Beach Vibes

Chapter 17

17

Beth sat on the beach, watching the surfers. It was early and her day off, but she’d been unable to sleep. The last couple of nights, all she’d done was toss and turn as her mind refused to quiet and let her rest.

The morning clouds weren’t very thick and promised to burn off early, leaving the day bright and sunny. Overhead seagulls circled, calling out to each other. The air smelled damp and salty, and the sand was cold, but she’d dressed in layers and was physically comfortable sitting there. Mentally she was in a very strange place.

She couldn’t stop thinking about her evening with Teddy. Not just the sex, although that had been incredible all three times, but what it had meant to her. She’d never had an experience that came close to what she’d felt with him. It was as if there were parts of herself she’d never known that had finally been uncovered. The act of making love with him had been transformative. Which sounded amazing but honestly just scared her.

Worse, it had caused her to wonder about his relationship with his late wife. Because if he had been equally transformed by loving Valonia, then how much worse the loss would have been for him. It hadn’t just been ordinary grief, because theirs would have been an extraordinary love.

She was also confused about the kid thing. Specifically his children. She’d enjoyed spending time with them and could see herself getting emotionally involved. A week ago she would have been determined to avoid the S word, but now…maybe…the thought of being a stepmother was something she could imagine.

A realization she would keep to herself, because hey, was it too soon? And yet thinking about his kids made her happy. If only the night with Teddy hadn’t left her so off-balance.

One of the surfers rode his board to shore, then walked out of the surf. She recognized Kai and waved to him. He planted his board in the sand, grabbed a towel and walked toward her.

“Are you making a habit of showing up here?” he asked with a smile.

“Maybe. I find being near the morning ocean restful. Plus watching all of you out there being so athletic is inspiring.” She looked at him. “Not that I have any plans to exercise.”

“Surfing isn’t exercise,” he told her. “It’s a spiritual experience.”

“And a great way to get women.”

He flashed her a grin. “I don’t usually have trouble with that, but yes. Surfing is sexy.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Beth told herself to stop thinking about Teddy and to let her mind empty. She was mentally and physically exhausted, and she had to find a way to relax. Maybe she should download a meditation app or something.

“You either had sex, or one of you said I love you,” Kai said unexpectedly.

Beth blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“Something’s wrong. That’s why you’re here. But it’s not a crisis, because if there’d been an accident, you’d be dealing with that. Not sitting here thinking. You’re in a new relationship, so I figured it’s that. You’re not crying, so it’s not over. That leaves sex or love.”

She sighed. “Couldn’t you just for once act your age and be self-absorbed and clueless? You must have the oldest soul ever.”

“Uh-huh. You’re not answering the question, B, which means it’s sex, because you’d be comfortable talking about love.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. How could someone so young be so insightful? “Fine, it was sex. Amazing sex.”

“You’re not saying it was too good, are you? Because that’s not possible.”

She managed a faint laugh. “That’s not exactly what I’m saying. It was different. Better than, you know, with Ian.”

“Not a surprise, but why is it a problem?”

“He’s a widower. He was very much in love with his wife, and she died unexpectedly. She wasn’t sick or anything. That was nearly five years ago. Now it’s just him and his three kids. There hasn’t been anyone else. I’m the first woman he’s dated since her death.”

“Are you feeling the pressure of that?”

“Yes!” She practically shouted the word, then drew in a breath and murmured, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s a thing, and you’re going to have to deal.”

“It’s less the dealing than the why. Why did he pick me? Why do we have this amazing chemistry? How much does he still think about her? Is it just him and me, or are there three of us in the relationship? And if sex with her was anything like what we just experienced, then how on earth can he ever let go of what he had long enough to want something else?”

The “something,” of course, was really “someone,” namely her, but why state the obvious?

She paused to breathe. In that second when she inhaled, she had the thought she could either start laughing hysterically or burst into tears. As she wasn’t comfortable with either, she settled for more breathing.

