
“They’re small and furry.”
“That’s hardly a specific description.”
He flashed her a grin. “It’s the best I can do.” The smile faded. “So you like him?”
She nodded. “He was funny and attentive. He didn’t just talk about himself. There was definite sparkage, but we probably shouldn’t talk about that.”
Teddy grinned. “Probably not. I’m glad the date went well. I assume you’re going to see him again.”
“That’s the plan.”
Teddy stood and stretched. “Then I’m happy for you. Bring him around so I can meet him.”
She rose. “I think I want a second or maybe third date first.”
They hugged. “I’ll get the lights,” she told him. “See you in the morning.”
“Night.”
Teddy headed for his part of the house while she turned off lamps before heading to hers. She quietly checked on Linnie, who was sound asleep in a sea of stuffed animals, before retreating to her own room. She’d just finished washing off her makeup when her phone chimed with an incoming text. She glanced at the phone, then smiled.
I know I should wait a couple of days before reaching out, but I can’t stop thinking about you. When can I see you again?
* * *
Hope stirred. After being so careful, after the disaster that was Paul, after trying to do right by her daughter every minute of every day, it seemed she just might have met one of the good guys.
* * *
Beth watched as her friend devoured half a sandwich, moaning slightly between bites.
“How do you do it?” Jana asked as she picked up the second half. “I thought the sandwich last week was the best one ever, and this one is just as good.” She set down the sandwich and lifted the top slice of bread. “And what is that flavoring? It’s spicy but sweet at the same time.”
Beth chuckled. “I know I make a good sandwich, but I can’t help thinking you’d find them less amazing if you didn’t go without lunch every Thursday.”
“If you’re saying I like them more because I’m starving, you’re wrong. So, what is this one?”
“A fried chicken BLT with jalapeno honey.”
“It’s heaven,” Jana said.
Beth waved at the food. “Then finish it up. I know you’re still hungry.”
Jana dug into the second half while Beth sipped her flavored water and breathed in the scent of the ocean only a couple of miles away. It was warm again—with a light breeze. The sky was that perfect shade of blue that looked so idyllic in pictures. Whatever might be wrong in her life, she could always distract herself by remembering how fortunate she was to live where she did. Just that morning on the news, the weatherperson had mentioned an early spring snowstorm in Minnesota.
Jana swallowed the last bite of her sandwich and sighed. “That was wonderful. I wonder if I could make something like that at home. The grocery store deli has pretty decent fried chicken. Do you make the jalapeno honey yourself or do you buy it?”
“We buy it, and yes, you could make the sandwiches yourself. They’re pretty easy. You’d probably want to test out the jalapeno honey first, though, and see if Linnie likes it. Kids don’t always like spicy things.”
“You’re right, although she’s pretty adventurous when it comes to food. I think it’s because her cousins are older and are into trying things.”
Beth ignored the minor twinge she felt as Jana talked about her daughter. She’d always assumed she was going to have kids, but now she was less sure. Unlike her friend, she didn’t know if she had what it took to be a single mom. As for having a child with a partner, well, even though she was intrigued by the “I’m going to start dating and fall in love” concept, she wasn’t sure where to begin looking for a guy.
“Why did you decide to start dating?” she asked before she could stop herself. She shook her head. “That came out more abrupt than I’d intended. It’s just I know you’re busy, and you said you had a bad experience before. What made you decide it was okay to put yourself out there right now?” She laughed. “Asking for a friend, of course.”
Jana laughed, too. “Interesting. Just last week you were a firm no on dating. We’re making progress. Good for you.”
“I’ve moved to the maybe column. So why now?”
“I didn’t decide,” Jana admitted. “I was actively opposed to getting involved, but then he said I glowed, and I couldn’t say no.”
“Oh, right. The glow thing.” A second twinge of envy poked her hard. “I have to say, when it comes to unexpected compliments, that one’s a winner. So, how was the date?”
Jana’s mouth curved up into a happy smile. “Good. Really good. He was great. Nice, attentive, funny. I’m hopeful.” She wrinkled her nose. “Hopeful and cautious.”
“I get you have a lot at stake what with Linnie and all.”