“That’s a lot,” Kai said quietly. “Plus the kids.”

She nodded. “You’re right. His kids. I liked them.”

“You’re also scared of them.”

“I’m not afraid exactly.”

“You’re dealing with a lot. Do you want kids of your own?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes.”

“Would his be enough?”

Would they? she wondered, turning the question over in her mind. “Maybe,” she said slowly. “I’m nearly forty. If I was desperate to have a baby, I would have done it by now.”

“Do you think Teddy’s caught up in the past?” he asked.

A reasonable question, so she considered her answer. “There’s a line between being honest and forthcoming, and being obsessed. I would give him the benefit of the doubt on that one. He’s told me about Valonia and their marriage, but he doesn’t dwell on it, and I don’t feel he talks about her too much. It’s not that. If anything it’s how deeply he loved her. Like they were on a different emotional plane. Thinking about that, knowing what they had, changes things.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Kai looked at her. “It scares you.”

She wanted to say he was wrong, that of course she wasn’t afraid, only she knew she was—big-time.

“My mom was all about the flame,” she said. “Burn hot and bright. Burn yourself out. If you’re not afraid, you’re not living.”

“Not a restful way to grow up.”

“Exactly. I was afraid all the time, but not the way she meant. I worried what would happen to us, who she would bring home, whether or not she’d remember to feed us. There was no emotional room for regular ‘kid’ concerns. I tried to be there for Rick so he could focus on himself, but he rescued me more than once.”

“You rescued each other. Do you think the problem with Teddy is you’re afraid you can’t love him as deeply as he loves you?”

The question surprised her. “I don’t know. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but maybe. I sure didn’t love Ian the way Teddy loved Valonia. Maybe I’m emotionally stunted.”

“That’s a leap. You’re cautious because you didn’t get to be a kid the way you should have. The ability to give it all comes from knowing you’ll always be safe. Now you’ve met a man who embodies self-confidence in the emotional sense, and you’re not sure where you fit in.”

He was right about all of it, she thought, barely surprised. Kai had depths. “Plus the kids. They’re great, and as Teddy and I continue to see each other, I’m going to have to deal with them.” She paused. “No, I want to deal with them. I just hope I can do a good job.”

Kai stared at her. “You’re worried about not being a good mom?” His voice was thick with disbelief. “I’ll accept the other stuff, but not that. B, you’re the most nurturing person I know.”

Now it was her turn to stare. “What are you talking about? That can’t be true.”

Her, nurturing? Sure, she tried to be nice and thoughtful, but didn’t everyone?

“When I had that big fight with my folks,” he said, “and they threw me out because I’d rather surf than go to college, you let me crash on your sofa for two weeks while I figured it out.”

She waved the comment away. “Anyone would have helped out. That was no big deal.”

“It was a big deal to me. Mr. Kazinsky comes in, what? Three times a week, but always on different days. Still, every morning you make up that special sauce he likes so it’s ready whenever he shows up. Every day, when the store closes, you have the team make up sandwiches using all the food that’s going to go bad, and we take them to the shelter.”

He shifted on the sand so he was facing her. “You gave up culinary school and your savings so your brother could go to medical school. B, you give and you give. You’re always thinking of other people. If you and Teddy want to take things to the next level, those kids are going to get a great stepmom. They’ll be lucky to have you.”

She stared at him. Was this really how he saw her? Even more startling were the tears she saw in his eyes—a testament to his sincerity.

“You’ve touched my heart,” she whispered.

“You touch mine all the time.”

She leaned in and hugged him, only to realize his wet suit was damp and cold, and pressing against it soaked her shirt. She started to laugh.

“You must be freezing.”

“Naw. I’m used to it.”

They looked at each other. Kai was like a much, much younger brother, she thought. He was sweet and kind, and she enjoyed his company. Not to mention the fact that he gave killer advice.

“I feel better,” she admitted. “Thank you for listening and telling me what to do.”

Kai grimaced. “I didn’t tell you what to do. I don’t do that.”

“I know. I was messing with you.” She sighed. “It’s up to me to be brave. Part of what makes Teddy special is how he’s different from anyone I know. Hearts are made to be given. He’s learned that lesson, and now it’s time I do, too. If I don’t put myself out there, I’m going to regret it always. He’s an amazing man, and I don’t want to lose him.”

“You’re gonna be scared,” Kai told her.

“Probably every day. But that’s where the growth happens, right? Because if this relationship turns out to be real, then he’ll be the best thing that ever happened to me.”

He stood and brushed off the sand. “I’m heading back in. See you at work tomorrow.”

“You will. Thanks, Kai.”

“Anytime.”

He jogged back to his surfboard. After dropping the towel, he headed into the water. Beth stood and collected her things. She still had a lot to think about, but most of the fear was gone. Yes, she was in a relationship that was unlike any she’d ever had, but so far it was going great. She liked Teddy a lot and wanted to keep seeing him. She would figure out the kid thing as they went. As for the sex being the best ever in the history of the universe, well, wasn’t that the kind of problem every woman wanted to have?

* * *

Beth went home to collect her list of errands. She had a lot to get through on her day off. Talking to Kai had made her feel better, and when Teddy texted her a quick Good morning , she immediately felt all fluttery inside.

They made arrangements to meet in a couple of days, and for the fourteenth time, he reminded her about a seminar where he would be teaching. While it was local, he would be working fourteen-hour days, which meant no getting together.

I don’t want you to worry I’m running out on you.

* * *

She stared at the message, feeling the warmth in her belly. He wanted her to be comfortable, to know what was happening in his life. That he wasn’t hiding anything.

I trust you, Teddy.

Good, because I can’t stop thinking about you and having you dump me would really suck.

* * *

She smiled. Not gonna happen.

She slipped her phone into her bag, grabbed her list and headed out. She needed shampoo and conditioner from the ridiculously expensive salon in Santa Monica. She’d tried other brands, but somehow they were the only ones that really worked for her hair, so every few months she made the trek and whimpered as she handed over her credit card.

From there she made a quick stop at the very urban farmer’s market that brought in fresh fruit directly from Hawaii. She and Agatha had been craving papaya and pineapple—ripe from the source. She hit the bookstore for her favorite author’s new release, then decided to treat herself to a latte and a croissant from that little place by Rick’s condo. Their coffee was pretty average, but the croissants were a religious experience and worth the extra fifteen-minute drive.

She found parking right out front—a miracle on its own—and went inside. After placing her order, she went to wait for it. The store was plenty crowded—a good thing, she thought absently. Small businesses could be a challenge, and she always wanted her fellow owners to do well.

She glanced around at the well-dressed customers. There were women in expensive workout clothes, office people on break, a mom with two toddlers in a double stroller, and—

Her entire body stiffened as her head involuntarily swung back. Her gaze locked on a man and woman sitting together on two stools. His arm was around her, their heads were close together, and their legs were tangled together in that casually intimate way of long-time couples.

As she watched, the man kissed the woman on the mouth. There was an ease about the act, a familiarity. As if he’d kissed her a thousand times before. Only he couldn’t have. Rick was dating Jana, not this other woman.

Her stomach lurched and her body went cold as she tried desperately to understand what she was seeing. Her brother with another woman? He couldn’t be. Rick was with Jana. He adored Jana. And he wouldn’t ever cheat on someone.

“Beth? Your order’s up.”

It took her a second to realize that they meant her. She collected the latte and the croissant, then stood in the center of the coffee place, trying to figure out what on earth happened now. Did she leave? Did she walk up to her brother and confront him? Did she simply throw up? Because that was starting to feel like the easiest option.

After what felt like a lifetime but was probably only a second or two, she walked to where her brother sat with a thin, leggy redhead who definitely wasn’t Jana.