“Not to mention my ex. He was an extreme version of the bad boyfriend.” She sighed. “Did you ever try to do everything right and still screw up?”
Beth lifted her can of flavored water toward her friend. “Oh, yes. I know that one for sure. You’re in a good place, and a guy could mess that up. I totally get that.” She paused. “And yet we as a species seem unable to resist hope.”
“Yes.” Jana nodded vigorously. “I tell myself not to, but then I’m tempted. Am I making the right decision? Is he a good guy? It’s a lot to navigate.”
“And we’re doing it without GPS,” Beth said with a laugh. “What’s up with that?”
Jana grinned. “I know, right? But I had a good time, and I’m going to be careful. While the timing isn’t ideal, he’s not the kind of guy who’s going to be single forever. In fact, I’m kind of surprised he’s single now.”
“You’re doing all the things,” Beth told her. “Trust yourself. You’re not talking about running off after one date, so yay you.”
“I’m not a love-at-first-sight person.”
“Me, either.” Beth couldn’t imagine such a thing.
Jana opened her bag of chips. “My brother is, though. He believes in a lightning strike. That when you meet someone, you just know.”
“But it takes time to learn who a person really is.” To just know after a brief meeting? How was that possible?
“That’s what I say, but he disagrees. When he met his wife, he knew within minutes that she was the one, and they were happy together until the day she died.” Jana’s tone turned doubtful. “I guess that requires more faith than I have.”
“For me, too.” Love at first sight had always sounded reckless and too risky. Oh, sure, it played well in the movies, but otherwise? No. Just no.
“How did you and Ian meet?” Jana asked, pulling out several chips.
“It was my day off, and I stopped to buy a hot dog at his stand. We got to talking, and I mentioned I owned Surf Sandwiches. A few days later, he came in and asked me out. Things happened from there. But over time.”
“See! A perfectly normal courtship. That makes more sense to me. You mentioned you hadn’t dated much since the divorce. Is that by choice or by circumstance?”
“Both,” Beth admitted, then shook her head. “No, I take that back. I can’t say if I would have gone out with someone who asked, but honestly, no one has since the divorce. Not that I’ve put myself out there. It’s not like some guy’s going to walk into Surf Sandwiches and ask me out.”
“Ian did,” Jana reminded her. “Except I guess you’d already met him. Do you flirt with your customers?”
“What? No. That’s not professional.”
Jana’s mouth twitched. “I didn’t realize there was a sandwich shop code of conduct. So, flirting is frowned on?”
Beth laughed. “I get your point. I don’t see myself as flirty. At work I’m focused on my customers and making them happy.”
“I’m not suggesting you flash your boobs or anything, but if someone seems cute, a little forward behavior might be fun.”
“You have way more faith in my abilities than they deserve.” Flirt with a stranger? She wasn’t sure she remembered how. “My aunt suggested a dating app, but it seems so impersonal. She also thinks I should find a man for sex, but that seems even more terrifying than dating.”
She’d always thought sex was fine, but wasn’t sure it was good enough to be the reason she was with someone.
“I’m with you on the sex-only relationship,” Jana admitted. “I spent my early twenties doing a lot of that, and I want to be finished with it. Next time I do the naked thing, I want it to mean something.”
Beth didn’t know what to say to that. She’d never had the confidence to be a “sex-only” kind of person.
“You know, not everyone has to be involved,” Jana pointed out. “Some people are happier alone.”
While Beth knew her friend was trying to be supportive, the statement was jarring. She wasn’t comfortable thinking of herself as being happy alone.
“Maybe the bigger problem is I’m not sure I have much to offer anyone,” she blurted, surprising Jana and possibly herself.
“How can you say that?” Jana sounded outraged. “No. I don’t accept that at all. You’re funny, you’re a good person, you’re smart, successful and you’re so pretty.”
“That’s not me,” Beth told her. “I like to think of myself as a kind person, but the rest of it…” She honestly didn’t know what to say.
“You don’t think you’re successful?” Jana laughed. “What about the sandwich shop? You’ve grown it to what? Double the size since you bought it? How is that not successful?”
“I never went to college.”