“Rick?”

He raised his head and saw her. For one single heartbeat, he stared at her as if he didn’t know her. His blankness was so convincing, she almost wondered if she’d mistaken a stranger for her brother. Then he straightened and gave her a happy smile.

“Beth! What are you doing here?” he asked, coming to his feet. “You’re not in your neighborhood.”

“I was in the area.” She waved her coffee and croissant. “You’re not working?”

“I have the day off.”

The woman watched them as they spoke. She looked relaxed, if mildly curious. Up close, Beth could see she was exceptionally beautiful—probably in her late twenties. And she was with Rick—a fact Beth couldn’t fully grasp.

“Galaxy, this is my sister, Beth.”

Galaxy? Who named their kid that? But before she could react, the other woman immediately brightened. “Finally! I’ve been dying to meet you. Oh, wow! Rick’s sister. You’re the best.”

Galaxy stood—and it turned out she was very tall—and folded Beth in a close hug that surrounded her with a familiar scent. One she’d experienced before, although she couldn’t place where.

“Join us,” Galaxy said happily. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you. This is great. Do you live nearby? I know you have that sandwich shop, right? Surf Sandwiches. It’s so cute.” She beamed with happiness, even as she took Rick’s hand in hers.

Too much was happening too fast, Beth thought. Any second now the room was going to start spinning, and once that started, she was terrified it would never stop. She felt sick to her stomach, confused and more scared than she’d ever been in her life. Because however she tried to explain away what she was seeing, there was no way around the fact that Rick was cheating on Jana. No, Rick was cheating on her friend . A concept she couldn’t grasp—probably because she didn’t want any of this to be happening.

“I need to get back,” she said, aware her voice sounded stilted. “I have to…” She couldn’t think of a lie, so stopped trying.

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Galaxy sounded genuinely distressed. “It was so great to finally meet you. We need to get together.”

Beth ignored that and stared at her brother, who was watching her without speaking, his expression completely unreadable. She had no idea what he was thinking, but shouldn’t he be upset or guilty or horrified or something? Only he wasn’t any of those things—at least not on the surface—and in some ways that was the scariest thing of all.

She nodded at both of them and quickly left. Once out of the store, she dumped her coffee and croissant in the trash and hurried to her car. She started the engine and quickly drove away. It was only when she was back in her familiar neighborhood that she allowed herself to think about what had just happened.

She’d seen Rick with another woman. Rick was cheating on Jana, and from the looks of things, he’d been doing so for a while. She remembered the quick burst of scent when Galaxy had hugged her and suddenly recalled smelling it on her brother. But when… She pulled in to her driveway and parked, then closed her eyes. He’d hugged her, she thought, focusing on the feel of that so she could—

“Oh, God!” It had been the night she’d met Teddy. She’d arrived first, and when Rick had shown up, she’d asked if he’d changed fabric softeners. But it hadn’t been that at all. He’d smelled of Galaxy’s perfume!

She pulled her phone out of her bag and texted her brother.

Call me!!!!!

* * *

They had to talk. They needed a plan. No, not a plan. First she had to figure out what on earth was happening. How could Rick be cheating? He barely knew how to date. He was socially awkward and just so eager to be with Jana. He talked about her like she was his princess or something. And yet there was another woman in his life.

Her brother was cheating on Jana. He was risking his relationship with her. He was putting her own wonderful friendship at risk. Worse, he was cheating on Teddy’s sister, and Beth was caught in the middle of something so big and calamitous that she couldn’t figure out what to do or think or say. All she knew for sure was it was going to be really, really bad.

* * *

Beth spent the next twenty-four hours trying to catch her breath. She was still reeling from the revelation and waiting for her brother to get in touch with her. But no matter how many times she texted and called, Rick stayed silent. She alternated between fury and fear. No wonder he’d been upset when he’d discovered she was seeing Teddy. At the time his reaction hadn’t made any sense, but now she totally got why he’d been pissed. Her dating Teddy was one more connection—one more variable in what she would guess was the juggling job that was his dating life.

She spent a restless night and a crappy morning trying to shake a headache that clung tenaciously, no doubt a combination of exhaustion and worry. A low sense of dread followed her everywhere, and she alternated between telling herself she had to come clean with Jana and mentally running in the opposite direction. Worst of all, for the very first time in her adult life, she didn’t want to go into the store. She didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. She was terrified that Rick would show up to talk and afraid he wouldn’t. Having Teddy stroll in would be a complete nightmare, because what was she supposed to say to him? “Hey, I just found out my brother’s cheating on your sister, but you and I are still okay, right?”

Fortunately her work ethic was strong, and right on time she parked her car behind Surf Sandwiches. She got through the morning without anyone asking if she was all right, even though she checked her phone every fifteen seconds to see if she’d heard from Rick.

The lunch crowd was especially busy—something for which she was grateful. Hustling to get everyone’s sandwiches made quickly and correctly distracted her from her sense of dread. She started to feel like she could breathe again and her headache seemed to fade, right up until the shop door opened and Dex stepped inside, all four kids with him.

Beth’s first thought was to bolt. She could hide out in back until they were gone. Like they wouldn’t notice? she asked herself. At least Teddy wasn’t with them, she thought gratefully. Dex and the kids she could handle. Sort of. If she ignored how guilty she felt.

She stepped out of the work line and went to greet them. Linnie rushed toward her, Orchid at her heels. Magnolia and Atlas both smiled at her, as did Dex. She hugged the children.

“This is a surprise,” she said cheerfully. “You’re here! I hope everyone is hungry.”

“It was early release day for Teddy’s kids,” Dex said easily. “We were talking about where to go for lunch when Magnolia suggested we come see you.” He ruffled Linnie’s hair. “I knew this one would have a cow if she wasn’t included, so here we are. You okay with the invasion?”

“I’m delighted,” she said, knowing her only reason for lying was the “Rick issue.” If she hadn’t known about Galaxy, she really would have been genuinely happy to see Dex and the kids. “The lunch rush is slowing, so if you want to get sandwiches and eat either in here or outside, there’s going to be plenty of room.”

“Outside!” Orchid jumped in place. “Like a picnic! Please, Dex. Please!”

“I’d like to eat outside, too,” Magnolia said. “It’s pretty here with the ocean across the street.”

“Outside it is,” Dex said. “All right. Let’s go pick sandwiches.” He winked at Beth. “I hear you have a famous collection of PB&J choices.”

Beth pointed to the board. “You’re right. We do. One of my favorites is peanut butter with breakfast cereal. You get to pick the kind. Or we can do a grilled PB&J.” She saw Dex grimace and grinned at him. “I could suggest something else for you. Maybe a fried chicken BLT with jalapeno honey.”

“I could go for that,” he admitted.

She went through the line with the kids and helped them place their orders. There was a long and serious discussion of the various drink options. All four children insisted she join them, so she quickly made herself a sandwich, and they walked outside to the tables in the shade. She and Dex pushed two together to give them room. Linnie and Orchid wanted to sit on either side of her, while Magnolia planted herself opposite.

“This is nice,” Beth said. “Thank you for visiting me today.”

“Great view,” Dex said, motioning to the ocean. “You must get a good breeze later in the afternoon.”

“We do. And the fog in the morning. Gotta love the beach.”

She took a bite of her sandwich and realized she was actually hungry. She hadn’t eaten dinner the night before or breakfast this morning. Hopefully her sandwich would sit all right in her tummy.

Atlas pointed at the water. “They surf here in the morning, don’t they? This is a surfer beach.” There was a wistfulness in his tone.

“You like surfing?” she asked.

“He loves it,” Orchid announced in a tone of long suffering. “He talks about it all the time.”