“And you’re an entrepreneur anyway. That says a lot about how smart and determined you are.” She rattled her can of sparkling water. “You’re feeding me on a regular basis, so we know you’re a giving person who is thoughtful and a good friend. As for the pretty part, let’s just be honest and admit you are. Your long dark hair, your big eyes. Beth, you’re a catch.”
She couldn’t reconcile her friend’s words with how she felt about herself. A part of her wanted to protest while the rest of her thought maybe she should sit with the information for a little while before making judgments.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “You’re a good friend.”
“And an honest one.”
Beth laughed. “If you say so.” Her humor faded. “Maybe I was more beat up by my divorce than I thought. I wonder if maybe I’m not over the fact that I failed at something so big.” She held up her hand. “Not failed. That’s the wrong word. I guess it’s more I’m not where I thought I would be, and maybe I’m a little scared to try again.”
“You don’t have to decide anything today. Although I will give you my best Dex advice and say get out of your head and out of your house.”
“Dex is Teddy’s friend, right?”
“He is, and he has a lot of surprisingly intuitive views on things.”
Her life was too insular, Beth thought, and she was the one person who could change that.
“Kai, one of my employees, invited me to watch him compete in a local surf competition. It’s right here in Malibu, Saturday morning. I’m going to go.”
Jana raised her eyebrows. “Kai, huh? Interesting.”
“No.” Beth grimaced. “He’s twenty-two and way more of a kid brother. But he’s a sweetie and so good in the store. Anyway, I’m going to go hang out. To, as your friend Dex says, get out of my house and my head.” She paused, then added, “Would you and Linnie like to join me?”
Jana looked at her. “Yes! That sounds like fun. I’ve never been to a surf competition before, and Linnie loves the beach. You said it’s Saturday morning?”
“It is,” Beth said, pleased she’d said yes.
“We’ll be there.”
* * *
Beth was surprised when Rick showed up Friday, a little after one. He waited in line, then ordered one of their ham, pear and Brie paninis. She stopped him from going to the cash register.
“What are you doing here?” she asked happily as she collected a bottle of iced tea from the cold case. “Shouldn’t you be scrubbing up or something?”
“No surgery on Fridays unless it’s an emergency,” he told her. “The office shuts down early, and I thought I’d swing by and say hi.”
A nice surprise, she thought, trying to remember the last time Rick had stopped by the store. He hadn’t been able to make it to the grand reopening, so not since before then.
They went into the break room. Rick devoured half his sandwich in four quick bites.
“Delicious,” he told her. “The place looks great, by the way. I like the new paint job. You’re doing good, Beth. That makes me happy.”
“Me, too. Business is up. My employees are happy. It’s all good.”
“How’s your work at the food bank going?” he asked, picking up the other half of his sandwich.
“There’s an odd question. It’s fine. Why?”
He shrugged. “It’s the first time you’ve volunteered like that. I wondered if you liked it and if the people you work with are nice. Didn’t you say you’re making friends?”
Because he worried about her, she thought contentedly. Just like she worried about him. “It’s going great. I like the work. I’m guessing people everywhere else assume if you live in Malibu, you’re rich, but we have our share of people struggling. It’s good to be able to help feed a few of them. And yes, I have a new friend. Her name is Jana, and she’s an inspiration.”
Rick frowned. “Why do you say that?”
“A bunch of reasons. I admire how she lives her life. She’s determined and has goals. She works hard. I like her company.”
“I met someone, too,” he told her, not quite meeting her gaze. “I mean, I went on a date.”
Surprise and possibly a little envy filled her. “You’re kidding. When?”
“Last Saturday.” He gave her a proud smile. “I didn’t want to say anything in case it went badly. I know I don’t have the best luck when it comes to women, but we had a really good time, and I’m going to see her again.”
“That’s wonderful. I’m happy for you.”
Which was true. She wanted her brother to find someone and settle down. He needed more connections in his life. But knowing that might be happening made her feel a little left behind.
“Tell me about her,” she said, as much to express interest as to distract herself.
“She’s a receptionist. Really pretty and nice. We met by chance. She was getting coffee at the stand in the lobby and forgot her wallet.”