Magnolia nodded. “He wants lessons, but Dad says he’s too young. He has to wait until next summer.”

“Are you working on your swimming?” Beth asked. “You need to be a strong swimmer so you can fight the tide.”

“Dad takes me to the park pool sometimes,” Atlas grumbled. “And I swim at Dex’s, but Dad won’t put a pool in at home.”

“We live in shame because of that,” Dex said, his expression deadpan.

She tried not to laugh. “A pool’s a really big project.”

“Plus we have to worry about Orchid and Linnie,” Magnolia pointed out. “Because even with a fence around it, they could fall in.”

“We’re older now.” Linnie smiled up at Beth. “I’m four. Next year I get to go to kindergarten and then the first grade and then I get homework.”

Beth smiled at her. “I remember. You’re very excited about it.”

“I am.”

Everyone talked as they ate their lunch. Beth managed to relax enough to enjoy the jokes and laughter, and the ease of just hanging out. She’d deliberately left her phone in her desk drawer so she wouldn’t be tempted to check it every fifteen seconds as she waited to hear back from Rick. While she was desperate to talk to him, she also dreaded the conversation.

When lunch was finished, Dex suggested they cross the street and walk along the beach before heading home. Beth begged off, saying she had to get back to work. Magnolia surprised her by asking if they could talk for a second.

Dex nodded slightly, as if he knew what the conversation was going to be about, then ushered the other kids away.

Beth sat back down at the table. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Magnolia sighed before looking at her. “Daddy was mad about the list.”

It took Beth a second to realize she meant the list of questions she’d been asking.

“He said the questions were intrusive and rude and that he was disappointed in me.” Tears filled her eyes. “So I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Beth felt so bad for her. “I’m sorry about that. I was fine with the questions, and I respected you for taking the time to think them through.”

She paused, not wanting to get between Teddy and his daughter or undermine his authority. Suddenly a simple conversation felt like a minefield.

“I’m going to talk to your dad about this,” she said slowly. “I’m going to explain I was okay with the questions and that you apologized. I appreciate that.”

Magnolia watched her without speaking.

“This is hard,” Beth said with a faint smile. “For both of us. I know when your mom was alive, she was the heart of the family. I know you loved her so much. As the oldest, you knew her the best, and in a way, you’re the keeper of the memories.”

Magnolia brushed away tears. “Orchid doesn’t remember her at all.”

“That has to make you sad. Nothing about losing her is right or fair, and you’ve been doing such a good job taking care of your family.” She leaned closer. “I’m guessing you do more than you should.”

“Dad tells me to be a kid and that I’m not in charge, but I see things that need to be done.”

Her heart ached for the preteen. “I get that. Like I told you before, I’m the oldest, too. When my brother was little, I had to look out for him. It’s a lot of responsibility.”

Magnolia nodded.

“So here’s the thing.” Beth offered a smile. “I think we should just take it really slow. I’m dating your dad, and that’s weird for you three. I get that. It’s different for me, too. I mean, come on, three kids? Doesn’t that seem like a lot?”

The corners of Magnolia’s mouth turned up. “Four would be more.”

“Four would send me screaming into the night,” Beth joked. She let her smile fade. “Whatever happens between me and your dad won’t change how much he and your mom were in love. That will always be true. She will always be in your heart and your memories. She will always be in the stories you tell. That’s a good thing. As for your dad and me, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I do like him a lot.”

More than a lot, she thought fiercely, knowing that all she had with Teddy was being threatened by her brother’s actions. Not that she would discuss that with Magnolia.

“I’ll never be your mom. No one can be her. She was unique and lovely, and it’s sad she’s gone.”

“It is,” Magnolia whispered.

“However it works out with me and your dad, I’m hoping you and Atlas and Orchid and I can be friends.”

“I think we could.”

“Thank you.” Beth pointed at the building. “Want to pick out some cookies to take home for a snack later?”

Magnolia grinned. “Are you kidding? We love cookies.”