Beth’s interest in hearing more took a turn for the WTF. “She forgot her wallet, just like Mom used to?” she asked in dismay, remembering all the times their mother had pretended to not have money to get a man to pay for everything from clothes for her children to her groceries. As a kid, Beth hadn’t understood the scam, but as she’d gotten older, she’d been humiliated by her mother’s actions. Her mother had scolded her for caring and had reminded her that it was important to take what you could get.
“It wasn’t like that,” Rick said easily. “I mean it, Beth. She carried around ten dollars for over a week until she saw me again. She paid me back.” His expression softened. “She’s great. A single mom to a little boy.”
Beth’s older sister senses went on hyper alert. “Someone with a child? Are you sure you want to deal with that?”
He looked confused. “Why would that matter?”
“Because being a stepparent isn’t easy. You’re involved with the child but have no say. Sometimes the other parent can be difficult.”
“You mean her ex?” His expression relaxed. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. She doesn’t know who the father is.”
“What?” Beth’s voice was a yelp. “You’re dating someone who has a child and doesn’t remember who she slept with to get pregnant?”
“She wasn’t trying to get pregnant. She was in Cancun. There were a lot of guys.”
Too many to remember, Beth thought grimly. Why did her brother always pick the absolute worst women? The last woman he’d been involved with had asked to borrow his car, then had driven it drunk and totaled it. Now Rick was dating a slutty single mom. The situation had disaster written all over it.
“You have to be careful,” she told him. “You’re a successful surgeon. For someone in that position, you’re probably the best thing that ever happened to her.”
“She’s not like that, Beth. She’s not.” He patted her hand reassuringly. “She’s sweet. She’s the kind of woman you just want to take care of, you know?” He smiled. “If it gets serious, she would be a great stay-at-home mom. It’s not like she has a career she cares about.”
“She said that?”
“She said it’s just something she does to get by. I get that.”
Which was just like her brother, she thought grimly. This was so much worse than she’d thought. “Remember the girl you dated your freshman year of college? The one who tried to get you to write a couple of papers, then stole your credit card and maxed it out in two days?”
He shifted uncomfortably on his chair. “That was a long time ago.”
“And the girlfriend just before you started your fellowship, the one who claimed she was having your baby and demanded you marry her?”
He sighed. “She wasn’t pregnant.”
“No, she wasn’t. Rick, you’re an amazing guy, but you don’t always see people for who they are. Some women will want to take advantage of you.”
“They’re not all like Mom,” he said defensively. “There are good people, too.”
“Yes, but you don’t seem to find them. Does this new one know what you do?”
“Of course. I don’t keep it a secret.”
“And it never occurred to you she might be in it for a lifestyle change? Being a single mom is hard. One of my friends is in the same position, and she’s constantly scrambling.”
The difference was, Jana had integrity. She was working, putting herself through college and volunteering. Unlike Rick’s money-grubbing bitch.
Rick smiled at her. “I know you’re trying to protect me, but I’m okay. I know what I’m doing.”
She wanted to point out that based on his past, he in fact had no clue what he was doing, but she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He was her brother, and while she saw him for exactly who he was, she knew his view of himself was slightly more idealized.
“I want to meet her,” Beth said. “If I can get to know her, I’ll feel better about the whole thing.”
Amusement brightened his eyes. “Sis, it was one date. You don’t think we should see if we get to two or three before I introduce her to you?”
“Oh. Good point.”
Maybe things wouldn’t work out, which would be the best solution for him. She wanted Rick to find someone—just not somebody looking for a sugar daddy so she could quit her job and leech off him for the rest of her life. Plus the whole kid thing.
“But if you keep seeing her, I want to meet her.”
“I’ll want that, too.” His expression softened. “You always look out for me.”
“Someone has to.”
“You wait. You’re gonna love her.”
She doubted that, but didn’t say it. Now that she knew what was happening, she would stay on alert, ready to step in if her brother started talking nonsense. And in the meantime…
“Don’t sign anything,” she said. “Don’t loan her money or buy her a car.”
Rick grinned. “You really don’t trust me, do you? Beth, I know what I’m doing.”
If only that were true, she thought wearily. But it wasn’t, and she was all that stood between her sweet, foolish brother and disaster.